Pawn
Page 4
“Then don’t,” I said, my chest tightening. “If it’ll make it better—”
“Nothing is going to make this better. You have no idea what you’re getting into.”
“I know,” I whispered. “But I have to. And by the time it’s over, we’ll have enough saved up to get out of here. Go anywhere we want. You’ll have your pick of assignments, and we’ll never have to worry about any of this again. Until then…” My mouth went dry, and I tightened my grip on his hand. “Until then, I think we should break up.”
Benjy stiffened beside me, but he didn’t say a word.
He didn’t have to.
“You’re right,” I said. “You deserve better than this.
Better than having me as a girlfriend. Better than having me ruin your life. So—let’s not anymore. Not until it’s over. When you’re a VI, if you still want me…”
“I’ll always want you,” he said, and he looked at me, his face red and his eyes filled with tears. “I will always want you no matter what rank I am, no matter what rank you are, and no matter what you have to do to survive.”
I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “Then when you’re a VI, you can choose me. But you deserve to have that choice in the first place. So— so I’m giving it to you.”
“By breaking up with me.” It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway.
“Until you’re ranked. And then you can choose what kind of life you want. One of us should.”
His shoulders slumped, and he leaned toward me.
“Kitty…”
The sharp rap of knuckles against the front door made us both jump. They were back.
Benjy and I exchanged a look. Without a word, he went to shove a chair underneath the doorknob while I grabbed my duffel bag and climbed a bunk to reach the nearest window. If I was lucky, they wouldn’t have the whole place surrounded. If I wasn’t— “Tabs!” Nina’s greeting echoed through the thin walls.
I relaxed and jumped from the bed, landing with a thud.
“It’s her,” I said, trying to reach around Benjy for the door. “I have to go.”
He didn’t move. I tried again, and he still didn’t budge.
“Please, Benjy—this is the only way,” I said. “It’s only a month, and then everything will be better.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” he muttered, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.
“No, but I know that whatever happens, it’ll be better than going to Denver and losing you forever. Please.”
I set my hand on his and watched him, silently begging him to move. I didn’t want this. If I’d had my way, I would be a IV, and everything would be okay. But I’d failed a single test—the only test that ever mattered—and now I had to face the consequences. And because Benjy loved me, he did, too.
At first he didn’t respond. After a few seconds, however, he gave in and hugged me.
“Come see me tomorrow,” he said. “Wait for me outside the school, and we’ll go to the beach. We’ll swim and watch the sunset and forget this ever happened. Promise me.”
I nodded. If I didn’t, he would try to track me down anyway, and Tabs with her big mouth would probably be more than happy to tell him exactly where I was. “I will. I love you.”
Finally he stepped aside. I gave him a lingering kiss and touched his clenched jaw, and before he could say goodbye, I was gone.
The night air was cool on my bare skin, and I followed Tabs through an alleyway full of overflowing trash cans and leering men. Now that I was marked, I could leave home after dark, and there was a sense of tension that unnerved me.
Shields patrolled the streets, scanning every face that passed. I kept my eyes glued to the ground and my hair in my face as I followed Tabs, who balanced precariously on stiletto heels that made her bare legs look longer, all the way up to the few inches of skirt she’d squeezed into. I was dressed similarly, but because I was half a foot shorter, the skirt covered me to midthigh. She wore red lipstick and charcoal around her eyes that made them stand out, but I’d refused when she’d tried to do mine.
Her dark hair was curled, and it was so long that it nearly touched her skirt. I’d run a comb through mine, but that was it.
“Is this typical at night?” I said quietly as we passed another Shield who kept his hand on his gun holster. “So many Shields and all?”
“Sometimes,” she said with a shrug. “People drink too much and get rowdy. It gets really bad on the weekends.”
“Today’s Tuesday.”
“Whatever.” She eyed me. “You and Benjy didn’t do it last night as some sort of screwed-up goodbye, did you?”
I shook my head. “I broke up with him.”
“Good. It’s easier when you don’t have an angry boyfriend getting in the way.” She stopped at a door and knocked four times. In the moment that passed, she must have seen the look on my face, because she pulled me into a quick hug. “It’ll be fine, Kitty. It’s scary your first time, but there’s really nothing to it at all. You’re not actually afraid he won’t forgive you, are you? Because he will. He’s Benjy.”
The door opened before I could answer, revealing a man with a pointy chin. His eyes took in the curves Tabs was flaunting, and when he focused on me, it was all I could do not to glare.
“’Lo, Tabs. Who’s your friend?”
“Fresh meat.” She flashed him a flirty smile. “Going to let us in? Marion’s expecting us.”
He glanced over our shoulders, undoubtedly to check for Shields, and then stepped aside. Tabs took me by the elbow as we entered a narrow hallway, and the door slammed shut behind us. “Welcome to the Red Star Inn,” said the man, and he grinned to reveal a missing tooth.
I averted my eyes as Tabs pulled me past him.
As a IV, Tabs must have been given a perfectly ordinary assignment and the chance to live a normal life.
Tabs was anything but normal, though, and instead she’d chosen this.
