Only His
Page 32
She hadn’t considered that. “You could be right.”
He grinned. “Let me know when you decide.”
JO FINISHED UP at the bar. It was after two in the morning. She was usually home by now, but these days she found herself working later and later.
She still couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness, but at least she’d let go the sense of impending doom. She no longer believed she was going to be run out of town at any second. Mayor Marsha’s kindness had gone a long way to dissipate her fear. Her friends were faithful and supportive. Getting over Will would be an ongoing journey, but at least she would take it to where she belonged.
She locked the front door and walked through the quiet streets to her house. The nights were colder these days. The days shorter. Fall had arrived. There was already snow on the mountains. Fool’s Gold was beautiful in every season, but she thought it was at its best in winter.
A police car drove by. The female officer waved at Jo, who waved back. Twinkling lights beckoned from the windows of Morgan’s Books. The flags that hung from the streetlights were decorated with turkeys and horns of plenty. She’d already received three different invitations for Thanksgiving.
Home, she thought, telling herself that contentment would be enough. This was home.
She turned onto her street and crossed to her house. As she walked up the path, something moved on her porch. The shadow stepped into the light and became a man.
Will.
The harsh bulb wasn’t kind. He looked as bad as she felt. Tired, drawn, sad. Or maybe that was just her mind’s way of trying to make her feel better. Maybe he wasn’t hurt at all. Maybe he was leaving and he’d just stopped by to make sure she knew she wasn’t good enough for him.
She squared her shoulders. He might have battered her heart, but he wasn’t going to break her.
She climbed the steps and stopped in front of him.
“I need to talk to you,” he said.
“What more is there to say?” she asked coldly.
“You told me about your past,” he told her. “I want you to hear about mine.”
She believed in being fair, so she nodded once and unlocked the door.
When they were inside, she motioned for him to take a seat on the sofa. She stayed far away, choosing the safety of the club chair by the fireplace.
“Go ahead.”
Will had shrugged off his jacket. He wore a chambray shirt and worn jeans. His hair needed cutting and he hadn’t shaved that day. Scruffy, she thought, trying to be scornful. Only he looked good and she was painfully glad to see him.
Maybe he was going to tell her he’d been wrong, her heart whispered. Maybe he was sorry. She told herself not to hope, but it was difficult not to wish him back into caring about her.
He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs, his hands hanging loose. Instead of looking at her, he stared at the floor.
“My dad was one of those guys who could charm anyone,” he began, his voice low. “Women loved him, especially my mom. She would do anything for him. God, she loved him. I loved him, too, but I figured out pretty fast he wasn’t like other dads. He didn’t have a regular job. Instead he was always looking for his next chance at easy money.”
He paused, then glanced at her. “Easy money. That’s what he called it. He was too good to work for someone else. He used to say men like him were meant for better things than a factory job. If he’d put half as much effort into something that paid regularly rather than chasing the next scam, our lives would have been a whole lot better.” He cleared his throat. “He was a con artist. My father cheated honest people out of their money. He was in jail more than he was out, but he never learned, never changed. When he got out, he already had a mark in mind.”
Jo folded her arms across her chest. “That must have been difficult for you.”
“It was. I wanted to move away, to never see him again, but my mom wouldn’t listen. She loved him and was convinced one day he would change. He broke her heart over and over again with his damn promises. She always believed him, no matter what I said. I vowed I wouldn’t be like him. I would always do the right thing. And I promised myself I wouldn’t be like her. I wouldn’t allow myself to be tricked over and over again.”
She felt a chill and closed her eyes. So much for him knowing he’d been wrong. So much for any hope that they could work this out.
“I don’t believe people change,” he told her. “I saw that in my dad and with his friends. They weren’t interested in being other than what they were. Jail time didn’t do anything except give them time to plan the next con. When you told me what you’d done, I couldn’t believe it. Here I’d gone and fallen for someone just like him. I was my mother all over again.”
The unfairness of the words made her want to stand up and scream her defense. But it wouldn’t matter. Will saw what he wanted to see. It just wasn’t the whole picture.
“Only I was wrong.”
The soft words barely penetrated. She stared at him.
“I was wrong,” he repeated, straightening. “You changed. You’re not that teenager anymore. You’ve made a life for yourself here. I can see your character in everything you do. You’re not like him.” His gaze intensified. “I’m sorry, Jo. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I reacted harshly, without thinking.”
She let his words wash over her as she tried to figure out what she was feeling. Relief, certainly. Maybe a little hope. But she’d trusted him and it had hurt when she’d revealed her darkest secret and he’d left. Sure, he was back now, but how could she trust him not to leave again?
