Not Planning on You

Page 28

“No waving the mother magic wand and fixing everything for me, huh?”
“Oh honey, if only I could. I know you love Suzy and I know you’re tied in knots over Reva and the baby. The only piece of advice that I can give you is to be patient. When this baby is born have a paternity test. Do not let Reva talk you out of it. If the baby is yours, then do what feels right to you.”
Gray rubbed his face with his hand, exhaustion plain in every movement he made. “Suzy will be gone, though, Mom. Hell she’s gone now and I can’t even blame her. I’ve been so shell shocked that I’ve made a bad situation even worse. I can’t ask her to stay knowing that she needs to go. I don’t want a life with Reva and she probably doesn’t even want one with me. She’s in panic mode right now and I’ve got a feeling that her parents are pushing all of her buttons. I can’t ask Suzy to be stuck in the middle like that. She deserves so much better. In the end, I’ve turned out to be no better than the last guy who broke her heart.”
“Son, you didn’t go out and see Reva behind her back. You and Suzy were not a couple when you slept with her. Sure you both have to endure the fall-out now, but you weren’t unfaithful to Suzy. Give yourself a break and give Suzy some time. When you love someone that much, you often find a way back to each other, even if it takes time. I can’t see you two being able to be apart forever. Even if this is your baby, things will settle down eventually and you’ll be clearer. You’re flying on pure emotion right now, which makes it hard to see the big picture. You’ve never been a quitter Grayson, so don’t start waving the white flag now, ok?”
Gray smiled at his mother and said, “Wow, you’re pretty smart for a girl. I bet Dad doesn’t know whether he’s coming or going most of the time.”
“Hey you better watch that smart mouth.” Then with a feline smile, she admitted, “Honey your dad hasn’t known whether to wind his butt or scratch his watch since the moment he met me and he wouldn’t have it any other way. I have a feeling you and Suzy would be the same way.”
Gray threw back his head and laughed. Oh, how he loved his mother, and she was right. Life with Suzy would never be boring. He’d never know what was coming with her, and like his father, he’d love it. Maybe his mother was right, he’d pull back and give Suzy some time and also try to find some workable solution between himself and Reva. He wasn’t ready to give up yet and he never would be.
Chapter Twenty Four
Suzy had caved to pressure from her friends and she was sitting in a Mexican restaurant with Beth, Claire, Ella and Nick. It had been two weeks since she’d last spoken to Gray and time hadn’t dulled the grief she was suffering. She went to a great deal of trouble to put on a good front, but she was barely surviving most days. How she could let a man bring her to this? Jeff had been a walk in the park compared to the pain that coursed through her body when she thought of Gray.
Everyone was still worried about her, she knew that. Her clothes hung on her now, the thought of food made her want to gag. She pushed an enchilada around on her plate trying to give the illusion that she was eating. Everyone said it would take time, well how much exactly? When was it going to get easier to get up in the mornings? When would her heart stop physically hurting? When would she stop trembling on the street when she saw someone who looked like him?
Just looking across the table at Nick made her physically hurt. He looked so much like his brother. She knew it wasn’t fair to him, but she avoided him as much as she could. He’d asked her to lunch and dinner several times, but she always found some excuse not to go. She cared so much about him, but right now he was just a painful reminder of the brother that she couldn’t have.
She felt a hand on her shoulder and looked over into Claire’s sympathetic eyes. “Hey, girlfriend, you zoned out on me there for a minute.”
Suzy put on her best carefree smile and joked, “Just appreciating that fine specimen of man at the bar.”
Claire looked to where she was pointing at a cute blond surfer type. “Oh Suz, please, he probably begins every sentence with “dude.”
“Dude, what’s wrong with that?”
Claire’s entire stomach jiggled as she laughed. “Hey how much longer before that oven timer goes off?”
Laying her hand on her stomach affectionately, Claire said, “A little over a month if I make it that long.”
Nick, apparently hearing her comment, raised his hand saying, “Please no talk of your hemorrhoids again.”
“Oh come on Nick,” Claire teased, “just think about how far ahead of the game you will be when you finally marry and your wife gets pregnant. You won’t even need to buy ‘What to Expect When You’re Expecting,’ you’ll already know it all.”
Nick visibly shuddered. “God woman, can you please not jinx me over there. I have no desire for a kid or to know about all you girls’ weird bodily functions. Now on to something I do know something about, who wants another margarita?”
~~~
Suzy was relieved to get home and away from the scrutiny of her friends. They meant well and she loved them for worrying about her, but she just preferred her own company right now. At least when she was home, she didn’t have to pretend that everything was great. Only the walls of her apartment knew that she cried herself to sleep more often than not. She’d turned into one of those pathetic creatures that she’d always pitied, brought to her knees by a man and not in a good way.
At least she wasn’t walking around the office with a box of tissue sobbing on everyone who would listen. Work was her refuge, the one place that she could focus on something else. Gray had remained in Charleston, and even though it was torture not knowing what was going on, at least she didn’t have to see him every day.
According to what she’d read in her lower moments, this grieving process was normal. Why then did it feel like she was losing her mind? Maybe she should start dating. If you can’t be with the one you love, lust the one you’re with or something. Just the thought of it, though, held zero appeal.
Apparently, Beth had even said something to their mother, which was horrifying. When she called last week, she’d gone into a twenty-minute speech on the pitfalls of romantic silliness and how a woman should only rely on a solid education and a challenging career. When the moment was right, you should align yourself with someone of similar intellect and ambition to co-habitat with. Ugh, how did my parents ever have children? She could only imagine the long debate that resulted in her conception. It was probably for additional tax deductions and to possibly birth the next Einstein. Boy that must be a real kick in the ass now.
