Nothing Left to Lose
Page 30
“And if the situation were reversed, you’d want Jack to be like this, would you? Unhappy and alone?” my mother asked quietly.
“Of course not!” I shot back angrily. I’d never want him to have to go through this, thankfully he didn’t have to.
“Well then, maybe you should think about what Jack would want,” she suggested.
“I think about what Jack would want every minute of every day, Mom,” I said quietly.
“Oh, baby, I didn’t mean it that way!” she gasped, looking upset. She jumped up from her chair and came forward to hug me; I shrank back unconsciously, not wanting to build bridges with her. I bumped into Ashton who was standing just behind me. He placed his hands on my waist, steadying me.
My mom’s face dropped when I moved away, and the guilt washed through me because all I ever did was hurt them. In trying to make myself less vulnerable by shutting people out, I knew I was hurting them but I just couldn’t help it.
I groaned and shook my head. “Look, let’s just leave it at that,” I said quietly. One of Ashton’s hands was still placed on my waist, so I focussed on the heat of his skin that was emanating through the fabric of my shirt rather than my mom’s sad expression. “I’ll see you at dinner.” I forced a fake smile before I turned and motioned for Ashton to leave.
Ashton nodded at my parents respectfully as we walked out of the room. “You okay?” he asked as we rounded the corner.
“Yeah, I’m just peachy,” I lied, shooting him a ‘shut up’ face.
He smiled sarcastically. “Of course you are.”
“Ashton, I don’t want to talk about this, please can we leave it? I don’t want any more lectures,” I muttered.
“Okay, but if you need to talk to anyone about anything, then you can talk to me, I want you to know that,” he said softly. I looked up at him, seeing that he was watching me intently, his sincerity shining from his eyes. I smiled gratefully, knowing that I wouldn’t put that burden on someone else again. I’d already told him more than I’d told anyone else. I wouldn’t make that mistake again. “This is the part where you say the same to me,” he prompted, nudging my ribs with his elbow.
I chuckled. “Right, sorry. Well, if you ever need to talk about anything, I’ll be here for you too,” I replied, shaking my head amused. His hand took mine casually as we walked down the hallway. I didn’t actually even think about holding his hand now, it just felt natural, which was weird, but at least it would make it easier for us next week with me being able to be so casual with him.
He raised one eyebrow. “Well actually there is something I would like to talk to you about.”
Well, shit, that backfired! I swallowed my groan. “Well then I’m all ears, Pretty Boy,” I said, smiling uncomfortably.
He cocked his head to the side, regarding me quizzically as we walked. “Well, I was wondering, why is it that you let me touch you and no one else?”
“You want the honest answer?” I asked just as we reached the front door.
“Of course,” he said simply. He looked like he was trying to pull the answers straight from my eyes where he was watching me so intently.
“I honestly don’t know,” I shrugged. That was the truth, I didn’t know what it was, but there was just something about him that made me want to trust him. I would trust this guy with my life yet I had known him for less than three days. It confused me, but it was true.
His frown grew more pronounced. “I watched you shy away from your own mother because you don’t like to get close to people, yet you let me sleep in your bed and lie all over you. I don’t get it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m taking it as a compliment, even if it’s not meant as one.”
I sighed and chewed on my lip. “Take it however you want. I’m fed up with trying to explain the way my brain works sometimes.” I smiled sadly, digging in my pocket for my car keys as we approached the garage. When the automatic door rolled up, I led him to my ‘other’ car.
His eyes widened as his mouth popped open in wonder and awe. I smiled. Yep, typical boy reaction to my car! “Oh, nice!” he purred, touching the hood of my maroon Aston Martin Vanquish appreciatively. As I held up the keys, he flinched, and I chuckled wickedly. “What? Why are you laughing? You think I’m scared to admit that your driving frightens the crap out of me?” he asked, laughing.
“You’d rather drive, Pretty Boy?” I teased, smirking at him.
“Definitely.” He held out his hands for the keys, but he looked like he wasn’t actually expecting me to give them to him.
I sighed dramatically and threw him the keys. “Fine, but you take care of my baby.”
He looked shocked for a few seconds then smiled sexily. “Don’t worry, Anna, I’ll take care of you and your baby,” he stated, patting the roof of my car gently. I laughed and got in the passenger’s side, watching him as he slid in behind the wheel with an awed expression etched on his face. “If you have this, then why did we take a Jeep out yesterday?” he asked, running his hands around the wheel lovingly.
I shrugged. “I don’t like to drive this car.”
“So why are we taking it?” he asked, frowning and looking confused.
“I thought you’d like to drive it. You look like a pretty car type of pretty boy,” I replied, smirking and winking at him. He looked at me strangely, just like he did when I gave him the photo frame last night. “What is that look?” I asked before I could stop myself.
