Nothing Personal
Page 3
His eyes narrowed and turned an icy gray. “I don’t have feelings, Faith. For you or anyone else. Don’t mistake any physical desire I may show as emotion or caring. You’ll only end up hurting yourself.”
She’d already surmised that, even though his nearness unnerved her, awakened yearnings she’d never had before. He was right about biology and sex. She could already picture them na**d together, their bodies entwined in a ritual older than both of them. But not tonight.
“I know. But still, I’d like a little time. It may be purely physical and unemotional for you, Ryan, but sex will never be that way for me. I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready.”
Ryan looked at his watch, his face drawn into a hard line. Guilt punched her in the gut. She’d disappointed him. But what could she do?
“What kind of time frame are you talking about?” he asked.
How about forever? Okay, that wasn’t realistic. But she’d take as much as he would give. She needed time to figure out how she could allow him to make love to her without leaving feelings behind when it was over. “Three months.”
“I had hoped to have you pregnant in three months.”
She’d always been impressed by his confidence. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it right away. Everything else in the agreement looks fine. But I have to have three months.”
“I’ll give you two.”
Two months. At least it would buy her some time to adjust. “Fine.
Two months.”
“Do we have an agreement?”
Not quite the proposal of marriage Faith had always dreamed of, but then again her life hadn’t turned out like she’d imagined either. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
“Great. I’ll get Stan up here right away with a new contract.”
Cell phone against his ear, he’d already dismissed her. Not surprising. She knew what she was getting into when she agreed to this, so she shouldn’t be disappointed at the lack of romance in his proposal.
This was the way their marriage would be, and she’d made the bargain with her eyes wide open.
After all, to Ryan it was nothing personal. But to Faith, it was much more. She had just agreed to sign over her life, and if she wasn’t careful, her heart, to Ryan McKay.
Chapter Two
Faith pored over the wedding dresses the ladies from the boutique had brought over. The last hour had been a whirlwind of activities, from signing the contract to selecting a dress. She wanted to pinch herself to be certain this wasn’t all a dream—some fantasy she’d concocted in her mind about the wedding she’d always wanted but never thought she’d have.
She glanced at Ryan. He seemed perfectly at ease, leaning against the bar and sipping a drink. “How did they know what sizes to bring?” she asked.
He shrugged, clearly uninterested in the dress selection. “I looked at you and made a guess.”
Good guess. But how had he known? She thought he never looked at her. She felt his eyes on her now, watching as she chose a dress.
The sequin and pearl tulle gown she selected had a satin bodice and dropped shoulders. The waist was snug and led to a bell skirt that looked like something Cinderella would wear. The veil had a tiara with the same pearls and sequins as the dress.
As a child she’d dreamed of her wedding day—what little girl hadn’t?
Never in her wildest imaginings would it have been anything this grand.
She was the princess on her way to the ball. There was even a handsome prince waiting for her.
The ladies of the boutique laid out a selection of shoes, stockings and undergarments. Faith selected a pair of satin pumps and some decadent silk underthings. Not like she had much choice. Didn’t these people make anything out of cotton?
Ryan approached her. “I’ve made arrangements for the court clerk to issue our marriage license immediately. You’ve got about a half hour to get ready. I’ll be back to get you.” He placed his empty glass on the bar and headed toward the door.
She nodded and he left. So much for acting the part of the prince. It was time to get a grip. This was business, not a fairy tale. And she had a half hour to turn from dowdy secretary to blushing bride. It was a good thing her hair was already up and she didn’t wear makeup.
Elma and Vivian from the bridal shop offered to stay and help her dress. She was grateful, because her hands shook so badly she couldn’t have buttoned a thing. The tiny pearl buttons from the scoop back all the way down below her rear end were impossible for her to reach. She’d have never gotten into it by herself.
As she slipped on the strapless satin bra, Faith was embarrassed that Ryan had guessed at her small cup size. She released a wistful sigh at her minimal dimensions and silently thanked Ryan for helping her avoid the mortification of having to stuff socks in some dress that was too big. She’d stopped doing that when she was twelve after her mother found out and chastised her for trying to be something she wasn’t.
After the women left, Faith took a couple minutes to stare at her reflection in the suite’s mirrored closet doors. She couldn’t believe the transformation. The dress fit as if it had been sewed on her. The skirt was full, with seed pearls and rhinestones sprinkled throughout the tulle netting like fairy dust. The bodice was tight and with the bra she’d chosen at least pushed her tiny br**sts up enough to generate a modicum of cleavage. It was low cut, but not enough that she’d need a stapler to hold it to her chest.
The women had insisted on a little makeup despite Faith’s objections.
