One More Chance
Page 24
“But you don’t realize the gift you have. He wants a real relationship with you. I can see the hurt in his eyes when your name comes up. My crazy, wild, rock-star father was there at the hospital with us. He isn’t perfect, but he cared. He was there. He had to deal with fans and media while he was there, but he was there. You couldn’t even call your son back and ask if he was OK. If his baby was OK. I don’t understand you, Mr. Carter.”
I decided to stop. I could scold this man and tell him how awful he was all day long, but I had said all that needed to be said.
Brett Carter stood up and stuck his hands into his pockets. He was leaving. Well, good riddance. He hadn’t even stuck around to hold his granddaughter. I wondered if she would ever know this man. Or would her only grandparent be the one and only Kiro Manning?
“You’re right. About all of it,” he said as he started for the door. He stopped just outside the arched doorway. “I’m glad he found you. You’re worthy of him. He’s a lucky man.”
Then he left.
Nan
I held the invitation in my hand as I stood at the edge of the water and let the waves crash and wash over my feet. If I stood here long enough, my feet would sink in the sand to my ankles. It was an odd habit, but I did this almost every day, except in the winter when the water was just too cold.
Today I had come out here to think. I’d expected the invitation to arrive. It was happening. That much I had known even before I heard that Grant had knocked up Harlow. But seeing it was different. It was more final.
Once I had thought that Grant Carter was the one man who would see me. The me underneath. The me I was scared to show the world. The me who had been so emotionally bruised because I’d worn my heart on my sleeve as a kid. When I got older, I put that me on lockdown so tightly it made it impossible for people to hurt me.
But it made it easy for them to hate me.
There were very few people who didn’t just use me. My brother was Rush Finlay, son of the famous drummer Dean Finlay. For years, my so-called friends just wanted to get near my brother. They wanted an in. And I let them have it, because watching him screw them and throw them away was what they deserved. It was my way of taking revenge.
Then I had found out Rush wasn’t the only one with a celebrity father. Kiro Manning had been my dad all along. Yet he had never claimed me or tried to have any relationship with me. That had almost cracked me and the steel walls around my heart. His refusal to acknowledge me had almost made me completely lose my mind. Rush had been there, though, and he’d loved me. He had always been the one to love me. When no one else did, my big brother accepted me no matter how awful I acted. He didn’t approve, but he saw the me underneath.
Then Blaire had taken him from me. She’d won his heart and given him a son, and now he had little room for his messed-up sister. I hated Blaire for that. I hated that she took him away. I wanted to hate their kid, too, but damned if Nate wasn’t the cutest kid in the world. I couldn’t hate him. It was impossible.
Grant Carter had stepped in and been there when I needed someone to care. Rush was busy with his new family, and Grant had taken over his role with a different twist. Grant wasn’t my brother, and he was gorgeous. So we started screwing around, too—a friends-with-benefits thing. He didn’t expect me to be nice, and I didn’t expect him to just f**k me. He was so sweet at times, and he made things better when no one else could. Or even wanted to. He knew how to make me laugh.
But just like any good thing that comes my way, I pushed him away because I had let him get too close. I refused to accept that maybe he could love me. I was terrified to open myself up to rejection yet again.
While I was pushing Grant away, his head was turned by the complete opposite of me. A girl who had the love of her father. She was quiet and unassuming. She wasn’t mean to anyone. Ever. She was matter-of-fact but soft-spoken. She was the perfect person for Grant. I was not. I was the f**ked-up brat who didn’t feel secure enough to let herself get close to someone.
Grant fell in love with that girl, and it happened right under my nose. While I was screaming and cursing, she was quiet and calm. It would have taken an idiot not to choose her. She was the easy one to love. I was impossible.
I looked down at the invitation again. Harlow Manning had never done anything to me other than have the love of a father we shared. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t beg for it or demand it—she just had it. I could blame her, but it would be pointless. From what I had seen, her life hadn’t been peaches just because Kiro Manning loved her. He still sucked balls at being a father. But then, having a rock star for a parent was never a positive thing.
