Only Mine
Page 30
“Okay,” he said, his eyes still closed. “Go on.”
“Now imagine your house has a deck and there are stairs down to the beach. Ten stairs. They’re wood. Your feet are bare. It’s warm and sunny. You can feel the railing in your hand and you can feel the wooden deck below your feet. There’s a light breeze.”
Sasha was surprised to realize he actually could feel the deck. The wood was smooth and warm from the sun. He could feel the loose sand under his toes. The light breeze she described blew against his face. He felt his hair move.
“Now imagine yourself walking down the stairs,” she said, her voice low and soothing. “You’re getting closer to the beach. You can smell the ocean and hear the sound of the surf. You can see people on the beach.” She laughed. “Let’s change that. You can see girls on the beach.”
“Maybe just a couple,” he said with a chuckle. “Okay. I’m walking down the stairs.”
“Go slow,” she said. “Imagine everything about it. The railing. Don’t forget that. You’re walking down and down. There’s only one more step and then you’ll be on the beach. So stop at the last step. Can you see yourself there?”
He nodded. He could see everything, and he could feel it, too. The moment was so real, he could taste salt on his lips.
“Now step onto the sand,” she said. “Feel the warm sand. It’s just the right temperature. Not too hot, but warm on top and cooler underneath. Three of the girls see you. They whisper to each other and then start running toward you. They know exactly who you are and they are so excited to meet you. Because you’re on their favorite show. One of them is holding a copy of People magazine. And you’re on the cover.”
Sasha grinned. Everything about it was real, right down to the picture of him on the magazine. With his eyes still closed, he squinted, then laughed. There it was, in bold print. Sexiest man alive.
He opened his eyes and looked at Lani. “That was great. How do you do that? I want to do it more.”
“You’re such a baby. Why aren’t you visualizing every day? It’s the best way to get what you want. Sure, you have to do the work, but this allows you to be in the right place at the right time. When you visualize and practice, you prepare yourself for success. I’ve been visualizing myself winning an Oscar since I was fourteen years old.”
She stood and walked over to the bench, then sat next to him. “I don’t know anyone in the business,” she told him. “I don’t have a lot of experience or friends I can ask. I’m doing this all on my own. This is how I make it real. This is how I get through the day. If you want it, Sasha, you have to believe in yourself. Most of the time no one else will believe in you.”
“I get it. I need to come up with what I want and then imagine it already happening.”
“Yes. But do it every day. That’s what makes it powerful.” She sighed. “I imagined myself on a reality show. I should have been more specific. I can’t get anyone to tell me ratings numbers. Have you heard anything?”
“What are you talking about?”
She groaned. “How is the show doing? Are the advertisers happy with the number of viewers? That kind of information is important. We want the show to be successful.”
“What does it matter if it isn’t? We’ll be gone.”
“It’s important because if we’re going to put it on a resume somebody has to have heard about it. There is no point in claiming stardom on a show no one saw.” She stared at him. “You make me crazy, and not in a good way.”
“Part of my charm,” he told her and grinned.
“You are not all that.” She looked past him. “For all we know, one of the camera guys followed us. We should probably make out for a little bit just in case.”
While there wasn’t any chemistry between them, kissing a pretty girl was never bad. But instead of thinking that he wanted her, he found himself remembering her lesson on visualization. He would get started on that right away. The first thing he was going to visualize was his big brother flying back to Alaska and leaving him the hell alone.
FINN PICKED UP his two bags and left the grocery store. He barely made it onto the sidewalk when a tall older woman stopped him.
“You’re that man,” she said, peering at him. “The one dating Dakota.”
He wasn’t sure if she was telling him or asking a question. Either way it wasn’t her business. Except this was Fool’s Gold and he’d learned that people got involved whether you wanted them to or not.
“I know Dakota,” he admitted.
“How is she doing? Her baby is just so precious. Hannah—that’s her name, right?”
“Um, yes.” Finn wanted to hurry her along to ask her why they were having this conversation, but he knew better. This stranger would get to her point when she was good and ready. His job was to wait and listen.
“Do you know if she still has a lot of food in the freezer?” the woman asked. “I always prefer to wait before bringing over a casserole. In the beginning of any family crisis, everyone rushes in with food and it all has to be frozen. It’s never as good when it’s thawed and heated. I think we should make a schedule. People could sign up and bring food on an ongoing basis. But no one listens. So I do it myself. I wait a couple of weeks and then bring by food. So do you know if she has enough?”
“Olivia.”
