Nowhere But Here
Page 81
I slowly edge my feet to the floor as if I’m testing the temperature of the water surrounding us. “Why tell the truth now?”
“Because when it comes to the club, I won’t be the one to put a bad taste in your mouth. Yeah, I haven’t been completely honest with you, but it’s either because I’ve been ordered to keep my mouth shut or I’ve been doing it to protect you. I didn’t tell you I carried a gun because I knew it would scare the shit out you. It’s nice to see I wasn’t wrong.”
“So if someone from the club orders you not to tell me something, you won’t? Isn’t that the same as lying?”
Oz’s jaw ticks. “You’re not a brother and as a woman you will never be, but you are important to this club. We will protect you. There isn’t a need of yours that won’t be met if you allow us in, but my obligation is to the club before anyone else.”
“If that’s the way it is,” I hedge, “then why don’t you wear one of those vests that everyone else is wearing?”
“I was supposed to start my initiation period, become a prospect and get my cut the night of Olivia’s party, but you showed and messed everything up.”
“How?”
“My job was to watch you until you stepped on the plane, but then I fell asleep in the parking lot at the motel. I woke up as you walked out of your room.”
“I’m not the one who fell asleep,” I say. “So I’m not seeing how this is my fault.”
“You’re right.” Oz cracks his head the side. “You coming to Snowflake changed everything, but I’m the one that fucked up and I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Scares me more than you know that they could have taken you—that my mistake could have hurt you.”
I pause at that. A few minutes later and how different would my life have been? Would Dad have been right? Would I have bought my water and returned to the room, and I would now be home getting ready to attend Blake Harris’s next party? Or would my mother and Eli’s fears have come to life and I’d be a pawn between two groups of men who detest each other?
“Am I in danger?” I ask again as a whisper.
Oz is quiet. Maybe thinking or fighting internally, I don’t know, but either way his answer could change everything. “Eli says you are.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, but I trust Eli and if I didn’t, I like you too much to take the chance.”
I rest a hand over my heart as if that could calm the frantic beating. “Dad said I’m safe.”
“You are,” Oz says. “I swear nothing will happen while you’re with me.”
“No.” My lungs constrict. “Dad said that this whole thing isn’t real. That you guys are playing games and that you take things too seriously and that I shouldn’t be afraid. That’s one of the reasons why I stayed—because I wanted to prove to myself that there was no reason to be scared.”
Oz slips out of the chair and is immediately on his knees in front of me. His hands cradle my face and his warmth sinks through and combats the fear chilling my body. “Do you trust me?”
“You’ve lied to me.”
His eyes search mine and the silence surrounding us sucks the air out of the room.
“Honeysuckle Ridge is a safe house ten miles north of here. You can only get to it by bike and then you have to hike the rest of the way. It’s a cabin smaller than the one at the pond, but it doesn’t have shit within it. Sometimes guys from the club use it for hunting, but no one else goes there without club permission. No one beyond brothers and immediate people with the club are supposed to know it exists.”
“What does Honeysuckle Ridge have to do with Mom and Eli?”
“I don’t know.”
My head attempts to tip back, but Oz’s strong grip prevents me from completing the motion.
“I don’t know,” he repeats. “Whatever it is, it couldn’t have been good, but the truth is your mom would have known about it because she was Eli’s old lady.”
His words pierce through me like a sword.
“They were teenagers,” I say. “In high school. She couldn’t have been.”
“Yeah, they were still in high school when they met, but she’d graduated by the time she had you. According to my mom, they were very much in love. So much that after your mom had you, she had an engagement ring on her finger and she moved into Olivia’s.”
I lift my arms to push Oz away, but he releases me before I have the chance. I sway as if I’m being tossed around in waves. “She was in love with him?”
“I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. You saw how Eli and your mom hugged. You saw your mom’s initials on the tree. You held a picture of you and Olivia. You’re smart. You know the truth. You haven’t been looking for someone to prove it. You’ve been searching to disprove it.”
“Then why lie to me?” I snap. “Why does everyone want to keep it a secret?”
Oz lowers his head and my gut twists. He knows and he won’t tell me.
“Oh my God.” I stand and Oz simultaneously bolts to his feet. “You know why this is a huge secret and you’ve seen me beat myself up over it and you won’t tell me because you want to belong to a boys’ club?”
“Because I’m a part of a family and I’ve been entrusted with a secret that I swore I wouldn’t tell. You accuse me of having no integrity, but integrity doesn’t mean breaking a promise. It means keeping it.”