“I believe in you,” he continued. “I believe in us. I want this to work. Please give me a second chance to prove myself to you.”
For once there weren’t any tears. Resignation settled on her as she accepted the truth of the situation—she wasn’t willing to be vulnerable again, to be hurt again. Being alone was easier.
“I’m sorry, Will,” she said, rising to her feet. “I resisted getting involved with you for a reason. I knew it wouldn’t work out. I didn’t want to tell you about what happened to me, about what I did, because I knew you wouldn’t be able to deal with it. I was right. You couldn’t.”
He stood. “No. I don’t accept that. I was a jerk. I handled it badly. But I figured that out. I’m here. Isn’t that what relationships are about? Working things out together?”
“In theory. The truth isn’t that simple or easy. I’ve been alone a long time now, Will. And maybe that’s for the best.” She held up her hand. “I’m not punishing you. I’m just accepting that having a man in my life isn’t going to happen for me. It’s better for me to be alone.”
His mouth twisted. “Safe,” he said. “Risk nothing, lose nothing.”
Anger started deep inside. She welcomed it, knowing the emotion would give her strength.
“Easy for you to judge,” she told him. “You weren’t the one who was told you weren’t good enough.”
He swore under his breath. “So, that’s it? I don’t get to make a mistake? You expect me to forgive you, but I don’t get the same treatment?”
“I didn’t hurt you. I hurt someone else a long time ago. What I did had nothing to do with you. But you did hurt me. You extrapolated from an event you had no part of and used that as an excuse to walk out. We both have our own demons to deal with. Which one of us is going to get hurt next?”
She waited for him to yell at her, to escalate the fight. Instead his shoulders slumped, as if he’d just been loaded down with a weight he couldn’t carry.
“Don’t,” he said quietly. “Don’t do this, Jo. I know you’re pissed and you have every right to be. If I could take it back, I would. If I could not screw up, I would. You’re not my dad. I get that. But at first, I was so surprised by what you said. I thought…” He shook his head. “I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought. I can’t convince you. You’re going to see what you want to see.”
He started to the door, his steps uneven. When he got there, he turned back to her.
“You’re wrong about one thing. It’s not that I got mad and handled it badly. That could happen to anyone. It’s what I did next that says who I am. I wanted to leave town—I asked Tucker for a transfer to another job. But I couldn’t go and I couldn’t let go. I worked it through. While I hurt you, it wasn’t on purpose. I’ve admitted my mistake, I’ve learned from it and I’m doing my best to apologize.”
He opened the door. “I’m not the best-looking guy around and there are plenty richer. But I’m still a good man who loves you. I even like your damn cat. It’s not the screwing up that defines a person, Jo, it’s what he does afterward that says who he is. You know that better than anyone, because you’re the one who said that to me.”
With that, he walked out.
She heard his steps on the porch, the slight hesitation in his stride from his limp. Then that faded and there was only silence. Something warm brushed against her leg and she reached down to stroke Jake. The cat stared up at her, his yellow eyes seeing far more than usual.
“Don’t,” she whispered to herself. “Don’t say anything. I can’t forgive him. I can’t let him back in my life. What will he do the next time?”
There was no answer—only silence and a hard, thick pressure on her chest. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, could only feel the emptiness that was her future.
Even as she wanted to go to him, her mind screamed out that she couldn’t trust him. That he would hurt her again and no one was worth those tears. Her heart whispered that, yes, crying was inevitable. It was impossible to feel love without also feeling pain. But the price was worth it. He was worth it. That if she let him go, she would regret it for the rest of her life.
The need to protect herself battled with the hunger of her heart. Twisted and torn, her heart fought rational thought. Then she was moving. She flung open the front door and raced across the porch. She hurried down the steps, along the path until she reached the sidewalk. Frantically she looked in both directions, trying to figure out where he was.
Then she saw him nearly at the end of the block.
“Will!”
She called out loudly, aware that it was late and she wasn’t being a good neighbor, but unable to stop herself. The figure in the distance paused.
She ran toward him, nearly flying as she covered the distance. When she got close, he held out his arms and welcomed her home.
She flung herself at him and hung on as if she would never let go. He held her even tighter. Once again she couldn’t breathe, but this time it was for the best reason of all.
“Will, I…” she began.
He silenced her with a kiss. “Later.”
“But I have to tell you—”
“No, you don’t.” He released her from the hug but kept his arm around her. “Come on. It’s cold and you’re not wearing a jacket.”
