Only Mine

Page 23

As Denise rocked her new granddaughter in her arms, Nevada and Montana led Dakota into the spare room. Her small computer desk had been pushed to the far wall. Once-white walls had been painted the softest of pinks. New curtains hung at the windows. A thick rug covered the hardwood floor.
A crib sat in the center of the room. The linens were a cheerful yellow and white background with ballerina rabbits. A mobile of bunnies and ducks spun lazily overhead. There was a changing table and a dresser. The closet doors were open and tiny clothes hung on white hangers.
“It’s some special paint,” Nevada said. “There aren’t any fumes, so it’s safe for the baby. Everything else is organic or nontoxic.”
Dakota didn’t know what to say, so it was good that her sisters simply hugged her. She’d seen the town in action before, had been a part of it several times, but she’d never been on the receiving end of Fool’s Gold love. The sense of connection and belonging nearly overwhelmed her.
“I didn’t expect any of this,” Dakota whispered, fighting her happy tears.
“Then our work here is done,” Nevada teased.
Finn walked into the baby’s room. “You people know how to throw a party,” he said. “I’m going to get the prescription filled. I’ll be back as soon as they’re finished.”
She nodded, rather than speak. From her perspective, she’d already spent much of the day crying. If she tried to thank him, she would only resume the waterworks. The man deserved a break.
Dakota allowed her sisters to lead her back to the living room. Her mother still held Hannah, and the baby seemed more relaxed in experienced arms. Several of the women jumped up to make room for her on the sofa. Dakota collapsed onto the cushions. A plate was put in her hands and a glass of something that looked like Diet Coke was placed on the coffee table in front of her.
“Now start at the beginning and tell us everything,” her mother said. “Is Hannah all right? Finn mentioned he had to go out for medicine.”
“She’s going to be all right,” Dakota said poking her fork at the pasta salad on her plate. “It might take a little while for us to get there, but Hannah is going to be just fine.”
AURELIA STOOD on the sidewalk in the warmth of the early evening. Some people were just plain gifted. As she watched, Sasha and Lani stood in the park, fighting. They weren’t just having an argument, they were yelling and waving their arms. At one point, Sasha grabbed Lani by her upper arms, hauled her close and kissed her.
Lani resisted at first. She twisted away, then raised her hand as if she were going to slap Sasha. He held her in place and kissed her again. This time, she surrendered. Her body went limp against his, and her hands drew him closer. From several feet away, it looked as though the young lovers had averted a crisis.
Aurelia knew better. She knew the fight was staged, a little scene for the cameras. “You have to admit they’re really good,” she told Stephen. “Whether or not they make it to the end of the show, they obviously have what it takes to be successful actors.”
Stephen rested his hands on her shoulders. She wasn’t sure why, and thinking about the possible reasons made her head hurt. He was a good guy. He was smart and fun to be with and really caring. Being with him was easy, even though it didn’t show on camera. Every time she and Stephen were filmed together, the situation became awkward.
She couldn’t say what was wrong. Her nature was to accept all the blame, but if that were true, then their time on camera should only be half bad. Instead it was, as Geoff had said the previous morning, truly awful.
“Hello, Aurelia.”
Aurelia turned at the sound of her name and saw her mother walking toward her. Between work and the show, there hadn’t been much time to visit. She’d called regularly, although her mother explained that was hardly the same and not nearly enough.
“Your mother, I presume,” Stephen whispered in her ear.
Before she could agree, he stepped past her and introduced himself. They shook hands. While keeping her mother’s hand in his, Stephen thanked her for insisting Aurelia go on the show.
“Your daughter speaks of you frequently,” he continued. “I can see how much she cares about you.
“No, she doesn’t.” Her mother sniffed, then withdrew her hand and glared at them both. “If she really cared about me, she would stop by to see me more.”
“She’s busy with her job and the show.”
Aurelia stepped between them. She could see where the conversation was going, and while she appreciated Stephen looking out for her, she knew it was time for her to stand up for herself.
“Stephen, could you give us a minute?”
He nodded and moved back.
She led her mother over to a bench. But before she could speak, her mother jumped in.
“I can’t believe how young he is. I’d hoped they were exaggerating, but now I’ve seen him in person. Obviously, they weren’t. It’s humiliating. Do you know what my friends are saying? The people at work? Don’t you care about me at all?” Her mother sighed and shook her head. “You’ve always been selfish, Aurelia. And while we’re on the subject, where’s my check for this month?”
Aurelia stared at the woman who had raised her. It had always been just the two of them, and for so long, that had been enough. She had been brought up to believe that family was everything and that taking care of her mother was her responsibility. She’d told herself that her mother’s bitterness could be excused, if not explained. Now that she thought about it, she wasn’t exactly sure why her mother was so angry all the time.
Stephen didn’t appreciate Finn’s interference and saw it as nothing more than irritation. She knew better. Finn had put his life on hold because he was worried about his brothers. He wanted nothing for himself. Everything he did was for them. It had never been that way with her mother.
In Aurelia’s family, her mother came first. Her mother was the important one. Somehow Aurelia had allowed herself to be manipulated. Part of the blame lay with her mother, but part of it lay with her. She was nearly thirty years old. It was time for her to change the rules.
“Mom, I really appreciate you encouraging me to go on the show. You were right—I haven’t been doing anything to move on to the next stage of my life. I want to get married and have children. Instead, I hide myself at work and I spent all my free time with you.”
“Not recently,” her mother snapped.
