Only Mine
Page 27
Talk about a crazy question. “Of course I’m sure. I would never let that happen.”
AURELIA STOOD awkwardly on the sidewalk. Karen, one of the production assistants, had emailed her the time of her next date with Stephen. Aurelia had hoped everyone would just forget about her and Stephen, but that was too much to ask. Now she had to not only go on a date with him, but she had to do it in front of the camera crew and who knew how many people watching on television.
If only they’d been voted off sooner, she thought, shifting her weight from foot to foot. But that was the coward’s way out.
In truth, she owed Stephen an apology. Not that they would ever be right for each other, but that didn’t excuse how she’d handled the situation. She hadn’t been very nice. Probably because there was a part of her that didn’t want to give him up. There was a part of her that didn’t care about the age difference or the fact that he deserved someone who was where he was in life.
Somehow everything had gotten so complicated, and she didn’t know how to make it simple again.
“Aurelia?”
She turned toward the voice and found Stephen standing behind her. Despite her best attempt, he’d still managed to sneak up on her. For a single heartbeat, she felt only happiness at the sight of him. So tall and strong, so handsome. She smiled and knew he could read everything she was thinking.
Then reality returned and, with it, the realization that she could never be right for him.
“I guess we have a date to get through,” she said. “If we continue to be the most boring couple, I’m sure we’ll get voted off this week.”
“Is that what you want?” he asked.
“It makes the most sense.”
She found it difficult to talk. When she was that close to him, her brain didn’t work right. She could only think about him holding her and how she felt when he kissed her.
Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t he be older or her younger?
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” she blurted. “I never wanted to be someone you would regret. I’m not afraid for me. I’m afraid for you.”
She clamped her hand over her mouth and wished there was a way to call back the words. She should never have told him that, never have admitted the truth. He would think she was an idiot. Or worse, he would feel sorry for her.
Without thinking, she started walking away. She had no destination in mind, just a burning need to escape the situation. But before she could go anywhere, he was in front of her, his hands on her shoulders, his intense blue eyes staring into her face.
“I could never regret you. Us.”
How she wanted that to be true. In this moment, it probably was, but one of them had to think beyond today.
“Let’s say I believe you,” she said. “So what happens next? What are you going to do?”
He grinned. That happy, easy grin that made her toes curl.
“Go back to college.”
She stared at him. “Excuse me? Go back to college? That’s what your brother wanted all along. Why would you agree to it now?”
“Because I know it means you’ll take me seriously.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. “Really?”
He nodded. “I liked college. I enjoyed studying engineering. I’ve been taking classes in bioengineering, with an emphasis on alternative fuels. It’s a growing industry. College was never the problem—it was Finn. He knows Sasha isn’t interested in the family business, so he’s expecting me to be the one to join him.” He shrugged. “I like flying, but I don’t want to make it my career. I’ve never wanted that.”
“I know that, but Finn doesn’t. You have to tell him.”
His mouth twisted. “Would you tell him if you were me? Finn has a bug up his ass about the business and college. I think it has more to do with our parents dying and him having to raise us. He’s done a good job, but he’s gotten too used to running our lives. I knew he expected me to go into the family business. I didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t want that. So I did something drastic—I came with Sasha to be on the show. I never expected to find you.”
She stared at him. “I don’t understand.” Her voice was a whisper.
“I thought I was looking for something. Now I get that I was looking for someone. You. I’ll go back to school and get my degree because it will make you happy. But also because it will make me the kind of man you want. This is all about you, Aurelia. Don’t you get that?”
All she heard was a faint buzzing sound. The world seemed to move around her, and it took her a second to realize she was on the verge of passing out. She couldn’t catch her breath, but then Stephen was kissing her and little things like breathing didn’t matter.
She kissed him back, losing herself in the feel of his mouth on hers. The moment was everything she’d ever wanted. Better than that, the man was everything she’d ever wanted.
He raised his head and stared at her. “I love you, Aurelia. I think I have from the first moment I saw you.”
“I love you, too.”
She hadn’t been sure she would ever get to say those words to a man. Now, as she spoke them, she knew the rightness of each syllable.
Sure, there were complications. Things to be worked out. Explanations to be made. But that was for later. Right now there was Stephen and the fact that he loved her.
He kissed her again. She moved closer and—
“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Geoff said. “This is good television.”