She stepped in front of him and grabbed him by the shoulders. “I’m trying to tell you I love you and all you can say is I’m not wearing a jacket?”
He smiled then. A slow, sexy smile that made her stomach turn over and every part of her burn.
“I love you, too, Jo. Let’s go home.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
TUCKER HEARD A FAMILIAR sound from outside the trailer. Tires on dirt and gravel. Funny how he could pick out those particular tires from all the others. Not funny in a good way, though, he thought, wishing the construction trailer had a back door.
With nowhere to run, he was forced to stay behind his desk and hope for the best. After all, he was a grown man. He could stand up to what was outside. He didn’t have to be afraid.
But all the logic in the world didn’t stop him from wincing as he heard footsteps on the stairs, followed by the turning of the handle. He braced himself for the onslaught.
The door opened and Mayor Marsha stepped inside.
“Good morning, Tucker,” she said cheerfully.
“Ma’am.”
She was as well dressed as ever, in one of her suits, the skirt hitting exactly at the middle of her knee. Her white hair was in that puffy do she seemed to like so much. Despite the warmth in her gaze, he knew this wasn’t a social call.
He stood and walked toward the coffeepot. “The gold is all excavated,” he said, pouring her a cup.
“Cream,” she said when he held it out.
He added cream, stirred, then took it over to her.
She’d settled at the small table in the back. He passed her the coffee. For a second, he thought about making a run for it, but knew that wouldn’t work. She would simply hunt him down. Better to face her now and get it over with.
“Thank you,” she said before sipping the coffee. “Having the gold gone must be making your life here more peaceful.”
“I didn’t love the tourists.”
“I imagine not.” She put the mug back on the table. “I’ve been keeping track of the progress you’re making on the site. Impressive. I have every confidence this facility is going to be an excellent addition to the Fool’s Gold community.”
“We appreciate the support from you and the city council. Some cities wouldn’t want the casino so close.”
Mayor Marsha smiled. “I’m sure that’s true, but I’m not concerned. If anyone becomes difficult, our police department is more than capable of handling the situation. The additional tax revenue is more than worth the effort. The occupancy taxes for the hotel alone are going to fund a new high school. Children are our future, as they say.”
He grinned. “Let me know when you decide.”
JO FINISHED UP at the bar. It was after two in the morning. She was usually home by now, but these days she found herself working later and later.
She still couldn’t shake the feeling of sadness, but at least she’d let go the sense of impending doom. She no longer believed she was going to be run out of town at any second. Mayor Marsha’s kindness had gone a long way to dissipate her fear. Her friends were faithful and supportive. Getting over Will would be an ongoing journey, but at least she would take it to where she belonged.
She locked the front door and walked through the quiet streets to her house. The nights were colder these days. The days shorter. Fall had arrived. There was already snow on the mountains. Fool’s Gold was beautiful in every season, but she thought it was at its best in winter.
A police car drove by. The female officer waved at Jo, who waved back. Twinkling lights beckoned from the windows of Morgan’s Books. The flags that hung from the streetlights were decorated with turkeys and horns of plenty. She’d already received three different invitations for Thanksgiving.
Home, she thought, telling herself that contentment would be enough. This was home.
She turned onto her street and crossed to her house. As she walked up the path, something moved on her porch. The shadow stepped into the light and became a man.
Will.
The harsh bulb wasn’t kind. He looked as bad as she felt. Tired, drawn, sad. Or maybe that was just her mind’s way of trying to make her feel better. Maybe he wasn’t hurt at all. Maybe he was leaving and he’d just stopped by to make sure she knew she wasn’t good enough for him.
She squared her shoulders. He might have battered her heart, but he wasn’t going to break her.
She climbed the steps and stopped in front of him.
“I need to talk to you,” he said.
“What more is there to say?” she asked coldly.
“You told me about your past,” he told her. “I want you to hear about mine.”
She believed in being fair, so she nodded once and unlocked the door.
When they were inside, she motioned for him to take a seat on the sofa. She stayed far away, choosing the safety of the club chair by the fireplace.
“Go ahead.”
Will had shrugged off his jacket. He wore a chambray shirt and worn jeans. His hair needed cutting and he hadn’t shaved that day. Scruffy, she thought, trying to be scornful. Only he looked good and she was painfully glad to see him.
Maybe he was going to tell her he’d been wrong, her heart whispered. Maybe he was sorry. She told herself not to hope, but it was difficult not to wish him back into caring about her.
He leaned forward, his elbows resting on his thighs, his hands hanging loose. Instead of looking at her, he stared at the floor.
