Only Yours
Page 37
He turned slowly, searching for the source. Then he saw her. Montana was with her sister Dakota. While Dakota sat on a bench, smiling, Montana held her niece in her arms, laughing as she spun her round and round.
The baby grinned and waved her arms, obviously delighted. The sun touched Montana’s face, making her more beautiful than usual.
Simon stood rooted in place, staring hungrily, a starving man within sight of a meal. He soaked in the sounds, the way she moved, the vision of her with a child.
His child, he thought fiercely. He wanted Montana holding his child. No. Their child.
Longing washed over him and stole his breath. The need to be with her, not just for a few hours or days, but always. The craving was greater than anything he’d ever known.
He turned slowly, looking at the people at the festival, the families who took their happiness for granted.
Even as he started to walk toward her, he stopped himself. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Would he really sacrifice all he was, all he had, for a fleeting dream of happiness?
While those words had worked in the past, today he rebelled against them, wanting to take on those who determined his fate. Suddenly suffocated by the crowd, he hurried back to the hotel. He needed answers, he thought grimly, and he only knew one way to get them.
MONTANA KNEW SHE’D PUT OFF the inevitable for long enough. It was time to confess all and take her punishment.
Finding Mayor Marsha was relatively easy. She was at the festival with Charity and her new great-granddaughter. Montana admired the baby and then asked Marsha if they could talk for a second.
“Of course.”
The mayor led the way to a bench, her sleeping great-granddaughter still in her arms.
When they sat down, Montana angled toward her. “I’m sorry,” she began. “I failed. Simon is leaving.”
“My dear girl, I’m far more concerned about you. I heard the two of you weren’t together anymore. How are you?”
“I’m getting by.” If one considered living with a hole the size of Utah in one’s heart “getting by.”
“I miss him.”
“You love him.”
“Yeah, well, that wasn’t part of the plan, was it? You asked me to help convince him to settle in Fool’s Gold. Falling in love was my own fault.”
“Love is rarely a bad thing. I’m sorry for my part. If I hadn’t thrown you two together, none of this would have happened.”
“Don’t say that,” Montana told her. “I’m not sorry. Simon is an amazing man. Maybe I won’t get my happy ending, but I have wonderful memories of my time with him. I really liked being with him and who I was around him. He helped me see that all the choices in my life have led me to where I am. To where I belong. I’m hurting, but I’ll heal.”
“I know you will.” The mayor smiled at her. “You come from a long line of strong women. The women of the Máa-zib tribe were warriors.”
Montana laughed. “While I would love to claim them as ancestors, my family moved here. I’m not a descendant.”
“True, but their strength is all around us. The trees, the leaves, the very air carries their essence. You are one of them, Montana. They are very proud of you.”
The words should have frightened her. Instead she felt oddly proud and a little sniffly. “I hope so.”
“I know so.” Marsha smiled at her. “Now, don’t worry. I’m not getting senile or getting weird. I’m speaking the truth.”
Reese ran up to them. “Something’s wrong with Dr. Bradley,” he announced.
Montana was instantly on her feet. “What happened?” An accident? Had he been hurt?
“He’s gone crazy. People saw him running back to the hotel. He was talking to himself. Then he got in his fancy car and put the top down. He drove up the mountain and he was yelling at someone, only no one was there.”
“That can’t be good,” Marsha murmured.
Montana was already hurrying toward her house, where her car was parked. “I’ll go after him,” she called over her shoulder.
She had no idea what had happened, but if Simon needed her, she would be there.
SIMON DROVE UP the winding road easily, his Mercedes convertible hugging the curves. The sun beat down on him, mocking him with light and warmth. Rain would have been better, he thought grimly. A howling wind.
It had taken a few minutes to get out of town, what with all the tourist traffic. Once he got onto the mountain road, there were a few guys on bikes and no one else.
He knew exactly where he was going—to the meadow where Montana had taken him. A quiet place, spiritual, some might say. An excellent location for the final battle.
As he navigated each turn, his mind fought conflicting ideas. Trapped or protected. Stay or escape. He’d never questioned his choices before. Had never wondered.
The groundbreaking ceremony for the new hospital was only a few weeks away. He could be a part of that, if he wanted. Determine the direction, the focus. He could develop a program that was the best in the world, bring in other specialists, make a difference on an ongoing basis.
He could still travel a few weeks a year. Go somewhere remote—heal those without hope. He wouldn’t have to completely give that up. Other people would say it made sense.
