Not Quite Over You
Page 62
The words were like body blows. They came from every direction and left her struggling to stay upright. Her head kept screaming that Drew had no part of this. No matter what, he would never play her. He might not love her, but he was a good guy. Honorable. Which meant all this was on his mother. Silver would bet just about anything Irene had been the one to send the text. So this wasn’t Drew’s fault.
But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Silver stared at Irene, not sure what to say. Vowing that she would win in the end seemed presumptuous and tempting fate just a little too much. Because the truth was, Silver didn’t know if she could win. Not with Drew. She might have loved him her entire adult life, but she’d never been able to keep him. Wanting was not having.
“I need to go,” she said, and backed out of the house. Once she was in her truck, she found she was shaking too hard to put the key in the ignition. It took her three tries before she was finally able to start the engine.
When she got back to her apartment, she carefully closed and locked the front door, then sank onto the floor and pulled her knees to her chest. She closed her eyes and told herself she would be fine. That whatever happened, she was strong and capable and she would get through this. But as the tears fell and the sobs ripped through her body, she had a very bad feeling that she wasn’t strong enough by half.
* * *
SILVER SPENT A long night tortured by thoughts of Drew with Julie. Not only did she have a horrible sobfest hangover, she’d never heard from him. She told herself it was because he was busy with his parents, but couldn’t help picturing him having dinner with the beautiful Julie—laughing and drinking wine, as the other woman told him stories about her perfect life.
This was everything that was wrong with their relationship, she thought as she drove over to check on inventory for the upcoming royal party. The lack of clear definition. She had no idea what he was thinking about them, where—if anywhere—he saw their relationship going. Was it casual sex? Was it more than that? What did he want?
She knew the more self-actualized question was what did she want, only she didn’t have to ask that. She already knew. She wanted it all. With Drew. Forever.
While there was a slight chance he wanted the same from her, she wouldn’t know without asking, although that meant putting herself out there. That might be the smart, mature thing to do, but she would need to be a whole lot stronger than she was this morning.
By noon, she’d confirmed she had everything they needed for Bethany and Cade’s big party. She’d already reserved all the staff she would need. Georgiana would be in charge and she’d made it clear she expected Silver to enjoy herself at the party and be a guest rather than a manager. Silver wasn’t sure she could do that, but she was going to try.
She’d just finished locking up the trailers when Drew drove into the parking lot. He got out of his car, his face tight with concern.
“There you are,” he said as he walked up to her. “I’ve been calling and texting you all morning. Why didn’t you answer?”
She didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to stare into his dark eyes and see guilt or regret or any other emotion that would send her over the edge. Honestly, she’d never felt more like her mother’s daughter than she did at that moment. She was a fool for love—she probably always had been. She was trapped, loving a man who had never truly committed to her.
“I turned my phone off,” she told him. “I needed to focus on work. We’re good for the parties. Everything is in place. I’ll get the fresh ingredients on Friday and we’ll be ready.”
“What’s wrong? You’re upset. What happened? Are you feeling all right?”
“I didn’t hear from you last night,” she said, avoiding the questions.
He groaned. “I know and I’m sorry. My father arrived in town, which wouldn’t be a problem except he and my mother moved into the house with no warning. I was with them.” He shook his head. “It’s a mess. They brought some woman who works for them. Julie. My mother led her to believe we would be perfect together. I had to explain that I was in a relationship, which my mother still refuses to believe and now Julie feels like an idiot.”
He’d told her about Julie, she thought with relief. He hadn’t hidden it or lied or anything. He was being who he had always been.
“I have to tell you,” he continued, “I genuinely don’t understand how someone as nice as Grandpa Frank had two horrible daughters. Some sociologist should make a case study of my family.”
I love you. That was what she’d been about to say. That she loved him and wanted him to know. That she hoped they could be together always because everything was better with him around. She was going to tell him that they should get married and have more babies because they sure made good ones and...
But what came out instead was, “Julie seems really nice.”
His eyes widened. “You met her?”
“I got a text asking me to stop by.”
He swore under his breath. “That was my mother.”
“I figured it out after I got there and you were nowhere to be found.”
“I was there the whole night.” He swore. “I took a shower. I must have left my phone downstairs and she took advantage of that. I’m sorry, Silver. This has been a mess.” He moved toward her. “I promise, once the party’s over, they’ll be gone. I will make sure we don’t have to deal with them again.”
Would he really do that? She thought about what Irene had said—that he would have to choose between her and his family. That he’d always been a family guy and what would it mean if he had to give that up. Grandpa Frank would be fine with her, but what about everyone else?
She couldn’t do this, she thought. Couldn’t trap him. She hadn’t before and it had been the right decision. Maybe it was the right decision again.
“Drew, you belong with them,” she said slowly, taking a step back. “With Julie or someone like her. Out in the world. This town is too small. Go be what you were meant to be. You should have stayed away after college. You shouldn’t have come back.”
She ignored the pain in her chest, the way it hurt to breathe. She had to get it out now.
“Leigh won’t keep you from Autumn,” she told him, fighting tears. “She’ll always be your daughter.”
“What about us?”
His face was blank. She had no idea what he was thinking, which was probably for the best.
“We knew this was going to be temporary, just like it was before. I’m not the one for you.”
“You can’t know that.”
She managed what she hoped was a decent smile. “You’ve never fought for me, Drew. Yours are not exactly the actions of a man desperately in love. I appreciate the help with the business. I’ll figure out a way to buy you out.”
“Just like that?” he asked. “You’re done?”
“I’m done.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“I let you go before. This time isn’t any different.”
Finally the truth, she thought as the pain ripped through her. It had hurt then and it hurt now. She’d been in love with him then and she was in love with him now. But what mattered most was she’d been right to let go before and she was still right. Trapping Drew would destroy both of them. By letting him go, she was giving him a chance to be happy. Slightly twisted logic, but truth nonetheless.
