Only Him
Page 30
“I’m not sure that would have been any easier on me,” I told her.
The server came back and asked if we were ready, and I quickly glanced at the menu while my sisters ordered. When she got to me, I asked for the bruléed grapefruit and some tea.
“Okay, go on,” Stella said impatiently once we were alone again. “So he thought he was doing you a favor …”
“Which still sounds like a bullshit excuse to me,” said Emme.
“Not to me.” Stella touched her chest. “Not if he felt really bad about himself for being sent away.”
“He did. And it goes deeper than that.” I explained what I knew about the way Dallas had grown up in the shadow of his older brother. “I think he really internalized that. It explains so much about his personality and his choices.”
Stella nodded. “Definitely. If it was really that bad, no kid would come out the other side feeling good about himself. I see it a lot in my clients. They think they have nothing to offer, or that no matter what they do, it’ll never be good enough for their parents or anyone else.”
“Exactly.” I nodded. “But anyway, he really didn’t try to make excuses, just said how sorry he was, how much he regretted what he’d done, and asked my forgiveness.”
“And?” Emme urged.
“And I gave it. Well, first I gave him some shit, told him how I’d felt being dumped that way. But then …” I shrugged. “It just seemed wrong to hold on to that hurt any longer. I wanted to forgive him. It felt right.”
“God, you’re too easy,” Emme said. “I’d have stood there on that porch yelling at him for days.”
I laughed. “Probably. But that’s not my thing.”
“So how did you get from there to there?” Emme leaned forward eagerly.
“That happened later. After the prom.”
My sisters exchanged a look. “The prom?”
“Yes.” My tea arrived, and I took a sip before telling them about the elaborate date Dallas had arranged because he’d felt bad when I said I’d missed the prom.
Stella sighed. “That is so romantic and sweet.”
“It really is,” agreed Emme. “I’m totally impressed, and I’d have forgiven him after that for sure.”
“I was impressed too, and totally swept off my feet. I was having such a good time, the most fun I’ve had on a date in years. And at some point during the evening I realized that I still had feelings for him. He asked me if I wanted to go back to his hotel room, and I said yes.”
“So how was it?” Emme wiggled her eyebrows.
“Unbelievable. Amazing. Mind-blowing.”
Emme squealed and clapped her hands.
“And I can confirm Emme’s discovery about two,” I said to Stella. “It’s definitely possible.”
Stella closed her eyes and sighed. “This is me being jealous.”
Emme poked her shoulder. “You need to spice things up with Buzz. He’s a smart guy, I bet he’s good in the sack. He went to medical school, so he should know where all the parts are, at least.”
Stella’s expression was dubious. “It’s just not like that with us.”
“But it could be,” I said.
“And frankly, it should be.” Emme nodded definitively. “You should seduce him or something. Do you own a sexy bee costume? If not, I think I know where you can get one.”
I tried not to laugh because Stella really did look a little upset, but it was hard. Reaching across the table, I patted her hand. “Don’t worry about it, Stell. If you don’t want to sleep with Walter, don’t do it.”
She sighed and picked up her coffee again. “Let’s talk about you some more. Where did you leave it with Dallas?”
“That’s a good question. I’m not exactly sure where we are, but”—I took a breath—“last night he told me he still loves me.”
“What?” Emme squawked. “Are you serious?”
“After one date?” Stella blinked at me.
“Yes,” I said, laughing a little. “I know, it sounds crazy, but I swear within twenty-four hours, that’s how I felt too. It was like our hearts had muscle memory or something. Or a past life thing. It felt so natural being together.”
They probably would have given me grief over the past lives comment if our food hadn’t arrived right then.
“Okay, keep going,” Emme prompted once the server had gone. “What does he do? Where does he live?”
“He’s a tattoo artist in Portland,” I said.
Emme paused with her fork halfway to her mouth. “God, that’s so you. Is he still in town?”
“Yes, but he’s heading to Boston to visit his brother’s family tomorrow.”
“What was he doing in Detroit?” Stella asked.
I took a bite and thought for a second. “I don’t really know why he came to Detroit, other than to see me. He’s spent all his time with me so far.”
“Wow. It must have really been important to him to see you,” she said, her eyebrows raised. I could see her therapist wheels turning.
“Is he dying or something?” teased Emme. “Maybe you were on his bucket list.”
I put a hand over my heart. “Don’t even joke about that. He’s got these horrible headaches that make him dizzy and I heard him say something on the phone to his brother about being in Boston in time for an appointment with a surgeon. I freaked out.”