“My dad was one of those guys who could charm anyone,” he began, his voice low. “Women loved him, especially my mom. She would do anything for him. God, she loved him. I loved him, too, but I figured out pretty fast he wasn’t like other dads. He didn’t have a regular job. Instead he was always looking for his next chance at easy money.”
He paused, then glanced at her. “Easy money. That’s what he called it. He was too good to work for someone else. He used to say men like him were meant for better things than a factory job. If he’d put half as much effort into something that paid regularly rather than chasing the next scam, our lives would have been a whole lot better.” He cleared his throat. “He was a con artist. My father cheated honest people out of their money. He was in jail more than he was out, but he never learned, never changed. When he got out, he already had a mark in mind.”
Jo folded her arms across her chest. “That must have been difficult for you.”
“It was. I wanted to move away, to never see him again, but my mom wouldn’t listen. She loved him and was convinced one day he would change. He broke her heart over and over again with his damn promises. She always believed him, no matter what I said. I vowed I wouldn’t be like him. I would always do the right thing. And I promised myself I wouldn’t be like her. I wouldn’t allow myself to be tricked over and over again.”
She felt a chill and closed her eyes. So much for him knowing he’d been wrong. So much for any hope that they could work this out.
“I don’t believe people change,” he told her. “I saw that in my dad and with his friends. They weren’t interested in being other than what they were. Jail time didn’t do anything except give them time to plan the next con. When you told me what you’d done, I couldn’t believe it. Here I’d gone and fallen for someone just like him. I was my mother all over again.”
The unfairness of the words made her want to stand up and scream her defense. But it wouldn’t matter. Will saw what he wanted to see. It just wasn’t the whole picture.
“Only I was wrong.”
The soft words barely penetrated. She stared at him.
“I was wrong,” he repeated, straightening. “You changed. You’re not that teenager anymore. You’ve made a life for yourself here. I can see your character in everything you do. You’re not like him.” His gaze intensified. “I’m sorry, Jo. I shouldn’t have said what I did. I reacted harshly, without thinking.”
She let his words wash over her as she tried to figure out what she was feeling. Relief, certainly. Maybe a little hope. But she’d trusted him and it had hurt when she’d revealed her darkest secret and he’d left. Sure, he was back now, but how could she trust him not to leave again?
“I believe in you,” he continued. “I believe in us. I want this to work. Please give me a second chance to prove myself to you.”
For once there weren’t any tears. Resignation settled on her as she accepted the truth of the situation—she wasn’t willing to be vulnerable again, to be hurt again. Being alone was easier.
“I’m sorry, Will,” she said, rising to her feet. “I resisted getting involved with you for a reason. I knew it wouldn’t work out. I didn’t want to tell you about what happened to me, about what I did, because I knew you wouldn’t be able to deal with it. I was right. You couldn’t.”
He stood. “No. I don’t accept that. I was a jerk. I handled it badly. But I figured that out. I’m here. Isn’t that what relationships are about? Working things out together?”
“In theory. The truth isn’t that simple or easy. I’ve been alone a long time now, Will. And maybe that’s for the best.” She held up her hand. “I’m not punishing you. I’m just accepting that having a man in my life isn’t going to happen for me. It’s better for me to be alone.”
His mouth twisted. “Safe,” he said. “Risk nothing, lose nothing.”
Anger started deep inside. She welcomed it, knowing the emotion would give her strength.
“Easy for you to judge,” she told him. “You weren’t the one who was told you weren’t good enough.”
He swore under his breath. “So, that’s it? I don’t get to make a mistake? You expect me to forgive you, but I don’t get the same treatment?”
“I didn’t hurt you. I hurt someone else a long time ago. What I did had nothing to do with you. But you did hurt me. You extrapolated from an event you had no part of and used that as an excuse to walk out. We both have our own demons to deal with. Which one of us is going to get hurt next?”
She waited for him to yell at her, to escalate the fight. Instead his shoulders slumped, as if he’d just been loaded down with a weight he couldn’t carry.
“Don’t,” he said quietly. “Don’t do this, Jo. I know you’re pissed and you have every right to be. If I could take it back, I would. If I could not screw up, I would. You’re not my dad. I get that. But at first, I was so surprised by what you said. I thought…” He shook his head. “I guess it doesn’t matter what I thought. I can’t convince you. You’re going to see what you want to see.”
He started to the door, his steps uneven. When he got there, he turned back to her.