Admittedly, they’d been right. At least she now had some color in her cheeks. Before, she’d looked less like a bride and more like a prisoner about to be led to the gallows.
“Okay, Faith,” she said to her reflection. “This is the best you can do with what God gave you. I hope you don’t disappoint your husband-to-be.”
“Believe me. I’m not disappointed.”
She whirled at the sound of Ryan’s voice. “I didn’t see you there,” she said, feeling like she’d been caught playing dress up in someone else’s clothes.
Her heart raced at the sight of him, so elegantly perfect in his well-tailored tux that she forgot to breathe. The crisp white shirt made a sharp contrast against his tanned face and neck.
His eyes never left hers as he lifted her hand. A rush of anxiety fluttered deep within her that had little to do with stressful business arrangements or marriages of convenience.
“You look beautiful.” His voice vibrated through her nerve endings and she went from heated to shivering in an instant.
But he was just being polite. Clothes couldn’t change her looks, but she appreciated the attempt. “Thank you,” she replied. “So do you.”
He laughed then, deep and masculine, and her body tingled in response.
“But something’s missing from your wardrobe.”
“It is?” Faith looked down. She had the dress, shoes, underwear.
Everything seemed perfectly in place.
“Yes. This.” Ryan drew a black velvet box out of his breast pocket.
Faith looked up at him, uncertain what to do. He opened the box to reveal a diamond choker that had to be worth a fortune. Surely he didn’t mean those for her.
“Are these on loan from Lucy’s?”
“No, they’re my wedding gift to you. Turn around.”
A wedding gift. She hadn’t expected it, and couldn’t stop her heart from soaring. Could this fairy tale be real?
Faith turned to face the mirror, watching as Ryan took the necklace out of the box and held the clasps in each hand. He reached around her and laid the necklace against her collarbone, lightly brushing the tiny swell of her br**sts with the sides of his hands. As he pulled the necklace up and fastened it, she took a quick breath and shivered.
Instead of removing his hands after the necklace was fastened, Ryan rested them lightly on the tops of her shoulders, pressing his fingers into her flesh. Faith was certain he could hear her heart pounding, its rapid thrums echoing in her ears like thunder.
“There.” He stepped away to examine her. “That’s better.”
Her hand crept to the diamonds sparkling at her throat. This couldn’t be happening to her. It was someone else standing in front of the mirror, looking like a princess in a gorgeous wedding gown and glittering diamonds. If she didn’t know better, she would think it was her real wedding day and she was a woman with the blush of love tingeing her cheeks. But she did know better.
“Thank you,” she said to Ryan as she turned away from the mirror to face him. “The necklace is lovely, the dress is beautiful and I feel like Cinderella.”
The trace of a smile on his generous lips disappeared. He stepped away from her. “It’s not a fairy tale, Faith. This is business. Don’t put your heart in it or you’ll end up getting hurt.”
Too late. She hurt already from the bite of his words. But they were also true. This wasn’t her fairy tale wedding, and Ryan McKay certainly wasn’t her Prince Charming.
“I’ll be right outside the suite. Come out when you’re ready,” he said and then exited the room.
Just business. That’s all it would ever be. They weren’t two people in love making the commitment of their lives today. They were coworkers about to close a business deal.
She couldn’t help but want it to be more. This was, after all, her first wedding. And even if it was a farce, she was going to enjoy it as if it were real.
They took the elevator downstairs. Whispers and well wishes were directed their way as they wound around the intricate maze through the casino and towards the lobby. Faith smiled shyly at all the people who stopped to offer congratulations. She’d never been noticed before, and to have this kind of attention was overwhelming. It had to be the dress and sparkling diamonds at her throat. Even the dullest mannequin would be noticed when a designer dress and jewels worth a fortune were draped over it.
The lobby bustled with activity. It was Friday night and the weekend gamblers filled the hotel and casino. Faith loved this hotel, with its alabaster figurines and golden draperies perfectly complementing the stunning gold and white marble floor. For the first time she felt like she belonged here. She sailed across the lobby, the heels of her white satin shoes tapping in time to the frantic beat of her heart.
Ryan stopped at the concierge’s desk and whispered to the young gentleman on duty. The man nodded at Ryan’s orders and wished them both luck.
They entered a second set of elevators that would take them to the chapel. What was Ryan thinking about all this? This moment was so special to her, and she wanted to remember this evening as if it were in actuality the wedding of her dreams. It was quite possibly the only wedding she’d ever have. But what about him? Did he dread the moment when he would be bound to her for the next year?
