Not Quite Over You
Page 40
“And tomorrow you’re getting married.”
“Yes. So Autumn sees her dad every other weekend. She has dinner with him at least once a week and our holidays are shared. Paul married a couple of years ago. His new wife has three kids, two of whom are close to Autumn’s age. She likes having stepsiblings. Her life is happy and full.”
That was clear enough. “You’re saying Autumn already has plenty of dads.”
“No. I’m saying Autumn has lots of love and support. She’s a sweet girl and we all care about her. I’m saying as far as I’m concerned, you and Silver made the exact right decision. At least for us. I’m not sure what you’re thinking about yourself.”
“I don’t know what to think,” he admitted. “For years she was nameless and faceless. A concept. Yes, Silver and I had a baby and we’d given that baby up for adoption. This is completely different. Autumn is real and she could have been ours.”
He’d thought Leigh might get angry but instead her expression turned sympathetic. “Autumn still is real and she’s still yours. She will always be a part of you.”
“But I don’t know her.”
“You will after this week. And if you want to stay in touch with her, I’m fine with that. Silver talks to her online or through FaceTime. They text.” She laughed. “Autumn does love to talk about herself.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“There’s no reason in the world that it has to be hard.”
* * *
WHEN SILVER’S PHONE BEEPED, she read the text.
You around to talk?
Ever since the day Drew had met Autumn, she’d been waiting to hear from him. She’d thought he might call or come by last night, but there had only been radio silence. Given all he was dealing with, she’d debated contacting him herself, only to decide that the first contact should come from him.
I am. Want to bring a pizza? I have wine.
I’ll call in an order and see you soon.
She set her small table, then settled on the sofa to wait. Leigh and Autumn were spending the night before the wedding together at the Sweet Dreams Inn. They were ordering room service and watching movies together. In the morning, Silver would pick them up for their few hours of beauty. They were all getting mani-pedis, then having their hair done. Leigh was getting her makeup professionally done while Silver was going to do her own. Last she’d heard, Autumn was still angling for more than just lip gloss.
They needed to be at Weddings Out of the Box by three for pictures, then the ceremony began at five. Autumn would come home with Silver to start her week.
Drew showed up forty minutes after he’d texted, with a pizza and a bag of cookies from the bakery next door. She’d already opened the wine.
She let him in and took a second to study his face. Same old Drew, she thought with some relief. Whatever he was feeling, he wasn’t angry or sad. At least not that she could see.
“You okay?” she asked as they took their seats at the table.
“I’m dealing. Leigh came by to see me today. She told me what it was like while you were pregnant and staying with them.”
The information surprised her. Leigh had claimed to need the afternoon to do some last-minute errands. Silver hadn’t realized one of them was to go see Drew.
He opened the pizza box and she inhaled the delicious scent of all meat and extra cheese on a hand-tossed crust.
“And?” she asked, taking a slice.
“And there was a lot I didn’t know.” He looked at her. “I gotta tell you, Silver, I’m confused as hell. I don’t know what to think or what I feel. I’m angry, but I can’t figure out at who. You? Me? The world? I know in my head that you didn’t do anything wrong. I get that I wanted to give up our baby and you’re right. I signed the papers and went on with my life. I never asked because I guess it never occurred to me. Or maybe I didn’t want to know.”
“You didn’t want to be trapped,” she said gently. “I’m sure that was a worry.”
“You wouldn’t have trapped me.”
“There were times I thought I should have accepted your proposal.”
“Not many.” He took a bite and chewed. “You aren’t that way. You would want a man on your own terms, not because he felt obligated.”
Although he was right about that, she’d had plenty of weak moments. “I was scared and alone and pregnant. It wasn’t easy.” She held up a hand. “I’m not saying you should have been there or that I blame you, I’m just saying it was hard on me. Even being with Leigh and Paul wasn’t always enough. I felt like everyone was staring at me and judging me.”
“Did you ever think about not giving her up?”
“No.” She sipped her wine. “That’s my guilty secret. I love Autumn. I’m grateful she’s in my life, but I never once wanted to raise her by myself. I was too young, too unprepared.”