Finn turned and saw Denise, Dakota’s mother, approaching. Her smile looked amused rather than friendly, as if she knew he were trapped and she was trying to decide if she was going to help him escape. As he had been practically na**d in her daughter’s house, he understood her need to make him squirm. He could only hope that in the end she helped set him free.
“Hello, Denise,” the older woman said. “I was just talking to Dakota’s young man here to find out if I should bring over a casserole.”
“Olivia is known for her casseroles,” Denise told Finn.
“She’s a member of another of the founding families here in Fool’s Gold. Olivia, this is Finn.”
“We’ve met,” Olivia announced. “He doesn’t say much, does he? I can respect that. I, too, enjoyed a quiet man. I assume he has other attributes that recommend him.”
Finn couldn’t remember the last time he’d worried about blushing. He figured he had to have been in his teens. But here he was, standing on the streets of Fool’s Gold, trying not to turn red.
Denise’s brown eyes danced with amusement. “I’m sure he does. Not that Dakota discusses them with me. Perhaps if you ask one of her sisters.”
Finn nearly choked and started to inch away. Denise grabbed him by the arm to hold him in place.
“Perhaps I will,” Olivia said. “In the meantime, if you think she would enjoy something to eat, I’ll take Dakota a casserole.”
“I wish you would,” Denise said. “I know you’ll enjoy meeting Hannah. She’s wonderful. An adorable little baby girl. She was small for her age when Dakota got her, but she’s growing fast. She’s starting to eat solid food.”
“I remember what a mess that was,” Olivia said with a smile. “All right. Thank you for the information. If you see Dakota, please let her know I’ll be by later today.”
“I will,” Denise promised. She waited until the older woman had walked away, then turned to Finn. “I wasn’t sure you were going to make it,” she said.
“I respect your need to torture me.”
“A mother’s prerogative. But it really wasn’t that bad. Most everyone in town is nice, if a bit inquisitive.” The dancing humor was back in her eyes.
He found himself smiling. “People don’t go through many things alone around here.”
She took one of the bags from him, and they started walking toward his rented room.
“We don’t believe in self-sufficiency,” she told him. “But you grew up in a small town, so you under stand.”
“We were always ready to help a neighbor, but we were expected to manage pretty much on our own.”
“When I gave birth to the girls, I had some complications.” Denise shook her head. “I was pretty sick. I don’t remember very much. My husband, Ralph, didn’t want to leave me alone in the hospital. But he had three little boys at home and a business to run. Not to mention triplet infants and it was Christmas. It was a stressful time. When I finally came home, I was weak. It took me a couple of months to recover. The women in town took care of us. Someone was in the house every single day for the first six months. I don’t think I changed a diaper until the girls were at least three months old.”
“Impressive.”
“I want you to know that we take care of our own. If you choose to stay here, then you would become one of us, and we would take care of you, too.”
“I don’t need a lot of taking care of.”
“I’m sure that’s true. I’m just letting you know how it would be. But from what my daughter tells me, you’re not thinking about staying.”
He glanced at her, wondering what was coming next. As he wasn’t sure what Denise thought of him, he couldn’t guess her preference. Did she want him to stick around? Or would she prefer he left sooner rather than later?
“I’m not looking to add more responsibility to my life,” he admitted. She might not like the truth, but he wasn’t going to lie to make her happy. “Dakota is great, though. I like her a lot.”
“But not enough to stay.” Denise wasn’t asking a question. “You don’t have to worry. If you wanted to stay, that would be great. But if you don’t, she’ll be fine.”
She was giving him permission to walk away. There wouldn’t be any guilt or games. In a way, it was the perfect situation. So why didn’t he feel better about it?
They had reached his motel room. Finn felt funny about inviting her in but wasn’t comfortable standing in front of the door. Denise solved the problem by handing him back his second bag.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” she told him.
“What makes you think I’m looking for anything?”
“Because you don’t seem very happy.” She tempered her observation with a gentle smile.
With that, she turned and left. Finn watched her go, then let himself into his small room and shut the door. He put away the groceries, filling the tiny refrigerator. Then he paced restlessly in the room.
He wanted to go after Denise and tell her that she was wrong. Of course he was happy. He’d spent the past eight years raising his brothers, and his job was finally done. He could go home, knowing they would be okay in the world. Why the hell wouldn’t he be happy?
He flung himself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Who was he kidding? He wasn’t happy. He hadn’t been for a long time. He wanted to blame his brothers but knew it was more than that. It was him.