“I’m sorry you feel that I haven’t been paying enough attention to you. The time on the show has allowed me to get a little perspective. I’m your daughter, and I will always love you, but I need to have my own life.”
“I see,” her mother said icily. “Let me guess. I no longer matter.”
“You matter very much. I don’t want it to be an either/or. I think I can have a life, and you and I can still be close.” Aurelia sucked in a breath. Now came the hard part. There was a knot in her stomach, a ball of fear and guilt.
“You have a really good job,” she said slowly. “The house is paid for, as is your car.” She should know. She paid off both loans herself. “Obviously, if there’s an emergency, I want to help. But otherwise, you need to be responsible for your own bills.”
Her mother sprang to her feet and glared at her. “Aurelia, this is not how you were raised. I’m the only mother you’ll ever have. When I’m dead and gone, your selfishness will haunt you forever.”
Aurelia watched her walk away. She knew her mother expected her to run after her, but she couldn’t. The relationship they’d had before had been twisted and difficult. If she wanted it to change, she would have to be strong.
Stephen walked over to her and put his arm around her. “How do you feel?”
“Nauseous.” She pressed her hand to her stomach. “We’re not done. She’ll be back. But I feel like I’ve taken the first step and that’s something.”
“It’s great.”
She looked up at him and smiled. “Great is healing some freakish disease. All I did was stand up to my mother.”
“When was the last time you did that?”
“I was probably five.”
“Then it’s a big deal.”
“You’re too nice to me.”
“Not possible.”
They walked through the park, going away from the direction her mother had chosen. Aurelia told herself to ignore the guilt, and that in time, it would fade.
The reality was her mother was more than capable of supporting herself. But for some reason, she wanted to be taken care of.
“Maybe she thinks that having me pay for things proves that I love her,” she said, thinking out loud.
“Or she wants to be able to tell all her friends. That gives her status with them. After all, what do their kids do?”
“I hadn’t thought of that,” she admitted. “On my good days, I tell myself to feel sorry for her rather than be angry or resentful.”
“Does it work?”
“Sometimes.”
They stopped by Lake Ciara. The sun had set and the sky was dark. She could see the first stars appearing. As a little girl, she’d wished on the stars, wanting them to make her dreams come true. Back then, most of her dreams had been about a handsome prince who would rescue her.
Now, looking back, she realized the rescue was about escaping her mother. While she’d appreciated having someone to care about her, that relationship had too many rules and strings. Even as a child, she’d felt the need to be loved for herself.
That desire was still there, but she knew it wouldn’t come from the stars. Instead she would have to grow enough as a person to be able to accept that kind of love. Tonight had been a good first step. If her mother returned and tried to suck her back into their old relationship, she would do her best to stand strong.
“You’re looking serious about something,” he said.
“Reminding myself to stay strong.”
He gazed into her eyes. “I really admire you.”
She blinked. “Excuse me?”
“You’ve had to deal with so much. You’re standing up to the only family you have. You’re on this show.”
While she appreciated the praise, she didn’t feel especially worthy. “I’m nearly thirty years old. It’s long past time for me to take on my mother. Besides, you stood up to your brother. I think you inspired me.”
He shook his head. “It was just the two of you. Changing that relationship isn’t easy.” He grimaced. “I didn’t stand up to my brother, in fact. I ran.”
“That’s different.”
Without warning, he leaned in and kissed her. The feel of his mouth against hers made every part of her weak with longing. She kissed him back, knowing she shouldn’t, telling herself she would stop any second now.
He wrapped his arms around her and pulled her hard against him. She went willingly, surrendering to a force bigger than her doubts. He was tall and strong and made her feel safe. Stephen always made her think that, as long as he was there, nothing bad could happen.
When his tongue touched her bottom lip, she parted for him. She met him stroke for stroke, feeling the heat grow. His hands moved up and down her back, then dropped to her hips. She surged toward him and felt his erection against her stomach.
The physical proof of where this was going shocked her into pulling away. She stepped back, her breathing ragged, and stared at him.
“Stop,” she gasped, then shook her head and held up a hand. “You have to stop. We have to stop. This is crazy.”
His blue eyes were bright with passion as he reached for her again, but she stepped back.
“I mean it,” she said as forcefully as she could. It was difficult to be stern when all she wanted was to throw herself at him, to be held by him, to make love with him.
“I don’t understand,” he told her. “I thought…” He looked away. “My mistake.”
“No.” She grabbed his arm to keep him in place. “I’m sorry. I’m saying this all wrong. Stephen, this isn’t about you. It’s about me and us and where we are in our lives.” She stared at him, willing him to understand.
“You’re twenty-one years old. You need to finish college and go live your life. You have so many firsts, so many new experiences ahead of you, and I don’t want to get in the way of that.”
He didn’t look the least bit understanding or appreciative of her attempt at self-sacrifice. “What the hell are you talking about? You’re acting like you’re a hundred years older than me. What first do I have in front of me that you don’t have, too? Sure, you’re a couple of years older, but so what? I like being with you. I thought you felt the same.”
He liked being with her? It was hard to focus on what was important and not revel in that information. As for the firsts… “What about falling in love for the first time? You need to do that with someone your own age.”
He stared at her with the expression of a confident male. At that moment there wasn’t nine years between them. They were equals—or maybe he was a little in charge.
“Who have you been in love with?” he asked.
“Um, well, technically I haven’t been in love, but we’re not talking about me.”
“Your point is that you have a whole world that I haven’t experienced. But that’s not true. You told me that even during college you were coming home every weekend. It’s not like you had a great love affair. And since then, you’ve been involved with work and dealing with your mother.”