Of Silk and Steam
Page 77
Mina was no fool. “He wanted you to see your father for who he was.”
No denying it. Leo’s voice roughened. “It didn’t matter how harshly Caine treated me, because he wasn’t my father. My real father wouldn’t have treated me like that, or so I thought. So I began to take instruction with Todd once a week.
“He was obsessed with a cure for the craving and so was his new patron, Vickers. And I wanted to please him. You may find this somewhat ironic, but Todd was one of the first humanists in London. A founding member.”
“I know.” She hesitated. “He was responsible for developing the plans for the Cyclops. I’ve always likened him to da Vinci.”
“Truly?” That surprised him. Todd had always been mechanically minded but… Leo’s hand roved over the Cyclops’s steel flank. He could not conceive of a man who could create such a work of mechanical art and still be such a cold bastard.
“So what happened?”
“My fourteenth birthday came—and Caine officially applied to the Council of Dukes to recommend me for the blood rites.” The crowning achievement of every aristocratic son’s childhood. Only those deemed worthy were infected with the craving virus during their fifteenth birthday rites. “But of course, by that stage I had begun to parrot Todd’s humanist sympathies in a bid to earn his respect.”
“You didn’t want to be a blue blood?”
“I didn’t know what I wanted. I only knew that Todd would despise me if I were a blue blood.” A remarkable piece of foresight. “Of course, my application was approved. For all intents and purposes, I was Caine’s son. I couldn’t avoid it except… Todd was working on a vaccine. He promised me it would stop me from becoming ‘a monster.’”
The sympathy on her face was too much to handle. “It didn’t,” he said brusquely. “It was untested, and within weeks I began to show signs of the virus. My visits with Todd ended and Caine helped me hide the fact that I was already infected until after the blood rites.”
“And Todd turned his back on you.”
“In a way.” That wasn’t the worst of it. “Caine saw fit to provide me with copies of Todd’s journals, where he detailed all of his experiments, including that of Subject 13, whom he tested with the fifth variant of the vaccine. I was clever enough to follow the trail of the dates mentioned. It had to be me. ‘Subject 13—though a healthy young man—shows signs of the virus. Variant Five is defective. I will continue to find willing participants in these trials until I meet with success,’” Leo quoted. “Todd was using me for a trial because he did not dare complete these experiments under Vickers’s notice. Vickers didn’t want a vaccine. He wanted a cure.”
“And when Todd finally found a vaccine that worked, you sabotaged it before he could use it.”
“An eye for an eye,” he murmured. “I kept abreast of his work after the blood rites. Todd despised what I’d become, but it didn’t change the way he treated me. That…it told me everything I needed to know about his feelings for me. I think my ‘lessons’ catered to his sense of importance—a captive audience, so to speak—and I never told him that I knew what he’d done. Just waited until he finally worked out the solution.
“By that time he’d tested it on Honoria and Lena. I’ll never mention it to them, but if he’d truly given a damn about them, he’d never have used them like that. Honoria was always his favorite, but he still vaccinated her before he used it on himself. And when it came time for his attempt…I swapped the vaccines.”
“I don’t blame you. He sounds like a horrible man. Anyone who makes the Duke of Caine look like the hero—”
“He’s not,” Leo said quickly. “And neither am I. I didn’t…I didn’t like the man I became. It wasn’t until Honoria turned up on my doorstep four years ago that I realized that there had been consequences to my actions. My selfishness nearly killed my half brother, and not once had I considered that Todd might have used it on someone else.” He swallowed, feeling slightly ill. “It’s a hard thing to look at yourself in the mirror and not like what you see. Or worse, to see your father looking back at you. Both of them.”
“It’s even harder to admit that,” she told him. “Or to seek to change your ways.” A slight bow of the head. “You would not be the man you are now if your actions had not caused Charlie’s infection. You would still be angry and bitter toward a father you barely knew, careless of consequences. Perhaps…perhaps despite all of the pain you’ve been dealt, you have become a better man for it.”
It almost undid him. Leo looked away, swallowing against the bitter shards in his throat. Yet, in a sense it rebuilt a part of him that he’d feared lost. She gave him an anchor against the tide of despair that had swept him away… God, how long had it been? Only a couple of days ago?
In the shadows, dozens of mechs swarmed over the Cyclops suits, fitting themselves into the interiors. Leo watched, but his mind wasn’t on them.
What had he lost, truly? Caine’s face sprang to mind. Nothing worth such grief. This…what he saw here. This was his legacy. His deeds, not the extent of property he’d owned or people who didn’t give a damn about him. And Mina. Of everything, she had become the most important.
Reaching out, he brought her fingers to his lips. “Thank you.”
He tried to let her hand go, but Mina turned it, cupping his cheek in her palm as she stroked his face with her thumb. Her eyes were soft and contemplative. “Sometimes I grow so angry when I think of all that has befallen me. But then…where would I be if it had not? The queen would be a stranger. I would most likely be trapped in a thrall contract, and”—her voice dropped to a whisper—“I would never have met you.”
The words rocked him to the core. Was she saying what he thought she was? “I thought you wanted to be free of me.” Deceptively casual words. His gut muscles locked tight in anticipation of her answer. Nothing of the future had been discussed between them.
“I did.” Her eyes were shining bright.
“And now?”
“I’m not entirely certain.” A pained whisper as she studied his face. Still wary, still cautious. “It was easier before I knew the type of man you were—before the prince consort tried to destroy you. I don’t know if I would have let you seduce me then. Now?” Mina took a deep breath. “When this is all over, I want you to be my lover on a permanent basis.”
