Owning Violet
Page 93
If Father makes Pilar a more integral part of Fleur, I don’t know if I want to remain in New York after all.
His offer for me to work in London is looking more and more like a positive change.
A fresh start. And the opportunity I’ve been waiting for.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Ryder
I’m worried.
I sit at my desk and stare at the text Violet just sent me, wondering what she’s referring to. There are all sorts of things that should be worrying Violet.
And me.
We’ve snuck around for days. Pretending we don’t care about each other at work beyond that we’re business associates working on a project together. At night, I go to her place, where we talk. Eat. Have sex. Lots and lots of sex.
Plenty of talking, too. The woman’s mind fascinates me. She’s so smart, she’s done so much, seen so much in her life, and I can only hope to do and see as much as she has. I learn something from her every time we have a conversation. I learned plenty from Pilar, too, but this is different. Deeper.
I feel connected to Violet.
She seems as fascinated by me as I am with her. I don’t feel like I’m being used or have to throw up all my defenses in case she’s trying to trick me. What I share with Violet is as genuine as it gets.
Well. I still haven’t told her how this all started, plotting with Pilar. I’m too freaked out to confess. That admission could ruin everything.
And I’m not ready to take that risk yet.
My phone buzzes again and I focus on the most recent message from Violet.
I’m really stressed out.
About what?
Everything. What’s happening between me and you.
What’s happening with Zachary. And Pilar. And my father.
There’s a lineup that’s causing me nothing but grief.
What’s going on with your father?
Remember when I talked to him a few days ago? I never told you, but … he confessed that he’s in a relationship.
Shit. Why did she keep that from me?
Like I have any room to talk.
Did he say it was with Pilar?
No, there were no names mentioned, but I have a strong feeling he’s referring to her.
Fuck this texting thing. I call her.
“What exactly did he say?” I growl into the phone the minute she answers.
“He spoke in vague terms. Said he kept it quiet because he wanted to ensure it was turning into something serious before he mentioned it to me and my sisters.” Her voice lowers. “I don’t want it to be her, but I’m sure it is. She’ll hurt him, Ryder. I know she will.”
Violet’s right. If things don’t go her way, Pilar will have no qualms about wreaking as much damage as possible. “Could he be with someone else?” I suggest, wishing it were so. That would simplify everything.
But the way I feel about Violet, what’s happening between us … is not so simple. I don’t want to hurt her. I care for her. Want to protect her. Lies always hurt, and I’m keeping a big one. She’ll hate me when she finds out I was dishonest.
That’s the last thing I want, though I know it’s best.
I’m starting to think fuck what’s best and chase after what I really want.
“It’s not someone else. Who else can it be? I saw them together, Ryder. They weren’t acting like two business associates having a chat. They weren’t behaving like two old friends hanging out, either. The way he touched her, the way she looked at him, they were like … lovers,” Violet argues. “He doesn’t want to reveal who he’s seeing not just because of me and my sisters, but because he works with the woman.”
“Well, you really shouldn’t fuck where you work,” I say, a reminder for us as well as anyone else.
She remains quiet, pulling one of my tactics. Damn, I really like this girl. The way she thinks, the things she says, the things she doesn’t say. How responsive she is to my touch. The connection we have is unlike anything I’ve experienced before. I’m not only attracted to her body; I appreciate her mind. I value her opinion. She’s thoughtful and beautiful. So beautiful. We could go far, Violet and me.
But I’m lying to her. Tricking her. Our entire so-called relationship is based on a lie. She’s too good for me. She deserves a man who’ll treat her like a princess. Not a man who pushes his girl too far and lies.
Violet may like it when I push her too far, but it’s a cheap thrill. One that won’t last. She needs a man like Lawrence, minus his asshole tendencies. A man who works hard, is honest, comes from a good family, and can provide for her what I never, ever can.
I’m a mess. And most of the time, I revel in my mess. Not now, though. I want to change for Violet. I want to be a better man, but is it possible? I am who I am and sometimes, when I’m particularly low, I feel like no one can fix me.
No one.
Not even her.
“Very true,” she finally murmurs. “Such wise words, Ryder. I suppose you’re referring to us?”
Now it’s my turn to remain silent.
“If you want to end it, just say so.” Her voice is tight. She sounds furious. “I’m tired of the back and forth, Ryder. What we’re doing, it always feels like a game, and I’m the loser every single time. I try to be real with you. I try to give you everything you want and you’re still not happy.”
Her words claw at my useless heart, tearing it to shreds. She’s one hundred percent right and I can’t disagree. “I’m a user, Violet. You know this.” Why am I saying this? It’s as though I purposely want to sabotage what we have.