There was no audition for this job. Anyone brave enough to risk it could find a place at one of the clubs scattered around the city, and even though it was highly illegal, everyone knew that the VIs who made up the governing body of society frequented these places. No matter how many laws were written forbidding it, it was a reliable lifestyle, at least until you grew too old to be wanted. I didn’t know what happened then, but at that moment all I cared about was staying in the Heights until Benjy turned seventeen.
Tabs introduced me to Marion, a graceful woman who must have done this at some point, but had been successful enough to start her own club. She directed me to a cramped dressing room and gestured for me to take a seat.
“A III, hmm?” She riffled through the rack of clothes pushed against a wall. “Bet you wish it was a VI.”
“I’m not exactly VI material,” I muttered. “A IV would’ve been nice, though.”
“We all want to be something we’re not, don’t we?”
She pulled a purple outfit off the rack and showed it to me. I wrinkled my nose. A bikini had more fabric. Marion replaced it. “There’s no point in fighting who you are. You can only survive it. We all have our place in the world, and grumbling about it won’t get you anything but a one-way ticket Elsewhere. Coming here, though— that’ll change your life. Aha!”
She handed me a sleeveless white dress. I held it up to my body, and the hemline reached my knees. Marion beamed.
“Perfect. The auction starts soon. Tabs explained how you’ll get a percentage of the profits and a room above the club?”
“Yeah. And I only have to—to be with men I choose, right?”
“Other than whoever buys you tonight, yes. But if you plan on making any money at this, I wouldn’t be so picky if I were you.” Marion eyed me. “Tabs said you’re a virgin?”
I nodded, struggling to keep a neutral expression as my face grew hot. She either didn’t notice or didn’t care.
“Good. That’s worth a small fortune these days. Get ready. I’ll be back for you when it starts.”
Marion left, and once we were alone, Tabs squeezed my hand. “She’s wrong, you know. You’re better than a III. She doesn’t want you to change your mind, that’s all.”
“I don’t exactly have much of a choice,” I said. “But she’s right anyway. I’m a III, and nothing’s going to change that.” And all I could do was try to survive it.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” said Tabs. “You’re not a III down here. You’re the gorgeous and desirable Kitty, and you’re in control of your own life now.”
I would never be gorgeous or desirable, not like Tabs, but I nodded anyway. “Does it hurt?”
“Not nearly as much as losing Benjy forever would,” she said. “Don’t worry about any of it, okay? You’ll be fine. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning, and you can tell me all about it then.”
Tabs kissed my cheek, and I couldn’t look her in the eye. For her, this was about liberation. All I wanted was to buy myself an extra month, and I didn’t enjoy feeling like I was lying to her. Benjy was my freedom, not this.
“Are you really getting a cut of my profits on the side?”
I said, and Tabs stopped in the doorway.
“Who told you that?”
“Nina.”
She sighed dramatically. “I’m doing this so you can stay here with me and Benjy, not because I need the money.
I make plenty on my own, and you will, too. But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll give you my share.”
“No, that’s fine,” I said, staring at my ragged fingernails. “I just wanted to know. Thanks, though—for helping me, I mean.”
She flashed me a dazzling smile. “Anytime. Love you,” she said as she flounced back into the hallway.
“Love you, too,” I mumbled before she closed the door.
I sat on the stool and stared at my face in the mirror, trying to imagine the men who would bid on me.
According to Tabs, most of the people who frequented these kinds of places weren’t especially attractive, but that wasn’t what I was worried about. Tomorrow, when I met Benjy in front of school, what would he say? Would he even touch me anymore? Would he look at me the same way? Or would I be different—too different for him to love anymore, at least the way he loved me now?
And was losing him really worth it?
Yes, I decided. Benjy deserved better than this. He deserved better than me. But if by some miracle he still wanted me when this was over, then I would be here for him. I wasn’t going to leave him, or Tabs, or Nina, no matter what it cost me.
In a month, Benjy would choose what life he wanted and if I would be in it. But this—right here, right now— this was my choice to make sure I’d still be here when he did.
The wait was torture. There were no clocks or televisions in the room, and by the time Marion came to get me, I had bitten my ragged nails so short that they bled. She took one look at my hands and dragged me to a bathroom across the hall.
“You’ll have to stop that before you ruin your hands.
Completely unattractive,” she said as she ran a trickle of cold water over my fingertips. I hissed at the pain, but she didn’t let go until they were clean. “There we go.
Now c’mon, they’re waiting.”
Taking me by the arm, Marion led me down the narrow corridor until we reached a velvet curtain. Behind it I could hear the buzz of conversation and laughter, and warm light spilled out from underneath.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “I’ll handle the bidding, and after it’s over, I’ll escort you to the room. It’s simple.”
There was nothing simple about any of this. As I wiped my sweaty palms on my dress, all I could think of was Benjy. He might hate me for this. He might never look at me the same way. But this would give him a chance at a real future, and it was worth it.
When I stepped through the curtain, the crowd quieted, and a hundred pairs of eyes focused on me. Marion nudged me forward onto the small stage, and above us, a blinding light warmed my skin.
