Panic
Page 72
Life beyond Rook’s face ceases to exist.
I kiss her. Not hard and desperate, no. I kiss her softly. I kiss her like the precious thing she is. I kiss her gently. And passionately. And carefully.
And when our tongues are tired of the kiss and we need to come up for air, I dip my mouth into her neck and whisper, “What did you do?”
She leans back in my arms, but her legs are still wrapped around my middle and my hands are still cupped under her ass. “Fiona, it’s me, Shrek. I rescued you from your tower to prove I’ll fight for us. I’ll fight for us every single time. You’ll never even have to wonder if I’ll be there, because I’ll show the f**k up before that thought can even cross your mind. I want you, Ronin, and I’ll risk everything for you. I will never walk out on you.”
I squeeze her. I just want to make her part of me, pull her so close that we merge together and become one soul. “I love the f**k out of you, ya know.”
She smiles and then gets a little more serious. “I hope you still have it,” she says.
“Have what, babe?”
“My heart. Because it’s the only one I got and I don’t want to lose it.”
I pat my chest. “I put it right here, Gidget, right next to mine. I’m gonna hold on to it for you. Keep it safe forever.”
Antoine throws us a huge party. Everyone shows up.
And relief washes over me for the first time in a long time. Relief that says things are gonna be OK now.
Rook didn’t drink even one beer tonight. Not even one. I noticed this early so I stopped drinking too. She’s perceptive, but so am I. It’s part of my training. Usually I watch so I can imitate later, bring those feelings and emotions out in modeling or lying to the f**king cops during an interrogation. But with Rook I watch because I want to learn more. I want to find her secrets and uncover her soul.
What she said at the press conference revealed a lot about her, but I know there’s more. And if she’s getting ready to tell me tonight, the last thing I want to be is drunk when she finally gets enough courage to say it.
I’m already in bed, waiting for her to come out of the bathroom. The water shuts off as she finishes brushing her teeth, then the door handle jiggles and she appears wearing some lacy pink boy shorts and a white tank top.
Just Rook.
But she’s got something in her hand when she gets in bed and I know this is it.
“I have something to show you, Ronin.”
I look at the paper clenched in her fist and then up at her eyes. Tears are already flowing down her face. “What is it, babe?”
She wipes them away and then thrusts the crumpled paper towards me. I take it and realize it’s a picture.
My world stops.
When she’d told me she’d lost a baby, I’d figured it was early in the pregnancy. But in this picture she is very pregnant. And she looks young in that peach dress. Her expression says she’s happy, her hair is pulled back, and her bare feet and ankles are so swollen I almost start to worry about pregnant Rook. When I look up she’s got her hands over her mouth, trying to stifle the sobs. I hug her close and we sink down into the covers a little more. “What happened?” I ask in a soft voice.
She opens her mouth to speak, then stops and shrugs her shoulders. “It was an accident.” She nods her head and says it again. “A terrible accident and I lost the baby. I do want kids, Ronin, but this”—she taps the picture with her finger—“this feels like it happened today, that’s how bad it still hurts. I almost had him, Ronin. My son was two weeks away from being born.” And then she breaks and rivers pour down her cheeks. “I’m sorry I’m so emotional and indecisive, but I’m just not over it yet.” Her eyes peer up to me, her dark lashes heavy with tears. “That baby…” She stops and chokes on a sob and my chest is suddenly filled with sadness. An aching that pours into me and makes me hold her tighter. “I was gonna name him Jake.” She looks away and takes a deep breath. “And his crib was white.”
“Rook, I’m so sorry, babe.” I feel like total shit dragging her to that baby store.
“It’s not your fault, Ronin. I tried to forget about it, to pretend it never happened.” She looks up at me again. “But it did happen. And I can’t be over it yet because I never took the time to just… experience it. But I’m gonna do that now. I’m gonna make an appointment with a counselor. And one day…” She stops to sniff and wipe her face, taking her time until every last tear is dry and her breathing is slow and calm. She turns those bright blue eyes up at me and nods. “One day, I’ll be ready.”
At that same moment I give her what she needs, I tell her what she wants to hear and what I need her to understand. “I’ll be here waiting. I will wait forever. If that’s what it takes. I’ll wait for you until the end of time.”
She takes the picture and places it gently on her bedside table and then snuggles down into my chest. “You saved me, Ronin.”
“And you saved me, Rook.”
“So I guess we’re even.”
“I guess we are.”
“And I’m still Shrek because I’m the one who thought of it.”
I laugh and kiss her on the head.
My world will never be the same. This girl blew in like the spring wind and whipped me around like a hurricane. She took over my life, she got Spencer to commit to her, and she made Ford feel things. Antoine and Elise love her so much they want us to be godparents and she got an entire city to cheer for her and set me free.