“Because when it comes to the club, I won’t be the one to put a bad taste in your mouth. Yeah, I haven’t been completely honest with you, but it’s either because I’ve been ordered to keep my mouth shut or I’ve been doing it to protect you. I didn’t tell you I carried a gun because I knew it would scare the shit out you. It’s nice to see I wasn’t wrong.”
“So if someone from the club orders you not to tell me something, you won’t? Isn’t that the same as lying?”
Oz’s jaw ticks. “You’re not a brother and as a woman you will never be, but you are important to this club. We will protect you. There isn’t a need of yours that won’t be met if you allow us in, but my obligation is to the club before anyone else.”
“If that’s the way it is,” I hedge, “then why don’t you wear one of those vests that everyone else is wearing?”
“I was supposed to start my initiation period, become a prospect and get my cut the night of Olivia’s party, but you showed and messed everything up.”
“How?”
“My job was to watch you until you stepped on the plane, but then I fell asleep in the parking lot at the motel. I woke up as you walked out of your room.”
“I’m not the one who fell asleep,” I say. “So I’m not seeing how this is my fault.”
“You’re right.” Oz cracks his head the side. “You coming to Snowflake changed everything, but I’m the one that fucked up and I can’t tell you how sorry I am. Scares me more than you know that they could have taken you—that my mistake could have hurt you.”
I pause at that. A few minutes later and how different would my life have been? Would Dad have been right? Would I have bought my water and returned to the room, and I would now be home getting ready to attend Blake Harris’s next party? Or would my mother and Eli’s fears have come to life and I’d be a pawn between two groups of men who detest each other?
“Am I in danger?” I ask again as a whisper.
Oz is quiet. Maybe thinking or fighting internally, I don’t know, but either way his answer could change everything. “Eli says you are.”
“Why?”
“I don’t know, but I trust Eli and if I didn’t, I like you too much to take the chance.”
I rest a hand over my heart as if that could calm the frantic beating. “Dad said I’m safe.”
“You are,” Oz says. “I swear nothing will happen while you’re with me.”
“No.” My lungs constrict. “Dad said that this whole thing isn’t real. That you guys are playing games and that you take things too seriously and that I shouldn’t be afraid. That’s one of the reasons why I stayed—because I wanted to prove to myself that there was no reason to be scared.”
Oz slips out of the chair and is immediately on his knees in front of me. His hands cradle my face and his warmth sinks through and combats the fear chilling my body. “Do you trust me?”
“You’ve lied to me.”
His eyes search mine and the silence surrounding us sucks the air out of the room.
“Honeysuckle Ridge is a safe house ten miles north of here. You can only get to it by bike and then you have to hike the rest of the way. It’s a cabin smaller than the one at the pond, but it doesn’t have shit within it. Sometimes guys from the club use it for hunting, but no one else goes there without club permission. No one beyond brothers and immediate people with the club are supposed to know it exists.”
“What does Honeysuckle Ridge have to do with Mom and Eli?”
“I don’t know.”
My head attempts to tip back, but Oz’s strong grip prevents me from completing the motion.
“I don’t know,” he repeats. “Whatever it is, it couldn’t have been good, but the truth is your mom would have known about it because she was Eli’s old lady.”
His words pierce through me like a sword.
“They were teenagers,” I say. “In high school. She couldn’t have been.”
“Yeah, they were still in high school when they met, but she’d graduated by the time she had you. According to my mom, they were very much in love. So much that after your mom had you, she had an engagement ring on her finger and she moved into Olivia’s.”
I lift my arms to push Oz away, but he releases me before I have the chance. I sway as if I’m being tossed around in waves. “She was in love with him?”
“I’m not telling you anything you don’t already know. You saw how Eli and your mom hugged. You saw your mom’s initials on the tree. You held a picture of you and Olivia. You’re smart. You know the truth. You haven’t been looking for someone to prove it. You’ve been searching to disprove it.”
“Then why lie to me?” I snap. “Why does everyone want to keep it a secret?”
Oz lowers his head and my gut twists. He knows and he won’t tell me.
“Oh my God.” I stand and Oz simultaneously bolts to his feet. “You know why this is a huge secret and you’ve seen me beat myself up over it and you won’t tell me because you want to belong to a boys’ club?”
“Because I’m a part of a family and I’ve been entrusted with a secret that I swore I wouldn’t tell. You accuse me of having no integrity, but integrity doesn’t mean breaking a promise. It means keeping it.”
