On the Plus Side

Page 50

I held her close to me and rested my cheek against the top of her head. It wasn’t long until I felt myself losing my battle with sleep. I was almost gone when I felt her finger against my lips. I popped my eyes open and there she was smiling back at me.
“Sorry, I can’t help myself,” she smiled. “I love your mouth.”
The sleepy feeling went away instantly as she ran her finger across my bottom lip. I wanted to suck it and nibble the tip, but I didn’t.
“My mouth loves you,” I responded.
I laid there while she traced my lips. Her touch did so many things to me. I looked into her eyes, my favorite thing to do, and wondered to myself how she got into my world. How did she get in my head?
She ran her fingertip across my brow and I closed my eyes as she softly touched my eye-lids. When I opened them to look at her again, she ran her fingers around my eye socket.
“I love your eyes,” she whispered.
I swallowed hard. “My eyes love you.”
Other words were on the tip of my tongue. I wanted to say so many things, but I felt like my mouth was full of dry sand. I had to quit ignoring what my heart was repeating with every beat. I had to stop denying it. I was slowly falling in love with her.
She was so much fun to be around. I felt happiness just being near her. I was always smiling and it felt great. She made me feel again and that was, in itself, wonderful.
“I love your cheeks,” she said as her finger moved down my cheek.
Speaking wasn’t an option for me. I just watched and allowed her a freedom that I’d never allowed anyone else. She had complete control of me.
“And I love this,” she said as she ran her finger through my goatee and mustache, circling my mouth.
I softly kissed her finger-tip when it stopped on my lips.
Then a thought hit me. This would all be over soon. I’d have to leave her.  What was I thinking? There was no way in Hell I’d ever tell her the truth. It was cruel and unneeded. I’d do the honorable thing and just walk away. I’d end it as soon as I could and I’d walk away and never look back.
I was a horrible person. I did it all for money and it bit me in the ass. I was falling in love with her. Karma was having her way with me, whips and chains style without a safe word, and I could do nothing to stop her.
Lilly deserved a good person. She deserved someone who loved her because she was the most wonderful woman in the world, inside and out, not some broke mechanic who accidentally fell in love with her because he was being paid to date her. I knew what would come in the next couple of weeks, and it was probably a good idea for me to start preparing to mentally back away. It would be easier for both of us if I did that.
“What did I do to deserve you?” she sighed.
Exactly! What had she done to deserve me? She didn’t deserve me—a horrible person who worries more about himself than anyone else.  Well, that wasn’t entirely true—I was doing it for dad and Jenny. More for them than for me, but still, it didn’t excuse the fact that I let this poor girl fall for me. Leaving her behind was going to hurt like a bitch. She deserved better, period.
She leaned up and kissed me sweetly. The more and more we did this, the harder it was for me to leave. I’d come over to her house or she’d come to mine, we’d get close to having sex, and I’d either take her home or I’d leave. It wasn’t right, but I couldn’t help it. The time I had with her was so precious to me and her touch felt so damn good.
After all the women I’d been with, this girl could touch me and bring me to my knees every time. Her skin was so soft, she was so soft. It wasn’t like being with Renee or any of the other skanks. Lilly was caring and gentle in everything she did. She touched me like she loved me, and for a boy whose mother walked out on him, a boy who hadn’t felt worthy of any form of love, it was huge for me. Having to resist that time and time again was breaking me down.
I kissed her back, pulling soft moans from her. She tugged me closer and I thought I was going to catch on fire when she put her hand up my shirt and began to rub my stomach up and down. Lower and lower, closer and closer to the top of my jeans. I assumed she was a virgin, but she knew what the hell she was doing and it made me wonder.
“You make me so crazy,” she murmured in my ear. “Everything about you makes me so…”
She cut off and starting kissing me again. OK, so this time she was sweet talking me, too. It was definitely going to be hard to walk away this time. I just kissed her back, deep down praying to God that I could refrain this time around. I always prayed when we got to this point.