A next step seemed logical, he thought. If only he knew what it was.
His cell phone rang, saving him from the pain of introspection.
“It’s Geoff,” a familiar voice said when he answered. “You’ll want to watch the show tonight. I think it will make you happy.”
“Not if Sasha plays with fire again,” he grumbled.
“It’s better than fire,” Geoff promised him. “Make sure you watch.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ALTHOUGH DAKOTA HAD SEEN most of the episodes of True Love or Fool’s Gold with Finn, tonight was different. While he was comfortably sprawled on the sofa, with Hannah on his chest, Dakota found herself restless and uneasy. No doubt it was the secret she was keeping. Being pregnant had a way of changing a woman’s perspective. She was thrilled about the thought of having a baby. Two months ago she’d thought she might never have a family, and now she had a beautiful baby girl and another child on the way. What was that old phrase? An embarrassment of riches?
But there was always another side to any situation. In this case, it was telling Finn that he was the father of her child. Something she knew he didn’t want.
“Have I mentioned Geoff isn’t one of my favorite people?” Finn asked. “He specifically told me to watch tonight’s episode and so far it hasn’t been very interesting. Or maybe that’s just me.” He glanced at her. “Am I the wrong demographic?”
It took Dakota a second to realize what he was talking about. “I’ve heard the ratings aren’t very good. Karen, one of the production assistants, told me that Geoff was really sweating the numbers. I think it’s the show’s premise. I’m a big fan of reality television, but this concept doesn’t make sense to me. We all want to see people falling in love, but this feels fake.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I don’t want to watch people falling in love.”
She smiled. “Okay, okay. It’s a girl thing. A while ago on Biggest Loser two of the contestants fell in love. It was just the best. My sisters and I couldn’t stop calling each other about it.”
“But you don’t know them. Why does it matter if they get involved?”
“It just does. It’s fun to watch people fall in love. Which should make the show more interesting. I guess that’s the problem. No one is falling in love.”
She glanced back at the screen and saw Sasha and Lani. “Here they are,” she said.
Finn turned his attention to the television. Dakota found herself watching him rather than the show. He was a good man. Kind and responsible. He was also pretty fabulous in bed, but that shouldn’t matter. She smiled. Even though it sort of did.
“Now imagine your house has a deck and there are stairs down to the beach. Ten stairs. They’re wood. Your feet are bare. It’s warm and sunny. You can feel the railing in your hand and you can feel the wooden deck below your feet. There’s a light breeze.”
Sasha was surprised to realize he actually could feel the deck. The wood was smooth and warm from the sun. He could feel the loose sand under his toes. The light breeze she described blew against his face. He felt his hair move.
“Now imagine yourself walking down the stairs,” she said, her voice low and soothing. “You’re getting closer to the beach. You can smell the ocean and hear the sound of the surf. You can see people on the beach.” She laughed. “Let’s change that. You can see girls on the beach.”
“Maybe just a couple,” he said with a chuckle. “Okay. I’m walking down the stairs.”
“Go slow,” she said. “Imagine everything about it. The railing. Don’t forget that. You’re walking down and down. There’s only one more step and then you’ll be on the beach. So stop at the last step. Can you see yourself there?”
He nodded. He could see everything, and he could feel it, too. The moment was so real, he could taste salt on his lips.
“Now step onto the sand,” she said. “Feel the warm sand. It’s just the right temperature. Not too hot, but warm on top and cooler underneath. Three of the girls see you. They whisper to each other and then start running toward you. They know exactly who you are and they are so excited to meet you. Because you’re on their favorite show. One of them is holding a copy of People magazine. And you’re on the cover.”
Sasha grinned. Everything about it was real, right down to the picture of him on the magazine. With his eyes still closed, he squinted, then laughed. There it was, in bold print. Sexiest man alive.
He opened his eyes and looked at Lani. “That was great. How do you do that? I want to do it more.”
“You’re such a baby. Why aren’t you visualizing every day? It’s the best way to get what you want. Sure, you have to do the work, but this allows you to be in the right place at the right time. When you visualize and practice, you prepare yourself for success. I’ve been visualizing myself winning an Oscar since I was fourteen years old.”
She stood and walked over to the bench, then sat next to him. “I don’t know anyone in the business,” she told him. “I don’t have a lot of experience or friends I can ask. I’m doing this all on my own. This is how I make it real. This is how I get through the day. If you want it, Sasha, you have to believe in yourself. Most of the time no one else will believe in you.”