But that didn’t mean it didn’t hurt. Silver stared at Irene, not sure what to say. Vowing that she would win in the end seemed presumptuous and tempting fate just a little too much. Because the truth was, Silver didn’t know if she could win. Not with Drew. She might have loved him her entire adult life, but she’d never been able to keep him. Wanting was not having.
“I need to go,” she said, and backed out of the house. Once she was in her truck, she found she was shaking too hard to put the key in the ignition. It took her three tries before she was finally able to start the engine.
When she got back to her apartment, she carefully closed and locked the front door, then sank onto the floor and pulled her knees to her chest. She closed her eyes and told herself she would be fine. That whatever happened, she was strong and capable and she would get through this. But as the tears fell and the sobs ripped through her body, she had a very bad feeling that she wasn’t strong enough by half.
* * *
SILVER SPENT A long night tortured by thoughts of Drew with Julie. Not only did she have a horrible sobfest hangover, she’d never heard from him. She told herself it was because he was busy with his parents, but couldn’t help picturing him having dinner with the beautiful Julie—laughing and drinking wine, as the other woman told him stories about her perfect life.
This was everything that was wrong with their relationship, she thought as she drove over to check on inventory for the upcoming royal party. The lack of clear definition. She had no idea what he was thinking about them, where—if anywhere—he saw their relationship going. Was it casual sex? Was it more than that? What did he want?
She knew the more self-actualized question was what did she want, only she didn’t have to ask that. She already knew. She wanted it all. With Drew. Forever.
While there was a slight chance he wanted the same from her, she wouldn’t know without asking, although that meant putting herself out there. That might be the smart, mature thing to do, but she would need to be a whole lot stronger than she was this morning.
By noon, she’d confirmed she had everything they needed for Bethany and Cade’s big party. She’d already reserved all the staff she would need. Georgiana would be in charge and she’d made it clear she expected Silver to enjoy herself at the party and be a guest rather than a manager. Silver wasn’t sure she could do that, but she was going to try.
She’d just finished locking up the trailers when Drew drove into the parking lot. He got out of his car, his face tight with concern.
“There you are,” he said as he walked up to her. “I’ve been calling and texting you all morning. Why didn’t you answer?”
She didn’t want to look at him, didn’t want to stare into his dark eyes and see guilt or regret or any other emotion that would send her over the edge. Honestly, she’d never felt more like her mother’s daughter than she did at that moment. She was a fool for love—she probably always had been. She was trapped, loving a man who had never truly committed to her.
“I turned my phone off,” she told him. “I needed to focus on work. We’re good for the parties. Everything is in place. I’ll get the fresh ingredients on Friday and we’ll be ready.”
“What’s wrong? You’re upset. What happened? Are you feeling all right?”
“I didn’t hear from you last night,” she said, avoiding the questions.
He groaned. “I know and I’m sorry. My father arrived in town, which wouldn’t be a problem except he and my mother moved into the house with no warning. I was with them.” He shook his head. “It’s a mess. They brought some woman who works for them. Julie. My mother led her to believe we would be perfect together. I had to explain that I was in a relationship, which my mother still refuses to believe and now Julie feels like an idiot.”
He’d told her about Julie, she thought with relief. He hadn’t hidden it or lied or anything. He was being who he had always been.
“I have to tell you,” he continued, “I genuinely don’t understand how someone as nice as Grandpa Frank had two horrible daughters. Some sociologist should make a case study of my family.”
I love you. That was what she’d been about to say. That she loved him and wanted him to know. That she hoped they could be together always because everything was better with him around. She was going to tell him that they should get married and have more babies because they sure made good ones and...
But what came out instead was, “Julie seems really nice.”
His eyes widened. “You met her?”
“I got a text asking me to stop by.”
He swore under his breath. “That was my mother.”
“I figured it out after I got there and you were nowhere to be found.”
“I was there the whole night.” He swore. “I took a shower. I must have left my phone downstairs and she took advantage of that. I’m sorry, Silver. This has been a mess.” He moved toward her. “I promise, once the party’s over, they’ll be gone. I will make sure we don’t have to deal with them again.”
Would he really do that? She thought about what Irene had said—that he would have to choose between her and his family. That he’d always been a family guy and what would it mean if he had to give that up. Grandpa Frank would be fine with her, but what about everyone else?
She couldn’t do this, she thought. Couldn’t trap him. She hadn’t before and it had been the right decision. Maybe it was the right decision again.
“Drew, you belong with them,” she said slowly, taking a step back. “With Julie or someone like her. Out in the world. This town is too small. Go be what you were meant to be. You should have stayed away after college. You shouldn’t have come back.”
She ignored the pain in her chest, the way it hurt to breathe. She had to get it out now.
“Leigh won’t keep you from Autumn,” she told him, fighting tears. “She’ll always be your daughter.”
“What about us?”
His face was blank. She had no idea what he was thinking, which was probably for the best.
“We knew this was going to be temporary, just like it was before. I’m not the one for you.”
“You can’t know that.”
She managed what she hoped was a decent smile. “You’ve never fought for me, Drew. Yours are not exactly the actions of a man desperately in love. I appreciate the help with the business. I’ll figure out a way to buy you out.”
“Just like that?” he asked. “You’re done?”
“I’m done.”
“You can’t mean that.”
“I let you go before. This time isn’t any different.”
Finally the truth, she thought as the pain ripped through her. It had hurt then and it hurt now. She’d been in love with him then and she was in love with him now. But what mattered most was she’d been right to let go before and she was still right. Trapping Drew would destroy both of them. By letting him go, she was giving him a chance to be happy. Slightly twisted logic, but truth nonetheless.