The elevator opened into a lobby of dark, polished wood and solid brass. Huge double doors greeted them with the words Chalet Wedding Chapel emblazoned in gold letters across the top of the archway. Ryan led her through the doors, the last time she’d enter a room as a single woman. For the next year, anyway.
A petite woman with short dark hair rushed over to them. Miriam Snelling was the Chalet Chapel’s efficient and no-nonsense wedding coordinator.
“Mr. McKay,” she gushed with enthusiasm as she shook Ryan’s hand, “I’m so pleased you decided to have your wedding with us.” The woman’s eyebrows arched in surprise when she saw Faith, but other than a polite greeting, the woman didn’t voice whatever opinion she harbored about Ryan’s choice of a bride.
Faith knew what the woman thought.
“Thank you, Miss Snelling,” he replied. “We’re running short of time.
Is everything ready?”
“Yes, of course.” Miss Snelling ushered them into a waiting room.
“The minister will be in shortly to fill out the forms and then we can get started.”
They waited in awkward silence for the minister. Faith threaded her fingers together, her gaze traveling to her left hand.
No rings.
“Ryan, we don’t have wedding rings.”
“It’s all taken care of,” he replied. “Don’t worry.”
She should have known he’d see to every detail. A gentleman arrived carrying a brown leather case. Faith recognized him as Bradley Peters, the manager of Lucy’s Diamonds, an upscale jewelry store at the hotel.
Ryan instructed him to put the case on the minister’s desk and beckoned Faith to come over.
“Mr. McKay would like you to select rings,” Bradley said as he opened the case to reveal dozens of diamond wedding rings.
Faith looked at Ryan.
“Go ahead, pick something out that you like. But be quick about it,” he said.
She peered into the case and examined the men’s rings. It didn’t take her long to find one she liked, a simple yellow and white gold band with love knots woven throughout and two small diamonds nestled inside the loops of an infinity circle.
“I like this one,” she said as she held it up for Ryan’s inspection. “Do you?”
He shrugged. “Whichever one you like is fine with me.”
“Please, at least look at it. Try it on to make sure it fits.” His approval of her selection meant something, even if the exchange of rings to signify a forever bond was as fake as his feelings for her.
Ryan sighed and took the ring from her fingers. It fit him perfectly and looked just like Faith imagined it would. Masculine, yet not too frail or garish.
“It’s very nice,” he said as he took the ring off and handed it back to the jeweler. “Now, pick one for yourself.”
She’d already surmised that, even though his nearness unnerved her, awakened yearnings she’d never had before. He was right about biology and sex. She could already picture them na**d together, their bodies entwined in a ritual older than both of them. But not tonight.
“I know. But still, I’d like a little time. It may be purely physical and unemotional for you, Ryan, but sex will never be that way for me. I’m sorry, but I’m just not ready.”
Ryan looked at his watch, his face drawn into a hard line. Guilt punched her in the gut. She’d disappointed him. But what could she do?
“What kind of time frame are you talking about?” he asked.
How about forever? Okay, that wasn’t realistic. But she’d take as much as he would give. She needed time to figure out how she could allow him to make love to her without leaving feelings behind when it was over. “Three months.”
“I had hoped to have you pregnant in three months.”
She’d always been impressed by his confidence. “I’m sorry, but I just can’t do it right away. Everything else in the agreement looks fine. But I have to have three months.”
“I’ll give you two.”
Two months. At least it would buy her some time to adjust. “Fine.
Two months.”
“Do we have an agreement?”
Not quite the proposal of marriage Faith had always dreamed of, but then again her life hadn’t turned out like she’d imagined either. “Yes, I’ll marry you.”
“Great. I’ll get Stan up here right away with a new contract.”
Cell phone against his ear, he’d already dismissed her. Not surprising. She knew what she was getting into when she agreed to this, so she shouldn’t be disappointed at the lack of romance in his proposal.
This was the way their marriage would be, and she’d made the bargain with her eyes wide open.
After all, to Ryan it was nothing personal. But to Faith, it was much more. She had just agreed to sign over her life, and if she wasn’t careful, her heart, to Ryan McKay.
Chapter Two
Faith pored over the wedding dresses the ladies from the boutique had brought over. The last hour had been a whirlwind of activities, from signing the contract to selecting a dress. She wanted to pinch herself to be certain this wasn’t all a dream—some fantasy she’d concocted in her mind about the wedding she’d always wanted but never thought she’d have.
She glanced at Ryan. He seemed perfectly at ease, leaning against the bar and sipping a drink. “How did they know what sizes to bring?” she asked.
He shrugged, clearly uninterested in the dress selection. “I looked at you and made a guess.”
