Nowhere But Here
Page 96
Eli stares out the front windshield. “Besides what’s happening with Mom, I’m not sure I’ve ever been so scared in my life as when Meg told me she was pregnant. We were young and still in school and I didn’t feel old enough to take care of myself, much less a baby.”
My mouth dries out and a million questions form in my mind, but I don’t know how to ask any of them. I crave for him to tell me more, but at the same time, I’m terrified of what I might learn.
“The point is, I was scared and so was your mom, but she figured out how to work past the fear. When I look at you, I see Meg. Your mom—she was fearless.”
I’ve heard a lot of people say a lot of negative things about my mother in the past few weeks, but I don’t see hatred in Eli’s eyes. I spot the same pain that always seems to live within him, but I also spot admiration and possibly love. For me, for Mom, maybe for both of us...but regardless, there is love.
Maybe there’s room to love him—that is if he really does have room in his life to love me.
Eli reaches over and the air rushes out of my lungs when he turns the keys. The engine rumbles to life and he straightens back in his seat. “This truck is a piece of shit. There’s not much more you can do to it and my life insurance policy is paid up, so we’re good.”
“Eli...” I protest.
“Put your foot on the brake, shift into Drive, then gently tap the gas. I also suggest holding on to the steering wheel.”
“Eli...” I try again.
“You can do this,” he pushes. Okay. I can do this. A surge of adrenaline grabs me and I do exactly what Eli asks.
Oz
I’VE NEVER BEEN so buzzed in my life and I haven’t had a drop to drink. Cyrus grins at me as he holds out my cut and beyond him, Olivia smiles. My road name is sewn on the front right underneath the words Mother Chapter. I slip my arms in and, I swear to God, I’m a fucking king.
I inhale and the scent of leather hits me. Cyrus pulls me into a hug and when he claps my back, it’s a high hit to keep from touching the three-piece patch. It’s a sign of respect. No one touches the patch and now I’m a brother who deserves the respect Cyrus is offering.
He releases me and a round of cheers fills the yard packed with hundreds of people. A ton of brothers, some Terror Gypsies and other people ready to party. It’s after nine in the evening. The sky is black and because of clouds that rolled in there’s not a star in the sky. Off to the side, a bonfire roars and embers float in the dark night.
Music pumps from the clubhouse. Loud guitars. A drum line that rattles the bones. All of it the foundation for a night I’ll remember forever.
There’s a flurry of embraces and congratulations. A sea of faces and smiles. There’s Eli, my father and Razor. Each of them with a bottled beer in hand. Dad offers one and a hug. I accept both.
“Tonight’s about you.” Razor raises his beer and the four of us clink glasses. I’m a brother now. My dream come true. The only one missing is Chevy, but in a year he’ll be beside me. He’ll complete this circle.
Following tradition, the three of them shake their unopened beers and I pop off the cap of mine.
“Let’s go, boy,” my dad says.
I chug as the rest of them open theirs and spray me with the contents. There’s beer up my nose, dripping down my hair as I swallow the last gulp. When I finish, the four of us throw our beers into the fire. Glass shatters and little bursts of flames appear from the alcohol.
More whistles and shouts. Another beer in my hand. An arm around my neck and I’m led into the clubhouse. The music is deafening. Topless girls dance on the bar. The building is wall-to-wall people. A commotion of sights, colors and sounds. The stench of beer, body odor and sex hangs in the air.
I hesitate before walking all the way inside. A glance over my shoulder and the light turns off in Emily’s room. Two prospects stand guard near the front door of the cabin. Tonight’s a test. A test to confirm that Emily’s safe.
Eli’s chatting with a brother from another chapter and I reach past two people and grab his arm. “Are you sure Emily’s good?”
Eli shoves past the people and wraps his hand around my neck, leaning me into him. “Your job is done. You enjoy tonight and you let me worry about Emily. Welcome to the brotherhood, Oz.”
He kisses my cheek and I quickly lose sight of him in the crowd. I look back at the house again. Arms around my waist and Pigpen has me in the air. The entire world moves and I take a deep breath, trusting Eli and the club with protecting what I love.
Emily
I SIT ON the window seat in my room and read the text sent from my father:
I’m flying to Kentucky tomorrow. We miss you and it’s time to come home.
Home. I miss home. I won’t say that I don’t. I miss air-conditioning and my mother’s laugh. I miss the easiness of conversation with my father and how Mom checks on me at night before she turns in herself. I miss uncomplicated and I miss Trisha and I miss the quiet flow of the world several hundred miles south of here.
But there’s an emptiness at the thought of returning. Olivia is dying. I’m in love with Oz. Eli is a man who taught me how to drive. He’s also a man who has seventeen stars tattooed on his arm for me. I came here one person and I’m leaving here changed.
Changed.