Stephen straightened, looking as shocked as she felt. She stared at him, horror growing inside of her. The cameras. How could they have forgotten about the cameras? They weren’t having a private conversation. They were on television.
Stephen swore softly. “I’m sorry. I forgot they were there.”
“Me, too.”
There was no point in going to Geoff. He wouldn’t understand the concept of keeping a private moment private. He was interested in ratings. The boring couple had just given him a blockbuster of a teaser.
It wasn’t just that Geoff and the crew had seen it all. Soon everyone would be a witness.
Stephen cupped her face. “Want to change your mind?”
“No.”
“Me, either.” He smiled. “We should probably brace ourselves for the worst. What’s that line from that movie? If you jump, I’ll jump.”
“It’s a long way down.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll catch you.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
DAKOTA AND FINN SAT on her sofa, watching that week’s installment of True Love or Fool’s Gold. The teaser right before the commercial break was of Aurelia and Stephen, standing somewhere in town, looking intense.
“I didn’t know they were going to be featured this week,” Dakota said. “They didn’t have a date, did they?”
“Not that I know of,” Finn said, passing her the bowl of popcorn.
He’d come over for dinner. She’d made steaks and salad. They’d sat at her table and laughed and talked, taking turns holding Hannah. A good evening, she thought, telling herself not to read too much into it. Sure, she enjoyed Finn’s company, but as a friend. What was that phrase? Friends with benefits?
Hannah had gone to sleep, and Dakota was hoping that after the show, she and Finn would also go to bed. Although the sleep part wasn’t what interested her.
The commercial ended, and the show resumed. A long shot of Aurelia and Stephen made her think the camera was some distance away. The sound seemed enhanced, too, as if the two of them hadn’t been miked.
It took Dakota a second to realize what Aurelia was saying. Something about not wanting to hurt Stephen, that she didn’t want him to have regrets. The look on his face when he said he could never regret their relationship stunned Dakota.
“I didn’t realize,” she began, then pressed her lips together. Oh, crap. So much for them being the quiet couple. When no one was looking, they’d gone ahead and gotten involved. If she didn’t know better, she would swear they’d fallen in love.
Finn wasn’t going to be happy about that.
She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and saw him staring intently at the screen. Before she could figure out what to say, or even if she should say anything, the topic of the conversation shifted.
“I knew Finn expected me to go into the family business. I didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t want that.”
Finn handed her the popcorn bowl and stood. “Well, hell.”
Dakota set the bowl on the coffee table and rose. “Take a breath,” she said. “This can’t be news.”
Finn glared at her. “Of course it’s news. We’ve been talking about this for years. When Stephen finishes college he’s coming into the family business. That was always the way it was going to be.”
She didn’t actually believe that. From what she could tell, Stephen had never shown any interest in the family business. He was majoring in engineering in college. If he wanted to join forces with his brother, wouldn’t he have been studying business or something flying-related?
“You’re not upset because he doesn’t want to be in the family business,” she said gently. “It’s that he didn’t tell you himself. You had to find out this way.”
“Sure, that’s some of it. Why the hell couldn’t he come talk to me? I’m his brother. Why wouldn’t he tell me the truth?”
She put her hand on his arm. “Maybe because you’re not interested in the truth. You only want to hear the story you want to hear. I suspect both your brothers have been telling you things for a long time. They didn’t decide to come here on a whim. They’ve been looking for a way out for a while. The show offered them that in an easy way.”
“You don’t know as much as you think you know.” His voice was low and angry, although she had a feeling he was more angry at himself than at her.
“I know you’re pushing them. I know you’ve been pushing them for a long time. You want to run their lives because you believe it’s the only way to keep them safe.” She drew in a breath. “Finn, you’ve done an amazing job with your brothers. Everyone can see it. There is no arbitrary line that you cross that says it’s okay to stop worrying. That it’s okay to stop taking care of them. That’s what you’re looking for. Someone somewhere to tell you it’s okay to let go.”
He shook off her hand and backed up a couple of steps. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, I do. Let them be. You’ve given them everything they need to be successful. Trust yourself and trust them.”
“Even if that means not finishing college?”
“Yes.”
“Not possible.” He shoved his hands into his jeans pocket.
“So what are you going to do?” she asked. “Force Stephen into the family business? Are you going to guilt him into it? That’s not you. You don’t want him living a life of duty, doing things because he has to.”