Good guess. But how had he known? She thought he never looked at her. She felt his eyes on her now, watching as she chose a dress.
The sequin and pearl tulle gown she selected had a satin bodice and dropped shoulders. The waist was snug and led to a bell skirt that looked like something Cinderella would wear. The veil had a tiara with the same pearls and sequins as the dress.
As a child she’d dreamed of her wedding day—what little girl hadn’t?
Never in her wildest imaginings would it have been anything this grand.
She was the princess on her way to the ball. There was even a handsome prince waiting for her.
The ladies of the boutique laid out a selection of shoes, stockings and undergarments. Faith selected a pair of satin pumps and some decadent silk underthings. Not like she had much choice. Didn’t these people make anything out of cotton?
Ryan approached her. “I’ve made arrangements for the court clerk to issue our marriage license immediately. You’ve got about a half hour to get ready. I’ll be back to get you.” He placed his empty glass on the bar and headed toward the door.
She nodded and he left. So much for acting the part of the prince. It was time to get a grip. This was business, not a fairy tale. And she had a half hour to turn from dowdy secretary to blushing bride. It was a good thing her hair was already up and she didn’t wear makeup.
Elma and Vivian from the bridal shop offered to stay and help her dress. She was grateful, because her hands shook so badly she couldn’t have buttoned a thing. The tiny pearl buttons from the scoop back all the way down below her rear end were impossible for her to reach. She’d have never gotten into it by herself.
As she slipped on the strapless satin bra, Faith was embarrassed that Ryan had guessed at her small cup size. She released a wistful sigh at her minimal dimensions and silently thanked Ryan for helping her avoid the mortification of having to stuff socks in some dress that was too big. She’d stopped doing that when she was twelve after her mother found out and chastised her for trying to be something she wasn’t.
After the women left, Faith took a couple minutes to stare at her reflection in the suite’s mirrored closet doors. She couldn’t believe the transformation. The dress fit as if it had been sewed on her. The skirt was full, with seed pearls and rhinestones sprinkled throughout the tulle netting like fairy dust. The bodice was tight and with the bra she’d chosen at least pushed her tiny br**sts up enough to generate a modicum of cleavage. It was low cut, but not enough that she’d need a stapler to hold it to her chest.
The women had insisted on a little makeup despite Faith’s objections.
Admittedly, they’d been right. At least she now had some color in her cheeks. Before, she’d looked less like a bride and more like a prisoner about to be led to the gallows.
“Okay, Faith,” she said to her reflection. “This is the best you can do with what God gave you. I hope you don’t disappoint your husband-to-be.”
“Believe me. I’m not disappointed.”
She whirled at the sound of Ryan’s voice. “I didn’t see you there,” she said, feeling like she’d been caught playing dress up in someone else’s clothes.
Her heart raced at the sight of him, so elegantly perfect in his well-tailored tux that she forgot to breathe. The crisp white shirt made a sharp contrast against his tanned face and neck.
His eyes never left hers as he lifted her hand. A rush of anxiety fluttered deep within her that had little to do with stressful business arrangements or marriages of convenience.
“You look beautiful.” His voice vibrated through her nerve endings and she went from heated to shivering in an instant.
But he was just being polite. Clothes couldn’t change her looks, but she appreciated the attempt. “Thank you,” she replied. “So do you.”
He laughed then, deep and masculine, and her body tingled in response.
“But something’s missing from your wardrobe.”
“It is?” Faith looked down. She had the dress, shoes, underwear.
Everything seemed perfectly in place.
“Yes. This.” Ryan drew a black velvet box out of his breast pocket.
Faith looked up at him, uncertain what to do. He opened the box to reveal a diamond choker that had to be worth a fortune. Surely he didn’t mean those for her.
“Are these on loan from Lucy’s?”
“No, they’re my wedding gift to you. Turn around.”
A wedding gift. She hadn’t expected it, and couldn’t stop her heart from soaring. Could this fairy tale be real?
Faith turned to face the mirror, watching as Ryan took the necklace out of the box and held the clasps in each hand. He reached around her and laid the necklace against her collarbone, lightly brushing the tiny swell of her br**sts with the sides of his hands. As he pulled the necklace up and fastened it, she took a quick breath and shivered.
Instead of removing his hands after the necklace was fastened, Ryan rested them lightly on the tops of her shoulders, pressing his fingers into her flesh. Faith was certain he could hear her heart pounding, its rapid thrums echoing in her ears like thunder.
“There.” He stepped away to examine her. “That’s better.”