I had been unfair to her . . . no, I had been cruel to her. But I had paid my dues. I made up for my wrongs with her. Now I could walk away and let Grant and Harlow Carter live their happily ever after. They had a baby girl and a house with a white picket fence. That was what they both deserved.
I didn’t deserve shit. I was alone in this world, and it was all my fault. I didn’t see that ever changing, because I would have to let the me I once was free, and I couldn’t do that again. Any more rejection, and I wasn’t sure I’d make it. Finding a reason to live was becoming more and more difficult.
This was my life. And I’d created it.
Grant
Harlow hadn’t even flinched when I’d said we didn’t need to send my dad an invitation to the wedding. He’d never mentioned his visit to our house, but Harlow had told me every detail. If he didn’t want to say anything to me about my baby girl, then he didn’t deserve to be a part of my wedding.
However, I had flinched when she’d said she wanted to invite Nan. Harlow’s whole attitude toward Nan had changed ever since she found out about Nan giving her blood. Although Nan was already back to her normal nasty self, as far as I could tell. I had seen her at the club bitching at Rush about something. Her haughty glares were also firmly in place. She hadn’t even acknowledged Blaire when she’d walked up to Rush. Didn’t seem to matter with Harlow, though. She would never forget what Nan had done. It was hard for me to forget, too. If she wanted to invite Nan and try to reach out to her, then I was more than willing to let her. However, all bets were off the moment Nan did anything that upset Harlow. I had my limits.
The rest of the invitations were sent out to everyone we loved and cared about in our lives. Lila Kate had lain in a blanket on the floor while we sat down at the table beside her and addressed all the envelopes. She had been happy to listen to us talk. It was moments like these that made me get choked up. The idea that I almost didn’t have this got to me if I dwelled on it too much.
The girls had been getting ready upstairs while I had breakfast. I heard Harlow talking to Lila Kate as she walked down the stairs, and I set down my cup of coffee and went to meet them. Harlow was dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, since the fall was finally starting to show up. It was normally warm here until November, but we were getting a few cooler days already.
Lila Kate had a whole new wardrobe now, thanks to Blaire. She had come over with preemie clothing, because nothing but the baby gowns fit her, and even those were big. Harlow didn’t want to leave the house yet, so Blaire had brought the clothes to her. They had gone through what looked like hundreds of outfits before settling on the ones that Harlow liked best. Today she had dressed her in a onesie covered in lots of yellow butterflies.
“Look who’s waiting for you,” Harlow said as she reached the bottom step. “Daddy’s here.”
“I was actually waiting for both of you,” I told her, and kissed her lips. “You look good enough to eat this morning.”
Harlow giggled. “That can be arranged.”
“Mommy’s being naughty. I like it,” I teased her. Her beautiful smile grew bigger.
I took Lila Kate from her arms and placed her against my chest. I held her head as she reared back to try to look up at me. “You have fun dress shopping today. Buy whatever the hell you want.”
She was going shopping for a wedding dress with Blaire and Della. Della was also looking for a dress. Her wedding was several months away, but they were doing a joint shopping trip and making a girls’ day out of it. Blaire had invited Bethy, but she had used the excuse that she needed to work some extra hours. Blaire was worried about her, which made all of us worried about her. She was pulling away more and more. Someone had to reach her, I just didn’t know who could do it. I did know Jace wouldn’t have wanted this. He wouldn’t have wanted her to grieve for this long.
“You two have fun while I’m gone. I’m nervous about leaving, but not because I don’t think you can handle it. I just haven’t been away from her since I woke up. I don’t like the idea of not being able to see her whenever I want to.” We had been home a little more than a week now, and Harlow hadn’t left the house. The doctor recommended that we keep Lila Kate at home for the first month while her little body and immune system matured some more. While I had gone to work, Harlow had stayed here happily. Blaire almost had to plead to get her to look for a wedding dress.