“That’s what I had,” Finn growled. “Nobody asked me what I wanted. Nobody gave a damn about my life. One day my parents were alive and everything was fine. The next they were dead. I was there. Did you know that? I was flying the plane when it crashed. There was a storm and my mother didn’t want to fly, so we were going to wait. But she was worried about my brothers, so we took off anyway. The plane was hit by lightning and we went down. They were both injured. I had to hike out, and by the time I got back with help, they were dead.”
He’d never told her how his parents had died beyond the fact that it had been a plane crash, and she hadn’t thought to ask for details. She’d assumed it had been some kind of accident but nothing this bad. Nothing he’d been a part of. No wonder he held himself together so tightly. No wonder he didn’t want to get involved or have more responsibility.
Everything made sense now. His intensity with his brothers. His concern about their future and safety. He was trying to control fate, and that wasn’t possible.
She stepped in front of him and stared into his dark blue eyes. “You did what you had to do. You took care of your own. Your parents would have been very proud of you.”
He started to turn away, but she grabbed the front of his shirt and held him in place.
“You’re right,” she said. “No one asked you if you wanted to take on that responsibility. You did it because they’re your family and it was the right thing to do. You understood that. Just like you know, deep in your heart, that you don’t want Stephen in the business if he doesn’t want to be there.”
Finn stared at her for a long time, then opened his arms. She stepped into his embrace and hung on as if she would never let go.
“He should have told me,” he whispered. “He should have told me himself. I would have understood.”
She doubted Finn would have made the conversation very easy. Even so, his point was a good one. This was not how he should have found out.
She could argue that Stephen was still a boy, although that wouldn’t help her case of Finn letting them grow and live their lives. Besides, she understood his pain, even if she couldn’t feel it herself. He had given up so much, and now he felt betrayed.
Families were hard. They were great, but they were hard. Or maybe it was just loving someone that made things complicated.
As she held on to him, she realized that her mother had been right. Falling in love with Finn would be easy. Too easy. She was going to have to be very, very careful.
AURELIA STOOD awkwardly on the sidewalk. Karen, one of the production assistants, had emailed her the time of her next date with Stephen. Aurelia had hoped everyone would just forget about her and Stephen, but that was too much to ask. Now she had to not only go on a date with him, but she had to do it in front of the camera crew and who knew how many people watching on television.
If only they’d been voted off sooner, she thought, shifting her weight from foot to foot. But that was the coward’s way out.
In truth, she owed Stephen an apology. Not that they would ever be right for each other, but that didn’t excuse how she’d handled the situation. She hadn’t been very nice. Probably because there was a part of her that didn’t want to give him up. There was a part of her that didn’t care about the age difference or the fact that he deserved someone who was where he was in life.
Somehow everything had gotten so complicated, and she didn’t know how to make it simple again.
“Aurelia?”
She turned toward the voice and found Stephen standing behind her. Despite her best attempt, he’d still managed to sneak up on her. For a single heartbeat, she felt only happiness at the sight of him. So tall and strong, so handsome. She smiled and knew he could read everything she was thinking.
Then reality returned and, with it, the realization that she could never be right for him.
“I guess we have a date to get through,” she said. “If we continue to be the most boring couple, I’m sure we’ll get voted off this week.”
“Is that what you want?” he asked.
“It makes the most sense.”
She found it difficult to talk. When she was that close to him, her brain didn’t work right. She could only think about him holding her and how she felt when he kissed her.
Why did it have to be like this? Why couldn’t he be older or her younger?
“I didn’t want to hurt you,” she blurted. “I never wanted to be someone you would regret. I’m not afraid for me. I’m afraid for you.”
She clamped her hand over her mouth and wished there was a way to call back the words. She should never have told him that, never have admitted the truth. He would think she was an idiot. Or worse, he would feel sorry for her.
Without thinking, she started walking away. She had no destination in mind, just a burning need to escape the situation. But before she could go anywhere, he was in front of her, his hands on her shoulders, his intense blue eyes staring into her face.
“I could never regret you. Us.”
How she wanted that to be true. In this moment, it probably was, but one of them had to think beyond today.
“Let’s say I believe you,” she said. “So what happens next? What are you going to do?”
He grinned. That happy, easy grin that made her toes curl.