“Of course not!” I shot back angrily. I’d never want him to have to go through this, thankfully he didn’t have to.
“Well then, maybe you should think about what Jack would want,” she suggested.
“I think about what Jack would want every minute of every day, Mom,” I said quietly.
“Oh, baby, I didn’t mean it that way!” she gasped, looking upset. She jumped up from her chair and came forward to hug me; I shrank back unconsciously, not wanting to build bridges with her. I bumped into Ashton who was standing just behind me. He placed his hands on my waist, steadying me.
My mom’s face dropped when I moved away, and the guilt washed through me because all I ever did was hurt them. In trying to make myself less vulnerable by shutting people out, I knew I was hurting them but I just couldn’t help it.
I groaned and shook my head. “Look, let’s just leave it at that,” I said quietly. One of Ashton’s hands was still placed on my waist, so I focussed on the heat of his skin that was emanating through the fabric of my shirt rather than my mom’s sad expression. “I’ll see you at dinner.” I forced a fake smile before I turned and motioned for Ashton to leave.
Ashton nodded at my parents respectfully as we walked out of the room. “You okay?” he asked as we rounded the corner.
“Yeah, I’m just peachy,” I lied, shooting him a ‘shut up’ face.
He smiled sarcastically. “Of course you are.”
“Ashton, I don’t want to talk about this, please can we leave it? I don’t want any more lectures,” I muttered.
“Okay, but if you need to talk to anyone about anything, then you can talk to me, I want you to know that,” he said softly. I looked up at him, seeing that he was watching me intently, his sincerity shining from his eyes. I smiled gratefully, knowing that I wouldn’t put that burden on someone else again. I’d already told him more than I’d told anyone else. I wouldn’t make that mistake again. “This is the part where you say the same to me,” he prompted, nudging my ribs with his elbow.
I chuckled. “Right, sorry. Well, if you ever need to talk about anything, I’ll be here for you too,” I replied, shaking my head amused. His hand took mine casually as we walked down the hallway. I didn’t actually even think about holding his hand now, it just felt natural, which was weird, but at least it would make it easier for us next week with me being able to be so casual with him.
He raised one eyebrow. “Well actually there is something I would like to talk to you about.”
Well, shit, that backfired! I swallowed my groan. “Well then I’m all ears, Pretty Boy,” I said, smiling uncomfortably.
He cocked his head to the side, regarding me quizzically as we walked. “Well, I was wondering, why is it that you let me touch you and no one else?”
“You want the honest answer?” I asked just as we reached the front door.
“Of course,” he said simply. He looked like he was trying to pull the answers straight from my eyes where he was watching me so intently.
“I honestly don’t know,” I shrugged. That was the truth, I didn’t know what it was, but there was just something about him that made me want to trust him. I would trust this guy with my life yet I had known him for less than three days. It confused me, but it was true.
His frown grew more pronounced. “I watched you shy away from your own mother because you don’t like to get close to people, yet you let me sleep in your bed and lie all over you. I don’t get it. Don’t get me wrong, I’m taking it as a compliment, even if it’s not meant as one.”
I sighed and chewed on my lip. “Take it however you want. I’m fed up with trying to explain the way my brain works sometimes.” I smiled sadly, digging in my pocket for my car keys as we approached the garage. When the automatic door rolled up, I led him to my ‘other’ car.
His eyes widened as his mouth popped open in wonder and awe. I smiled. Yep, typical boy reaction to my car! “Oh, nice!” he purred, touching the hood of my maroon Aston Martin Vanquish appreciatively. As I held up the keys, he flinched, and I chuckled wickedly. “What? Why are you laughing? You think I’m scared to admit that your driving frightens the crap out of me?” he asked, laughing.
“You’d rather drive, Pretty Boy?” I teased, smirking at him.
“Definitely.” He held out his hands for the keys, but he looked like he wasn’t actually expecting me to give them to him.
I sighed dramatically and threw him the keys. “Fine, but you take care of my baby.”
He looked shocked for a few seconds then smiled sexily. “Don’t worry, Anna, I’ll take care of you and your baby,” he stated, patting the roof of my car gently. I laughed and got in the passenger’s side, watching him as he slid in behind the wheel with an awed expression etched on his face. “If you have this, then why did we take a Jeep out yesterday?” he asked, running his hands around the wheel lovingly.
I shrugged. “I don’t like to drive this car.”
“So why are we taking it?” he asked, frowning and looking confused.
“I thought you’d like to drive it. You look like a pretty car type of pretty boy,” I replied, smirking and winking at him. He looked at me strangely, just like he did when I gave him the photo frame last night. “What is that look?” I asked before I could stop myself.