“And now? Do you think about having kids?”
“Not that often.”
His gaze settled on her face. “Because you don’t want them or because you can’t see it happening right now?”
“It’s more about circumstances than not wanting children. I could do it on my own, but that’s a tough road. I watched Leigh go through it and she had an ex-husband who wanted to be totally involved with his kid. Not all guys are like that.”
She picked up her slice of pizza. “I’m not making sense.”
“Yes, you are.”
They were quiet for a couple of minutes. Silver smiled suddenly. “Just think, if you’d married Ashley Lauren, you’d have a couple of kids with her by now.”
“Assuming she hadn’t already killed me in my sleep.”
“There is that. Although it’s a leap to go from trying to burn down a car to murder.”
“I think if anyone is capable of traveling that distance, it’s her.”
She finished her slice and wiped her hands on her napkin. “Drew, I’m sorry. Now that all this has happened, I realize I should have said something to you sooner about Autumn.”
He shrugged. “When was the right time? And what would you have said? What would you have expected me to do with the information? I knew our kid was out there. I could have asked if you knew anything. I could have registered with one of those agencies so she could have found me later, if she wanted. We both did what we did and now we’ve moved on.”
She wanted to believe that. “You said you’re still dealing with everything.”
“I am. And I still have to tell my mother.”
Silver stared at him. “No,” she breathed. “No way.” But he was right. Of course Irene had to know. “What do you think she’s going to say?”
“Whatever it is, it won’t be appropriate. I guarantee you that.” He raised his glass. “To our beautiful daughter.”
She smiled. “To Autumn.”
“So, about this wedding. Think I could be your date?”
She smiled. “I thought you’d never ask.”
* * *
BECAUSE OF ALL the beauty prep work, about which he knew nothing, Drew agreed to meet Silver at Weddings Out of the Box on Saturday around four. While he knew the venue and had even been to a couple of weddings there, this time felt more personal.
The largest room had been divided into two spaces. In one half were rows of chairs, waiting for the guests. In the other were the tables for the reception.
“Yes. So Autumn sees her dad every other weekend. She has dinner with him at least once a week and our holidays are shared. Paul married a couple of years ago. His new wife has three kids, two of whom are close to Autumn’s age. She likes having stepsiblings. Her life is happy and full.”
That was clear enough. “You’re saying Autumn already has plenty of dads.”
“No. I’m saying Autumn has lots of love and support. She’s a sweet girl and we all care about her. I’m saying as far as I’m concerned, you and Silver made the exact right decision. At least for us. I’m not sure what you’re thinking about yourself.”
“I don’t know what to think,” he admitted. “For years she was nameless and faceless. A concept. Yes, Silver and I had a baby and we’d given that baby up for adoption. This is completely different. Autumn is real and she could have been ours.”
He’d thought Leigh might get angry but instead her expression turned sympathetic. “Autumn still is real and she’s still yours. She will always be a part of you.”
“But I don’t know her.”
“You will after this week. And if you want to stay in touch with her, I’m fine with that. Silver talks to her online or through FaceTime. They text.” She laughed. “Autumn does love to talk about herself.”
“You make it sound easy.”
“There’s no reason in the world that it has to be hard.”
* * *
WHEN SILVER’S PHONE BEEPED, she read the text.
You around to talk?
Ever since the day Drew had met Autumn, she’d been waiting to hear from him. She’d thought he might call or come by last night, but there had only been radio silence. Given all he was dealing with, she’d debated contacting him herself, only to decide that the first contact should come from him.
I am. Want to bring a pizza? I have wine.
I’ll call in an order and see you soon.
She set her small table, then settled on the sofa to wait. Leigh and Autumn were spending the night before the wedding together at the Sweet Dreams Inn. They were ordering room service and watching movies together. In the morning, Silver would pick them up for their few hours of beauty. They were all getting mani-pedis, then having their hair done. Leigh was getting her makeup professionally done while Silver was going to do her own. Last she’d heard, Autumn was still angling for more than just lip gloss.
