Ours to Love

Page 25

“Hi, yourself, London,” Logan returned.
She sent him a faint smile of greeting. “It’s good to see you.”
“You, too. How are you, hon?”
“Good. Better, actually. How about you?”
“Great.”
“Nice to have you home.” Her soft voice wound gently through the room before she headed for the coffeepot.
Logan shot Xander a very sharp glare with a raised brow. It asked point-blank if he was sleeping with her.
Quickly, she poured a cup of coffee. Twisting her hair over one shoulder, she smiled shyly at them both. “I’m going to see if Javier is awake. He should know what happened last night.”
And with that, she exited the kitchen. She hadn’t even cleared the room yet before Logan sent him another questioning stare.
“What happened last night? Are you fucking kidding me?” Logan whispered furiously. “Alyssa’s cousin? Dude, that’s not cool. She’s so innocent. She can’t possibly play your games.”
It would be easy to shut Logan up with the convenient part of the truth. “Relax. I haven’t slept with her. Not for lack of trying.”
“She’s a virgin; I’d bet my life.”
Xander nodded. “I’m giving her all the time and space she needs.”
“You should just keep your distance. You know I love you like a brother, but she needs someone who will care about her, be there for her in the long run, and—”
“I think I’m in love with her.”
“Are you fucking . . . whoa.” Logan shifted on his stool. “Have you ever thought that in your life about any woman?”
“Nope.” Xander swallowed, and realizing how much of his life he’d wasted felt like trying to choke down a big ball of regret. “She doesn’t exactly trust me. Javier decided that she needed to know my ‘number.’”
“Ouch!” Logan winced. “Do you even know your number?”
“Not exactly. A bunch.” He shrugged. “But London is different. She’s got a big heart. She cares about the people in her life. Everything about her is genuine. She likes me. But . . .” How the hell did he confess what came next? Who would believe that the man who’d rarely ever been told no would finally meet the woman he wasn’t sure he could live without, only to find she was hung up on his own brother? “I think she has deeper feelings for Javier. It hurts like a bitch, and if I let her walk out the door, I’d survive, but I think it would hurt a shitload more than I even want to imagine.”
“Wow, so this isn’t just about her boobs?”
“No.” He forced a grin. “But they are admittedly great.”
“Horndog.”
Xander shrugged. “I haven’t slept with anyone else since I met her. Granted, that’s only a few days.”
“But for you, that’s a feat.”
“Exactly. That should tell you how serious I am.”
Logan took a swig of coffee, clearly pondering the situation. “So . . . you’re thinking that she’s going to choose Javier?”
“There’s a good chance.”
He stared down into the black depths of his coffee. It smelled rich and tasted like ash on his tongue. He glanced toward the door to the master bedroom, but it was closed. And knowing that she went to his brother first, that she’d locked herself behind that door with him on purpose, hurt like a motherfucker.
“What are you going to do?”
Xander shrugged. “No clue. Luc thinks we should share her.”
“Does Alyssa know her husband came up with that idea?”
He had to laugh. “No. I’m sure she would beat him with one of her stilettos if she did.”
“Probably.” Logan cocked his head and sent him a considering stare. “So what do you think? Could you share her with Javier? You sound awfully jealous.”
In a way, he was. The idea of London loving only Javier killed him, like a blade stabbing into his heart and twisting. But she was good for his brother. Morgan had suggested that Javier needed someone to care about, and London could well be that person. Xander just didn’t know if he could give her up to his brother exclusively. Then he inserted himself in that picture, watching Javier kiss her while he looked on . . . then palming her ass himself, kissing her neck, and whispering in her ear. In his fantasy, she turned to kiss him, too.
His cock just about exploded.
“You know, maybe it’s possible. I might even like it.” Then reality set in, and he sighed. “But asking a virgin for a ménage? It would be up to London, of course. Does she really want to take on two men, much less a playboy and an alcoholic? It might be more than she can handle.”
“If she has feelings for you both, she’ll try to make it work. The real question is, is she strong enough?”
“Yeah.” Xander didn’t hesitate. He didn’t have any doubts about that. London might be naturally submissive, but she’d put them in their place when they’d needed it. She had spine.
They fell silent for a few minutes, and he could tell that Logan had a lot on his mind. Of course he did. The biggest blessing of his life coming early next year coupled with possibly the biggest career change of his life. Logan would carefully weigh everything before he did anything.
London walked back into the room and her gaze skittered up to his. Her blue eyes connecting with his jolted him like a lightning strike, sizzling across his skin. She passed him on her way to the coffeepot, sending a long glance over his bare torso before she looked away.
Xander grabbed her by the arm and swung her around to face him. She didn’t have time to resist. He cupped her face in his hands. She tensed, but didn’t fight. Instead, she let him stare down into her gorgeous blue eyes. “Did you sleep well, belleza?”
She relaxed. “Yes. I was so tired. I could have slept longer.” She glared at Logan, then glanced back at Xander. “You?”
“Not so well, but I’ll be fine.”
Her face fell, and a concerned little frown made her pale brows draw together. She edged closer. “Are you worried about Javier?”
Among other things. “A bit. But he slept, right?”
She nodded. “I woke him with a cup of coffee. He should be joining us soon so we can talk about Maynard and stuff.”
Xander wished she’d waited a bit, but understood her desire to be forthright with her boss and the man she was developing feelings for. “It’s a good plan. We’ll explain it together.”