I kiss her. Not hard and desperate, no. I kiss her softly. I kiss her like the precious thing she is. I kiss her gently. And passionately. And carefully.
And when our tongues are tired of the kiss and we need to come up for air, I dip my mouth into her neck and whisper, “What did you do?”
She leans back in my arms, but her legs are still wrapped around my middle and my hands are still cupped under her ass. “Fiona, it’s me, Shrek. I rescued you from your tower to prove I’ll fight for us. I’ll fight for us every single time. You’ll never even have to wonder if I’ll be there, because I’ll show the f**k up before that thought can even cross your mind. I want you, Ronin, and I’ll risk everything for you. I will never walk out on you.”
I squeeze her. I just want to make her part of me, pull her so close that we merge together and become one soul. “I love the f**k out of you, ya know.”
She smiles and then gets a little more serious. “I hope you still have it,” she says.
“Have what, babe?”
“My heart. Because it’s the only one I got and I don’t want to lose it.”
I pat my chest. “I put it right here, Gidget, right next to mine. I’m gonna hold on to it for you. Keep it safe forever.”
Antoine throws us a huge party. Everyone shows up.
And relief washes over me for the first time in a long time. Relief that says things are gonna be OK now.
Rook didn’t drink even one beer tonight. Not even one. I noticed this early so I stopped drinking too. She’s perceptive, but so am I. It’s part of my training. Usually I watch so I can imitate later, bring those feelings and emotions out in modeling or lying to the f**king cops during an interrogation. But with Rook I watch because I want to learn more. I want to find her secrets and uncover her soul.
What she said at the press conference revealed a lot about her, but I know there’s more. And if she’s getting ready to tell me tonight, the last thing I want to be is drunk when she finally gets enough courage to say it.
I’m already in bed, waiting for her to come out of the bathroom. The water shuts off as she finishes brushing her teeth, then the door handle jiggles and she appears wearing some lacy pink boy shorts and a white tank top.
Just Rook.
But she’s got something in her hand when she gets in bed and I know this is it.
“I have something to show you, Ronin.”
I look at the paper clenched in her fist and then up at her eyes. Tears are already flowing down her face. “What is it, babe?”
She wipes them away and then thrusts the crumpled paper towards me. I take it and realize it’s a picture.
My world stops.
When she’d told me she’d lost a baby, I’d figured it was early in the pregnancy. But in this picture she is very pregnant. And she looks young in that peach dress. Her expression says she’s happy, her hair is pulled back, and her bare feet and ankles are so swollen I almost start to worry about pregnant Rook. When I look up she’s got her hands over her mouth, trying to stifle the sobs. I hug her close and we sink down into the covers a little more. “What happened?” I ask in a soft voice.
She opens her mouth to speak, then stops and shrugs her shoulders. “It was an accident.” She nods her head and says it again. “A terrible accident and I lost the baby. I do want kids, Ronin, but this”—she taps the picture with her finger—“this feels like it happened today, that’s how bad it still hurts. I almost had him, Ronin. My son was two weeks away from being born.” And then she breaks and rivers pour down her cheeks. “I’m sorry I’m so emotional and indecisive, but I’m just not over it yet.” Her eyes peer up to me, her dark lashes heavy with tears. “That baby…” She stops and chokes on a sob and my chest is suddenly filled with sadness. An aching that pours into me and makes me hold her tighter. “I was gonna name him Jake.” She looks away and takes a deep breath. “And his crib was white.”
“Rook, I’m so sorry, babe.” I feel like total shit dragging her to that baby store.
“It’s not your fault, Ronin. I tried to forget about it, to pretend it never happened.” She looks up at me again. “But it did happen. And I can’t be over it yet because I never took the time to just… experience it. But I’m gonna do that now. I’m gonna make an appointment with a counselor. And one day…” She stops to sniff and wipe her face, taking her time until every last tear is dry and her breathing is slow and calm. She turns those bright blue eyes up at me and nods. “One day, I’ll be ready.”
At that same moment I give her what she needs, I tell her what she wants to hear and what I need her to understand. “I’ll be here waiting. I will wait forever. If that’s what it takes. I’ll wait for you until the end of time.”
She takes the picture and places it gently on her bedside table and then snuggles down into my chest. “You saved me, Ronin.”
“And you saved me, Rook.”
“So I guess we’re even.”
“I guess we are.”
“And I’m still Shrek because I’m the one who thought of it.”
I laugh and kiss her on the head.
My world will never be the same. This girl blew in like the spring wind and whipped me around like a hurricane. She took over my life, she got Spencer to commit to her, and she made Ford feel things. Antoine and Elise love her so much they want us to be godparents and she got an entire city to cheer for her and set me free.