“Go back to college.”
She stared at him. “Excuse me? Go back to college? That’s what your brother wanted all along. Why would you agree to it now?”
“Because I know it means you’ll take me seriously.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. “Really?”
He nodded. “I liked college. I enjoyed studying engineering. I’ve been taking classes in bioengineering, with an emphasis on alternative fuels. It’s a growing industry. College was never the problem—it was Finn. He knows Sasha isn’t interested in the family business, so he’s expecting me to be the one to join him.” He shrugged. “I like flying, but I don’t want to make it my career. I’ve never wanted that.”
“I know that, but Finn doesn’t. You have to tell him.”
His mouth twisted. “Would you tell him if you were me? Finn has a bug up his ass about the business and college. I think it has more to do with our parents dying and him having to raise us. He’s done a good job, but he’s gotten too used to running our lives. I knew he expected me to go into the family business. I didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t want that. So I did something drastic—I came with Sasha to be on the show. I never expected to find you.”
She stared at him. “I don’t understand.” Her voice was a whisper.
“I thought I was looking for something. Now I get that I was looking for someone. You. I’ll go back to school and get my degree because it will make you happy. But also because it will make me the kind of man you want. This is all about you, Aurelia. Don’t you get that?”
All she heard was a faint buzzing sound. The world seemed to move around her, and it took her a second to realize she was on the verge of passing out. She couldn’t catch her breath, but then Stephen was kissing her and little things like breathing didn’t matter.
She kissed him back, losing herself in the feel of his mouth on hers. The moment was everything she’d ever wanted. Better than that, the man was everything she’d ever wanted.
He raised his head and stared at her. “I love you, Aurelia. I think I have from the first moment I saw you.”
“I love you, too.”
She hadn’t been sure she would ever get to say those words to a man. Now, as she spoke them, she knew the rightness of each syllable.
Sure, there were complications. Things to be worked out. Explanations to be made. But that was for later. Right now there was Stephen and the fact that he loved her.
He kissed her again. She moved closer and—
“Now that’s what I’m talking about,” Geoff said. “This is good television.”
Stephen straightened, looking as shocked as she felt. She stared at him, horror growing inside of her. The cameras. How could they have forgotten about the cameras? They weren’t having a private conversation. They were on television.
Stephen swore softly. “I’m sorry. I forgot they were there.”
“Me, too.”
There was no point in going to Geoff. He wouldn’t understand the concept of keeping a private moment private. He was interested in ratings. The boring couple had just given him a blockbuster of a teaser.
It wasn’t just that Geoff and the crew had seen it all. Soon everyone would be a witness.
Stephen cupped her face. “Want to change your mind?”
“No.”
“Me, either.” He smiled. “We should probably brace ourselves for the worst. What’s that line from that movie? If you jump, I’ll jump.”
“It’s a long way down.”
“Don’t worry. I’ll catch you.”
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
DAKOTA AND FINN SAT on her sofa, watching that week’s installment of True Love or Fool’s Gold. The teaser right before the commercial break was of Aurelia and Stephen, standing somewhere in town, looking intense.
“I didn’t know they were going to be featured this week,” Dakota said. “They didn’t have a date, did they?”
“Not that I know of,” Finn said, passing her the bowl of popcorn.
He’d come over for dinner. She’d made steaks and salad. They’d sat at her table and laughed and talked, taking turns holding Hannah. A good evening, she thought, telling herself not to read too much into it. Sure, she enjoyed Finn’s company, but as a friend. What was that phrase? Friends with benefits?
Hannah had gone to sleep, and Dakota was hoping that after the show, she and Finn would also go to bed. Although the sleep part wasn’t what interested her.
The commercial ended, and the show resumed. A long shot of Aurelia and Stephen made her think the camera was some distance away. The sound seemed enhanced, too, as if the two of them hadn’t been miked.
It took Dakota a second to realize what Aurelia was saying. Something about not wanting to hurt Stephen, that she didn’t want him to have regrets. The look on his face when he said he could never regret their relationship stunned Dakota.
“I didn’t realize,” she began, then pressed her lips together. Oh, crap. So much for them being the quiet couple. When no one was looking, they’d gone ahead and gotten involved. If she didn’t know better, she would swear they’d fallen in love.
Finn wasn’t going to be happy about that.
