Out of the Shallows
Page 58
I guess I’ll see you at Claudia and Beck’s wedding in a few years. By then I think we might be able to share a smile, maybe even a drink, without it hurting like f**k.
Don’t write back.
Just be happy.
Jake
There was no way to get that email out of my head. I had the words memorized.
They broke my heart.
“What’s with the sad face?” Beck said as he walked in, Claudia on his heels. I looked up from the kitchen counter where I’d been standing, staring off as I replayed Jake’s email over and over in my mind.
Seeing Beck was a constant reminder of his best friend.
“Uh, this?” I pointed to my face as I threw him a fake grin. “You’ve got your emoticons upside down, mister.”
Beck smirked at Claudia. “Do you think we could make money off her smart-assery? Put her in a sideshow?”
Claudia frowned at me in concern. “Are you still killing yourself over Jake’s email?”
Beck’s face immediately closed down at the mention of his best friend. Although we were friends, and our talk outside The Brewhouse had definitely strengthened that friendship, it didn’t mean Beck was any happier with me regarding Jake. However, it was something he didn’t push me on, just like I didn’t push him to talk to Claudia about his future with the band. He was still musing over what he would do.
Still, I didn’t want Beck to think I was a total bitch, and I didn’t want Jake to, either. I got the impression from his email that he might be starting to hate me for real. It occurred to me—if I was honest with Beck, then perhaps that honesty might find its way back to Jake.
“Yes,” I said. “It was just so final.”
“Maybe that’s for the best,” Beck said tightly.
Claudia punched the top of his arm. “No, it’s not,” she argued.
“It is for Jake.” Beck refused to be cowed. He shot me a look. “I’m sorry, Charley, but he’s been waiting around for you for a whole f**king year now. He needs to let go and you need to let him go.”
“She loves him, you jackass.”
“Babe,” Beck tried to placate her, “I think you need to let go of this particular hope.”
“I do love him,” I cut off whatever scathing reply Claudia was about to shoot back. “But I finally feel like I can breathe for the first time in a year and I’m scared that everything will get crazy again if Jake and I got back together.”
That shut them both up.
Beck’s gaze softened and he leaned across the counter. “It’s always going to be a little crazy. You can’t control this shit.” He shot Claudia a sardonic look and said, “Believe me.”
She rolled her eyes at him before turning back to me. “Charley… you’re going to lose him for real if you don’t make a move. And what happens if you bump into each other at U of C next fall? What if you have to endure watching him with another Melissa? Can you handle that?”
“Wait.” Beck shot up from the counter in surprise. “You’re going to Chicago for law?”
I nodded, feeling a little sheepish that I hadn’t told Jake or the guys.
“And you knew?” Beck asked Claudia. “This will kill Jake. You can’t go to the same school unless you’re together. It’ll majorly f**k with his head.” He slumped down onto a nearby stool looking suddenly exhausted. “Okay, we have to fix this.”
“How?” I said, feeling a little frantic.
Beck studied me a moment. “Do you really love him?”
“Yes.”
“Are you willing to lose him?”
I bit my lip, knowing that despite the fear inside me, there really was only one answer to that question. “No.”
Beck grinned. “You got any money?”
“For what?”
“As we speak, Jake is on a plane to Europe for spring break with Luke and a couple of Luke’s friends. Luke thought he needed to get away for a bit.”
Immediately catching on, I felt adrenaline shoot through me. I felt jittery, impatient, anxious, and scared shitless. “Europe.” It couldn’t be Las Vegas, huh? Then again, flying clear across an ocean was a pretty big statement. “Do you have his itinerary?”
I had to make a decision and I didn’t have the luxury of time. Jake’s heart couldn’t take much more, and mine needed to learn how to cope with all the craziness that came with loving someone as much as I loved Jacob Caplin.
I was fearful. But I was also excited and ready to do this, no matter if I was walking into a lifetime of drama, or a moment of rejection that would live with me forever.
I was going to do this, unknown be damned.
Chapter Twenty-One
The hotel reception was clean and tidy but basic. The polished beech floor shone beneath my feet, the walls brightly finished in an off-white paint. However, it looked somewhat sterile with so few paintings. I sat in an uncomfortable lobby chair beside three other empty lobby chairs, avoiding the smiling receptionist whose grin seemed to wilt with more and more concern every time our eyes met. I’d been waiting in the hotel since nine o’clock in the morning. I told the receptionist I was waiting on a friend who was staying here, but it’d been a couple of hours and I was still sitting there.
I began to worry that Beck had gotten the itinerary wrong.
Until the elevator doors pinged open.
My eyes flew to it and my heart leapt into my throat at the sight of Jake. He’d cut his hair short again but his cheeks and jaw were scruffy with sexy stubble. He looked a little tired and his mouth was turned down in that unhappy way I hated seeing on him.
My eyes hungrily took in his broad-shouldered, tall frame. He was wearing a T-shirt and jeans and he had a small backpack thrown over his shoulder, but to me, he looked amazing.
Being so close to him for the first time in so long… Man, my whole body felt alive. I’d told Beck I was breathing again for the first time in a long time, and I was. But I’d forgotten there was so much more to living than breathing. The evidence was standing only a few feet from me, making my every nerve spark and every sense open up as if they hadn’t been used at full capacity since last December.
Realizing Jake was going to walk out of the hotel, I called out, “You’re from Chicago. I can tell.”