Her hand crept to the diamonds sparkling at her throat. This couldn’t be happening to her. It was someone else standing in front of the mirror, looking like a princess in a gorgeous wedding gown and glittering diamonds. If she didn’t know better, she would think it was her real wedding day and she was a woman with the blush of love tingeing her cheeks. But she did know better.
“Thank you,” she said to Ryan as she turned away from the mirror to face him. “The necklace is lovely, the dress is beautiful and I feel like Cinderella.”
The trace of a smile on his generous lips disappeared. He stepped away from her. “It’s not a fairy tale, Faith. This is business. Don’t put your heart in it or you’ll end up getting hurt.”
Too late. She hurt already from the bite of his words. But they were also true. This wasn’t her fairy tale wedding, and Ryan McKay certainly wasn’t her Prince Charming.
“I’ll be right outside the suite. Come out when you’re ready,” he said and then exited the room.
Just business. That’s all it would ever be. They weren’t two people in love making the commitment of their lives today. They were coworkers about to close a business deal.
She couldn’t help but want it to be more. This was, after all, her first wedding. And even if it was a farce, she was going to enjoy it as if it were real.
They took the elevator downstairs. Whispers and well wishes were directed their way as they wound around the intricate maze through the casino and towards the lobby. Faith smiled shyly at all the people who stopped to offer congratulations. She’d never been noticed before, and to have this kind of attention was overwhelming. It had to be the dress and sparkling diamonds at her throat. Even the dullest mannequin would be noticed when a designer dress and jewels worth a fortune were draped over it.
The lobby bustled with activity. It was Friday night and the weekend gamblers filled the hotel and casino. Faith loved this hotel, with its alabaster figurines and golden draperies perfectly complementing the stunning gold and white marble floor. For the first time she felt like she belonged here. She sailed across the lobby, the heels of her white satin shoes tapping in time to the frantic beat of her heart.
Ryan stopped at the concierge’s desk and whispered to the young gentleman on duty. The man nodded at Ryan’s orders and wished them both luck.
They entered a second set of elevators that would take them to the chapel. What was Ryan thinking about all this? This moment was so special to her, and she wanted to remember this evening as if it were in actuality the wedding of her dreams. It was quite possibly the only wedding she’d ever have. But what about him? Did he dread the moment when he would be bound to her for the next year?
The elevator opened into a lobby of dark, polished wood and solid brass. Huge double doors greeted them with the words Chalet Wedding Chapel emblazoned in gold letters across the top of the archway. Ryan led her through the doors, the last time she’d enter a room as a single woman. For the next year, anyway.
A petite woman with short dark hair rushed over to them. Miriam Snelling was the Chalet Chapel’s efficient and no-nonsense wedding coordinator.
“Mr. McKay,” she gushed with enthusiasm as she shook Ryan’s hand, “I’m so pleased you decided to have your wedding with us.” The woman’s eyebrows arched in surprise when she saw Faith, but other than a polite greeting, the woman didn’t voice whatever opinion she harbored about Ryan’s choice of a bride.
Faith knew what the woman thought.
“Thank you, Miss Snelling,” he replied. “We’re running short of time.
Is everything ready?”
“Yes, of course.” Miss Snelling ushered them into a waiting room.
“The minister will be in shortly to fill out the forms and then we can get started.”
They waited in awkward silence for the minister. Faith threaded her fingers together, her gaze traveling to her left hand.
No rings.
“Ryan, we don’t have wedding rings.”
“It’s all taken care of,” he replied. “Don’t worry.”
She should have known he’d see to every detail. A gentleman arrived carrying a brown leather case. Faith recognized him as Bradley Peters, the manager of Lucy’s Diamonds, an upscale jewelry store at the hotel.
Ryan instructed him to put the case on the minister’s desk and beckoned Faith to come over.
“Mr. McKay would like you to select rings,” Bradley said as he opened the case to reveal dozens of diamond wedding rings.
Faith looked at Ryan.
“Go ahead, pick something out that you like. But be quick about it,” he said.
She peered into the case and examined the men’s rings. It didn’t take her long to find one she liked, a simple yellow and white gold band with love knots woven throughout and two small diamonds nestled inside the loops of an infinity circle.
“I like this one,” she said as she held it up for Ryan’s inspection. “Do you?”
He shrugged. “Whichever one you like is fine with me.”
“Please, at least look at it. Try it on to make sure it fits.” His approval of her selection meant something, even if the exchange of rings to signify a forever bond was as fake as his feelings for her.
Ryan sighed and took the ring from her fingers. It fit him perfectly and looked just like Faith imagined it would. Masculine, yet not too frail or garish.
“It’s very nice,” he said as he took the ring off and handed it back to the jeweler. “Now, pick one for yourself.”