He could stay here, have a home, a life. He could be a part of something and belong.
He drove higher and higher, finally pulling off onto a dirt road that led to a clearing, where he parked his car and got out. He walked through the dense trees and bushes, not sure where he was going until he broke free and was in a clearing.
He walked to the center and stared up at the sky.
“I won’t do this anymore,” he yelled. “I won’t be held hostage. I’ve worked hard—harder than most. I deserve this. I deserve to be happy. You hear me? You hear me?”
His words echoed around him, followed by the sound of thrashing in the woods. He half expected to be attacked by a mountain lion or wolf, but eventually the sound faded and Simon was alone.
He closed his eyes.
He couldn’t keep doing this, he thought wearily. He couldn’t keep walking away. Especially not this time. Not from the town or his patients, and not from Montana.
“I won’t give her up,” he said, opening his eyes and raising his arms to the heavens.
He stood there waiting, knowing he would be struck down. Perhaps by lightning, perhaps by something else.
There was only silence. The sky remained clear and blue, the air warm.
He heard more rustling and turned to see Montana breaking through the brush. He dropped his arms to his side.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“That’s my question. You know, you’re frightening the hikers. Try not to do that. We need the tourist revenue.”
She crossed to him, her expression concerned. “Want to talk about it?”
“I’m not crazy.”
“I have witnesses who would testify otherwise.”
Her brown eyes never wavered. He read the love there, and the certainty. He thought about all she’d given him, how she trusted him, believed in him. How she didn’t see the scars anymore.
He swore, then ripped off his shirt. The sun beat down on him, illuminating the ugliness that marred his chest and back. He took her hand in his and pressed it to his heart.
“This is who I am. I will never be perfect, never be like everyone else. I’m only as good as the work I do and if I lose that…”
She took both his hands in hers. “You’re not defined by what you do. While your work is extraordinary and a gift, it’s not who you are. You will always be defined by what is inside of you. Your strength, your determination, your relentless pursuit of the best for your patients. You’re a good man with a heart so big, you’ve been afraid that if you opened it up, even a little, you would be swallowed whole.”
She smiled gently. “I have a secret to tell you. Love doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong. Stronger than you’ve ever imagined. You’ve spent your whole life in the service of others. Maybe it’s time to have a little something for yourself.”
Her words were like a swollen river, carrying him along and throwing him up against the rocks. He felt battered and broken, taunted by what he could never have because… Because…
He remembered his mother and the fire and his fear and the smell of his own flesh burning. He remembered the pain and seeing his face for the first time, knowing he would always be a monster. And he remembered shutting himself off then. Vowing no one would ever hurt him again.
He’d locked himself away because it was safe. He’d built his own prison and he held the key in his hands. Or perhaps in his heart.
He thought of Alistair—the pain his friend had faced—and knew Alistair would do it all again. Face it all, just for a minute in his wife’s presence. That was love.
“Montana,” he said, dragging her against him. “Montana, I’m sorry. I was wrong. What I said, how I treated you.” He drew back so he could see her face. “I love you. I have from the first. You’re the best part of me. You are the light to my dark and without you, I’m blind. I’ll give you anything, if only you’ll stay with me.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I’ve only ever wanted you. I love you.”
For the first time in his life, he allowed himself to believe the words, to feel them. They washed over him, healing wounds long forgotten.
“I love you,” she whispered again and kissed him. “I love you, Simon.”
“I love you, too.” He clutched her shoulders. “I’ll stay here in Fool’s Gold. Is that what you want? I’ll ask for a job on the hospital staff and set up a program. I’ll still need to travel every now and then, but I can do most of my work here. Is that okay?”
She laughed through her tears. “Yes. It’s wonderful. I’m hanging on to you and never letting go. That’s going to make it hard for you to work, but you’ll figure it out.” She hugged him again. “I’m never letting go,” she repeated.
He returned her embrace, knowing they belonged together. That he had been given a powerful and unique gift—Montana’s love. As her mother had told him, he was a lucky man.
He could see what their future would be like and he knew everything before had brought him to this moment. He’d been given the chance to make the most amazing woman in the world happy. He would spend the rest of his life making sure that happened.
“You want kids, right?” he asked.
“I want your kids.”
He kissed her then, putting all his heart into the moment, then picking her up and spinning her around. They both laughed, the sound echoing off the mountains and drifting across the valley.
In the hospital, down in Fool’s Gold, Kalinda smiled and held Cece close. Everything was going to be just fine.
