Once and Again
Page 21
“No. I’m going to say I hate it. I think it sucks. I hate that she checks out, and I feel totally alone and helpless. I feel like I’m messing up with you. I resent it and I resent that Dad seems more interested in his teenage girlfriend than us.”
Chris blinked his eyes several times, clearly overcome with emotion. “Will she stop, do you think? Or will she be like this forever?”
“I hope not. It’s not getting worse, but not better either.”
“She fell yesterday and asked me not to tell you.” His bottom lip trembled and she hugged him.
“Would you like it if I talked to her about it? I mean, I’m here for good. I was thinking of buying a house here, but I think for now I’ll stay in this place. I’m fixing it up already anyway. That way I can keep an eye out. Maybe…well maybe we can get her help. Have her talk to someone. I don’t know. I’m flying blind too.”
“Would you? I don’t want to make her upset. He makes her upset enough. I know he was here with the girlfriend.” His lip curled and Lily couldn’t help but laugh.
“I call her that too. Yes, he was here. But don’t worry about it. I handled it. He loves you, Chris. It’s just…he’s not a fully formed person. He doesn’t do this stuff to deliberately hurt anyone.”
“He just does. Which hurts more. He doesn’t care enough about us to stop it. Well, maybe Nancy.”
She barely managed to stop from rolling her eyes at the mention of their sister’s name. “No, he hurts her too. She just handles it differently.”
“She told me I was a way for Mom to hold on to Dad. That’s why there are so many years between you and me.”
“Nancy is dumb. You know that, right? I think it was that Mom was new to mothering and has no siblings so she dropped Nancy on her head a lot. It’s really the best explanation I can think of. She wants more love than she wants to work for. I don’t know why she’s that way.”
“She’s mean to you.”
That was a way of putting it. “It’s her way and that’s why she’s alone. Don’t be like her, baby. She makes a choice to be that way. It doesn’t make it hurt less, she just makes other people hurt along with her. Don’t let Dad or Mom or anyone make you feel like that.”
He put his head on her shoulder, and she laid her cheek against his hair. “I’m here for you. I know you get mad because I push you so hard, but I’m doing it because I love you and I want you to succeed.”
“I know,” he mumbled, straightening. “But it still sucks.”
“Can’t win ’em all, kid. You want to sack out here on my couch?”
“You’d be okay with that?”
“Yeah. But I get up at six, just FYI.”
He groaned, but went to grab some blankets and a pillow from her linen closet just the same.
She was going to have to talk with her mother after all. Maybe she’d take a trip over to the counselor’s office that week to get some advice. But she was clearly the only adult working on all cylinders and it had to be done.
“Hey there, Mrs. Travis.” Beth walked up the sidewalk toward where Lily was working the flowerbeds with her mom and Chris. “Chris, you keep getting taller and pretty soon you’re gonna bump your noggin on the doorway.”
Chris ducked his head on a blush and a mumbled hello. Beth looked bright and lovely that day.
“You’re supposed to be at Tate and Matt’s right this very moment.” She put her hands on her hips, and Lily thought absently that she should get down to the salon to get a manicure that pretty.
“You are?” Her mother looked up from where she had Chris dividing some plants. “Why are you still here?”
Lily stood, dusting her knees off. She was still here because her mother had gone off on a little woe is me story about how she was alone all the time and how Nancy said Lily should be with the family more.
But if her mother wanted to play around, she’d take it. “I did call!”
“Yes, yes. But Tate made fried chicken, Lily. Do I need to repeat that?”
“Oh. Well then. I just need to get cleaned up. Take me ten minutes. Mom, why don’t I give you a ride over to church? They’re having that plant sale and I bet your help would be really appreciated.” They’d asked her a few times, including that morning at church, but she’d been embarrassed. Her friends really did appear to miss her though, and Lily knew that they’d help her get past this mess if Pamela would only let them.
“I think you should, Mom.” Chris stood and helped their mother up. Lily smiled at the sight of the kid she sometimes wondered if she’d lost forever. Plus she knew he hated yard work.
“Well, maybe so. It does tend to get busy after lunch.”
“Great. Why don’t you go get cleaned up and I’ll take you over when you’re ready.”
Pamela smiled and agreed before disappearing into the house.
“Good call,” Chris told Lily.
Lily looked her brother over. “You want to come with us to Tate’s? They’re having a big Sunday barbecue.”
“Fried chicken. Oh and Polly Chase is there so you’re guaranteed a delicious everything. There are other young people around, and I’m pretty sure one of the men would let you do something dangerous near the coals or something.”
