One King's Way
Page 38
My beautiful sister beamed at me. “You always look fantastic. It’s so good to see you.”
“You too. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too. A hell of a lot.” Darcy leaned in toward the screen. “I need to tell you something and then I need to ask you something.”
There was a glitter of excitement and apprehension in her eyes. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m not coming back to Edinburgh.”
I stared stupidly at the screen, trying to make her abrupt declaration make sense.
“Rain, I don’t want to come back. It holds bad memories now. And I love it here in Sydney.”
I felt a sharp pain in my chest. “But what about us?”
“I don’t want to lose you again. I can’t lose you again. You’re my other half. That’s why I’m asking you to move out here. We can run Darraign from anywhere, you know we can.”
My heart was pounding. “Move to Australia?”
She misinterpreted my reluctant tone. “I know it seems like a huge move but, Rain, you’ll love it here. The sun, the people, the lifestyle. You’ll fit in great. Please, please think about it.”
“But whether or not I say yes, you’re staying out there?” I said, needing to clarify.
When she nodded that pain in my chest turned into a burning ache. “I’ve thought about this long and hard. I’ve been over and over it. There’s no changing my mind, Rain. I’m so happy here. But I’d be happier if you were here with me. You know how much I need you.”
Darcy. I felt like crying at her words because . . .
Craig.
Craig would never leave his family behind in Scotland. He’d never make that move.
So it was either Craig or Darcy.
Oh God.
I thought I might be sick.
“You look a bit peaky. Are you okay?”
I looked away, trying to think. Think! THINK! “I had dodgy takeout last night.”
Darcy chuckled. “Oh, babe, another reason you should move out here. The food is so good and I know all the best takeout places.”
I gave her a weak smile. “Another point for the plus column.”
“I’m assuming I’m worth ten points for the plus column?” Darcy winked.
I looked at her, my heart filled with love and a terrible sadness. “Babe, you are the plus column.”
She grinned at me. “Is that a yes, then? Please say yes.”
I thought about leaving Craig and the pressure I felt on my chest was unbearable.
As though Darcy saw my hesitation, she leaned closer in to the screen. “Please, Rain. I’ve . . . Well.” She smiled unsurely. “I’ve met someone. He makes me happy. I’d really like you to meet him.”
Fear knifed through me.
I’d heard Darcy say those words once before. The result was her fleeing to Australia.
And just like that I knew I couldn’t fail her again.
If I signed off, telling her I’d think about it, I knew what conclusion all my to-ing and fro-ing would eventually bring me to: I’d once left Darcy behind, I’d put her last, and it had taken me a long time to regain my sister, the only family I had. She needed me and I couldn’t let her down again. I had to make sure this new guy was actually a decent one. I had to protect her, even if it was from her own choices.
I felt winded as this wave of emotion crashed over me. My eyes filled with tears and I did my best to make them seem like happy tears as I gave my sister a watery smile. “Yes. I’ll move out there.”
Darcy let out a squeal of happiness, clapping her hands like a little girl, and I gave a strangled laugh, the tears spilling down my cheeks. “Look, I have to go because I have a phone meeting with our manufacturer, but I’ll call you tomorrow morning your time to iron out the details, okay?”
“Okay, go, go! We’ll speak soon.” She waved enthusiastically and I waved back before shutting my laptop closed.
As soon as her face was gone, I broke out into harsh sobs, trying to let go of the pain I felt in every muscle, every nerve, every inch of my body.
It was agony.
The agony of having to choose between the two people I loved most in the world
It was the agony of agreeing to let go of the man I loved.
* * *
After I cried, feeling despairing and dramatic, I tried to calm myself down. I attempted to wrap my head around the situation, wondering if there was any possible way around it.
I couldn’t find any.
I just kept seeing my sister’s expression the day I finally came back to Inverness for her. It had taken me a minute to process her expression because I was so taken aback by how gaunt and tired she looked. And then I’d focused on her eyes and they were like knives, slicing me to punishing ribbons for the crime of abandonment.
I couldn’t see that look on her face again. I couldn’t put my needs before hers again.
The last thread of hope I was holding on to was the miniscule possibility that Craig would follow me across the world.
By the time Craig turned up at my flat that afternoon before his shift, I was huddled on the big comfy armchair in my living room with a cold mug of tea between my hands. I was jittery as hell, feeling so nervous I was queasy and shaky.
“Darlin’, it’s me,” he called as he entered my flat.
For a while there I’d truly believed I’d get to hear him greet me this way every day. I felt a fresh well of tears spring to my eyes.
