Once and Again
Page 35
“That’s none of your business.”
“It wouldn’t be if you weren’t stumbling and falling because you’re so messed up you can’t even walk straight.”
“Those are prescription pills! You’re treating me like I bought drugs on the corner.”
“I’m not treating you like anything. I understand those are pills your doctor gave you to deal with the stress of Dad’s leaving. And I know how hard it’s been for you. Petal is a small town. Everyone knows your business. But they don’t judge you, not the way they judge him.”
“I don’t know why you’re talking about this. I don’t talk to you about what you do.”
“Like what? What do I do that has me falling down and hurting myself and asking my son to lie to my daughter about it?”
Her mother blushed. “Chris is having a hard time but he’s getting better.”
“He’d be a lot better if he wasn’t seeing his mother drunk or stoned all the time.”
“This conversation is finished. I don’t have to make excuses to my daughter about what I do. They’re pills my doctor gave me and a few glasses of wine never hurt anyone.”
“A few bottles of wine to wash down your meds has hurt people. It’s hurting you right now. Yes, they’re prescription but I checked, you’re not supposed to drink when you take them. And you take more than you should at a time. People abuse their medications all the time. You’re self-medicating because it hurts. I get that.”
“You’ve been looking at my pills? I forbid it! I won’t be managed like a child. I had enough of that for years.”
The counselor had warned Lily about getting involved in arguments that took the focus off the real problem so she steeled herself and tried to keep to the topic. “You’ve checked out of your son’s life. I’m raising him, not you. He’s a great kid. You are totally capable of being a good mother. I know that because that’s what you were to me. You drink too much, and you shouldn’t be combining the alcohol and pills. You’re going to not wake up one of these days and then what? How many people does Chris have to lose?”
“What I do is none of your business. Nancy was telling me you’d get this meddlesome and I guess she was right. If you think you can come in here and treat me like you do Christopher, you’re out of your mind. You can just get out now if that’s your plan.”
Nancy. Of course.
“Well, no I can’t get out. There’s no way I’d leave Chris here with you unsupervised. No way I’d let him discover you in a pool of vomit.”
“I told you the oil I made the hush puppies in was bad. That’s why I got sick.”
“Your body saved you from overdosing. Christ, Mom, I’m not stupid! We ate the hush puppies too. No one else got sick. You have bottles in your room. You’re hiding how much you drink now. You know it’s bad or you wouldn’t be hiding it. This is out of hand. Stop it while you still can. I checked. Your medical insurance covers all sorts of different things. I think you’d benefit by at least seeing the counselor a few times a week. Just to talk to her about all the stuff you can’t talk about with me or anyone else. She won’t judge you.”
“I don’t need a psychiatrist! I’m fine. I can stop when I want to. If that’s what it takes to shut you up, I will.” She stood, her hands shaking with anger.
Lily doubted her mother could simply stop. Not without a place to put all the reasons why she sought the oblivion of her haze to start with. But the counselor had said this would be a probable outcome and that it might take several tries before Pamela truly heard what she was saying.
“You know you can always talk to me too. I’m not going to judge you.”
“You’re judging me right now! You always judge.”
That hurt.
“I want you to be all right. I don’t want Chris to see you this way. I don’t want Dad to wreck your life any more than he already has. I’m not judging why you do it. I know why you do it. I’m saying your son sees it and I know the mom I had growing up wouldn’t want that.”
“You said your piece. We’re done. I’m a grown woman and I don’t need to clear anything with you before I live my life.”
Pamela left the room and Lily just sighed. She’d done it. Had no idea if it would help or hurt, but she’d done it and it was all she could do for the moment. If it got worse, she’d have to move to different plans, plans she really hoped she didn’t have to go through with. But she’d protect Chris no matter what.
Chapter Ten
When he called her again, it was as she worked on a coatdress she’d been commissioned to make for a bride she’d also taken engagement pictures of a few weeks back.
Her clothing business was bringing some nice and much needed income into her life after her old job had finally ended. Between the clothes and the photography, she was doing all right.
Which was good as it was one less worry and she had so many it made her feel better to be able to cross something else to panic over off her list.
And it kept her busy enough that she didn’t have to think about the conversation with her mother earlier that day.
“I’d like to see you.”
She smiled, knowing he couldn’t see it. “I can’t tonight. I have too much to do.”
“A girl’s gotta eat. Why don’t you let me make dinner for you?” He put all his sexy into that voice of his and it brushed over her skin like a caress.