She glanced at him out of the corner of her eye and saw him staring intently at the screen. Before she could figure out what to say, or even if she should say anything, the topic of the conversation shifted.
“I knew Finn expected me to go into the family business. I didn’t know how to tell him I didn’t want that.”
Finn handed her the popcorn bowl and stood. “Well, hell.”
Dakota set the bowl on the coffee table and rose. “Take a breath,” she said. “This can’t be news.”
Finn glared at her. “Of course it’s news. We’ve been talking about this for years. When Stephen finishes college he’s coming into the family business. That was always the way it was going to be.”
She didn’t actually believe that. From what she could tell, Stephen had never shown any interest in the family business. He was majoring in engineering in college. If he wanted to join forces with his brother, wouldn’t he have been studying business or something flying-related?
“You’re not upset because he doesn’t want to be in the family business,” she said gently. “It’s that he didn’t tell you himself. You had to find out this way.”
“Sure, that’s some of it. Why the hell couldn’t he come talk to me? I’m his brother. Why wouldn’t he tell me the truth?”
She put her hand on his arm. “Maybe because you’re not interested in the truth. You only want to hear the story you want to hear. I suspect both your brothers have been telling you things for a long time. They didn’t decide to come here on a whim. They’ve been looking for a way out for a while. The show offered them that in an easy way.”
“You don’t know as much as you think you know.” His voice was low and angry, although she had a feeling he was more angry at himself than at her.
“I know you’re pushing them. I know you’ve been pushing them for a long time. You want to run their lives because you believe it’s the only way to keep them safe.” She drew in a breath. “Finn, you’ve done an amazing job with your brothers. Everyone can see it. There is no arbitrary line that you cross that says it’s okay to stop worrying. That it’s okay to stop taking care of them. That’s what you’re looking for. Someone somewhere to tell you it’s okay to let go.”
He shook off her hand and backed up a couple of steps. “You don’t know what you’re talking about.”
“Yes, I do. Let them be. You’ve given them everything they need to be successful. Trust yourself and trust them.”
“Even if that means not finishing college?”
“Yes.”
“Not possible.” He shoved his hands into his jeans pocket.
“So what are you going to do?” she asked. “Force Stephen into the family business? Are you going to guilt him into it? That’s not you. You don’t want him living a life of duty, doing things because he has to.”
“That’s what I had,” Finn growled. “Nobody asked me what I wanted. Nobody gave a damn about my life. One day my parents were alive and everything was fine. The next they were dead. I was there. Did you know that? I was flying the plane when it crashed. There was a storm and my mother didn’t want to fly, so we were going to wait. But she was worried about my brothers, so we took off anyway. The plane was hit by lightning and we went down. They were both injured. I had to hike out, and by the time I got back with help, they were dead.”
He’d never told her how his parents had died beyond the fact that it had been a plane crash, and she hadn’t thought to ask for details. She’d assumed it had been some kind of accident but nothing this bad. Nothing he’d been a part of. No wonder he held himself together so tightly. No wonder he didn’t want to get involved or have more responsibility.
Everything made sense now. His intensity with his brothers. His concern about their future and safety. He was trying to control fate, and that wasn’t possible.
She stepped in front of him and stared into his dark blue eyes. “You did what you had to do. You took care of your own. Your parents would have been very proud of you.”
He started to turn away, but she grabbed the front of his shirt and held him in place.
“You’re right,” she said. “No one asked you if you wanted to take on that responsibility. You did it because they’re your family and it was the right thing to do. You understood that. Just like you know, deep in your heart, that you don’t want Stephen in the business if he doesn’t want to be there.”
Finn stared at her for a long time, then opened his arms. She stepped into his embrace and hung on as if she would never let go.
“He should have told me,” he whispered. “He should have told me himself. I would have understood.”
She doubted Finn would have made the conversation very easy. Even so, his point was a good one. This was not how he should have found out.
She could argue that Stephen was still a boy, although that wouldn’t help her case of Finn letting them grow and live their lives. Besides, she understood his pain, even if she couldn’t feel it herself. He had given up so much, and now he felt betrayed.
Families were hard. They were great, but they were hard. Or maybe it was just loving someone that made things complicated.
As she held on to him, she realized that her mother had been right. Falling in love with Finn would be easy. Too easy. She was going to have to be very, very careful.
