Only You
Page 37
She turned her head so one cheek rested in my palm. “You have me, too.”
I glanced at the clock, hoping against all odds the numbers hadn’t changed, or even better, had gone backward. No luck—but… “Hey,” I said. “Look what time it is.”
She turned her head and gasped. “Eleven eleven!”
“Go ahead. Make your wish.”
She looked at me again for a moment, squeezed her eyes shut like she was concentrating hard, then exhaled and opened them. “Your turn.”
I sighed exaggeratedly. “Do I have to?”
“Yes. You know my rule!”
“Fine.” I remembered the first wish I’d made at 11:11 PM, when we’d been in my kitchen exactly two weeks ago. That night I’d wished that the next person Emme fell in love with would love her back like she deserved and make her happy.
Now I looked at her hopeful, smiling, beautiful face and made it different.
I wish I could be the one.
Fifteen
Emme
“Did you have a good time?” Stella looked up from her phone from where she sat on the couch. Maren sat on the opposite end reading a magazine.
“Yes.” I smiled blissfully. “Thank you so much.”
“How was she?” Nate went over to the monitor on the kitchen counter and peered at the screen.
“An angel,” said Maren, tucking the magazine into the shoulder bag at her feet. “She got a little fussy after you left and she found herself with two strangers, but she quieted down eventually and she took her bottle with no problem. We got her to sleep around ten or so.”
“I can’t thank you enough,” Nate said as my sisters stood up and gathered up their things. He went into the kitchen for a moment and came out with two bottles of wine in his hands. “These are for you.”
“That’s so nice of you, but it’s totally not necessary.” Stella smiled at him as she slipped her sweater on.
“Please take them.” Nate held the bottles out. “You have no idea how much I appreciate the favor.”
It took a little more cajoling, but eventually each of my sisters left with a bottle of wine tucked under her arm. When the door was closed behind them, he turned to me and pulled me into his arms. “Thank you so much for arranging for them to be here. I had such a good time tonight.”
“Me too. Thank you for the perfect date.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and lay my head on his shoulder.
“Your sisters are great.”
“They are. I mean, they can drive me crazy, but I adore them.”
“How do they drive you crazy?”
“Oh, the usual stuff. Stella is the oldest so she can be a bit of a know-it-all. Add to that she’s a therapist, so she sometimes treats me like one of her patients and tries to analyze my behavior. It’s so annoying. And Maren can drive me nuts with all her organic foods and meditation techniques and spiritual wellness. I get that clean living is good, but there are some things I like dirty.” I giggled. “Like martinis and sex.”
“Thank God for that.” He kissed the top of my head. “Which one has the bee man for a boyfriend?”
“Stella. But I don’t know that she’d actually call Walter her boyfriend. They don’t even have sex.”
“They don’t?”
“No, it’s totally weird to Maren and me, but they don’t. And she says she’s fine with that.”
“What about him?”
I shrugged. “I assume he’s fine with it too.”
“I cannot imagine any guy being fine with a relationship where there is no sex. But maybe that’s just me.”
“Stella always goes for more intellectual types because she likes guys who are smart, but then there never seems to be that physical thing between them.”
“I’m intellectual,” said Nate. “I like sex.”
I laughed. “But you don’t like relationships.”
“Well, I never have before.”
I leaned back a little and looked up at him. “And now?”
“Now there’s you.” He touched his lips to mine. “Want to stay over tonight? At the risk of sounding like Walter, we don’t have to have sex. I only want to be close to you.”
My entire body warmed. “How am I supposed to say no to that? Just let me run home and get ready for bed. I’ll come back over.”
“Okay. You’ve got the key?”
I smiled. “I’ve got the key.”
After one more kiss, I went to my apartment, changed out of my dress and into a little white camisole and some pajama pants, over which I threw a big fluffy pink robe. I took off my jewelry, washed my face, and brushed my teeth. My hair was mussed and considerably less voluminous than when I’d left home earlier, but I left it alone. We were only going to sleep, anyway. I hurried down the stairs and across the hall in my bare feet and let myself back into Nate’s apartment, where I found him feeding Paisley on the couch. He still wore his dress pants, but only his undershirt on top and his feet were bare.
“She woke up, huh?” I dropped down beside him, cuddling close to his side and tucking my legs beneath me.
“Yeah, when I went up there to change. But it’s good timing—maybe she’ll give us a solid four or five hour stretch after this.”
I kissed his shoulder. “I can do the next feeding so you can sleep through the night for a change.”
