Only One
Page 15
“I really messed it up.”
“Shh,” I say again, because I don’t know how to comfort her.
I hold her until the doctor comes out to talk to her. She scrambles out of my lap and into a chair, so I sit down next to her.
The doctor looks at her over the rims of his glasses. “I told your mother not to do more chemo,” he says. He blows out a heavy breath. “It was a choice between having four good weeks and six bad weeks, but she opted for the bad weeks because she said she had some unfinished business. But at this point, I can’t continue the chemo. It’s time to take her off it.”
Carrie trembles beside me, so I take her hand and squeeze it.
“She’s done with chemo?” Carrie asks.
He nods.
“How much longer?” she asks.
My heart clenches for her, and I already feel like someone has sliced me open and I’m bleeding on the floor, and I’m just watching. I can’t even imagine how she feels.
“About a month.” He looks down at his notes. “You should all go home. She can’t see anyone until tomorrow.”
She jumps to her feet. “Not even me?”
He shakes his head, but Paul and Matt stand up, too. “Give her two minutes,” Matt says.
The doctor shakes his head again.
“Two minutes!” Paul barks. He’s big and physically intimidating. The doctor is slightly rocked, I can tell. “Two minutes,” Paul says more quietly.
The doctor nods. “All right. Two minutes. Follow me.” He motions Carrie forward with his fingers. Matt goes with them.
I stand in the corridor with Paul. “Thank you,” I say.
He shrugs like it’s nothing.
Then I remember Matt. I remember his cancer treatment, and I suddenly know why he’s here. “Is Matt going to be okay with this?” I ask.
Paul nods. “If he didn’t get to come, he wouldn’t be okay with it. He’d worry, and wish he could have done something for her.”
“That’s why you came with him.”
He shrugs again. “It’s what we do.”
I wish I had someone to do that.
“If the tabloids find out we’re at a hospital, they’ll announce tomorrow that one of us overdosed or something.” He chuckles.
It’s so easy to forget they’re famous. “You should go before people with cameras show up.”
He shakes his head. “I’ll wait for Matt.”
Carrie comes out just a minute later, and she looks calmer than she did when she went in. “You okay?” I ask. I wrap my arm around her and pull her close to kiss her cheek.
“I’m okay,” she says. “They’re going to keep her here at least overnight.”
“Is your dad coming?”
“He’s on the way.”
“Okay,” I say. “You ready to go? I have my jeep outside.”
“We can take her,” Matt says.
I shake my head. “I can do it.” I won’t leave her. Not now.
Matt motions me toward the front door and I follow him. Suddenly, he turns and jerks me toward him, his hand strong on my neck. I flinch, but I take it. “Her dad’s not here, and no one else is here to take care of her while she’s vulnerable. So why should I trust you to do that?” He stares into my eyes.
“I wouldn’t take advantage of her,” I say. I shrug out of his hold, and he looks surprised by that. “In fact, I’m the one who will protect her from anything. So don’t assume you can run me off by intimidating me.”
He grins. “I like you.” He steps back. “See you in the morning!” he calls over his shoulder. Paul follows him to the truck, stopping for only a moment to pat me on the shoulder and say, “Good boy.”
I laugh. Paul’s talking to me like I’m a puppy. “Screw you,” I say to his retreating back. He just laughs at me. I’ve seen all the words they bleep from his mouth on the show. I doubt I could surprise him.
I shake my head and turn to Carrie. She yawns, and she looks like she can barely stay on her feet. “C’mon,” I say. “Let’s get you home.”
We get to her house and she climbs out of the jeep. I go inside with her, and she walks straight to her bedroom. Does she want me to follow her? I do it anyway, because I can’t stand having so much space between us. I feel almost like she’s going to shatter, and that I need to be there to catch the pieces. Maybe even to put her back together.
She turns down her covers and steps out of her jeans shorts. Then she does that trick women must be born doing—when she unhooks her bra and pulls it from her sleeve.
“Stay with me?” she says quietly. She looks at me, watching my face. I pull back the other side of the bedcovers and kick my shoes off. I slide beneath her covers with my clothes on and she rolls into me. “I had another minute,” she says quietly. “Two, actually.”
She lays her head on my chest and wraps her arm around my chest so tightly that she tucks it under me on the other side.
“How did it go?” I ask.
“It went.”
“Good?”
“Yeah.” She heaves a sigh. “Thank you.”
I kiss her forehead. “You’re welcome.”
She yawns against my chest, and I can feel the warm breath of her exhalation through my shirt. “You won’t leave, will you?” she asks quietly.