“I get it. I need to come up with what I want and then imagine it already happening.”
“Yes. But do it every day. That’s what makes it powerful.” She sighed. “I imagined myself on a reality show. I should have been more specific. I can’t get anyone to tell me ratings numbers. Have you heard anything?”
“What are you talking about?”
She groaned. “How is the show doing? Are the advertisers happy with the number of viewers? That kind of information is important. We want the show to be successful.”
“What does it matter if it isn’t? We’ll be gone.”
“It’s important because if we’re going to put it on a resume somebody has to have heard about it. There is no point in claiming stardom on a show no one saw.” She stared at him. “You make me crazy, and not in a good way.”
“Part of my charm,” he told her and grinned.
“You are not all that.” She looked past him. “For all we know, one of the camera guys followed us. We should probably make out for a little bit just in case.”
While there wasn’t any chemistry between them, kissing a pretty girl was never bad. But instead of thinking that he wanted her, he found himself remembering her lesson on visualization. He would get started on that right away. The first thing he was going to visualize was his big brother flying back to Alaska and leaving him the hell alone.
FINN PICKED UP his two bags and left the grocery store. He barely made it onto the sidewalk when a tall older woman stopped him.
“You’re that man,” she said, peering at him. “The one dating Dakota.”
He wasn’t sure if she was telling him or asking a question. Either way it wasn’t her business. Except this was Fool’s Gold and he’d learned that people got involved whether you wanted them to or not.
“I know Dakota,” he admitted.
“How is she doing? Her baby is just so precious. Hannah—that’s her name, right?”
“Um, yes.” Finn wanted to hurry her along to ask her why they were having this conversation, but he knew better. This stranger would get to her point when she was good and ready. His job was to wait and listen.
“Do you know if she still has a lot of food in the freezer?” the woman asked. “I always prefer to wait before bringing over a casserole. In the beginning of any family crisis, everyone rushes in with food and it all has to be frozen. It’s never as good when it’s thawed and heated. I think we should make a schedule. People could sign up and bring food on an ongoing basis. But no one listens. So I do it myself. I wait a couple of weeks and then bring by food. So do you know if she has enough?”
“Olivia.”
Finn turned and saw Denise, Dakota’s mother, approaching. Her smile looked amused rather than friendly, as if she knew he were trapped and she was trying to decide if she was going to help him escape. As he had been practically na**d in her daughter’s house, he understood her need to make him squirm. He could only hope that in the end she helped set him free.
“Hello, Denise,” the older woman said. “I was just talking to Dakota’s young man here to find out if I should bring over a casserole.”
“Olivia is known for her casseroles,” Denise told Finn.
“She’s a member of another of the founding families here in Fool’s Gold. Olivia, this is Finn.”
“We’ve met,” Olivia announced. “He doesn’t say much, does he? I can respect that. I, too, enjoyed a quiet man. I assume he has other attributes that recommend him.”
Finn couldn’t remember the last time he’d worried about blushing. He figured he had to have been in his teens. But here he was, standing on the streets of Fool’s Gold, trying not to turn red.
Denise’s brown eyes danced with amusement. “I’m sure he does. Not that Dakota discusses them with me. Perhaps if you ask one of her sisters.”
Finn nearly choked and started to inch away. Denise grabbed him by the arm to hold him in place.
“Perhaps I will,” Olivia said. “In the meantime, if you think she would enjoy something to eat, I’ll take Dakota a casserole.”
“I wish you would,” Denise said. “I know you’ll enjoy meeting Hannah. She’s wonderful. An adorable little baby girl. She was small for her age when Dakota got her, but she’s growing fast. She’s starting to eat solid food.”
“I remember what a mess that was,” Olivia said with a smile. “All right. Thank you for the information. If you see Dakota, please let her know I’ll be by later today.”
“I will,” Denise promised. She waited until the older woman had walked away, then turned to Finn. “I wasn’t sure you were going to make it,” she said.
“I respect your need to torture me.”
“A mother’s prerogative. But it really wasn’t that bad. Most everyone in town is nice, if a bit inquisitive.” The dancing humor was back in her eyes.
He found himself smiling. “People don’t go through many things alone around here.”
She took one of the bags from him, and they started walking toward his rented room.
“We don’t believe in self-sufficiency,” she told him. “But you grew up in a small town, so you under stand.”
“We were always ready to help a neighbor, but we were expected to manage pretty much on our own.”