“You’re wrong about one thing. It’s not that I got mad and handled it badly. That could happen to anyone. It’s what I did next that says who I am. I wanted to leave town—I asked Tucker for a transfer to another job. But I couldn’t go and I couldn’t let go. I worked it through. While I hurt you, it wasn’t on purpose. I’ve admitted my mistake, I’ve learned from it and I’m doing my best to apologize.”
He opened the door. “I’m not the best-looking guy around and there are plenty richer. But I’m still a good man who loves you. I even like your damn cat. It’s not the screwing up that defines a person, Jo, it’s what he does afterward that says who he is. You know that better than anyone, because you’re the one who said that to me.”
With that, he walked out.
She heard his steps on the porch, the slight hesitation in his stride from his limp. Then that faded and there was only silence. Something warm brushed against her leg and she reached down to stroke Jake. The cat stared up at her, his yellow eyes seeing far more than usual.
“Don’t,” she whispered to herself. “Don’t say anything. I can’t forgive him. I can’t let him back in my life. What will he do the next time?”
There was no answer—only silence and a hard, thick pressure on her chest. She couldn’t breathe, couldn’t speak, could only feel the emptiness that was her future.
Even as she wanted to go to him, her mind screamed out that she couldn’t trust him. That he would hurt her again and no one was worth those tears. Her heart whispered that, yes, crying was inevitable. It was impossible to feel love without also feeling pain. But the price was worth it. He was worth it. That if she let him go, she would regret it for the rest of her life.
The need to protect herself battled with the hunger of her heart. Twisted and torn, her heart fought rational thought. Then she was moving. She flung open the front door and raced across the porch. She hurried down the steps, along the path until she reached the sidewalk. Frantically she looked in both directions, trying to figure out where he was.
Then she saw him nearly at the end of the block.
“Will!”
She called out loudly, aware that it was late and she wasn’t being a good neighbor, but unable to stop herself. The figure in the distance paused.
She ran toward him, nearly flying as she covered the distance. When she got close, he held out his arms and welcomed her home.
She flung herself at him and hung on as if she would never let go. He held her even tighter. Once again she couldn’t breathe, but this time it was for the best reason of all.
“Will, I…” she began.
He silenced her with a kiss. “Later.”
“But I have to tell you—”
“No, you don’t.” He released her from the hug but kept his arm around her. “Come on. It’s cold and you’re not wearing a jacket.”
She stepped in front of him and grabbed him by the shoulders. “I’m trying to tell you I love you and all you can say is I’m not wearing a jacket?”
He smiled then. A slow, sexy smile that made her stomach turn over and every part of her burn.
“I love you, too, Jo. Let’s go home.”
CHAPTER EIGHTEEN
TUCKER HEARD A FAMILIAR sound from outside the trailer. Tires on dirt and gravel. Funny how he could pick out those particular tires from all the others. Not funny in a good way, though, he thought, wishing the construction trailer had a back door.
With nowhere to run, he was forced to stay behind his desk and hope for the best. After all, he was a grown man. He could stand up to what was outside. He didn’t have to be afraid.
But all the logic in the world didn’t stop him from wincing as he heard footsteps on the stairs, followed by the turning of the handle. He braced himself for the onslaught.
The door opened and Mayor Marsha stepped inside.
“Good morning, Tucker,” she said cheerfully.
“Ma’am.”
She was as well dressed as ever, in one of her suits, the skirt hitting exactly at the middle of her knee. Her white hair was in that puffy do she seemed to like so much. Despite the warmth in her gaze, he knew this wasn’t a social call.
He stood and walked toward the coffeepot. “The gold is all excavated,” he said, pouring her a cup.
“Cream,” she said when he held it out.
He added cream, stirred, then took it over to her.
She’d settled at the small table in the back. He passed her the coffee. For a second, he thought about making a run for it, but knew that wouldn’t work. She would simply hunt him down. Better to face her now and get it over with.
“Thank you,” she said before sipping the coffee. “Having the gold gone must be making your life here more peaceful.”
“I didn’t love the tourists.”
“I imagine not.” She put the mug back on the table. “I’ve been keeping track of the progress you’re making on the site. Impressive. I have every confidence this facility is going to be an excellent addition to the Fool’s Gold community.”
“We appreciate the support from you and the city council. Some cities wouldn’t want the casino so close.”
Mayor Marsha smiled. “I’m sure that’s true, but I’m not concerned. If anyone becomes difficult, our police department is more than capable of handling the situation. The additional tax revenue is more than worth the effort. The occupancy taxes for the hotel alone are going to fund a new high school. Children are our future, as they say.”