“No, I won’t leave.”
“Shh,” I say again, because I don’t know how to comfort her.
I hold her until the doctor comes out to talk to her. She scrambles out of my lap and into a chair, so I sit down next to her.
The doctor looks at her over the rims of his glasses. “I told your mother not to do more chemo,” he says. He blows out a heavy breath. “It was a choice between having four good weeks and six bad weeks, but she opted for the bad weeks because she said she had some unfinished business. But at this point, I can’t continue the chemo. It’s time to take her off it.”
Carrie trembles beside me, so I take her hand and squeeze it.
“She’s done with chemo?” Carrie asks.
He nods.
“How much longer?” she asks.
My heart clenches for her, and I already feel like someone has sliced me open and I’m bleeding on the floor, and I’m just watching. I can’t even imagine how she feels.
“About a month.” He looks down at his notes. “You should all go home. She can’t see anyone until tomorrow.”
She jumps to her feet. “Not even me?”
He shakes his head, but Paul and Matt stand up, too. “Give her two minutes,” Matt says.
The doctor shakes his head again.
“Two minutes!” Paul barks. He’s big and physically intimidating. The doctor is slightly rocked, I can tell. “Two minutes,” Paul says more quietly.
The doctor nods. “All right. Two minutes. Follow me.” He motions Carrie forward with his fingers. Matt goes with them.
I stand in the corridor with Paul. “Thank you,” I say.
He shrugs like it’s nothing.
Then I remember Matt. I remember his cancer treatment, and I suddenly know why he’s here. “Is Matt going to be okay with this?” I ask.
Paul nods. “If he didn’t get to come, he wouldn’t be okay with it. He’d worry, and wish he could have done something for her.”
“That’s why you came with him.”
He shrugs again. “It’s what we do.”
I wish I had someone to do that.
“If the tabloids find out we’re at a hospital, they’ll announce tomorrow that one of us overdosed or something.” He chuckles.
It’s so easy to forget they’re famous. “You should go before people with cameras show up.”
He shakes his head. “I’ll wait for Matt.”
Carrie comes out just a minute later, and she looks calmer than she did when she went in. “You okay?” I ask. I wrap my arm around her and pull her close to kiss her cheek.
“I’m okay,” she says. “They’re going to keep her here at least overnight.”
“Is your dad coming?”
“He’s on the way.”
“Okay,” I say. “You ready to go? I have my jeep outside.”
“We can take her,” Matt says.
I shake my head. “I can do it.” I won’t leave her. Not now.
Matt motions me toward the front door and I follow him. Suddenly, he turns and jerks me toward him, his hand strong on my neck. I flinch, but I take it. “Her dad’s not here, and no one else is here to take care of her while she’s vulnerable. So why should I trust you to do that?” He stares into my eyes.
“I wouldn’t take advantage of her,” I say. I shrug out of his hold, and he looks surprised by that. “In fact, I’m the one who will protect her from anything. So don’t assume you can run me off by intimidating me.”
He grins. “I like you.” He steps back. “See you in the morning!” he calls over his shoulder. Paul follows him to the truck, stopping for only a moment to pat me on the shoulder and say, “Good boy.”
I laugh. Paul’s talking to me like I’m a puppy. “Screw you,” I say to his retreating back. He just laughs at me. I’ve seen all the words they bleep from his mouth on the show. I doubt I could surprise him.
I shake my head and turn to Carrie. She yawns, and she looks like she can barely stay on her feet. “C’mon,” I say. “Let’s get you home.”
We get to her house and she climbs out of the jeep. I go inside with her, and she walks straight to her bedroom. Does she want me to follow her? I do it anyway, because I can’t stand having so much space between us. I feel almost like she’s going to shatter, and that I need to be there to catch the pieces. Maybe even to put her back together.
She turns down her covers and steps out of her jeans shorts. Then she does that trick women must be born doing—when she unhooks her bra and pulls it from her sleeve.
“Stay with me?” she says quietly. She looks at me, watching my face. I pull back the other side of the bedcovers and kick my shoes off. I slide beneath her covers with my clothes on and she rolls into me. “I had another minute,” she says quietly. “Two, actually.”
She lays her head on my chest and wraps her arm around my chest so tightly that she tucks it under me on the other side.
“How did it go?” I ask.
“It went.”
“Good?”
“Yeah.” She heaves a sigh. “Thank you.”
I kiss her forehead. “You’re welcome.”
She yawns against my chest, and I can feel the warm breath of her exhalation through my shirt. “You won’t leave, will you?” she asks quietly.
“No, I won’t leave.”