“I’ll have my phone in my pocket. Every time you want to see her, just FaceTime me. Now, go have fun,” I said, swatting her on the ass and nodding my head toward the door.
She grinned and rolled her eyes at me. “Fine. I’ll go,” she agreed, but then leaned in to kiss Lila Kate’s head one more time. “I’ll be back soon,” she said.
Lila Kate got so excited by Harlow that she buried her face in my chest. I kept my hand at the back of her neck, because she’d throw it back again to see if Harlow was still nearby any second now.
“She looks more like you now,” Harlow said, touching her little arm.
“She’s too pretty to look like me,” I replied.
Harlow cocked an eyebrow at me. “I know you don’t like hearing this, but you’re pretty, too, pretty boy.”
Chuckling, I opened the door and kissed her lips one more time just as Blaire’s Mercedes SUV pulled into our driveway. Harlow waved good-bye and blew us kisses, then finally left the house for the first time.
I watched until she was safely in Blaire’s car and was pulling away until I closed the door. “Want to bet your mommy calls us in the next ten minutes?” I asked Lila Kate as we walked to the kitchen to get her a bottle and finish my coffee. “She won’t be able to help herself. Being away from you isn’t something she’s fond of. But I need her to get that dress so I can marry her. Then we’ll be official. The Carter family. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
To the woman who gave me everything,
Today’s the day I get to give you my name. It doesn’t seem like enough, but then, you’ve had my heart and soul now for more than a year. This is all I have left to give you. What you’ve given me is so much more.
I decided, since Lila Kate and I had so many letters from you, that it was time you got a letter, too. You deserve a letter more than anyone else. You are, after all, the hero of our story. Without you and your determination, we wouldn’t all be standing in front of family and friends today with our little girl in our arms, pledging forever to each other. As if we needed a ceremony for that.
You became my forever even before I realized it.
Thank you for being brave. Braver than anyone I know. Thank you for showing me that when we want something badly enough, it’s worth taking all the risks and chances to get even a taste.
When I thought I had lost you, not once did I regret letting myself love you. I was shattered, but in my heart, I was so damn thankful for those memories. For letting myself have that time with you. I found out that life is about experiencing those moments when you’re so happy you feel like your chest will burst. We need those cherished memories to hold on to during those moments when the world comes crashing down.
I didn’t understand that until I was there. While you were asleep, all I could do was remember the good times. The sound of your laughter and how incredible you felt in my arms. How being with you made everything right. It’s what got me through. It’s what helped me hold our baby girl for the first time alone, not knowing if you’d ever see her face.
Thank you for loving me. I’m the luckiest man in the world. I know a lot of men claim that, but they have no idea. They don’t have you. And they haven’t held my baby girl. I have it all, and I couldn’t ask for more.
With love from your adoring, lucky-as-hell husband,
Grant
Harlow
I folded the letter and wiped away the tears that were now running down my face. Crazy man had to make me cry before I walked down the aisle. I used the tissue in my hand to blot away the wetness and took a deep breath. I would probably need to frame this, because I was going to read it so often the paper was going to wear through.
“Why are you crying?” Blaire asked as she stepped into the room.
I held up the letter. “This. It’s from Grant,” I explained. “I don’t think it was supposed to make me cry, but it did.”
“Ah, I understand. Rush had me in a fit of tears before I walked down the aisle.
Smiling, I remembered their wedding. It had been beautiful and much more elaborate than this one would be. I had wanted simple, and Grant had agreed.
“We have a five-minute drive. You ready to go?” she asked me.
“Yes. Is Lila Kate ready?”
She nodded. “Yep. She looks like an angel. Her mommy might not be wearing white, but she’s rocking her own fluffy white gown.”
Laughing, I slipped on my flats and tucked the letter into my jewelry box. “Let’s do this,” I said, heading out my bedroom door and toward Lila Kate’s room. She was lying in her crib, looking at her slipper-covered feet in fascination. When her gaze found mine, she kicked happily. “We have a handsome prince waiting for us. We need to go.” I scooped her up.
