Once and Again
Page 19
“I was wrong not to at least try to explain what happened.”
She began to speak, but he held a hand up.
“Please let me say this.”
“It’s too late.”
“Even so. Look, I was stupid. Egotistical. The kiss was nothing to me. It was a moment, not even a moment, and I was pushing her back when you came in. I was dumb and she was dumb and she kissed me and I kissed her back. I told you while we were on a break that I’d not see anyone else and but for that moment, I didn’t break my promise. But I did break it and then I didn’t own it. And then you left and I told myself I didn’t need you because it was just a stupid thing and you didn’t even want to hear what I had to say. When really it was that I was an ass and felt guilty and resented that.
“And the longer it went unspoken, the harder it got until I just didn’t do it, and then you finished school and left Atlanta and I finished school and came back to Petal. I should have gone to you. I should have explained. I should have told you then that I was being a dick and that I was sorry. I should have begged you to take me back. But I didn’t and here you sit and I miss you, Lil. I miss you so much that every time I see you it takes all my strength not to touch you like I once did.”
She watched him, her emotions clear in her expression. He wanted to make her laugh again. Wanted her to watch him hungrily, the way she once did. Wanted her to trust him.
“I made a lot of mistakes. I was careless with your heart when I should have cherished it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I was wrong. I’m sorry because I didn’t respect you. I’m sorry because I lost you and not just as my girlfriend, but as a friend.”
She ate for a time after he finished his apology. An apology she’d have given anything to hear those years before. Never in her life had she hurt as much as she had when she saw him around after that night and he never said a word to her.
“You made me feel like what we had, like what I felt was a lie. It took me a long time to get over you. But we were broken up already. You were clearly not happy enough and we’ve both moved on.”
Ha.
“I’d like to try again. I’d like to see you, date you. We’re older now. I’m different than the jerk I was then, and you’re older and wiser too. I think we could take it slow and make it work this time. What do you say? We could start with a real date this Saturday. We could go dancing at the Tonk.”
There they sat and she liked him. Still. He was funny and charming and sweet even. He’d helped her with Chris, and his apology, though late, was genuine. She knew him enough to understand it in his words.
People made mistakes. She made them too. And she was so tired of avoiding him. But it wasn’t wise to let him back into her heart. He had too much power over her, and she hadn’t been lying when she told him it took her a long time to get over it. She never wanted to feel that kind of misery again. Ever.
“I accept your apology. But we can’t date.”
His gorgeous features darkened.
He was as alpha as they came. Used to getting his own way. It was gloriously sexy, but she had enough to manage. He was a man now, not even a young man in graduate school. He’d be even worse. Which would mean he was way hotter in bed, but she wasn’t going to think about that. Much. At all. Ever in the next ten minutes.
“You still don’t like being told no, I see.”
That broke his sour expression. “Why can’t we date?”
She was totally going to have to make up for the whopper she was about to tell. “First because I’m over you. Second, and far more importantly, because my brother is in your class. He’s got enough to deal with right now. The last thing he needs is to have anyone think he’s getting special treatment because you’re dating his sister. Or for him to worry you’ll retaliate if we broke things off.”
He growled a sigh, and her insides got all warm and gooey. She really needed to date nice men who didn’t growl.
“Do you really think I’d do that?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t have accepted your apology. But this is Petal. Gossip is as common as marshmallows in Jell-O salad. He’s had enough, don’t you think? My lands, the boy can’t even go out for a burger without people knowing his dad left his mom for a girl barely older than him. I can’t be part of anything that would harm him even more.”
“You said you were over me.”
“I am. Don’t smirk. What if your face freezes that way?”
He laughed and she did too. It felt so good to laugh with him after so long.
“I want you back, Lil. I’m telling you that up front. Just so you won’t be surprised when I get you back.”
It wouldn’t do to smile at him and encourage this silly behavior, but she did anyway because she’d clearly been dropped on her head as a child.
Pie arrived and she was glad for the interruption. And the pie of course.
“I need to get back home. I’m glad we cleared the air and all.”
She tried to pay half but he pushed the cash back her way. “I invited you, I’ll pay. I’ll walk you to your car too.”
Plenty of female attention landed on him as they made their way toward the door. That much hadn’t changed. It used to leave her feeling a little smug. That he was hers and they could look all day long but he wanted Lily Travis, not any of those other bimbos. And then she was wrong.
“I can get it from here,” she said once they’d arrived outside. The evening air was cool, and without even asking, he helped her into the coat.