It’s extremely disorienting. I came here Emily Catherine and I’m leaving here Emily Star and I don’t know how to reconcile the two worlds.
My mouth dries out and a million questions form in my mind, but I don’t know how to ask any of them. I crave for him to tell me more, but at the same time, I’m terrified of what I might learn.
“The point is, I was scared and so was your mom, but she figured out how to work past the fear. When I look at you, I see Meg. Your mom—she was fearless.”
I’ve heard a lot of people say a lot of negative things about my mother in the past few weeks, but I don’t see hatred in Eli’s eyes. I spot the same pain that always seems to live within him, but I also spot admiration and possibly love. For me, for Mom, maybe for both of us...but regardless, there is love.
Maybe there’s room to love him—that is if he really does have room in his life to love me.
Eli reaches over and the air rushes out of my lungs when he turns the keys. The engine rumbles to life and he straightens back in his seat. “This truck is a piece of shit. There’s not much more you can do to it and my life insurance policy is paid up, so we’re good.”
“Eli...” I protest.
“Put your foot on the brake, shift into Drive, then gently tap the gas. I also suggest holding on to the steering wheel.”
“Eli...” I try again.
“You can do this,” he pushes. Okay. I can do this. A surge of adrenaline grabs me and I do exactly what Eli asks.
Oz
I’VE NEVER BEEN so buzzed in my life and I haven’t had a drop to drink. Cyrus grins at me as he holds out my cut and beyond him, Olivia smiles. My road name is sewn on the front right underneath the words Mother Chapter. I slip my arms in and, I swear to God, I’m a fucking king.
I inhale and the scent of leather hits me. Cyrus pulls me into a hug and when he claps my back, it’s a high hit to keep from touching the three-piece patch. It’s a sign of respect. No one touches the patch and now I’m a brother who deserves the respect Cyrus is offering.
He releases me and a round of cheers fills the yard packed with hundreds of people. A ton of brothers, some Terror Gypsies and other people ready to party. It’s after nine in the evening. The sky is black and because of clouds that rolled in there’s not a star in the sky. Off to the side, a bonfire roars and embers float in the dark night.
Music pumps from the clubhouse. Loud guitars. A drum line that rattles the bones. All of it the foundation for a night I’ll remember forever.
There’s a flurry of embraces and congratulations. A sea of faces and smiles. There’s Eli, my father and Razor. Each of them with a bottled beer in hand. Dad offers one and a hug. I accept both.
“Tonight’s about you.” Razor raises his beer and the four of us clink glasses. I’m a brother now. My dream come true. The only one missing is Chevy, but in a year he’ll be beside me. He’ll complete this circle.
Following tradition, the three of them shake their unopened beers and I pop off the cap of mine.
“Let’s go, boy,” my dad says.
I chug as the rest of them open theirs and spray me with the contents. There’s beer up my nose, dripping down my hair as I swallow the last gulp. When I finish, the four of us throw our beers into the fire. Glass shatters and little bursts of flames appear from the alcohol.
More whistles and shouts. Another beer in my hand. An arm around my neck and I’m led into the clubhouse. The music is deafening. Topless girls dance on the bar. The building is wall-to-wall people. A commotion of sights, colors and sounds. The stench of beer, body odor and sex hangs in the air.
I hesitate before walking all the way inside. A glance over my shoulder and the light turns off in Emily’s room. Two prospects stand guard near the front door of the cabin. Tonight’s a test. A test to confirm that Emily’s safe.
Eli’s chatting with a brother from another chapter and I reach past two people and grab his arm. “Are you sure Emily’s good?”
Eli shoves past the people and wraps his hand around my neck, leaning me into him. “Your job is done. You enjoy tonight and you let me worry about Emily. Welcome to the brotherhood, Oz.”
He kisses my cheek and I quickly lose sight of him in the crowd. I look back at the house again. Arms around my waist and Pigpen has me in the air. The entire world moves and I take a deep breath, trusting Eli and the club with protecting what I love.
Emily
I SIT ON the window seat in my room and read the text sent from my father:
I’m flying to Kentucky tomorrow. We miss you and it’s time to come home.
Home. I miss home. I won’t say that I don’t. I miss air-conditioning and my mother’s laugh. I miss the easiness of conversation with my father and how Mom checks on me at night before she turns in herself. I miss uncomplicated and I miss Trisha and I miss the quiet flow of the world several hundred miles south of here.
But there’s an emptiness at the thought of returning. Olivia is dying. I’m in love with Oz. Eli is a man who taught me how to drive. He’s also a man who has seventeen stars tattooed on his arm for me. I came here one person and I’m leaving here changed.
Changed.
It’s extremely disorienting. I came here Emily Catherine and I’m leaving here Emily Star and I don’t know how to reconcile the two worlds.
