Only Yours
Page 34
“Such a good girl,” she cooed softly to Rosabel. “So precious and beautiful.”
Nevada bounced Hannah on her lap, while Dakota held Pia’s other daughter, Adelina.
“This is great,” Pia said, stretching out in a lounge chair, her feet up on a pillow, an herbal iced tea in her hand. “Seriously, I thought the baby thing would be tough, but so far, I’m loving it.”
“Have you even had one second with just you and them?” Nevada asked.
“I think there were at least fifteen minutes last week.” She sighed. “Someone is always dropping by to help. I know eventually everyone will return to their own lives, but I’m enjoying the help while it’s available. The pediatrician says as long as everyone is healthy, it’s good for the babies to be exposed to a lot of people. Socializing and all that.”
Montana rocked Rosabel gently. “Are you adjusting to being a mom?”
Pia had worried she wasn’t maternal enough and that she would mess up everything.
“It’s kind of what they say,” Pia admitted. “The second you hold them, you feel the connection. I’ve explained I’m going to do my best and they’re pretty patient with me.”
Nevada grinned. “Wish I’d been here for that conversation.”
“I did most of the talking,” Pia told her.
Montana was aware of Dakota and Nevada exchanging glances. Although she hadn’t said anything, she knew her sisters were worried about her. The downside of being a triplet, she thought. It was tough to keep a secret.
They talked about local gossip—how the Fool’s Gold cheerleaders were off to their annual camp, and that Ethan and Liz were taking all their kids to Hawaii for a week.
“How are things with Simon?” Dakota asked, sounding casual.
Montana wasn’t fooled. “We broke up.”
Pia sat up. “Was I supposed to know this?”
“No. It just happened last night.”
“Are you okay?” Nevada asked. “Want to get Kent and Ethan to beat him up?”
“No. No one should hurt him. It’s fine.”
Pia leaned toward her. “Fine? You’re wearing about sixteen layers of concealer.”
“I didn’t sleep well.”
She’d also cried a lot, thrown a few pillows and had eaten nearly a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
Not only had he broken up with her, but he’d been mean about it. He’d done his best to wound her, and that was the part she didn’t understand. Simon was many things, including distant and emotionally elusive, but he wasn’t unkind by nature.
She’d seen him with his patients. She knew how much they meant to him and what he sacrificed for them. Which meant lashing out at her had been about something else.
Fear, maybe. She’d been the one to break the unspoken rules. She’d been the one to fall for him.
“Want to tell us what happened?” Nevada asked.
Montana kissed the sleeping baby’s cheek. “We went to the fundraiser. Apparently Ethan and Kent took him aside and basically asked his intentions.”
Her brothers had confessed all shortly after Simon had left. They’d been concerned his abrupt departure had been about them. At the time she’d laughed and reassured them. How wrong she’d been.
All three women groaned.
“I know they were trying to help,” Dakota muttered. “Brothers.”
“Tell me about it.” Nevada sounded disgusted. “Then what happened?”
“Simon walked over and asked me if I was in love with him.”
She glanced up at three identical expressions of shock.
“What did you say?” Pia asked.
“I told him the truth. That I did love him. Then he got paged to go back to the hospital.”
She explained about Kalinda, how she’d nearly died, and how Simon had taken off.
“That was it. He showed up at my house about three hours later and told me it was over.”
She didn’t repeat what he’d said—there was no point in having her friends hate him.
“I knew what he was like when I got involved with him.”
Dakota glared at her. “Tell me you’re not taking responsibility for the breakup. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know I didn’t, and don’t worry. I’m not saying it’s my fault. I’m saying I knew what he was when I let him in. To me, this is no different than going out with a guy who warns you at the beginning that he cheats, and then being shocked when you find him in bed with another woman. Simon told me he didn’t get involved. I knew he wasn’t looking for a commitment or a place to settle. He was always going to move on. I thought I was protecting myself, but I wasn’t.”
She looked at all three of them. “I don’t regret loving him.”
“Finn was going to leave, too,” Dakota told her. “Maybe Simon will change his mind.”
Montana shrugged. She figured that was pretty unlikely. “It’s not that I don’t hurt, I do. But I can’t find anyone to blame. Neither of us did anything wrong.”
“Are you pregnant?” Nevada asked. “If you were, he might want to stay.”
“There’s a happy way to start a relationship,” Montana told her. “I’m not pregnant, and I’m not interested in a man who would only stay for the sake of a child.”
“You’re so calm,” Pia told her.