The baby grinned and waved her arms, obviously delighted. The sun touched Montana’s face, making her more beautiful than usual.
Simon stood rooted in place, staring hungrily, a starving man within sight of a meal. He soaked in the sounds, the way she moved, the vision of her with a child.
His child, he thought fiercely. He wanted Montana holding his child. No. Their child.
Longing washed over him and stole his breath. The need to be with her, not just for a few hours or days, but always. The craving was greater than anything he’d ever known.
He turned slowly, looking at the people at the festival, the families who took their happiness for granted.
Even as he started to walk toward her, he stopped himself. He couldn’t. He just couldn’t. Would he really sacrifice all he was, all he had, for a fleeting dream of happiness?
While those words had worked in the past, today he rebelled against them, wanting to take on those who determined his fate. Suddenly suffocated by the crowd, he hurried back to the hotel. He needed answers, he thought grimly, and he only knew one way to get them.
MONTANA KNEW SHE’D PUT OFF the inevitable for long enough. It was time to confess all and take her punishment.
Finding Mayor Marsha was relatively easy. She was at the festival with Charity and her new great-granddaughter. Montana admired the baby and then asked Marsha if they could talk for a second.
“Of course.”
The mayor led the way to a bench, her sleeping great-granddaughter still in her arms.
When they sat down, Montana angled toward her. “I’m sorry,” she began. “I failed. Simon is leaving.”
“My dear girl, I’m far more concerned about you. I heard the two of you weren’t together anymore. How are you?”
“I’m getting by.” If one considered living with a hole the size of Utah in one’s heart “getting by.”
“I miss him.”
“You love him.”
“Yeah, well, that wasn’t part of the plan, was it? You asked me to help convince him to settle in Fool’s Gold. Falling in love was my own fault.”
“Love is rarely a bad thing. I’m sorry for my part. If I hadn’t thrown you two together, none of this would have happened.”
“Don’t say that,” Montana told her. “I’m not sorry. Simon is an amazing man. Maybe I won’t get my happy ending, but I have wonderful memories of my time with him. I really liked being with him and who I was around him. He helped me see that all the choices in my life have led me to where I am. To where I belong. I’m hurting, but I’ll heal.”
“I know you will.” The mayor smiled at her. “You come from a long line of strong women. The women of the Máa-zib tribe were warriors.”
Montana laughed. “While I would love to claim them as ancestors, my family moved here. I’m not a descendant.”
“True, but their strength is all around us. The trees, the leaves, the very air carries their essence. You are one of them, Montana. They are very proud of you.”
The words should have frightened her. Instead she felt oddly proud and a little sniffly. “I hope so.”
“I know so.” Marsha smiled at her. “Now, don’t worry. I’m not getting senile or getting weird. I’m speaking the truth.”
Reese ran up to them. “Something’s wrong with Dr. Bradley,” he announced.
Montana was instantly on her feet. “What happened?” An accident? Had he been hurt?
“He’s gone crazy. People saw him running back to the hotel. He was talking to himself. Then he got in his fancy car and put the top down. He drove up the mountain and he was yelling at someone, only no one was there.”
“That can’t be good,” Marsha murmured.
Montana was already hurrying toward her house, where her car was parked. “I’ll go after him,” she called over her shoulder.
She had no idea what had happened, but if Simon needed her, she would be there.
SIMON DROVE UP the winding road easily, his Mercedes convertible hugging the curves. The sun beat down on him, mocking him with light and warmth. Rain would have been better, he thought grimly. A howling wind.
It had taken a few minutes to get out of town, what with all the tourist traffic. Once he got onto the mountain road, there were a few guys on bikes and no one else.
He knew exactly where he was going—to the meadow where Montana had taken him. A quiet place, spiritual, some might say. An excellent location for the final battle.
As he navigated each turn, his mind fought conflicting ideas. Trapped or protected. Stay or escape. He’d never questioned his choices before. Had never wondered.
The groundbreaking ceremony for the new hospital was only a few weeks away. He could be a part of that, if he wanted. Determine the direction, the focus. He could develop a program that was the best in the world, bring in other specialists, make a difference on an ongoing basis.
He could still travel a few weeks a year. Go somewhere remote—heal those without hope. He wouldn’t have to completely give that up. Other people would say it made sense.
He could stay here, have a home, a life. He could be a part of something and belong.