She began to speak, but he held a hand up.
“Please let me say this.”
“It’s too late.”
“Even so. Look, I was stupid. Egotistical. The kiss was nothing to me. It was a moment, not even a moment, and I was pushing her back when you came in. I was dumb and she was dumb and she kissed me and I kissed her back. I told you while we were on a break that I’d not see anyone else and but for that moment, I didn’t break my promise. But I did break it and then I didn’t own it. And then you left and I told myself I didn’t need you because it was just a stupid thing and you didn’t even want to hear what I had to say. When really it was that I was an ass and felt guilty and resented that.
“And the longer it went unspoken, the harder it got until I just didn’t do it, and then you finished school and left Atlanta and I finished school and came back to Petal. I should have gone to you. I should have explained. I should have told you then that I was being a dick and that I was sorry. I should have begged you to take me back. But I didn’t and here you sit and I miss you, Lil. I miss you so much that every time I see you it takes all my strength not to touch you like I once did.”
She watched him, her emotions clear in her expression. He wanted to make her laugh again. Wanted her to watch him hungrily, the way she once did. Wanted her to trust him.
“I made a lot of mistakes. I was careless with your heart when I should have cherished it. I’m sorry. I’m sorry because I was wrong. I’m sorry because I didn’t respect you. I’m sorry because I lost you and not just as my girlfriend, but as a friend.”
She ate for a time after he finished his apology. An apology she’d have given anything to hear those years before. Never in her life had she hurt as much as she had when she saw him around after that night and he never said a word to her.
“You made me feel like what we had, like what I felt was a lie. It took me a long time to get over you. But we were broken up already. You were clearly not happy enough and we’ve both moved on.”
Ha.
“I’d like to try again. I’d like to see you, date you. We’re older now. I’m different than the jerk I was then, and you’re older and wiser too. I think we could take it slow and make it work this time. What do you say? We could start with a real date this Saturday. We could go dancing at the Tonk.”
There they sat and she liked him. Still. He was funny and charming and sweet even. He’d helped her with Chris, and his apology, though late, was genuine. She knew him enough to understand it in his words.
People made mistakes. She made them too. And she was so tired of avoiding him. But it wasn’t wise to let him back into her heart. He had too much power over her, and she hadn’t been lying when she told him it took her a long time to get over it. She never wanted to feel that kind of misery again. Ever.
“I accept your apology. But we can’t date.”
His gorgeous features darkened.
He was as alpha as they came. Used to getting his own way. It was gloriously sexy, but she had enough to manage. He was a man now, not even a young man in graduate school. He’d be even worse. Which would mean he was way hotter in bed, but she wasn’t going to think about that. Much. At all. Ever in the next ten minutes.
“You still don’t like being told no, I see.”
That broke his sour expression. “Why can’t we date?”
She was totally going to have to make up for the whopper she was about to tell. “First because I’m over you. Second, and far more importantly, because my brother is in your class. He’s got enough to deal with right now. The last thing he needs is to have anyone think he’s getting special treatment because you’re dating his sister. Or for him to worry you’ll retaliate if we broke things off.”
He growled a sigh, and her insides got all warm and gooey. She really needed to date nice men who didn’t growl.
“Do you really think I’d do that?”
“If I did, I wouldn’t have accepted your apology. But this is Petal. Gossip is as common as marshmallows in Jell-O salad. He’s had enough, don’t you think? My lands, the boy can’t even go out for a burger without people knowing his dad left his mom for a girl barely older than him. I can’t be part of anything that would harm him even more.”
“You said you were over me.”
“I am. Don’t smirk. What if your face freezes that way?”
He laughed and she did too. It felt so good to laugh with him after so long.
“I want you back, Lil. I’m telling you that up front. Just so you won’t be surprised when I get you back.”
It wouldn’t do to smile at him and encourage this silly behavior, but she did anyway because she’d clearly been dropped on her head as a child.
Pie arrived and she was glad for the interruption. And the pie of course.
“I need to get back home. I’m glad we cleared the air and all.”
She tried to pay half but he pushed the cash back her way. “I invited you, I’ll pay. I’ll walk you to your car too.”
Plenty of female attention landed on him as they made their way toward the door. That much hadn’t changed. It used to leave her feeling a little smug. That he was hers and they could look all day long but he wanted Lily Travis, not any of those other bimbos. And then she was wrong.
“I can get it from here,” she said once they’d arrived outside. The evening air was cool, and without even asking, he helped her into the coat.
