No Humans Involved
Page 71
Jeremy said something, his head leaning down to mine, hair in his eyes, lips moving. Asking me what I was seeing, what I was hearing. I knew I should tell him-get that distance by sharing it, laughing it off. But all I could hear were the damned ghosts.
"She does look like a whore, don't she?" the pioneer woman said, coming close, her eyeless sockets studying me. "All fancied up with her colored hair and her painted face, acting like she's quality, but she's wearing pants tighter than riding breeches, her shirt's half undone, giving any man who wants it a good view of her titties. Like the fancy ladies at the mining camp. Act like they're something special, but give 'em a dollar and they'll spread their legs fast as any street whore."
"I got a dollar," the man said. "Think she'll give me a ride?"
"Course she will. And being dead you don't have to worry about catching anything."
They all cackled.
"Did you bring your banishing mixture?" Jeremy asked, his voice finally penetrating.
"Forgot."
"Isn't he worried about catching the pox?" the pioneer woman said. "Your fine man?"
"Fine men like that don't think of such things," the Victorian woman said. "They don't know better until it's too late."
The pioneer woman snickered. "And he finds out her cunny's so well used it's like f**king a bucket."
"I'm going outside," I said to Jeremy. "Get some fresh air. See if I can lose them."
"Oh, you won't lose us, pretty lady," the man said.
Jeremy tried to accompany me, but I insisted he stay behind. Bad enough I couldn't help him search the house. He argued, but I stood firm and, after a long look in my eyes, he brushed his lips across my forehead, then whispered a suggestion about a coffee shop a block east.
The ghosts followed me out the rear door into the backyard, cycling through the same insults as if they could think of nothing new. I considered making a run for the road and trying to lose them.
"What the hell?" said a voice behind me. Eve strode around to my front. "Why didn't you call?"
She wheeled on the severed man when he got too close and slammed a kick into the side of his dangling head. His torso flew sideways so fast he toppled.
"Now put yourself together or the next kick is going to knock that half clean off." She turned on the other two. "Clothes on. Scalp on. Eyes back in."
She marched along them like a drill sergeant. "Is this how you think you get a necromancer's attention? Well, congratulations. You've just placed yourself on their blacklist. No necro, anywhere, is ever going to speak to you, no matter how nice you are."
The pioneer woman aimed at sulky scowl at Eve. "Who do you think you are,giving us orders?"
"Let's just say you don't want to find out," Eve said, peering down at the woman from her full six feet. "Now-"
"You don't scare me," the Victorian woman said.
She advanced on Eve. The other woman circled around behind her. The man stepped forward, his hands clenching into fists. Eve stood her ground, looking bored.
"You spooks wanna rumble? I've got a better idea. What you need is a break. A vacation. I'm thinking Scotland. Got some great castles there."
She drop-kicked the man, then shot an energy bolt into the Victorian woman's stomach. The pioneer woman ran at Eve, then froze in a binding spell.
"Hey, Kris?" Eve called. "That's your cue."
Kristof appeared, leaning against a tree, as if he'd been there all along, watching from the other side.
"Sorry," he said. "It looked like you were having fun. I hated to interrupt."
"I was, but now it's time for transport and I could use some help. You take the ugly guy. I'll take the ugly women."
The Victorian woman squawked as Eve grabbed her arm and that of the still-frozen pioneer woman.
"Back in a jiffy," she said as she vanished.
UNGRATEFUL
WHEN THEY WERE GONE, I looked at the house. Should I go back inside? No. Not just yet. I crept from the yard and found the coffee shop Jeremy had mentioned. Some Starbucks clone in a strip mall, the kind of place it seemed no neighborhood could be without.
I ordered, calling Jeremy while I waited in line, so he'd know where to pick me up. I told him Eve had shown up and "solved the problem." Another day, another rescue.
I sat in a too-comfortable armchair, the kind these places always seem to have, that look so cozy and inviting until you sink down and realize you can't reach your coffee. So you clutch the mug in your hands and tell yourself the comfy chair makes up for the inconvenience.
Two women about my age plopped onto the sofa next to me, though the coffee shop was three quarters empty. They then proceeded to speak loudly enough to entertain us all.
"And I told her, 'You are not quitting ballet, not after I paid for lessons for five years.' All those hours shuttling her to the dance studio, watching her rehearsals"
"Ungrateful kids," her friend said, shaking her head. "You want them to grow up with some culture, some grace, and all of a sudden they have better things to do."