“Did you ask him about it?” Emme poured more syrup on her crepes.
“Yes. He said it’s for his dad.”
“Do you believe him?”
The question struck me as odd. “Why wouldn’t I?”
Emme shrugged. “I don’t know. I was just connecting dots.”
“He gets headaches that make him dizzy?” Stella looked concerned.
I nodded, setting my fork down and picking up my tea. My stomach felt a little weird. “Yeah. Then he had this … episode yesterday morning at the hotel.”
“What kind of episode?”
“He stumbled and bumped into a chair. Stood there like a statue for maybe ten full seconds, not saying anything, not moving. Then his hand went numb or something.”
Stella cocked her head. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“He thought maybe it was a side effect of the medicine he takes for the headaches. It’s a drug called Depakote. Do you know of it?”
Stella thought for a second. “It’s vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t tell you everything it’s prescribed for. Meds get approved for new uses all the time.”
Emme pulled her phone from her purse. “Let’s look it up.”
Part of me wanted to tell Emme not to. It felt like I was invading Dallas’s privacy again. What reason did I have to doubt his word? But when Emme asked how to spell the drug, I heard myself reciting the letters.
“Found it. It’s an anticonvulsant,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “What’s that?”
“Anti-seizure medication.” Stella looked at me. “Is it possible he has epilepsy? Maybe what you saw yesterday morning was a focal aware seizure. Sounds kind of like one.”
“Aren’t seizures where you can’t control your limbs?” Emme asked. “Like your entire body jerks around? Maren said he didn’t move at all.”
“There are different kinds,” Stella clarified.
My heart was beating frantically in my chest, and I grabbed Emme’s phone out of her hand. “Let me see this.”
“It can treat seizures and bipolar disorder,” I read, but my stomach didn’t unclench until I read the next sentence. “It can also help prevent migraine headaches.”
“Well, then that makes sense,” Emme said.
“Can migraines make you dizzy?” I asked.
“Definitely,” Stella answered.
I felt better. Not that it would have mattered to me if he did have epilepsy, but I didn’t want to believe he’d hide that from me. “Anyway, the whole weekend has been wonderful. I’m crazy about him.”
The server came back and asked if we were ready, and I quickly glanced at the menu while my sisters ordered. When she got to me, I asked for the bruléed grapefruit and some tea.
“Okay, go on,” Stella said impatiently once we were alone again. “So he thought he was doing you a favor …”
“Which still sounds like a bullshit excuse to me,” said Emme.
“Not to me.” Stella touched her chest. “Not if he felt really bad about himself for being sent away.”
“He did. And it goes deeper than that.” I explained what I knew about the way Dallas had grown up in the shadow of his older brother. “I think he really internalized that. It explains so much about his personality and his choices.”
Stella nodded. “Definitely. If it was really that bad, no kid would come out the other side feeling good about himself. I see it a lot in my clients. They think they have nothing to offer, or that no matter what they do, it’ll never be good enough for their parents or anyone else.”
“Exactly.” I nodded. “But anyway, he really didn’t try to make excuses, just said how sorry he was, how much he regretted what he’d done, and asked my forgiveness.”
“And?” Emme urged.
“And I gave it. Well, first I gave him some shit, told him how I’d felt being dumped that way. But then …” I shrugged. “It just seemed wrong to hold on to that hurt any longer. I wanted to forgive him. It felt right.”
“God, you’re too easy,” Emme said. “I’d have stood there on that porch yelling at him for days.”
I laughed. “Probably. But that’s not my thing.”
“So how did you get from there to there?” Emme leaned forward eagerly.
“That happened later. After the prom.”
My sisters exchanged a look. “The prom?”
“Yes.” My tea arrived, and I took a sip before telling them about the elaborate date Dallas had arranged because he’d felt bad when I said I’d missed the prom.
Stella sighed. “That is so romantic and sweet.”
“It really is,” agreed Emme. “I’m totally impressed, and I’d have forgiven him after that for sure.”
“I was impressed too, and totally swept off my feet. I was having such a good time, the most fun I’ve had on a date in years. And at some point during the evening I realized that I still had feelings for him. He asked me if I wanted to go back to his hotel room, and I said yes.”
“So how was it?” Emme wiggled her eyebrows.
“Unbelievable. Amazing. Mind-blowing.”
Emme squealed and clapped her hands.