“It wouldn’t be if you weren’t stumbling and falling because you’re so messed up you can’t even walk straight.”
“Those are prescription pills! You’re treating me like I bought drugs on the corner.”
“I’m not treating you like anything. I understand those are pills your doctor gave you to deal with the stress of Dad’s leaving. And I know how hard it’s been for you. Petal is a small town. Everyone knows your business. But they don’t judge you, not the way they judge him.”
“I don’t know why you’re talking about this. I don’t talk to you about what you do.”
“Like what? What do I do that has me falling down and hurting myself and asking my son to lie to my daughter about it?”
Her mother blushed. “Chris is having a hard time but he’s getting better.”
“He’d be a lot better if he wasn’t seeing his mother drunk or stoned all the time.”
“This conversation is finished. I don’t have to make excuses to my daughter about what I do. They’re pills my doctor gave me and a few glasses of wine never hurt anyone.”
“A few bottles of wine to wash down your meds has hurt people. It’s hurting you right now. Yes, they’re prescription but I checked, you’re not supposed to drink when you take them. And you take more than you should at a time. People abuse their medications all the time. You’re self-medicating because it hurts. I get that.”
“You’ve been looking at my pills? I forbid it! I won’t be managed like a child. I had enough of that for years.”
The counselor had warned Lily about getting involved in arguments that took the focus off the real problem so she steeled herself and tried to keep to the topic. “You’ve checked out of your son’s life. I’m raising him, not you. He’s a great kid. You are totally capable of being a good mother. I know that because that’s what you were to me. You drink too much, and you shouldn’t be combining the alcohol and pills. You’re going to not wake up one of these days and then what? How many people does Chris have to lose?”
“What I do is none of your business. Nancy was telling me you’d get this meddlesome and I guess she was right. If you think you can come in here and treat me like you do Christopher, you’re out of your mind. You can just get out now if that’s your plan.”
Nancy. Of course.
“Well, no I can’t get out. There’s no way I’d leave Chris here with you unsupervised. No way I’d let him discover you in a pool of vomit.”
“I told you the oil I made the hush puppies in was bad. That’s why I got sick.”
“Your body saved you from overdosing. Christ, Mom, I’m not stupid! We ate the hush puppies too. No one else got sick. You have bottles in your room. You’re hiding how much you drink now. You know it’s bad or you wouldn’t be hiding it. This is out of hand. Stop it while you still can. I checked. Your medical insurance covers all sorts of different things. I think you’d benefit by at least seeing the counselor a few times a week. Just to talk to her about all the stuff you can’t talk about with me or anyone else. She won’t judge you.”
“I don’t need a psychiatrist! I’m fine. I can stop when I want to. If that’s what it takes to shut you up, I will.” She stood, her hands shaking with anger.
Lily doubted her mother could simply stop. Not without a place to put all the reasons why she sought the oblivion of her haze to start with. But the counselor had said this would be a probable outcome and that it might take several tries before Pamela truly heard what she was saying.
“You know you can always talk to me too. I’m not going to judge you.”
“You’re judging me right now! You always judge.”
That hurt.
“I want you to be all right. I don’t want Chris to see you this way. I don’t want Dad to wreck your life any more than he already has. I’m not judging why you do it. I know why you do it. I’m saying your son sees it and I know the mom I had growing up wouldn’t want that.”
“You said your piece. We’re done. I’m a grown woman and I don’t need to clear anything with you before I live my life.”
Pamela left the room and Lily just sighed. She’d done it. Had no idea if it would help or hurt, but she’d done it and it was all she could do for the moment. If it got worse, she’d have to move to different plans, plans she really hoped she didn’t have to go through with. But she’d protect Chris no matter what.
Chapter Ten
When he called her again, it was as she worked on a coatdress she’d been commissioned to make for a bride she’d also taken engagement pictures of a few weeks back.
Her clothing business was bringing some nice and much needed income into her life after her old job had finally ended. Between the clothes and the photography, she was doing all right.
Which was good as it was one less worry and she had so many it made her feel better to be able to cross something else to panic over off her list.
And it kept her busy enough that she didn’t have to think about the conversation with her mother earlier that day.
“I’d like to see you.”
She smiled, knowing he couldn’t see it. “I can’t tonight. I have too much to do.”
“A girl’s gotta eat. Why don’t you let me make dinner for you?” He put all his sexy into that voice of his and it brushed over her skin like a caress.