"Well, if that's what she thinks, she can think again. I made an in-vestment. And like all my investments, it damned well better pay off. Ungrateful little"
My jaw clenched so tight my head hurt. I lifted my cup to sip my coffee and watched the surface quiver as my fingers shook.
"She does look like a whore, don't she?" the pioneer woman said, coming close, her eyeless sockets studying me. "All fancied up with her colored hair and her painted face, acting like she's quality, but she's wearing pants tighter than riding breeches, her shirt's half undone, giving any man who wants it a good view of her titties. Like the fancy ladies at the mining camp. Act like they're something special, but give 'em a dollar and they'll spread their legs fast as any street whore."
"I got a dollar," the man said. "Think she'll give me a ride?"
"Course she will. And being dead you don't have to worry about catching anything."
They all cackled.
"Did you bring your banishing mixture?" Jeremy asked, his voice finally penetrating.
"Forgot."
"Isn't he worried about catching the pox?" the pioneer woman said. "Your fine man?"
"Fine men like that don't think of such things," the Victorian woman said. "They don't know better until it's too late."
The pioneer woman snickered. "And he finds out her cunny's so well used it's like f**king a bucket."
"I'm going outside," I said to Jeremy. "Get some fresh air. See if I can lose them."
"Oh, you won't lose us, pretty lady," the man said.
Jeremy tried to accompany me, but I insisted he stay behind. Bad enough I couldn't help him search the house. He argued, but I stood firm and, after a long look in my eyes, he brushed his lips across my forehead, then whispered a suggestion about a coffee shop a block east.
The ghosts followed me out the rear door into the backyard, cycling through the same insults as if they could think of nothing new. I considered making a run for the road and trying to lose them.
"What the hell?" said a voice behind me. Eve strode around to my front. "Why didn't you call?"
She wheeled on the severed man when he got too close and slammed a kick into the side of his dangling head. His torso flew sideways so fast he toppled.
"Now put yourself together or the next kick is going to knock that half clean off." She turned on the other two. "Clothes on. Scalp on. Eyes back in."
She marched along them like a drill sergeant. "Is this how you think you get a necromancer's attention? Well, congratulations. You've just placed yourself on their blacklist. No necro, anywhere, is ever going to speak to you, no matter how nice you are."
The pioneer woman aimed at sulky scowl at Eve. "Who do you think you are,giving us orders?"
"Let's just say you don't want to find out," Eve said, peering down at the woman from her full six feet. "Now-"
"You don't scare me," the Victorian woman said.
She advanced on Eve. The other woman circled around behind her. The man stepped forward, his hands clenching into fists. Eve stood her ground, looking bored.
"You spooks wanna rumble? I've got a better idea. What you need is a break. A vacation. I'm thinking Scotland. Got some great castles there."
She drop-kicked the man, then shot an energy bolt into the Victorian woman's stomach. The pioneer woman ran at Eve, then froze in a binding spell.
"Hey, Kris?" Eve called. "That's your cue."
Kristof appeared, leaning against a tree, as if he'd been there all along, watching from the other side.
"Sorry," he said. "It looked like you were having fun. I hated to interrupt."
"I was, but now it's time for transport and I could use some help. You take the ugly guy. I'll take the ugly women."
The Victorian woman squawked as Eve grabbed her arm and that of the still-frozen pioneer woman.
"Back in a jiffy," she said as she vanished.
UNGRATEFUL
WHEN THEY WERE GONE, I looked at the house. Should I go back inside? No. Not just yet. I crept from the yard and found the coffee shop Jeremy had mentioned. Some Starbucks clone in a strip mall, the kind of place it seemed no neighborhood could be without.
I ordered, calling Jeremy while I waited in line, so he'd know where to pick me up. I told him Eve had shown up and "solved the problem." Another day, another rescue.
I sat in a too-comfortable armchair, the kind these places always seem to have, that look so cozy and inviting until you sink down and realize you can't reach your coffee. So you clutch the mug in your hands and tell yourself the comfy chair makes up for the inconvenience.
Two women about my age plopped onto the sofa next to me, though the coffee shop was three quarters empty. They then proceeded to speak loudly enough to entertain us all.
"And I told her, 'You are not quitting ballet, not after I paid for lessons for five years.' All those hours shuttling her to the dance studio, watching her rehearsals"
"Ungrateful kids," her friend said, shaking her head. "You want them to grow up with some culture, some grace, and all of a sudden they have better things to do."
"Well, if that's what she thinks, she can think again. I made an in-vestment. And like all my investments, it damned well better pay off. Ungrateful little"
My jaw clenched so tight my head hurt. I lifted my cup to sip my coffee and watched the surface quiver as my fingers shook.
