Only One
Page 12
We walk quietly back from the pier restaurant, only now he’s steps away from me across the sand. He may as well be miles from me, because that’s how it feels.
“Did I say something to make you angry?” I ask quietly.
“What?” He jerks his head in my direction.
“What’s wrong?” I stop and put my hands on my hips. He looks up at the moon instead of at me and takes a deep breath.
“I just…” he starts. But then he stops. Even in the moonlight, I can see the tic of his jaw as it clenches. “Nothing.”
“Are you angry because Dale was at my house?”
Tic.
“I didn’t invite him over,” I rush to explain. “He saw me sitting on the deck and he came over and introduced himself.”
Tic.
“You were really quiet at dinner.”
Tic.
“After the way you greeted me on the beach, I thought you at least liked me.” I wish I hadn’t said that.
Tic.
“Well, thanks a lot for dinner,” I say. Then I start walking away.
“Wait,” he calls. He runs up behind me and gently tugs my elbow. “Just wait.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“I’m…kind of disappointed.”
I pull my head back, my eyebrows probably shooting high on my forehead. “In me?”
“Yeah.” The word is little more than a breath. “Well, not you,” he says a little louder. “In the situation with your mom. I don’t know how to explain it.”
I huff out a sigh. “Great,” I mumble. “Now she’s ruining this too.”
His head jerks toward mine and his eyes narrow. “Why can’t you see it?” he says. He shakes his head. “I don’t understand it.”
I toss up my hands. “Understand what?”
“I just don’t get it. If I had one more moment…” He holds up one finger and his voice cracks. He clears his throat. “If I had one more moment with my parents, I’d take it and use it all up, enjoying every second. And you’re just throwing it away.”
I look everywhere but at his face. He’s too intense for me right now. But he takes my chin in his grip and makes me look at him.
“You’re wasting time,” he says.
I shake free of his grip. “You don’t understand the situation,” I growl. “You’re judging me and you have no idea what she did to me.”
“Then tell me!” he cries. “Tell me about it. Get it off your chest so you can get over it.”
“She left me. She never came back!” I yell. There’s so much fury in my voice that I startle myself. “She picked some man over me and my dad and she left!”
“She’s here now!” he yells in my face. When did we get this close? He points to the beach house. “She’s inside and she’s reaching out to you. Take it. Take her, before it’s too late.”
I cross my arms. “I can’t.”
“Then you’re not the person I thought you were.” He steps back from me, and I feel like there’s a gaping chasm between us.
“Maybe I’m not.”
“It’s going to hurt like hell when she’s gone,” he tells me.
“No, it won’t.”
“Yes, it will.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Believe me. It’ll devastate you.”
“No.” Just that one word. That’s all I have left.
“You need to forgive her.” He tips my face up again, but his hands are gentle, and so are his eyes. “You need to let her forgive herself. You’ll regret it if you don’t take this time with her.”
“I don’t remember you being such a great son, you know.”
He chuckles. “You’re right. I was awful. And if I had that one moment…” He shakes his head.
“What would you do?” I glare at him. “In that one special moment. What would you do?”
“I’d be sure they know how much I love them. How grateful I am that they gave me life and that they gave me memories to cherish. I’d tell them what kind of a father I’ll be, and that I learned it by watching my dad. And I’d tell them what kind of woman I’ll marry, because I’ll look for my mom’s qualities in every woman I ever meet. I’d tell them as much as I could. Because I can’t tell them shit anymore. Not and be sure they’re listening.”
I shake my head, because I don’t know how to protest that.
“They’re gone,” he rushes to say. “But your mom is not. She’s inside, and she’s reaching out to you.” His voice goes so soft I can barely hear it. “Forgive her. It’s easy.”
I sputter. “It’s not easy.”
“It is,” he corrects. “Try it. Say it. I forgive you. See? Easy.” He grins.
“Thank you for dinner,” I say. I turn to go inside.
He suddenly grabs my hand and jerks me against him. His arm slides around my waist and he whispers in my ear. “Don’t waste what little time you have left.”
I take his face in my hands and press my lips to his, mainly because I want him to shut up, but I have another reason, too. I want to see if we still have sparks. A little zing skips up my spine, even though his lips are frozen against mine. Then he kisses me. His mouth is soft and gentle, but then it’s not. He kisses me and it’s like no other kiss I’ve ever gotten. His tongue slips tenderly into my mouth and I tentatively reach out and touch it. My heart skips and my belly clenches. But then he puts his hands on my shoulders and pushes me back. I stand, rocking on my wobbly legs like a newborn colt.