“That’s because I’m at the crying-on-the-inside stage.” Montana swallowed. “I do love him and I don’t want him to go, but there’s nothing I can say to change his mind.” She glared at them. “I don’t want any of you saying anything, either.”
“Would we do that?” Nevada asked.
“In a heartbeat. I want you to promise.”
They all swore they wouldn’t say a word.
“Good.”
Montana continued to cuddle the baby. She was pleased she sounded so in control and that she’d managed to fool three people who loved her. The truth was she felt shattered by what had happened. She wanted to say she would do anything to get Simon to return her feelings, even a little.
Except that wasn’t true. Her heart might hurt with every beat, but she’d managed to do the right thing. To accept what had happened and believe in her ability to heal.
It had taken her a long time, but she’d finally grown up. Eventually, she would learn to move on. To forget about Simon. To fall in love with someone else.
“There’s always hope,” she whispered to the baby in her arms. “You need to remember that.”
SIMON SPENT THE NEXT several days waiting for someone to attack him. He was sure that it was only a matter of time until he was confronted by a mob, all of them demanding he do the right thing where Montana was concerned.
Instead, people were just as friendly as they had always been. They smiled, they asked about his patients, they suggested things for him to do on the weekend. As if nothing had changed.
The only thing he could figure out was that Montana hadn’t told anybody. But why would she keep that information to herself? She must hate him. A scorned woman and all that.
He finished his rounds early on Saturday and found himself at loose ends. There was yet another festival in town, something to do with crafts. He walked through the crowd, grabbing a quick lunch at one of the food stands, then stood there with nothing to do and no one to see. Finally he decided he would go to the bookstore and get something to read.
As he turned in that direction, he caught sight of a familiar shape. A woman with blond hair. Several people stepped between them and he couldn’t see her anymore, so he hurried in her direction. His heart quickened as need filled him.
He raced toward her, only to stop by a woman selling glass bead earrings. What the hell was he doing? He couldn’t go after Montana. He’d ended things. Worse, he’d hurt her.
He reminded himself that this was what he wanted. To be alone. It was the way things were. But still, he ached for her. Not just her body next to his, but her smile, her laugh, the things she said. He’d never wanted anyone as much as he wanted Montana and he’d never missed anyone as much.
The blond woman moved to her left and he saw her then, the shape of her face and her much shorter hair, and knew it wasn’t Montana. It was one of her sisters. She’d never been there at all.
He made his way to Morgan’s Books. The store was large, with lots of windows and natural light. There was a display of mysteries written by Montana’s sister-in-law. He flipped through Liz’s latest and decided to pick it up.
With the book tucked under his arm, he wandered the store. Everyone who saw him was friendly and he suddenly realized he’d been waiting to be punished. He wanted someone to tell him he was wrong, that he’d been the lowest form of bastard. Because with the blame and anger might come defensiveness—a gut reaction that might convince him he’d been right to cut off their relationship.
He rounded a corner and nearly ran into Denise Hendrix.
He came to a stop, knowing at last he had found the one person who would want to bring him to his knees. Mothers like Denise protected their children ferociously.
“Simon!” Denise smiled at him. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?”
She was too friendly. “Have you talked to Montana recently?”
“Not in a couple of days. Why?”
At last, he thought almost gleefully. She would hate what he had done.
“We broke up.”
Denise looked surprised. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It wasn’t her, in case you’re wondering. It was me. I have to leave soon and I didn’t think we should pursue a relationship. She didn’t agree. She’s in love with me.”
Denise was carrying a book. Maybe she would hit him with it. Maybe they would all stand around him, yelling at him. Telling him why he was wrong.
Instead she sighed. “That makes you a very lucky man.”
He stared at her, unable to believe what she was saying. “Lucky?”
“Having someone love you is an amazing gift. Especially if it’s someone like Montana.” She straightened and squared her shoulders, an action that reminded him so much of her daughter. “So, yes, if she loves you, you are very lucky. And if she loves you, you must be a good man.”
He didn’t know what to say to that.
“It’s taken Montana a while to find her way,” Denise continued. “She was never quite sure what she wanted to do with her life. But she never stopped searching and now she’s found where she belongs. I’m so proud of her.”
He didn’t understand. Where was the screaming? Where were the accusations?
“I don’t love her.”
Denise stared at him for a long time, then leaned in and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry, Simon. I don’t know very much about you, but what I’ve been told is sad. It must be difficult for you to trust in something you’ve never seen. Being loved must be one of the most terrifying things of all.”