No denying it. Leo’s voice roughened. “It didn’t matter how harshly Caine treated me, because he wasn’t my father. My real father wouldn’t have treated me like that, or so I thought. So I began to take instruction with Todd once a week.
“He was obsessed with a cure for the craving and so was his new patron, Vickers. And I wanted to please him. You may find this somewhat ironic, but Todd was one of the first humanists in London. A founding member.”
“I know.” She hesitated. “He was responsible for developing the plans for the Cyclops. I’ve always likened him to da Vinci.”
“Truly?” That surprised him. Todd had always been mechanically minded but… Leo’s hand roved over the Cyclops’s steel flank. He could not conceive of a man who could create such a work of mechanical art and still be such a cold bastard.
“So what happened?”
“My fourteenth birthday came—and Caine officially applied to the Council of Dukes to recommend me for the blood rites.” The crowning achievement of every aristocratic son’s childhood. Only those deemed worthy were infected with the craving virus during their fifteenth birthday rites. “But of course, by that stage I had begun to parrot Todd’s humanist sympathies in a bid to earn his respect.”
“You didn’t want to be a blue blood?”
“I didn’t know what I wanted. I only knew that Todd would despise me if I were a blue blood.” A remarkable piece of foresight. “Of course, my application was approved. For all intents and purposes, I was Caine’s son. I couldn’t avoid it except… Todd was working on a vaccine. He promised me it would stop me from becoming ‘a monster.’”
The sympathy on her face was too much to handle. “It didn’t,” he said brusquely. “It was untested, and within weeks I began to show signs of the virus. My visits with Todd ended and Caine helped me hide the fact that I was already infected until after the blood rites.”
“And Todd turned his back on you.”
“In a way.” That wasn’t the worst of it. “Caine saw fit to provide me with copies of Todd’s journals, where he detailed all of his experiments, including that of Subject 13, whom he tested with the fifth variant of the vaccine. I was clever enough to follow the trail of the dates mentioned. It had to be me. ‘Subject 13—though a healthy young man—shows signs of the virus. Variant Five is defective. I will continue to find willing participants in these trials until I meet with success,’” Leo quoted. “Todd was using me for a trial because he did not dare complete these experiments under Vickers’s notice. Vickers didn’t want a vaccine. He wanted a cure.”
“And when Todd finally found a vaccine that worked, you sabotaged it before he could use it.”
“An eye for an eye,” he murmured. “I kept abreast of his work after the blood rites. Todd despised what I’d become, but it didn’t change the way he treated me. That…it told me everything I needed to know about his feelings for me. I think my ‘lessons’ catered to his sense of importance—a captive audience, so to speak—and I never told him that I knew what he’d done. Just waited until he finally worked out the solution.
“By that time he’d tested it on Honoria and Lena. I’ll never mention it to them, but if he’d truly given a damn about them, he’d never have used them like that. Honoria was always his favorite, but he still vaccinated her before he used it on himself. And when it came time for his attempt…I swapped the vaccines.”
“I don’t blame you. He sounds like a horrible man. Anyone who makes the Duke of Caine look like the hero—”
“He’s not,” Leo said quickly. “And neither am I. I didn’t…I didn’t like the man I became. It wasn’t until Honoria turned up on my doorstep four years ago that I realized that there had been consequences to my actions. My selfishness nearly killed my half brother, and not once had I considered that Todd might have used it on someone else.” He swallowed, feeling slightly ill. “It’s a hard thing to look at yourself in the mirror and not like what you see. Or worse, to see your father looking back at you. Both of them.”
“It’s even harder to admit that,” she told him. “Or to seek to change your ways.” A slight bow of the head. “You would not be the man you are now if your actions had not caused Charlie’s infection. You would still be angry and bitter toward a father you barely knew, careless of consequences. Perhaps…perhaps despite all of the pain you’ve been dealt, you have become a better man for it.”
It almost undid him. Leo looked away, swallowing against the bitter shards in his throat. Yet, in a sense it rebuilt a part of him that he’d feared lost. She gave him an anchor against the tide of despair that had swept him away… God, how long had it been? Only a couple of days ago?
In the shadows, dozens of mechs swarmed over the Cyclops suits, fitting themselves into the interiors. Leo watched, but his mind wasn’t on them.
What had he lost, truly? Caine’s face sprang to mind. Nothing worth such grief. This…what he saw here. This was his legacy. His deeds, not the extent of property he’d owned or people who didn’t give a damn about him. And Mina. Of everything, she had become the most important.
Reaching out, he brought her fingers to his lips. “Thank you.”
He tried to let her hand go, but Mina turned it, cupping his cheek in her palm as she stroked his face with her thumb. Her eyes were soft and contemplative. “Sometimes I grow so angry when I think of all that has befallen me. But then…where would I be if it had not? The queen would be a stranger. I would most likely be trapped in a thrall contract, and”—her voice dropped to a whisper—“I would never have met you.”
The words rocked him to the core. Was she saying what he thought she was? “I thought you wanted to be free of me.” Deceptively casual words. His gut muscles locked tight in anticipation of her answer. Nothing of the future had been discussed between them.
“I did.” Her eyes were shining bright.
“And now?”
“I’m not entirely certain.” A pained whisper as she studied his face. Still wary, still cautious. “It was easier before I knew the type of man you were—before the prince consort tried to destroy you. I don’t know if I would have let you seduce me then. Now?” Mina took a deep breath. “When this is all over, I want you to be my lover on a permanent basis.”