“When I gave birth to the girls, I had some complications.” Denise shook her head. “I was pretty sick. I don’t remember very much. My husband, Ralph, didn’t want to leave me alone in the hospital. But he had three little boys at home and a business to run. Not to mention triplet infants and it was Christmas. It was a stressful time. When I finally came home, I was weak. It took me a couple of months to recover. The women in town took care of us. Someone was in the house every single day for the first six months. I don’t think I changed a diaper until the girls were at least three months old.”
“Impressive.”
“I want you to know that we take care of our own. If you choose to stay here, then you would become one of us, and we would take care of you, too.”
“I don’t need a lot of taking care of.”
“I’m sure that’s true. I’m just letting you know how it would be. But from what my daughter tells me, you’re not thinking about staying.”
He glanced at her, wondering what was coming next. As he wasn’t sure what Denise thought of him, he couldn’t guess her preference. Did she want him to stick around? Or would she prefer he left sooner rather than later?
“I’m not looking to add more responsibility to my life,” he admitted. She might not like the truth, but he wasn’t going to lie to make her happy. “Dakota is great, though. I like her a lot.”
“But not enough to stay.” Denise wasn’t asking a question. “You don’t have to worry. If you wanted to stay, that would be great. But if you don’t, she’ll be fine.”
She was giving him permission to walk away. There wouldn’t be any guilt or games. In a way, it was the perfect situation. So why didn’t he feel better about it?
They had reached his motel room. Finn felt funny about inviting her in but wasn’t comfortable standing in front of the door. Denise solved the problem by handing him back his second bag.
“I hope you find what you’re looking for,” she told him.
“What makes you think I’m looking for anything?”
“Because you don’t seem very happy.” She tempered her observation with a gentle smile.
With that, she turned and left. Finn watched her go, then let himself into his small room and shut the door. He put away the groceries, filling the tiny refrigerator. Then he paced restlessly in the room.
He wanted to go after Denise and tell her that she was wrong. Of course he was happy. He’d spent the past eight years raising his brothers, and his job was finally done. He could go home, knowing they would be okay in the world. Why the hell wouldn’t he be happy?
He flung himself on the bed and stared at the ceiling. Who was he kidding? He wasn’t happy. He hadn’t been for a long time. He wanted to blame his brothers but knew it was more than that. It was him.
A next step seemed logical, he thought. If only he knew what it was.
His cell phone rang, saving him from the pain of introspection.
“It’s Geoff,” a familiar voice said when he answered. “You’ll want to watch the show tonight. I think it will make you happy.”
“Not if Sasha plays with fire again,” he grumbled.
“It’s better than fire,” Geoff promised him. “Make sure you watch.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN
ALTHOUGH DAKOTA HAD SEEN most of the episodes of True Love or Fool’s Gold with Finn, tonight was different. While he was comfortably sprawled on the sofa, with Hannah on his chest, Dakota found herself restless and uneasy. No doubt it was the secret she was keeping. Being pregnant had a way of changing a woman’s perspective. She was thrilled about the thought of having a baby. Two months ago she’d thought she might never have a family, and now she had a beautiful baby girl and another child on the way. What was that old phrase? An embarrassment of riches?
But there was always another side to any situation. In this case, it was telling Finn that he was the father of her child. Something she knew he didn’t want.
“Have I mentioned Geoff isn’t one of my favorite people?” Finn asked. “He specifically told me to watch tonight’s episode and so far it hasn’t been very interesting. Or maybe that’s just me.” He glanced at her. “Am I the wrong demographic?”
It took Dakota a second to realize what he was talking about. “I’ve heard the ratings aren’t very good. Karen, one of the production assistants, told me that Geoff was really sweating the numbers. I think it’s the show’s premise. I’m a big fan of reality television, but this concept doesn’t make sense to me. We all want to see people falling in love, but this feels fake.”
He raised his eyebrows. “I don’t want to watch people falling in love.”
She smiled. “Okay, okay. It’s a girl thing. A while ago on Biggest Loser two of the contestants fell in love. It was just the best. My sisters and I couldn’t stop calling each other about it.”
“But you don’t know them. Why does it matter if they get involved?”
“It just does. It’s fun to watch people fall in love. Which should make the show more interesting. I guess that’s the problem. No one is falling in love.”
She glanced back at the screen and saw Sasha and Lani. “Here they are,” she said.
Finn turned his attention to the television. Dakota found herself watching him rather than the show. He was a good man. Kind and responsible. He was also pretty fabulous in bed, but that shouldn’t matter. She smiled. Even though it sort of did.