“That’s okay. I didn’t invite you over to help me with her. And I don’t mind doing it—kind of helps me feel like I’m making up for missing the first two months of her life.”
Smiling, I looked at the baby in his arms. “You have certainly come a long way since the night you fainted at the sight of her.”
“I didn’t faint,” he said stubbornly. “I…fell over in surprise.”
“I think that’s called fainting, babe.”
“Not at all. There’s a clear difference.”
Laughing a little, I patted his leg. “Okay. Anyway, you’ve made lots of progress.”
He was quiet for a minute as he watched her take the bottle. “Sometimes it still doesn’t seem real. That I have a child. A daughter.”
“It was quite a shock.”
“I didn’t think I could do this. Be a father.”
“I know.”
“And it wasn’t just that I didn’t know how to take care of her. I didn’t think I could love her the way a father should love his child.”
Chills ran down my arms, despite the fact that I was wrapped in my giant fleece robe. “And now?”
“Now I’m blown away by how quickly and completely I fell in love with her. I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel that way at all, let alone so fast. It shocks me.” He swallowed. “And scares me.”
“I’m sure it does. Given what you told me earlier, it can’t be easy to allow yourself to love like that without fear. You’ve been protecting yourself for so long. But Nate, all that time, you were also denying yourself the joy of loving someone. Yes, love makes you vulnerable to hurt, but it also makes you happy. Don’t you think?”
“I guess.”
It troubled me to think love was still something he feared. “Aren’t you happy?”
He looked at me and gave me a little smile. “When I’m with you, I am.”
My heart quickened. “Good. I like making you happy.”
He gave me a kiss before looking down at Paisley again. “Life is just so different now, you know? What makes me happy has changed so much. I hardly recognize myself.”
I put my arm around him and laid my head on his shoulder. “Well, I like the changes in you. I know you probably feel like a stranger to yourself, but I think this person who’s capable of so much love was always there inside you. Waiting to be set free.”
He laughed a little. “I’m picturing a little madman running around in my body throwing hearts everywhere.”
I giggled. “Exactly. You finally let him out of Feelings Jail. He’s been trapped there for years.”
“Feelings Jail.” Shaking his head, Nate set the empty bottle on the coffee table and stood up, moving Paisley to one shoulder. “You’re insane.”
I glanced at the clock, hoping against all odds the numbers hadn’t changed, or even better, had gone backward. No luck—but… “Hey,” I said. “Look what time it is.”
She turned her head and gasped. “Eleven eleven!”
“Go ahead. Make your wish.”
She looked at me again for a moment, squeezed her eyes shut like she was concentrating hard, then exhaled and opened them. “Your turn.”
I sighed exaggeratedly. “Do I have to?”
“Yes. You know my rule!”
“Fine.” I remembered the first wish I’d made at 11:11 PM, when we’d been in my kitchen exactly two weeks ago. That night I’d wished that the next person Emme fell in love with would love her back like she deserved and make her happy.
Now I looked at her hopeful, smiling, beautiful face and made it different.
I wish I could be the one.
Fifteen
Emme
“Did you have a good time?” Stella looked up from her phone from where she sat on the couch. Maren sat on the opposite end reading a magazine.
“Yes.” I smiled blissfully. “Thank you so much.”
“How was she?” Nate went over to the monitor on the kitchen counter and peered at the screen.
“An angel,” said Maren, tucking the magazine into the shoulder bag at her feet. “She got a little fussy after you left and she found herself with two strangers, but she quieted down eventually and she took her bottle with no problem. We got her to sleep around ten or so.”
“I can’t thank you enough,” Nate said as my sisters stood up and gathered up their things. He went into the kitchen for a moment and came out with two bottles of wine in his hands. “These are for you.”
“That’s so nice of you, but it’s totally not necessary.” Stella smiled at him as she slipped her sweater on.
“Please take them.” Nate held the bottles out. “You have no idea how much I appreciate the favor.”
It took a little more cajoling, but eventually each of my sisters left with a bottle of wine tucked under her arm. When the door was closed behind them, he turned to me and pulled me into his arms. “Thank you so much for arranging for them to be here. I had such a good time tonight.”
“Me too. Thank you for the perfect date.” I wrapped my arms around his waist and lay my head on his shoulder.
“Your sisters are great.”
“They are. I mean, they can drive me crazy, but I adore them.”
“How do they drive you crazy?”