I decided to stop. I could scold this man and tell him how awful he was all day long, but I had said all that needed to be said.
Brett Carter stood up and stuck his hands into his pockets. He was leaving. Well, good riddance. He hadn’t even stuck around to hold his granddaughter. I wondered if she would ever know this man. Or would her only grandparent be the one and only Kiro Manning?
“You’re right. About all of it,” he said as he started for the door. He stopped just outside the arched doorway. “I’m glad he found you. You’re worthy of him. He’s a lucky man.”
Then he left.
Nan
I held the invitation in my hand as I stood at the edge of the water and let the waves crash and wash over my feet. If I stood here long enough, my feet would sink in the sand to my ankles. It was an odd habit, but I did this almost every day, except in the winter when the water was just too cold.
Today I had come out here to think. I’d expected the invitation to arrive. It was happening. That much I had known even before I heard that Grant had knocked up Harlow. But seeing it was different. It was more final.
Once I had thought that Grant Carter was the one man who would see me. The me underneath. The me I was scared to show the world. The me who had been so emotionally bruised because I’d worn my heart on my sleeve as a kid. When I got older, I put that me on lockdown so tightly it made it impossible for people to hurt me.
But it made it easy for them to hate me.
There were very few people who didn’t just use me. My brother was Rush Finlay, son of the famous drummer Dean Finlay. For years, my so-called friends just wanted to get near my brother. They wanted an in. And I let them have it, because watching him screw them and throw them away was what they deserved. It was my way of taking revenge.
Then I had found out Rush wasn’t the only one with a celebrity father. Kiro Manning had been my dad all along. Yet he had never claimed me or tried to have any relationship with me. That had almost cracked me and the steel walls around my heart. His refusal to acknowledge me had almost made me completely lose my mind. Rush had been there, though, and he’d loved me. He had always been the one to love me. When no one else did, my big brother accepted me no matter how awful I acted. He didn’t approve, but he saw the me underneath.
Then Blaire had taken him from me. She’d won his heart and given him a son, and now he had little room for his messed-up sister. I hated Blaire for that. I hated that she took him away. I wanted to hate their kid, too, but damned if Nate wasn’t the cutest kid in the world. I couldn’t hate him. It was impossible.
Grant Carter had stepped in and been there when I needed someone to care. Rush was busy with his new family, and Grant had taken over his role with a different twist. Grant wasn’t my brother, and he was gorgeous. So we started screwing around, too—a friends-with-benefits thing. He didn’t expect me to be nice, and I didn’t expect him to just f**k me. He was so sweet at times, and he made things better when no one else could. Or even wanted to. He knew how to make me laugh.
But just like any good thing that comes my way, I pushed him away because I had let him get too close. I refused to accept that maybe he could love me. I was terrified to open myself up to rejection yet again.
While I was pushing Grant away, his head was turned by the complete opposite of me. A girl who had the love of her father. She was quiet and unassuming. She wasn’t mean to anyone. Ever. She was matter-of-fact but soft-spoken. She was the perfect person for Grant. I was not. I was the f**ked-up brat who didn’t feel secure enough to let herself get close to someone.
Grant fell in love with that girl, and it happened right under my nose. While I was screaming and cursing, she was quiet and calm. It would have taken an idiot not to choose her. She was the easy one to love. I was impossible.
I looked down at the invitation again. Harlow Manning had never done anything to me other than have the love of a father we shared. It wasn’t her fault. She didn’t beg for it or demand it—she just had it. I could blame her, but it would be pointless. From what I had seen, her life hadn’t been peaches just because Kiro Manning loved her. He still sucked balls at being a father. But then, having a rock star for a parent was never a positive thing.