He drove higher and higher, finally pulling off onto a dirt road that led to a clearing, where he parked his car and got out. He walked through the dense trees and bushes, not sure where he was going until he broke free and was in a clearing.
He walked to the center and stared up at the sky.
“I won’t do this anymore,” he yelled. “I won’t be held hostage. I’ve worked hard—harder than most. I deserve this. I deserve to be happy. You hear me? You hear me?”
His words echoed around him, followed by the sound of thrashing in the woods. He half expected to be attacked by a mountain lion or wolf, but eventually the sound faded and Simon was alone.
He closed his eyes.
He couldn’t keep doing this, he thought wearily. He couldn’t keep walking away. Especially not this time. Not from the town or his patients, and not from Montana.
“I won’t give her up,” he said, opening his eyes and raising his arms to the heavens.
He stood there waiting, knowing he would be struck down. Perhaps by lightning, perhaps by something else.
There was only silence. The sky remained clear and blue, the air warm.
He heard more rustling and turned to see Montana breaking through the brush. He dropped his arms to his side.
“What are you doing here?” he asked.
“That’s my question. You know, you’re frightening the hikers. Try not to do that. We need the tourist revenue.”
She crossed to him, her expression concerned. “Want to talk about it?”
“I’m not crazy.”
“I have witnesses who would testify otherwise.”
Her brown eyes never wavered. He read the love there, and the certainty. He thought about all she’d given him, how she trusted him, believed in him. How she didn’t see the scars anymore.
He swore, then ripped off his shirt. The sun beat down on him, illuminating the ugliness that marred his chest and back. He took her hand in his and pressed it to his heart.
“This is who I am. I will never be perfect, never be like everyone else. I’m only as good as the work I do and if I lose that…”
She took both his hands in hers. “You’re not defined by what you do. While your work is extraordinary and a gift, it’s not who you are. You will always be defined by what is inside of you. Your strength, your determination, your relentless pursuit of the best for your patients. You’re a good man with a heart so big, you’ve been afraid that if you opened it up, even a little, you would be swallowed whole.”
She smiled gently. “I have a secret to tell you. Love doesn’t make you weak. It makes you strong. Stronger than you’ve ever imagined. You’ve spent your whole life in the service of others. Maybe it’s time to have a little something for yourself.”
Her words were like a swollen river, carrying him along and throwing him up against the rocks. He felt battered and broken, taunted by what he could never have because… Because…
He remembered his mother and the fire and his fear and the smell of his own flesh burning. He remembered the pain and seeing his face for the first time, knowing he would always be a monster. And he remembered shutting himself off then. Vowing no one would ever hurt him again.
He’d locked himself away because it was safe. He’d built his own prison and he held the key in his hands. Or perhaps in his heart.
He thought of Alistair—the pain his friend had faced—and knew Alistair would do it all again. Face it all, just for a minute in his wife’s presence. That was love.
“Montana,” he said, dragging her against him. “Montana, I’m sorry. I was wrong. What I said, how I treated you.” He drew back so he could see her face. “I love you. I have from the first. You’re the best part of me. You are the light to my dark and without you, I’m blind. I’ll give you anything, if only you’ll stay with me.”
Tears filled her eyes. “I’ve only ever wanted you. I love you.”
For the first time in his life, he allowed himself to believe the words, to feel them. They washed over him, healing wounds long forgotten.
“I love you,” she whispered again and kissed him. “I love you, Simon.”
“I love you, too.” He clutched her shoulders. “I’ll stay here in Fool’s Gold. Is that what you want? I’ll ask for a job on the hospital staff and set up a program. I’ll still need to travel every now and then, but I can do most of my work here. Is that okay?”
She laughed through her tears. “Yes. It’s wonderful. I’m hanging on to you and never letting go. That’s going to make it hard for you to work, but you’ll figure it out.” She hugged him again. “I’m never letting go,” she repeated.
He returned her embrace, knowing they belonged together. That he had been given a powerful and unique gift—Montana’s love. As her mother had told him, he was a lucky man.
He could see what their future would be like and he knew everything before had brought him to this moment. He’d been given the chance to make the most amazing woman in the world happy. He would spend the rest of his life making sure that happened.
“You want kids, right?” he asked.
“I want your kids.”
He kissed her then, putting all his heart into the moment, then picking her up and spinning her around. They both laughed, the sound echoing off the mountains and drifting across the valley.
In the hospital, down in Fool’s Gold, Kalinda smiled and held Cece close. Everything was going to be just fine.