“Did I say something to make you angry?” I ask quietly.
“What?” He jerks his head in my direction.
“What’s wrong?” I stop and put my hands on my hips. He looks up at the moon instead of at me and takes a deep breath.
“I just…” he starts. But then he stops. Even in the moonlight, I can see the tic of his jaw as it clenches. “Nothing.”
“Are you angry because Dale was at my house?”
Tic.
“I didn’t invite him over,” I rush to explain. “He saw me sitting on the deck and he came over and introduced himself.”
Tic.
“You were really quiet at dinner.”
Tic.
“After the way you greeted me on the beach, I thought you at least liked me.” I wish I hadn’t said that.
Tic.
“Well, thanks a lot for dinner,” I say. Then I start walking away.
“Wait,” he calls. He runs up behind me and gently tugs my elbow. “Just wait.”
“What’s wrong?” I ask.
“I’m…kind of disappointed.”
I pull my head back, my eyebrows probably shooting high on my forehead. “In me?”
“Yeah.” The word is little more than a breath. “Well, not you,” he says a little louder. “In the situation with your mom. I don’t know how to explain it.”
I huff out a sigh. “Great,” I mumble. “Now she’s ruining this too.”
His head jerks toward mine and his eyes narrow. “Why can’t you see it?” he says. He shakes his head. “I don’t understand it.”
I toss up my hands. “Understand what?”
“I just don’t get it. If I had one more moment…” He holds up one finger and his voice cracks. He clears his throat. “If I had one more moment with my parents, I’d take it and use it all up, enjoying every second. And you’re just throwing it away.”
I look everywhere but at his face. He’s too intense for me right now. But he takes my chin in his grip and makes me look at him.
“You’re wasting time,” he says.
I shake free of his grip. “You don’t understand the situation,” I growl. “You’re judging me and you have no idea what she did to me.”
“Then tell me!” he cries. “Tell me about it. Get it off your chest so you can get over it.”
“She left me. She never came back!” I yell. There’s so much fury in my voice that I startle myself. “She picked some man over me and my dad and she left!”
“She’s here now!” he yells in my face. When did we get this close? He points to the beach house. “She’s inside and she’s reaching out to you. Take it. Take her, before it’s too late.”
I cross my arms. “I can’t.”
“Then you’re not the person I thought you were.” He steps back from me, and I feel like there’s a gaping chasm between us.
“Maybe I’m not.”
“It’s going to hurt like hell when she’s gone,” he tells me.
“No, it won’t.”
“Yes, it will.”
“I don’t believe you.”
“Believe me. It’ll devastate you.”
“No.” Just that one word. That’s all I have left.
“You need to forgive her.” He tips my face up again, but his hands are gentle, and so are his eyes. “You need to let her forgive herself. You’ll regret it if you don’t take this time with her.”
“I don’t remember you being such a great son, you know.”
He chuckles. “You’re right. I was awful. And if I had that one moment…” He shakes his head.
“What would you do?” I glare at him. “In that one special moment. What would you do?”
“I’d be sure they know how much I love them. How grateful I am that they gave me life and that they gave me memories to cherish. I’d tell them what kind of a father I’ll be, and that I learned it by watching my dad. And I’d tell them what kind of woman I’ll marry, because I’ll look for my mom’s qualities in every woman I ever meet. I’d tell them as much as I could. Because I can’t tell them shit anymore. Not and be sure they’re listening.”
I shake my head, because I don’t know how to protest that.
“They’re gone,” he rushes to say. “But your mom is not. She’s inside, and she’s reaching out to you.” His voice goes so soft I can barely hear it. “Forgive her. It’s easy.”
I sputter. “It’s not easy.”
“It is,” he corrects. “Try it. Say it. I forgive you. See? Easy.” He grins.
“Thank you for dinner,” I say. I turn to go inside.
He suddenly grabs my hand and jerks me against him. His arm slides around my waist and he whispers in my ear. “Don’t waste what little time you have left.”
I take his face in my hands and press my lips to his, mainly because I want him to shut up, but I have another reason, too. I want to see if we still have sparks. A little zing skips up my spine, even though his lips are frozen against mine. Then he kisses me. His mouth is soft and gentle, but then it’s not. He kisses me and it’s like no other kiss I’ve ever gotten. His tongue slips tenderly into my mouth and I tentatively reach out and touch it. My heart skips and my belly clenches. But then he puts his hands on my shoulders and pushes me back. I stand, rocking on my wobbly legs like a newborn colt.
