On the Plus Side

Page 48

I’d most definitely come a long way from the tall and skinny girls that used to appeal to me. Lilly wasn’t skinny and she wasn’t tall, but she was slowly becoming everything I could ever want.
She pushed her hair behind her ear revealing her neck and for a minute all I could think about was putting my mouth there. I don’t know how it happened or when it happened, but every moment I spend around Lilly was pure Hell for me. There were moments when we were around each other that all I could think about was holding her close to me. I pictured her smile just after I’d kissed her good and hard. I imagined the softness of her skin.
Sometimes, I imagined doing things to her with my mouth and hands, things that would make her say my name over and over again, things that she was probably clueless about.
I won’t get to be the one who introduces those things to her. Some other man who deserved her would have that luxury, but I’d always have tiny moments like this one. Moments where I watched as she played with her food without knowing my eyes were on her.  I’d always have the memory of her smile and the sound of her laughter. It would have to be enough.
Hopefully, once all of this shit was done and over with, I could move easily back into my old role and be myself again. Hopefully, I’d be able to forget about Lilly, with the exception of a few tucked away memories that only I knew existed.
She must have felt my stare because she looked up. She didn’t say a word, but I could see it in her eyes. She was thinking about me, too. Maybe not those exact things, but something that made her blush since her sweet face was the same color as the spaghetti sauce on her plate.
She wanted me—I could see it every time she looked at me. You don’t know Hell, until you’re near an untouchable woman that makes your blood boil; a woman you knew would do anything you desired, if you were allowed to touch her. Hell.
I felt myself hardening and panicked. Before realizing what I was doing I jumped up from the table. The chair skidded around the kitchen floor and the table shook. Dad and Jenny stared at me like I’d lost my mind. Lilly quickly looked back down at her plate of food.
“I’ll be right back,” I blurted out.
When I made it to the bathroom in the hallway, I stared into the mirror and counted from one hundred backward.  It was always something different every time I got around Lilly. Today, it was counting backward. Yesterday, I recited the pledge of allegiance three times. There’s no telling what I’ll do tomorrow to take my mind off of sex with her.
Ten minutes later, I was ready to join dinner again.  The rest of the night flowed smoothly. We talked and laughed throughout dinner and then we ate the strawberry cheesecake that Lilly made for dessert.  It was delicious, of course. My dad was his usual humorous self and Jenny went on and on about school and her friends.
During the conversation, Lilly even somehow talked Jenny into going to some school dance and had somehow managed to convince her to wear a skirt. Dad and I both laughed out loud at that one. Jenny blushed and Lilly gave us both the bug-eyed, “stop that” look. She patted Jenny’s hand and whispered something about men and how ignorant we were. We all continued to laugh. This house hadn’t seen this much joy in a very long time.
Through it all, I could tell one very important thing, Lilly fit. My family adored her and she loved them. I could tell by the way she smiled at my dad or laughed with Jenny. She fit perfectly in my world. She was like a missing puzzle piece for us and that was probably the scariest realization ever.
After dinner we all sat in the living room and watched a movie. Dad passed out in his chair twenty minutes in and Jenny, who was lying on her stomach on the floor in front of the TV, didn’t even know we existed.  I had no clue what the movie was about, all I could do was think about how nice it felt to snuggle on my couch with Lilly. It felt so right.
These were things I shouldn’t be thinking. These were the thoughts that were not allowed to run through my brain at any point and time, but I couldn’t stop them. I was falling for her and I wasn’t sure if that was a good thing or really bad thing.
When it was time to leave, I walked Lilly to her car.  I wanted to ask her to stay with me. I wanted her in my bed for the rest of the night whether we were snuggled up sleeping or enjoying each other, either way sounded great to me. I never said a word about her staying, though.  As far as I was concerned, that was just another illegal thought.
“I adore your family,” she said as she dug through her purse for her keys.
“They love you.” I couldn’t take my eyes off her.