His offer for me to work in London is looking more and more like a positive change.
A fresh start. And the opportunity I’ve been waiting for.
Chapter Twenty-eight
Ryder
I’m worried.
I sit at my desk and stare at the text Violet just sent me, wondering what she’s referring to. There are all sorts of things that should be worrying Violet.
And me.
We’ve snuck around for days. Pretending we don’t care about each other at work beyond that we’re business associates working on a project together. At night, I go to her place, where we talk. Eat. Have sex. Lots and lots of sex.
Plenty of talking, too. The woman’s mind fascinates me. She’s so smart, she’s done so much, seen so much in her life, and I can only hope to do and see as much as she has. I learn something from her every time we have a conversation. I learned plenty from Pilar, too, but this is different. Deeper.
I feel connected to Violet.
She seems as fascinated by me as I am with her. I don’t feel like I’m being used or have to throw up all my defenses in case she’s trying to trick me. What I share with Violet is as genuine as it gets.
Well. I still haven’t told her how this all started, plotting with Pilar. I’m too freaked out to confess. That admission could ruin everything.
And I’m not ready to take that risk yet.
My phone buzzes again and I focus on the most recent message from Violet.
I’m really stressed out.
About what?
Everything. What’s happening between me and you.
What’s happening with Zachary. And Pilar. And my father.
There’s a lineup that’s causing me nothing but grief.
What’s going on with your father?
Remember when I talked to him a few days ago? I never told you, but … he confessed that he’s in a relationship.
Shit. Why did she keep that from me?
Like I have any room to talk.
Did he say it was with Pilar?
No, there were no names mentioned, but I have a strong feeling he’s referring to her.
Fuck this texting thing. I call her.
“What exactly did he say?” I growl into the phone the minute she answers.
“He spoke in vague terms. Said he kept it quiet because he wanted to ensure it was turning into something serious before he mentioned it to me and my sisters.” Her voice lowers. “I don’t want it to be her, but I’m sure it is. She’ll hurt him, Ryder. I know she will.”
Violet’s right. If things don’t go her way, Pilar will have no qualms about wreaking as much damage as possible. “Could he be with someone else?” I suggest, wishing it were so. That would simplify everything.
But the way I feel about Violet, what’s happening between us … is not so simple. I don’t want to hurt her. I care for her. Want to protect her. Lies always hurt, and I’m keeping a big one. She’ll hate me when she finds out I was dishonest.
That’s the last thing I want, though I know it’s best.
I’m starting to think fuck what’s best and chase after what I really want.
“It’s not someone else. Who else can it be? I saw them together, Ryder. They weren’t acting like two business associates having a chat. They weren’t behaving like two old friends hanging out, either. The way he touched her, the way she looked at him, they were like … lovers,” Violet argues. “He doesn’t want to reveal who he’s seeing not just because of me and my sisters, but because he works with the woman.”
“Well, you really shouldn’t fuck where you work,” I say, a reminder for us as well as anyone else.
She remains quiet, pulling one of my tactics. Damn, I really like this girl. The way she thinks, the things she says, the things she doesn’t say. How responsive she is to my touch. The connection we have is unlike anything I’ve experienced before. I’m not only attracted to her body; I appreciate her mind. I value her opinion. She’s thoughtful and beautiful. So beautiful. We could go far, Violet and me.
But I’m lying to her. Tricking her. Our entire so-called relationship is based on a lie. She’s too good for me. She deserves a man who’ll treat her like a princess. Not a man who pushes his girl too far and lies.
Violet may like it when I push her too far, but it’s a cheap thrill. One that won’t last. She needs a man like Lawrence, minus his asshole tendencies. A man who works hard, is honest, comes from a good family, and can provide for her what I never, ever can.
I’m a mess. And most of the time, I revel in my mess. Not now, though. I want to change for Violet. I want to be a better man, but is it possible? I am who I am and sometimes, when I’m particularly low, I feel like no one can fix me.
No one.
Not even her.
“Very true,” she finally murmurs. “Such wise words, Ryder. I suppose you’re referring to us?”
Now it’s my turn to remain silent.
“If you want to end it, just say so.” Her voice is tight. She sounds furious. “I’m tired of the back and forth, Ryder. What we’re doing, it always feels like a game, and I’m the loser every single time. I try to be real with you. I try to give you everything you want and you’re still not happy.”
Her words claw at my useless heart, tearing it to shreds. She’s one hundred percent right and I can’t disagree. “I’m a user, Violet. You know this.” Why am I saying this? It’s as though I purposely want to sabotage what we have.