“You too. I’ve missed you so much.”
“I’ve missed you too. A hell of a lot.” Darcy leaned in toward the screen. “I need to tell you something and then I need to ask you something.”
There was a glitter of excitement and apprehension in her eyes. “Is everything alright?”
“I’m not coming back to Edinburgh.”
I stared stupidly at the screen, trying to make her abrupt declaration make sense.
“Rain, I don’t want to come back. It holds bad memories now. And I love it here in Sydney.”
I felt a sharp pain in my chest. “But what about us?”
“I don’t want to lose you again. I can’t lose you again. You’re my other half. That’s why I’m asking you to move out here. We can run Darraign from anywhere, you know we can.”
My heart was pounding. “Move to Australia?”
She misinterpreted my reluctant tone. “I know it seems like a huge move but, Rain, you’ll love it here. The sun, the people, the lifestyle. You’ll fit in great. Please, please think about it.”
“But whether or not I say yes, you’re staying out there?” I said, needing to clarify.
When she nodded that pain in my chest turned into a burning ache. “I’ve thought about this long and hard. I’ve been over and over it. There’s no changing my mind, Rain. I’m so happy here. But I’d be happier if you were here with me. You know how much I need you.”
Darcy. I felt like crying at her words because . . .
Craig.
Craig would never leave his family behind in Scotland. He’d never make that move.
So it was either Craig or Darcy.
Oh God.
I thought I might be sick.
“You look a bit peaky. Are you okay?”
I looked away, trying to think. Think! THINK! “I had dodgy takeout last night.”
Darcy chuckled. “Oh, babe, another reason you should move out here. The food is so good and I know all the best takeout places.”
I gave her a weak smile. “Another point for the plus column.”
“I’m assuming I’m worth ten points for the plus column?” Darcy winked.
I looked at her, my heart filled with love and a terrible sadness. “Babe, you are the plus column.”
She grinned at me. “Is that a yes, then? Please say yes.”
I thought about leaving Craig and the pressure I felt on my chest was unbearable.
As though Darcy saw my hesitation, she leaned closer in to the screen. “Please, Rain. I’ve . . . Well.” She smiled unsurely. “I’ve met someone. He makes me happy. I’d really like you to meet him.”
Fear knifed through me.
I’d heard Darcy say those words once before. The result was her fleeing to Australia.
And just like that I knew I couldn’t fail her again.
If I signed off, telling her I’d think about it, I knew what conclusion all my to-ing and fro-ing would eventually bring me to: I’d once left Darcy behind, I’d put her last, and it had taken me a long time to regain my sister, the only family I had. She needed me and I couldn’t let her down again. I had to make sure this new guy was actually a decent one. I had to protect her, even if it was from her own choices.
I felt winded as this wave of emotion crashed over me. My eyes filled with tears and I did my best to make them seem like happy tears as I gave my sister a watery smile. “Yes. I’ll move out there.”
Darcy let out a squeal of happiness, clapping her hands like a little girl, and I gave a strangled laugh, the tears spilling down my cheeks. “Look, I have to go because I have a phone meeting with our manufacturer, but I’ll call you tomorrow morning your time to iron out the details, okay?”
“Okay, go, go! We’ll speak soon.” She waved enthusiastically and I waved back before shutting my laptop closed.
As soon as her face was gone, I broke out into harsh sobs, trying to let go of the pain I felt in every muscle, every nerve, every inch of my body.
It was agony.
The agony of having to choose between the two people I loved most in the world
It was the agony of agreeing to let go of the man I loved.
* * *
After I cried, feeling despairing and dramatic, I tried to calm myself down. I attempted to wrap my head around the situation, wondering if there was any possible way around it.
I couldn’t find any.
I just kept seeing my sister’s expression the day I finally came back to Inverness for her. It had taken me a minute to process her expression because I was so taken aback by how gaunt and tired she looked. And then I’d focused on her eyes and they were like knives, slicing me to punishing ribbons for the crime of abandonment.
I couldn’t see that look on her face again. I couldn’t put my needs before hers again.
The last thread of hope I was holding on to was the miniscule possibility that Craig would follow me across the world.
By the time Craig turned up at my flat that afternoon before his shift, I was huddled on the big comfy armchair in my living room with a cold mug of tea between my hands. I was jittery as hell, feeling so nervous I was queasy and shaky.
“Darlin’, it’s me,” he called as he entered my flat.
For a while there I’d truly believed I’d get to hear him greet me this way every day. I felt a fresh well of tears spring to my eyes.