She stepped back and gave him a caring smile. “I hope you can have a little faith. If not in Montana, then at least in yourself.”
With that, she turned and walked away. He was left staring after her, more confused than ever and still without a chance at redemption.
SIMON POINTED TO THE SMALL red X on the illustration. “We’re going to start on the right side of your face,” he said.
Kalinda nodded. “Because it’s the bad side, right?”
“I don’t like to think of this in terms of good or bad. The right side has more damage, and will need more attention.”
Kalinda rolled her eyes at him. “Now you sound like my mom.”
Her mother sat on the other side of the girl’s bed. “Why did you say it like that?” she asked, but she was grinning as she spoke.
Ever since the night of Kalinda’s crisis, the little girl had been getting better. Simon didn’t have to look at her chart to see the truth. She was awake most of the day, energetic, talkative and interested in what was going on around her. At this rate, he could squeeze in two, maybe three surgeries before he left.
Kalinda pointed to the picture. It was a simple drawing of a face. He used it a lot when he was working with children. Showing someone what would be happening often made more sense than trying to talk about it. Plus, he’d been told he could get too technical and graphic. The last thing he wanted to do was to scare her.
“When you do that are you gonna cover my whole face? Will I look like a mummy?”
“Probably half a mummy.”
“Then I can walk down the halls at night with my arms straight in front of me and frighten the nurses.” Kalinda sounded delighted at the thought. “You need to make sure I’m a full mummy for Halloween.”
Fay looked at her daughter. “You know Dr. Bradley won’t be here for Halloween.”
“Yes, he will.” She looked at him. “You promised. You pinkie promised. You have to stay.”
He could see the righteous anger in her blue eyes. At last someone was going to yell at him. Unfortunately, it wasn’t anyone he wanted to be mad at him.
“Kalinda,” he began.
“Uh-uh. You promised. You were promising when my heart stopped. You can’t go back on that now.”
Fay stood. “I’ll walk you out,” she told Simon and led him into the hallway.
When they were standing facing each other, she smiled an apology. “I’m sorry about that. Kalinda can be very stubborn. You probably find it annoying, but I’m so happy to see that she’s herself again.”
Nevada bounced Hannah on her lap, while Dakota held Pia’s other daughter, Adelina.
“This is great,” Pia said, stretching out in a lounge chair, her feet up on a pillow, an herbal iced tea in her hand. “Seriously, I thought the baby thing would be tough, but so far, I’m loving it.”
“Have you even had one second with just you and them?” Nevada asked.
“I think there were at least fifteen minutes last week.” She sighed. “Someone is always dropping by to help. I know eventually everyone will return to their own lives, but I’m enjoying the help while it’s available. The pediatrician says as long as everyone is healthy, it’s good for the babies to be exposed to a lot of people. Socializing and all that.”
Montana rocked Rosabel gently. “Are you adjusting to being a mom?”
Pia had worried she wasn’t maternal enough and that she would mess up everything.
“It’s kind of what they say,” Pia admitted. “The second you hold them, you feel the connection. I’ve explained I’m going to do my best and they’re pretty patient with me.”
Nevada grinned. “Wish I’d been here for that conversation.”
“I did most of the talking,” Pia told her.
Montana was aware of Dakota and Nevada exchanging glances. Although she hadn’t said anything, she knew her sisters were worried about her. The downside of being a triplet, she thought. It was tough to keep a secret.
They talked about local gossip—how the Fool’s Gold cheerleaders were off to their annual camp, and that Ethan and Liz were taking all their kids to Hawaii for a week.
“How are things with Simon?” Dakota asked, sounding casual.
Montana wasn’t fooled. “We broke up.”
Pia sat up. “Was I supposed to know this?”
“No. It just happened last night.”
“Are you okay?” Nevada asked. “Want to get Kent and Ethan to beat him up?”
“No. No one should hurt him. It’s fine.”
Pia leaned toward her. “Fine? You’re wearing about sixteen layers of concealer.”
“I didn’t sleep well.”
She’d also cried a lot, thrown a few pillows and had eaten nearly a pint of Ben & Jerry’s.
Not only had he broken up with her, but he’d been mean about it. He’d done his best to wound her, and that was the part she didn’t understand. Simon was many things, including distant and emotionally elusive, but he wasn’t unkind by nature.
She’d seen him with his patients. She knew how much they meant to him and what he sacrificed for them. Which meant lashing out at her had been about something else.