“He might not be happy, but I think we’re doing the right thing. Thanks.” She smiled.
He brushed a kiss to her forehead, then with a sigh of regret, let her go. For now. She didn’t go far, thankfully, and he smelled her natural scent—that citrusy-floral—curl against his senses. The note of jasmine was stronger today, and it made him hard as hell. He leaned forward against the counter, pretending to study his coffee.
London pointed down the hall. “I’m going to grab a shower. If you’re not here when I get back, send Tara my best.”
“Absolutely.” Logan gave her a kind smile.
She shuffled down the hall, grabbed a few things out of her bedroom, and disappeared into the bathroom across the hall. The second he heard the water running, Xander closed his eyes. He could imagine London naked and dripping, the water sliding over her pale skin as she dipped her head back and drenched herself, her hands caressing her flesh.
“You’ve got it bad,” Logan observed.
Xander sighed. Why lie? “Yep. But so does Javier.”
“Do you really think you could share London with him?”
“I could . . . probably, especially if that’s what London needs. The question is, could he? He’s never been good at sharing, especially S.I. Industries. It’s our damn birthright, and I’m lucky if I get to attend the Christmas party every year.”
“I know.” Logan hesitated, then sent him a considering stare. “But I remember you telling me that when you and Javier were little kids, you shared a bedroom. You were close then. Remember that?”
He did. They’d often pretended to fall asleep then stayed up past their bedtime to drag out all their Hot Wheels and dump trucks to play into the wee hours. The nannies had been so surprised that both boys had been happy to nap well past kindergarten. Once their father discovered they’d been using their rest time to play, he’d separated them immediately. He’d chastised Javier severely about responsibility and proper behavior. His brother had already been a serious ten-year-old. After that, he’d become downright severe. Their relationship had never rebounded.
“Of course. What about it?”
“You once said that was the happiest time of your life.”
Javier had cared about him then. They’d been on the same side, brothers united in sharing a passion and keeping a secret.
And Xander saw immediately where Logan was going with this logic.
“It was. I . . . have no idea how Javier feels. I mean, he wants her. He might even need her. It’s possible that, in her, he’s finally found a reason to give a shit again and keep living.”
“I’m not seeing a downside to this.”
Giving voice to his greatest fear scared the crap out of him, but he pressed on. Logan was a good sounding board, and Xander sensed that he was running out of time before things started happening with London and his brother. Whatever was brewing between the two of them would only simmer for so long. If he wanted to be a part of it all, he was going to have to forge his path. “The biggest one is, if London loves him and can’t fall for me . . .”
“You’ll be out in the cold, and it’s going to hurt.”
He frowned and studied his coffee. “Yeah.”
“But if you do nothing, she’ll probably choose Javier. He’s got more baggage, sure. But in a lot of ways, he’s safer. She’s afraid of you.”
“Afraid?” That bowled him over. “I’d never hurt her!”
“Not like that.” Logan rolled his eyes. “Think, man. She looks at you like something beautiful she can’t afford. She absolutely wants you, but I think your considerable experience scares her, especially since she doesn’t have any herself. It’s got to be daunting.”
She’d said as much. Xander hadn’t really listened. He’d never really considered it from that perspective. In truth, he was nervous, too. A virgin was new for him, and caring about her was even more unusual. Fucking to fuck . . . he could do that all night—and had. But finding some way to use his body and his touch to tell London that she was different to him? Without alienating his brother? Tall fucking order.
But it was his only shot.
“Good points. But I think I’ve got some ideas now. Would you forgive me if I asked you to be a good friend and fuck off for a while? Javier is going to skip PT this morning.”
Logan laughed. “No sweat. Tara would thank you, too. She said she had her first bout of morning sickness yesterday, and she was sleeping when I left. I’m sure she’d be happy to have me back. I’ll just . . . check on you later.”
“Thanks. For everything. I needed this.” Xander took the last swig of his coffee.
With a slap on his shoulder, Logan grabbed his empty mug and set it in the sink. “Good luck, man. Seriously. I like the way you are with her. Usually, most people think you’re a douche before they get to know you, but she mellows you.”
“Wow, don’t hold back for me.” He rolled his eyes as he walked Logan to the door.
“We’re too close for that shit. I’ll always give it to you straight. I expect you to do the same.”
Xander nodded. “You’re right. And you didn’t ask for my advice, but I’m giving it to you anyway. Come home. Being a SEAL is great when you’re young and unmarried. It’s like wanting to be an astronaut or a race car driver when you’re a kid. But when you grow up, you see the downside.”
“Yeah. The world can be a dangerous place, and I sometimes hate how much Tara worries. She doesn’t tell me. To my face, she smiles and hugs me tight and says that she can’t wait until I get home. But once when I was leaving for a mission, I stood against the door after she’d closed it behind me and heard her sob her heart out. It killed me, and it will be twice as hard once our family has grown.”
“Sounds like you’ve made up your mind.”
“I think so. Like you, I’m concerned about my brother. Hunter recently reentered civilian life. He’s doing pretty well with it. But I can tell he’s still . . . adjusting.” He sighed. “He’ll be all right, but I think his transition—and mine—will be smoother if we do it together.”
Xander related. He and Javier would be wrapped around a woman, not a patriotic duty. But he wouldn’t turn his back on his brother again, no matter what.