I had been unfair to her . . . no, I had been cruel to her. But I had paid my dues. I made up for my wrongs with her. Now I could walk away and let Grant and Harlow Carter live their happily ever after. They had a baby girl and a house with a white picket fence. That was what they both deserved.
I didn’t deserve shit. I was alone in this world, and it was all my fault. I didn’t see that ever changing, because I would have to let the me I once was free, and I couldn’t do that again. Any more rejection, and I wasn’t sure I’d make it. Finding a reason to live was becoming more and more difficult.
This was my life. And I’d created it.
Grant
Harlow hadn’t even flinched when I’d said we didn’t need to send my dad an invitation to the wedding. He’d never mentioned his visit to our house, but Harlow had told me every detail. If he didn’t want to say anything to me about my baby girl, then he didn’t deserve to be a part of my wedding.
However, I had flinched when she’d said she wanted to invite Nan. Harlow’s whole attitude toward Nan had changed ever since she found out about Nan giving her blood. Although Nan was already back to her normal nasty self, as far as I could tell. I had seen her at the club bitching at Rush about something. Her haughty glares were also firmly in place. She hadn’t even acknowledged Blaire when she’d walked up to Rush. Didn’t seem to matter with Harlow, though. She would never forget what Nan had done. It was hard for me to forget, too. If she wanted to invite Nan and try to reach out to her, then I was more than willing to let her. However, all bets were off the moment Nan did anything that upset Harlow. I had my limits.
The rest of the invitations were sent out to everyone we loved and cared about in our lives. Lila Kate had lain in a blanket on the floor while we sat down at the table beside her and addressed all the envelopes. She had been happy to listen to us talk. It was moments like these that made me get choked up. The idea that I almost didn’t have this got to me if I dwelled on it too much.
The girls had been getting ready upstairs while I had breakfast. I heard Harlow talking to Lila Kate as she walked down the stairs, and I set down my cup of coffee and went to meet them. Harlow was dressed in jeans and a long-sleeved shirt, since the fall was finally starting to show up. It was normally warm here until November, but we were getting a few cooler days already.
Lila Kate had a whole new wardrobe now, thanks to Blaire. She had come over with preemie clothing, because nothing but the baby gowns fit her, and even those were big. Harlow didn’t want to leave the house yet, so Blaire had brought the clothes to her. They had gone through what looked like hundreds of outfits before settling on the ones that Harlow liked best. Today she had dressed her in a onesie covered in lots of yellow butterflies.
“Look who’s waiting for you,” Harlow said as she reached the bottom step. “Daddy’s here.”
“I was actually waiting for both of you,” I told her, and kissed her lips. “You look good enough to eat this morning.”
Harlow giggled. “That can be arranged.”
“Mommy’s being naughty. I like it,” I teased her. Her beautiful smile grew bigger.
I took Lila Kate from her arms and placed her against my chest. I held her head as she reared back to try to look up at me. “You have fun dress shopping today. Buy whatever the hell you want.”
She was going shopping for a wedding dress with Blaire and Della. Della was also looking for a dress. Her wedding was several months away, but they were doing a joint shopping trip and making a girls’ day out of it. Blaire had invited Bethy, but she had used the excuse that she needed to work some extra hours. Blaire was worried about her, which made all of us worried about her. She was pulling away more and more. Someone had to reach her, I just didn’t know who could do it. I did know Jace wouldn’t have wanted this. He wouldn’t have wanted her to grieve for this long.
“You two have fun while I’m gone. I’m nervous about leaving, but not because I don’t think you can handle it. I just haven’t been away from her since I woke up. I don’t like the idea of not being able to see her whenever I want to.” We had been home a little more than a week now, and Harlow hadn’t left the house. The doctor recommended that we keep Lila Kate at home for the first month while her little body and immune system matured some more. While I had gone to work, Harlow had stayed here happily. Blaire almost had to plead to get her to look for a wedding dress.
“I’ll have my phone in my pocket. Every time you want to see her, just FaceTime me. Now, go have fun,” I said, swatting her on the ass and nodding my head toward the door.