Fear, maybe. She’d been the one to break the unspoken rules. She’d been the one to fall for him.
“Want to tell us what happened?” Nevada asked.
Montana kissed the sleeping baby’s cheek. “We went to the fundraiser. Apparently Ethan and Kent took him aside and basically asked his intentions.”
Her brothers had confessed all shortly after Simon had left. They’d been concerned his abrupt departure had been about them. At the time she’d laughed and reassured them. How wrong she’d been.
All three women groaned.
“I know they were trying to help,” Dakota muttered. “Brothers.”
“Tell me about it.” Nevada sounded disgusted. “Then what happened?”
“Simon walked over and asked me if I was in love with him.”
She glanced up at three identical expressions of shock.
“What did you say?” Pia asked.
“I told him the truth. That I did love him. Then he got paged to go back to the hospital.”
She explained about Kalinda, how she’d nearly died, and how Simon had taken off.
“That was it. He showed up at my house about three hours later and told me it was over.”
She didn’t repeat what he’d said—there was no point in having her friends hate him.
“I knew what he was like when I got involved with him.”
Dakota glared at her. “Tell me you’re not taking responsibility for the breakup. You didn’t do anything wrong.”
“I know I didn’t, and don’t worry. I’m not saying it’s my fault. I’m saying I knew what he was when I let him in. To me, this is no different than going out with a guy who warns you at the beginning that he cheats, and then being shocked when you find him in bed with another woman. Simon told me he didn’t get involved. I knew he wasn’t looking for a commitment or a place to settle. He was always going to move on. I thought I was protecting myself, but I wasn’t.”
She looked at all three of them. “I don’t regret loving him.”
“Finn was going to leave, too,” Dakota told her. “Maybe Simon will change his mind.”
Montana shrugged. She figured that was pretty unlikely. “It’s not that I don’t hurt, I do. But I can’t find anyone to blame. Neither of us did anything wrong.”
“Are you pregnant?” Nevada asked. “If you were, he might want to stay.”
“There’s a happy way to start a relationship,” Montana told her. “I’m not pregnant, and I’m not interested in a man who would only stay for the sake of a child.”
“You’re so calm,” Pia told her.
“That’s because I’m at the crying-on-the-inside stage.” Montana swallowed. “I do love him and I don’t want him to go, but there’s nothing I can say to change his mind.” She glared at them. “I don’t want any of you saying anything, either.”
“Would we do that?” Nevada asked.
“In a heartbeat. I want you to promise.”
They all swore they wouldn’t say a word.
“Good.”
Montana continued to cuddle the baby. She was pleased she sounded so in control and that she’d managed to fool three people who loved her. The truth was she felt shattered by what had happened. She wanted to say she would do anything to get Simon to return her feelings, even a little.
Except that wasn’t true. Her heart might hurt with every beat, but she’d managed to do the right thing. To accept what had happened and believe in her ability to heal.
It had taken her a long time, but she’d finally grown up. Eventually, she would learn to move on. To forget about Simon. To fall in love with someone else.
“There’s always hope,” she whispered to the baby in her arms. “You need to remember that.”
SIMON SPENT THE NEXT several days waiting for someone to attack him. He was sure that it was only a matter of time until he was confronted by a mob, all of them demanding he do the right thing where Montana was concerned.
Instead, people were just as friendly as they had always been. They smiled, they asked about his patients, they suggested things for him to do on the weekend. As if nothing had changed.
The only thing he could figure out was that Montana hadn’t told anybody. But why would she keep that information to herself? She must hate him. A scorned woman and all that.
He finished his rounds early on Saturday and found himself at loose ends. There was yet another festival in town, something to do with crafts. He walked through the crowd, grabbing a quick lunch at one of the food stands, then stood there with nothing to do and no one to see. Finally he decided he would go to the bookstore and get something to read.
As he turned in that direction, he caught sight of a familiar shape. A woman with blond hair. Several people stepped between them and he couldn’t see her anymore, so he hurried in her direction. His heart quickened as need filled him.
He raced toward her, only to stop by a woman selling glass bead earrings. What the hell was he doing? He couldn’t go after Montana. He’d ended things. Worse, he’d hurt her.
He reminded himself that this was what he wanted. To be alone. It was the way things were. But still, he ached for her. Not just her body next to his, but her smile, her laugh, the things she said. He’d never wanted anyone as much as he wanted Montana and he’d never missed anyone as much.