“Oh, the usual stuff. Stella is the oldest so she can be a bit of a know-it-all. Add to that she’s a therapist, so she sometimes treats me like one of her patients and tries to analyze my behavior. It’s so annoying. And Maren can drive me nuts with all her organic foods and meditation techniques and spiritual wellness. I get that clean living is good, but there are some things I like dirty.” I giggled. “Like martinis and sex.”
“Thank God for that.” He kissed the top of my head. “Which one has the bee man for a boyfriend?”
“Stella. But I don’t know that she’d actually call Walter her boyfriend. They don’t even have sex.”
“They don’t?”
“No, it’s totally weird to Maren and me, but they don’t. And she says she’s fine with that.”
“What about him?”
I shrugged. “I assume he’s fine with it too.”
“I cannot imagine any guy being fine with a relationship where there is no sex. But maybe that’s just me.”
“Stella always goes for more intellectual types because she likes guys who are smart, but then there never seems to be that physical thing between them.”
“I’m intellectual,” said Nate. “I like sex.”
I laughed. “But you don’t like relationships.”
“Well, I never have before.”
I leaned back a little and looked up at him. “And now?”
“Now there’s you.” He touched his lips to mine. “Want to stay over tonight? At the risk of sounding like Walter, we don’t have to have sex. I only want to be close to you.”
My entire body warmed. “How am I supposed to say no to that? Just let me run home and get ready for bed. I’ll come back over.”
“Okay. You’ve got the key?”
I smiled. “I’ve got the key.”
After one more kiss, I went to my apartment, changed out of my dress and into a little white camisole and some pajama pants, over which I threw a big fluffy pink robe. I took off my jewelry, washed my face, and brushed my teeth. My hair was mussed and considerably less voluminous than when I’d left home earlier, but I left it alone. We were only going to sleep, anyway. I hurried down the stairs and across the hall in my bare feet and let myself back into Nate’s apartment, where I found him feeding Paisley on the couch. He still wore his dress pants, but only his undershirt on top and his feet were bare.
“She woke up, huh?” I dropped down beside him, cuddling close to his side and tucking my legs beneath me.
“Yeah, when I went up there to change. But it’s good timing—maybe she’ll give us a solid four or five hour stretch after this.”
I kissed his shoulder. “I can do the next feeding so you can sleep through the night for a change.”
“That’s okay. I didn’t invite you over to help me with her. And I don’t mind doing it—kind of helps me feel like I’m making up for missing the first two months of her life.”
Smiling, I looked at the baby in his arms. “You have certainly come a long way since the night you fainted at the sight of her.”
“I didn’t faint,” he said stubbornly. “I…fell over in surprise.”
“I think that’s called fainting, babe.”
“Not at all. There’s a clear difference.”
Laughing a little, I patted his leg. “Okay. Anyway, you’ve made lots of progress.”
He was quiet for a minute as he watched her take the bottle. “Sometimes it still doesn’t seem real. That I have a child. A daughter.”
“It was quite a shock.”
“I didn’t think I could do this. Be a father.”
“I know.”
“And it wasn’t just that I didn’t know how to take care of her. I didn’t think I could love her the way a father should love his child.”
Chills ran down my arms, despite the fact that I was wrapped in my giant fleece robe. “And now?”
“Now I’m blown away by how quickly and completely I fell in love with her. I didn’t think it was possible for me to feel that way at all, let alone so fast. It shocks me.” He swallowed. “And scares me.”
“I’m sure it does. Given what you told me earlier, it can’t be easy to allow yourself to love like that without fear. You’ve been protecting yourself for so long. But Nate, all that time, you were also denying yourself the joy of loving someone. Yes, love makes you vulnerable to hurt, but it also makes you happy. Don’t you think?”
“I guess.”
It troubled me to think love was still something he feared. “Aren’t you happy?”
He looked at me and gave me a little smile. “When I’m with you, I am.”
My heart quickened. “Good. I like making you happy.”
He gave me a kiss before looking down at Paisley again. “Life is just so different now, you know? What makes me happy has changed so much. I hardly recognize myself.”
I put my arm around him and laid my head on his shoulder. “Well, I like the changes in you. I know you probably feel like a stranger to yourself, but I think this person who’s capable of so much love was always there inside you. Waiting to be set free.”
He laughed a little. “I’m picturing a little madman running around in my body throwing hearts everywhere.”
I giggled. “Exactly. You finally let him out of Feelings Jail. He’s been trapped there for years.”
“Feelings Jail.” Shaking his head, Nate set the empty bottle on the coffee table and stood up, moving Paisley to one shoulder. “You’re insane.”