“And I can confirm Emme’s discovery about two,” I said to Stella. “It’s definitely possible.”
Stella closed her eyes and sighed. “This is me being jealous.”
Emme poked her shoulder. “You need to spice things up with Buzz. He’s a smart guy, I bet he’s good in the sack. He went to medical school, so he should know where all the parts are, at least.”
Stella’s expression was dubious. “It’s just not like that with us.”
“But it could be,” I said.
“And frankly, it should be.” Emme nodded definitively. “You should seduce him or something. Do you own a sexy bee costume? If not, I think I know where you can get one.”
I tried not to laugh because Stella really did look a little upset, but it was hard. Reaching across the table, I patted her hand. “Don’t worry about it, Stell. If you don’t want to sleep with Walter, don’t do it.”
She sighed and picked up her coffee again. “Let’s talk about you some more. Where did you leave it with Dallas?”
“That’s a good question. I’m not exactly sure where we are, but”—I took a breath—“last night he told me he still loves me.”
“What?” Emme squawked. “Are you serious?”
“After one date?” Stella blinked at me.
“Yes,” I said, laughing a little. “I know, it sounds crazy, but I swear within twenty-four hours, that’s how I felt too. It was like our hearts had muscle memory or something. Or a past life thing. It felt so natural being together.”
They probably would have given me grief over the past lives comment if our food hadn’t arrived right then.
“Okay, keep going,” Emme prompted once the server had gone. “What does he do? Where does he live?”
“He’s a tattoo artist in Portland,” I said.
Emme paused with her fork halfway to her mouth. “God, that’s so you. Is he still in town?”
“Yes, but he’s heading to Boston to visit his brother’s family tomorrow.”
“What was he doing in Detroit?” Stella asked.
I took a bite and thought for a second. “I don’t really know why he came to Detroit, other than to see me. He’s spent all his time with me so far.”
“Wow. It must have really been important to him to see you,” she said, her eyebrows raised. I could see her therapist wheels turning.
“Is he dying or something?” teased Emme. “Maybe you were on his bucket list.”
I put a hand over my heart. “Don’t even joke about that. He’s got these horrible headaches that make him dizzy and I heard him say something on the phone to his brother about being in Boston in time for an appointment with a surgeon. I freaked out.”
“Did you ask him about it?” Emme poured more syrup on her crepes.
“Yes. He said it’s for his dad.”
“Do you believe him?”
The question struck me as odd. “Why wouldn’t I?”
Emme shrugged. “I don’t know. I was just connecting dots.”
“He gets headaches that make him dizzy?” Stella looked concerned.
I nodded, setting my fork down and picking up my tea. My stomach felt a little weird. “Yeah. Then he had this … episode yesterday morning at the hotel.”
“What kind of episode?”
“He stumbled and bumped into a chair. Stood there like a statue for maybe ten full seconds, not saying anything, not moving. Then his hand went numb or something.”
Stella cocked her head. “That doesn’t sound good.”
“He thought maybe it was a side effect of the medicine he takes for the headaches. It’s a drug called Depakote. Do you know of it?”
Stella thought for a second. “It’s vaguely familiar, but I couldn’t tell you everything it’s prescribed for. Meds get approved for new uses all the time.”
Emme pulled her phone from her purse. “Let’s look it up.”
Part of me wanted to tell Emme not to. It felt like I was invading Dallas’s privacy again. What reason did I have to doubt his word? But when Emme asked how to spell the drug, I heard myself reciting the letters.
“Found it. It’s an anticonvulsant,” she said, wrinkling her nose. “What’s that?”
“Anti-seizure medication.” Stella looked at me. “Is it possible he has epilepsy? Maybe what you saw yesterday morning was a focal aware seizure. Sounds kind of like one.”
“Aren’t seizures where you can’t control your limbs?” Emme asked. “Like your entire body jerks around? Maren said he didn’t move at all.”
“There are different kinds,” Stella clarified.
My heart was beating frantically in my chest, and I grabbed Emme’s phone out of her hand. “Let me see this.”
“It can treat seizures and bipolar disorder,” I read, but my stomach didn’t unclench until I read the next sentence. “It can also help prevent migraine headaches.”
“Well, then that makes sense,” Emme said.
“Can migraines make you dizzy?” I asked.
“Definitely,” Stella answered.
I felt better. Not that it would have mattered to me if he did have epilepsy, but I didn’t want to believe he’d hide that from me. “Anyway, the whole weekend has been wonderful. I’m crazy about him.”