The blond woman moved to her left and he saw her then, the shape of her face and her much shorter hair, and knew it wasn’t Montana. It was one of her sisters. She’d never been there at all.
He made his way to Morgan’s Books. The store was large, with lots of windows and natural light. There was a display of mysteries written by Montana’s sister-in-law. He flipped through Liz’s latest and decided to pick it up.
With the book tucked under his arm, he wandered the store. Everyone who saw him was friendly and he suddenly realized he’d been waiting to be punished. He wanted someone to tell him he was wrong, that he’d been the lowest form of bastard. Because with the blame and anger might come defensiveness—a gut reaction that might convince him he’d been right to cut off their relationship.
He rounded a corner and nearly ran into Denise Hendrix.
He came to a stop, knowing at last he had found the one person who would want to bring him to his knees. Mothers like Denise protected their children ferociously.
“Simon!” Denise smiled at him. “I haven’t seen you in a while. How are you?”
She was too friendly. “Have you talked to Montana recently?”
“Not in a couple of days. Why?”
At last, he thought almost gleefully. She would hate what he had done.
“We broke up.”
Denise looked surprised. “Oh. I’m sorry to hear that.”
“It wasn’t her, in case you’re wondering. It was me. I have to leave soon and I didn’t think we should pursue a relationship. She didn’t agree. She’s in love with me.”
Denise was carrying a book. Maybe she would hit him with it. Maybe they would all stand around him, yelling at him. Telling him why he was wrong.
Instead she sighed. “That makes you a very lucky man.”
He stared at her, unable to believe what she was saying. “Lucky?”
“Having someone love you is an amazing gift. Especially if it’s someone like Montana.” She straightened and squared her shoulders, an action that reminded him so much of her daughter. “So, yes, if she loves you, you are very lucky. And if she loves you, you must be a good man.”
He didn’t know what to say to that.
“It’s taken Montana a while to find her way,” Denise continued. “She was never quite sure what she wanted to do with her life. But she never stopped searching and now she’s found where she belongs. I’m so proud of her.”
He didn’t understand. Where was the screaming? Where were the accusations?
“I don’t love her.”
Denise stared at him for a long time, then leaned in and wrapped her arms around him. “I’m so sorry, Simon. I don’t know very much about you, but what I’ve been told is sad. It must be difficult for you to trust in something you’ve never seen. Being loved must be one of the most terrifying things of all.”
She stepped back and gave him a caring smile. “I hope you can have a little faith. If not in Montana, then at least in yourself.”
With that, she turned and walked away. He was left staring after her, more confused than ever and still without a chance at redemption.
SIMON POINTED TO THE SMALL red X on the illustration. “We’re going to start on the right side of your face,” he said.
Kalinda nodded. “Because it’s the bad side, right?”
“I don’t like to think of this in terms of good or bad. The right side has more damage, and will need more attention.”
Kalinda rolled her eyes at him. “Now you sound like my mom.”
Her mother sat on the other side of the girl’s bed. “Why did you say it like that?” she asked, but she was grinning as she spoke.
Ever since the night of Kalinda’s crisis, the little girl had been getting better. Simon didn’t have to look at her chart to see the truth. She was awake most of the day, energetic, talkative and interested in what was going on around her. At this rate, he could squeeze in two, maybe three surgeries before he left.
Kalinda pointed to the picture. It was a simple drawing of a face. He used it a lot when he was working with children. Showing someone what would be happening often made more sense than trying to talk about it. Plus, he’d been told he could get too technical and graphic. The last thing he wanted to do was to scare her.
“When you do that are you gonna cover my whole face? Will I look like a mummy?”
“Probably half a mummy.”
“Then I can walk down the halls at night with my arms straight in front of me and frighten the nurses.” Kalinda sounded delighted at the thought. “You need to make sure I’m a full mummy for Halloween.”
Fay looked at her daughter. “You know Dr. Bradley won’t be here for Halloween.”
“Yes, he will.” She looked at him. “You promised. You pinkie promised. You have to stay.”
He could see the righteous anger in her blue eyes. At last someone was going to yell at him. Unfortunately, it wasn’t anyone he wanted to be mad at him.
“Kalinda,” he began.
“Uh-uh. You promised. You were promising when my heart stopped. You can’t go back on that now.”
Fay stood. “I’ll walk you out,” she told Simon and led him into the hallway.
When they were standing facing each other, she smiled an apology. “I’m sorry about that. Kalinda can be very stubborn. You probably find it annoying, but I’m so happy to see that she’s herself again.”