They needed to be at Weddings Out of the Box by three for pictures, then the ceremony began at five. Autumn would come home with Silver to start her week.
Drew showed up forty minutes after he’d texted, with a pizza and a bag of cookies from the bakery next door. She’d already opened the wine.
She let him in and took a second to study his face. Same old Drew, she thought with some relief. Whatever he was feeling, he wasn’t angry or sad. At least not that she could see.
“You okay?” she asked as they took their seats at the table.
“I’m dealing. Leigh came by to see me today. She told me what it was like while you were pregnant and staying with them.”
The information surprised her. Leigh had claimed to need the afternoon to do some last-minute errands. Silver hadn’t realized one of them was to go see Drew.
He opened the pizza box and she inhaled the delicious scent of all meat and extra cheese on a hand-tossed crust.
“And?” she asked, taking a slice.
“And there was a lot I didn’t know.” He looked at her. “I gotta tell you, Silver, I’m confused as hell. I don’t know what to think or what I feel. I’m angry, but I can’t figure out at who. You? Me? The world? I know in my head that you didn’t do anything wrong. I get that I wanted to give up our baby and you’re right. I signed the papers and went on with my life. I never asked because I guess it never occurred to me. Or maybe I didn’t want to know.”
“You didn’t want to be trapped,” she said gently. “I’m sure that was a worry.”
“You wouldn’t have trapped me.”
“There were times I thought I should have accepted your proposal.”
“Not many.” He took a bite and chewed. “You aren’t that way. You would want a man on your own terms, not because he felt obligated.”
Although he was right about that, she’d had plenty of weak moments. “I was scared and alone and pregnant. It wasn’t easy.” She held up a hand. “I’m not saying you should have been there or that I blame you, I’m just saying it was hard on me. Even being with Leigh and Paul wasn’t always enough. I felt like everyone was staring at me and judging me.”
“Did you ever think about not giving her up?”
“No.” She sipped her wine. “That’s my guilty secret. I love Autumn. I’m grateful she’s in my life, but I never once wanted to raise her by myself. I was too young, too unprepared.”
“And now? Do you think about having kids?”
“Not that often.”
His gaze settled on her face. “Because you don’t want them or because you can’t see it happening right now?”
“It’s more about circumstances than not wanting children. I could do it on my own, but that’s a tough road. I watched Leigh go through it and she had an ex-husband who wanted to be totally involved with his kid. Not all guys are like that.”
She picked up her slice of pizza. “I’m not making sense.”
“Yes, you are.”
They were quiet for a couple of minutes. Silver smiled suddenly. “Just think, if you’d married Ashley Lauren, you’d have a couple of kids with her by now.”
“Assuming she hadn’t already killed me in my sleep.”
“There is that. Although it’s a leap to go from trying to burn down a car to murder.”
“I think if anyone is capable of traveling that distance, it’s her.”
She finished her slice and wiped her hands on her napkin. “Drew, I’m sorry. Now that all this has happened, I realize I should have said something to you sooner about Autumn.”
He shrugged. “When was the right time? And what would you have said? What would you have expected me to do with the information? I knew our kid was out there. I could have asked if you knew anything. I could have registered with one of those agencies so she could have found me later, if she wanted. We both did what we did and now we’ve moved on.”
She wanted to believe that. “You said you’re still dealing with everything.”
“I am. And I still have to tell my mother.”
Silver stared at him. “No,” she breathed. “No way.” But he was right. Of course Irene had to know. “What do you think she’s going to say?”
“Whatever it is, it won’t be appropriate. I guarantee you that.” He raised his glass. “To our beautiful daughter.”
She smiled. “To Autumn.”
“So, about this wedding. Think I could be your date?”
She smiled. “I thought you’d never ask.”
* * *
BECAUSE OF ALL the beauty prep work, about which he knew nothing, Drew agreed to meet Silver at Weddings Out of the Box on Saturday around four. While he knew the venue and had even been to a couple of weddings there, this time felt more personal.
The largest room had been divided into two spaces. In one half were rows of chairs, waiting for the guests. In the other were the tables for the reception.