She grinned and rolled her eyes at me. “Fine. I’ll go,” she agreed, but then leaned in to kiss Lila Kate’s head one more time. “I’ll be back soon,” she said.
Lila Kate got so excited by Harlow that she buried her face in my chest. I kept my hand at the back of her neck, because she’d throw it back again to see if Harlow was still nearby any second now.
“She looks more like you now,” Harlow said, touching her little arm.
“She’s too pretty to look like me,” I replied.
Harlow cocked an eyebrow at me. “I know you don’t like hearing this, but you’re pretty, too, pretty boy.”
Chuckling, I opened the door and kissed her lips one more time just as Blaire’s Mercedes SUV pulled into our driveway. Harlow waved good-bye and blew us kisses, then finally left the house for the first time.
I watched until she was safely in Blaire’s car and was pulling away until I closed the door. “Want to bet your mommy calls us in the next ten minutes?” I asked Lila Kate as we walked to the kitchen to get her a bottle and finish my coffee. “She won’t be able to help herself. Being away from you isn’t something she’s fond of. But I need her to get that dress so I can marry her. Then we’ll be official. The Carter family. Has a nice ring to it, doesn’t it?”
To the woman who gave me everything,
Today’s the day I get to give you my name. It doesn’t seem like enough, but then, you’ve had my heart and soul now for more than a year. This is all I have left to give you. What you’ve given me is so much more.
I decided, since Lila Kate and I had so many letters from you, that it was time you got a letter, too. You deserve a letter more than anyone else. You are, after all, the hero of our story. Without you and your determination, we wouldn’t all be standing in front of family and friends today with our little girl in our arms, pledging forever to each other. As if we needed a ceremony for that.
You became my forever even before I realized it.
Thank you for being brave. Braver than anyone I know. Thank you for showing me that when we want something badly enough, it’s worth taking all the risks and chances to get even a taste.
When I thought I had lost you, not once did I regret letting myself love you. I was shattered, but in my heart, I was so damn thankful for those memories. For letting myself have that time with you. I found out that life is about experiencing those moments when you’re so happy you feel like your chest will burst. We need those cherished memories to hold on to during those moments when the world comes crashing down.
I didn’t understand that until I was there. While you were asleep, all I could do was remember the good times. The sound of your laughter and how incredible you felt in my arms. How being with you made everything right. It’s what got me through. It’s what helped me hold our baby girl for the first time alone, not knowing if you’d ever see her face.
Thank you for loving me. I’m the luckiest man in the world. I know a lot of men claim that, but they have no idea. They don’t have you. And they haven’t held my baby girl. I have it all, and I couldn’t ask for more.
With love from your adoring, lucky-as-hell husband,
Grant
Harlow
I folded the letter and wiped away the tears that were now running down my face. Crazy man had to make me cry before I walked down the aisle. I used the tissue in my hand to blot away the wetness and took a deep breath. I would probably need to frame this, because I was going to read it so often the paper was going to wear through.
“Why are you crying?” Blaire asked as she stepped into the room.
I held up the letter. “This. It’s from Grant,” I explained. “I don’t think it was supposed to make me cry, but it did.”
“Ah, I understand. Rush had me in a fit of tears before I walked down the aisle.
Smiling, I remembered their wedding. It had been beautiful and much more elaborate than this one would be. I had wanted simple, and Grant had agreed.
“We have a five-minute drive. You ready to go?” she asked me.
“Yes. Is Lila Kate ready?”
She nodded. “Yep. She looks like an angel. Her mommy might not be wearing white, but she’s rocking her own fluffy white gown.”
Laughing, I slipped on my flats and tucked the letter into my jewelry box. “Let’s do this,” I said, heading out my bedroom door and toward Lila Kate’s room. She was lying in her crib, looking at her slipper-covered feet in fascination. When her gaze found mine, she kicked happily. “We have a handsome prince waiting for us. We need to go.” I scooped her up.