“So helpful.” She sent an exaggerated smile Beth’s way.
Chris blinked his eyes several times, clearly overcome with emotion. “Will she stop, do you think? Or will she be like this forever?”
“I hope not. It’s not getting worse, but not better either.”
“She fell yesterday and asked me not to tell you.” His bottom lip trembled and she hugged him.
“Would you like it if I talked to her about it? I mean, I’m here for good. I was thinking of buying a house here, but I think for now I’ll stay in this place. I’m fixing it up already anyway. That way I can keep an eye out. Maybe…well maybe we can get her help. Have her talk to someone. I don’t know. I’m flying blind too.”
“Would you? I don’t want to make her upset. He makes her upset enough. I know he was here with the girlfriend.” His lip curled and Lily couldn’t help but laugh.
“I call her that too. Yes, he was here. But don’t worry about it. I handled it. He loves you, Chris. It’s just…he’s not a fully formed person. He doesn’t do this stuff to deliberately hurt anyone.”
“He just does. Which hurts more. He doesn’t care enough about us to stop it. Well, maybe Nancy.”
She barely managed to stop from rolling her eyes at the mention of their sister’s name. “No, he hurts her too. She just handles it differently.”
“She told me I was a way for Mom to hold on to Dad. That’s why there are so many years between you and me.”
“Nancy is dumb. You know that, right? I think it was that Mom was new to mothering and has no siblings so she dropped Nancy on her head a lot. It’s really the best explanation I can think of. She wants more love than she wants to work for. I don’t know why she’s that way.”
“She’s mean to you.”
That was a way of putting it. “It’s her way and that’s why she’s alone. Don’t be like her, baby. She makes a choice to be that way. It doesn’t make it hurt less, she just makes other people hurt along with her. Don’t let Dad or Mom or anyone make you feel like that.”
He put his head on her shoulder, and she laid her cheek against his hair. “I’m here for you. I know you get mad because I push you so hard, but I’m doing it because I love you and I want you to succeed.”
“I know,” he mumbled, straightening. “But it still sucks.”
“Can’t win ’em all, kid. You want to sack out here on my couch?”
“You’d be okay with that?”
“Yeah. But I get up at six, just FYI.”
He groaned, but went to grab some blankets and a pillow from her linen closet just the same.
She was going to have to talk with her mother after all. Maybe she’d take a trip over to the counselor’s office that week to get some advice. But she was clearly the only adult working on all cylinders and it had to be done.
“Hey there, Mrs. Travis.” Beth walked up the sidewalk toward where Lily was working the flowerbeds with her mom and Chris. “Chris, you keep getting taller and pretty soon you’re gonna bump your noggin on the doorway.”
Chris ducked his head on a blush and a mumbled hello. Beth looked bright and lovely that day.
“You’re supposed to be at Tate and Matt’s right this very moment.” She put her hands on her hips, and Lily thought absently that she should get down to the salon to get a manicure that pretty.
“You are?” Her mother looked up from where she had Chris dividing some plants. “Why are you still here?”
Lily stood, dusting her knees off. She was still here because her mother had gone off on a little woe is me story about how she was alone all the time and how Nancy said Lily should be with the family more.
But if her mother wanted to play around, she’d take it. “I did call!”
“Yes, yes. But Tate made fried chicken, Lily. Do I need to repeat that?”
“Oh. Well then. I just need to get cleaned up. Take me ten minutes. Mom, why don’t I give you a ride over to church? They’re having that plant sale and I bet your help would be really appreciated.” They’d asked her a few times, including that morning at church, but she’d been embarrassed. Her friends really did appear to miss her though, and Lily knew that they’d help her get past this mess if Pamela would only let them.
“I think you should, Mom.” Chris stood and helped their mother up. Lily smiled at the sight of the kid she sometimes wondered if she’d lost forever. Plus she knew he hated yard work.
“Well, maybe so. It does tend to get busy after lunch.”
“Great. Why don’t you go get cleaned up and I’ll take you over when you’re ready.”
Pamela smiled and agreed before disappearing into the house.
“Good call,” Chris told Lily.
Lily looked her brother over. “You want to come with us to Tate’s? They’re having a big Sunday barbecue.”
“Fried chicken. Oh and Polly Chase is there so you’re guaranteed a delicious everything. There are other young people around, and I’m pretty sure one of the men would let you do something dangerous near the coals or something.”
“So helpful.” She sent an exaggerated smile Beth’s way.