Tomorrow after her cast removal, she vowed to go to the mall and get a pedicure. She’d force herself to take that small step towards normalcy. Maybe next week she’d even ask everyone to lunch without them forcing her to go. Baby steps surely were the first step to recovery.
~~~
Nick was surprised to get a text from Gray on his cell phone when he was leaving the restaurant asking him to come to the beach house. He’d no idea that his brother was going to be in town. It gave him an uneasy feeling when he thought of Suzy. No matter how much she tried to joke everything off, she was fragile. Hell it had only been a couple of weeks since things ended with Gray and she didn’t even look healthy anymore. She still had a snappy come-back for most everything, but the light was gone from her eyes.
Suzy was a gorgeous woman, but the thing he’d always found the most eye catching about her was the way that energy just seemed to shimmer off of her. She literally pulled you into her force field and it was damn near impossible to leave her orbit once you were there. That energy was gone now. She had dark circles under her eyes that her careful make-up couldn’t conceal and even though she’d always been tiny, she was closer to frail now. If she kept this up, where would she be in another month? He knew that Beth was worried sick about her, but like all of her friends, she’d no idea what to do.
When he opened the door to his brother’s home, he was surprised at how much he’d missed the place. He’d always enjoyed living alone, but they had been somewhat of a family here for a while. Gray strolled in from the bedroom and Nick grimaced when he took a good look at his brother. “Bro, you look like hell.”
A smile lifted the corners of Gray’s fatigue-lined face. “Yeah, hello to you, too, Nicky.”
“Man, when’s the last time you slept or had a Big Mac? It looks like you could use a big supply of both.”
“Thanks for the kind words, bro. I’ve just been busy lately. I’m only here for tonight before I fly out to Seattle tomorrow.”
“Please tell me you didn’t stop over here to see Suzy?”
With a snort, Gray said, “If I did it wouldn’t be any of your concern. I’m actually just here first to pick up the new contract for Lawson from Jason. He dropped it by a few minutes ago.”
As if unable to stop himself, Gray asked, “Since you brought her up, how is she?”
Nick could see the desperation behind the casual question. “She looks like a stiff wind could blow her over, pretty much the same as you. Since we’re on the subject, are you any closer to digging yourself out of that mess with Reva? I’m not saying walk off and leave her, but don’t go out and starting buying china together before you know for sure that you’re the father. It might not be an ideal situation, but if you are the father, then be the kid’s father without marrying the mother.”
“Trust me Nick; I’ve been through all of this a million times. I’m not marrying Reva regardless of the outcome. I don’t love her and it wouldn’t be fair to her. I’ll be a very active father and I will of course support them both financially.”
“I’m confused then. If you have all of this figured out, then why aren’t you over there begging Suzy to give you another chance? Why are you letting this drag on when it’s making you both so damned miserable?”
“I don’t want to hurt her anymore. I’m trying to give her time to come to terms with everything. If I push her now, she’ll only resent it later. Look how long it took me to get her to agree to a date. It’s killing me, but she asked me to love her enough to let her go. I can’t give her that, but I can love her enough to give her time.”
Nick uttered the question that terrified Gray the most about his plan, “What if it’s too late then? What if you’re just giving her enough time to move on instead?”
Chapter Twenty Five
Suzy found the old saying to be true, life does go on. No matter how much you seem to be running in place, the world moves on and you learn to move with it. It had been a month since she ended things with Gray, and she was slowly picking up the pieces again. It was still so damned hard to get out of bed each day, but she managed. She was even trying to put back on some of the weight she’d lost. There was a big difference in slim and skinny and right now she’d lost a lot of her curves and looked more like a stick figure.
Her cast had been removed a few weeks back and although her ankle was still weak, she was enjoying not having to lug crutches everywhere she went. Her friends had slowly backed off and were no longer giving her those nervous looks that she’d received for so long. Claire looked like she was going to go into labor at any moment and was no longer working at Danver’s per doctor’s orders. Beth and Ella had gotten even closer and Suzy had to admit, she was pretty fond of Ella, too. It was hard to believe she was the same person that used to annoy her daily. Nick was, well, just Nick. Her heart still hurt when she talked to him, but she managed to hide it. She cared a lot about him and it wasn’t his fault that things hadn’t worked out with Gray.
Since it was Saturday, Suzy was lazing on the couch flipping channels before she met Beth for lunch. When the doorbell rang a few minutes later, she looked at her watch. Apparently Beth had been running early and decided to come here instead of meeting her around the corner. Flipping off the television, Suzy swung the door open and then stood frozen in the doorway.
Standing on the doorstep with her cheeks flushed a brilliant shade of pink and looking very uncomfortable was Reva clutching the hand of a man that she’d never seen before. The man cleared his throat, “Ms. Denton, we’re sorry to drop in unexpectedly, but I hope that you can give us a few minutes of your time. Reva would really like to speak with you.”
Suzy stepped aside and motioned them in because she simply couldn’t think of anything else to do. What in the world would bring Reva to her doorstep and who was the man with her? He was too young to be her father so maybe her brother?
The couple was now standing in her living room looking around uncertainly. “Please have a seat,” Suzy said, pointing to the couch. Then sitting in the chair across from them, she decided to just get right to the point. “So this is a little weird to me. What exactly can I do for you and how did you find me?”