His head jerked at my voice and as soon as his eyes lit upon me, he froze. His gaze roamed over me, taking in every inch of me as if he were trying to process if I was real.
Don’t write back.
Just be happy.
Jake
There was no way to get that email out of my head. I had the words memorized.
They broke my heart.
“What’s with the sad face?” Beck said as he walked in, Claudia on his heels. I looked up from the kitchen counter where I’d been standing, staring off as I replayed Jake’s email over and over in my mind.
Seeing Beck was a constant reminder of his best friend.
“Uh, this?” I pointed to my face as I threw him a fake grin. “You’ve got your emoticons upside down, mister.”
Beck smirked at Claudia. “Do you think we could make money off her smart-assery? Put her in a sideshow?”
Claudia frowned at me in concern. “Are you still killing yourself over Jake’s email?”
Beck’s face immediately closed down at the mention of his best friend. Although we were friends, and our talk outside The Brewhouse had definitely strengthened that friendship, it didn’t mean Beck was any happier with me regarding Jake. However, it was something he didn’t push me on, just like I didn’t push him to talk to Claudia about his future with the band. He was still musing over what he would do.
Still, I didn’t want Beck to think I was a total bitch, and I didn’t want Jake to, either. I got the impression from his email that he might be starting to hate me for real. It occurred to me—if I was honest with Beck, then perhaps that honesty might find its way back to Jake.
“Yes,” I said. “It was just so final.”
“Maybe that’s for the best,” Beck said tightly.
Claudia punched the top of his arm. “No, it’s not,” she argued.
“It is for Jake.” Beck refused to be cowed. He shot me a look. “I’m sorry, Charley, but he’s been waiting around for you for a whole f**king year now. He needs to let go and you need to let him go.”
“She loves him, you jackass.”
“Babe,” Beck tried to placate her, “I think you need to let go of this particular hope.”
“I do love him,” I cut off whatever scathing reply Claudia was about to shoot back. “But I finally feel like I can breathe for the first time in a year and I’m scared that everything will get crazy again if Jake and I got back together.”
That shut them both up.
Beck’s gaze softened and he leaned across the counter. “It’s always going to be a little crazy. You can’t control this shit.” He shot Claudia a sardonic look and said, “Believe me.”
She rolled her eyes at him before turning back to me. “Charley… you’re going to lose him for real if you don’t make a move. And what happens if you bump into each other at U of C next fall? What if you have to endure watching him with another Melissa? Can you handle that?”
“Wait.” Beck shot up from the counter in surprise. “You’re going to Chicago for law?”
I nodded, feeling a little sheepish that I hadn’t told Jake or the guys.
“And you knew?” Beck asked Claudia. “This will kill Jake. You can’t go to the same school unless you’re together. It’ll majorly f**k with his head.” He slumped down onto a nearby stool looking suddenly exhausted. “Okay, we have to fix this.”
“How?” I said, feeling a little frantic.
Beck studied me a moment. “Do you really love him?”
“Yes.”
“Are you willing to lose him?”
I bit my lip, knowing that despite the fear inside me, there really was only one answer to that question. “No.”
Beck grinned. “You got any money?”
“For what?”
“As we speak, Jake is on a plane to Europe for spring break with Luke and a couple of Luke’s friends. Luke thought he needed to get away for a bit.”
Immediately catching on, I felt adrenaline shoot through me. I felt jittery, impatient, anxious, and scared shitless. “Europe.” It couldn’t be Las Vegas, huh? Then again, flying clear across an ocean was a pretty big statement. “Do you have his itinerary?”
I had to make a decision and I didn’t have the luxury of time. Jake’s heart couldn’t take much more, and mine needed to learn how to cope with all the craziness that came with loving someone as much as I loved Jacob Caplin.
I was fearful. But I was also excited and ready to do this, no matter if I was walking into a lifetime of drama, or a moment of rejection that would live with me forever.
I was going to do this, unknown be damned.
Chapter Twenty-One
The hotel reception was clean and tidy but basic. The polished beech floor shone beneath my feet, the walls brightly finished in an off-white paint. However, it looked somewhat sterile with so few paintings. I sat in an uncomfortable lobby chair beside three other empty lobby chairs, avoiding the smiling receptionist whose grin seemed to wilt with more and more concern every time our eyes met. I’d been waiting in the hotel since nine o’clock in the morning. I told the receptionist I was waiting on a friend who was staying here, but it’d been a couple of hours and I was still sitting there.
I began to worry that Beck had gotten the itinerary wrong.
Until the elevator doors pinged open.
My eyes flew to it and my heart leapt into my throat at the sight of Jake. He’d cut his hair short again but his cheeks and jaw were scruffy with sexy stubble. He looked a little tired and his mouth was turned down in that unhappy way I hated seeing on him.
My eyes hungrily took in his broad-shouldered, tall frame. He was wearing a T-shirt and jeans and he had a small backpack thrown over his shoulder, but to me, he looked amazing.
Being so close to him for the first time in so long… Man, my whole body felt alive. I’d told Beck I was breathing again for the first time in a long time, and I was. But I’d forgotten there was so much more to living than breathing. The evidence was standing only a few feet from me, making my every nerve spark and every sense open up as if they hadn’t been used at full capacity since last December.
Realizing Jake was going to walk out of the hotel, I called out, “You’re from Chicago. I can tell.”
His head jerked at my voice and as soon as his eyes lit upon me, he froze. His gaze roamed over me, taking in every inch of me as if he were trying to process if I was real.