“Good evening, my loves,” she said, and the sea of people in front of me clapped and hooted. “You’ve all been waiting so patiently for this very special moment, and as promised, one of you lucky gentlemen will be richly rewarded. For those of you who are interested—and don’t be coy, we know you all are—tonight’s bidding will start at one thousand gold pieces.”
The air whooshed out of my lungs. One thousand gold pieces was more than I would have made in ten years as a III. There was nothing about me that made one night in my bed worth that much money. Maybe I was right— maybe no one would want to bid for me. Maybe this would be a bust, and I’d have to go back to the group home, or Tabs’s place, and I’d get to apologize to Benjy and— “One thousand gold pieces!” a booming voice from the back of the room called, and I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to be sick.
Over the next few minutes, the bids steadily climbed into absurdly high amounts, and eventually it came down to two men: a mustached whale in the front near the stage, and another who was too far back to see. By then the sum was astronomical, and when the number hit thirty thousand gold pieces, the mustached bidder in the front backed down, leaving my fate to the man whose face I couldn’t see.
Wild applause filled the club, and Marion took me by the arm again, trembling with excitement as she led me through the curtain. “No one has ever outbid Minister Bradley before,” she said, stunned. “Thirty thousand—I’ve never—can you believe—and for you, of all people—”
“Nothing is going to make this better. You have no idea what you’re getting into.”
“I know,” I whispered. “But I have to. And by the time it’s over, we’ll have enough saved up to get out of here. Go anywhere we want. You’ll have your pick of assignments, and we’ll never have to worry about any of this again. Until then…” My mouth went dry, and I tightened my grip on his hand. “Until then, I think we should break up.”
Benjy stiffened beside me, but he didn’t say a word.
He didn’t have to.
“You’re right,” I said. “You deserve better than this.
Better than having me as a girlfriend. Better than having me ruin your life. So—let’s not anymore. Not until it’s over. When you’re a VI, if you still want me…”
“I’ll always want you,” he said, and he looked at me, his face red and his eyes filled with tears. “I will always want you no matter what rank I am, no matter what rank you are, and no matter what you have to do to survive.”
I brought his hand up to my lips and kissed his knuckles. “Then when you’re a VI, you can choose me. But you deserve to have that choice in the first place. So— so I’m giving it to you.”
“By breaking up with me.” It wasn’t a question, but I nodded anyway.
“Until you’re ranked. And then you can choose what kind of life you want. One of us should.”
His shoulders slumped, and he leaned toward me.
“Kitty…”
The sharp rap of knuckles against the front door made us both jump. They were back.
Benjy and I exchanged a look. Without a word, he went to shove a chair underneath the doorknob while I grabbed my duffel bag and climbed a bunk to reach the nearest window. If I was lucky, they wouldn’t have the whole place surrounded. If I wasn’t— “Tabs!” Nina’s greeting echoed through the thin walls.
I relaxed and jumped from the bed, landing with a thud.
“It’s her,” I said, trying to reach around Benjy for the door. “I have to go.”
He didn’t move. I tried again, and he still didn’t budge.
“Please, Benjy—this is the only way,” I said. “It’s only a month, and then everything will be better.”
“You don’t know that for sure,” he muttered, his arms crossed tightly over his chest.
“No, but I know that whatever happens, it’ll be better than going to Denver and losing you forever. Please.”
I set my hand on his and watched him, silently begging him to move. I didn’t want this. If I’d had my way, I would be a IV, and everything would be okay. But I’d failed a single test—the only test that ever mattered—and now I had to face the consequences. And because Benjy loved me, he did, too.
At first he didn’t respond. After a few seconds, however, he gave in and hugged me.
“Come see me tomorrow,” he said. “Wait for me outside the school, and we’ll go to the beach. We’ll swim and watch the sunset and forget this ever happened. Promise me.”
I nodded. If I didn’t, he would try to track me down anyway, and Tabs with her big mouth would probably be more than happy to tell him exactly where I was. “I will. I love you.”
Finally he stepped aside. I gave him a lingering kiss and touched his clenched jaw, and before he could say goodbye, I was gone.
The night air was cool on my bare skin, and I followed Tabs through an alleyway full of overflowing trash cans and leering men. Now that I was marked, I could leave home after dark, and there was a sense of tension that unnerved me.
Shields patrolled the streets, scanning every face that passed. I kept my eyes glued to the ground and my hair in my face as I followed Tabs, who balanced precariously on stiletto heels that made her bare legs look longer, all the way up to the few inches of skirt she’d squeezed into. I was dressed similarly, but because I was half a foot shorter, the skirt covered me to midthigh. She wore red lipstick and charcoal around her eyes that made them stand out, but I’d refused when she’d tried to do mine.
Her dark hair was curled, and it was so long that it nearly touched her skirt. I’d run a comb through mine, but that was it.
“Is this typical at night?” I said quietly as we passed another Shield who kept his hand on his gun holster. “So many Shields and all?”
“Sometimes,” she said with a shrug. “People drink too much and get rowdy. It gets really bad on the weekends.”
“Today’s Tuesday.”
“Whatever.” She eyed me. “You and Benjy didn’t do it last night as some sort of screwed-up goodbye, did you?”
I shook my head. “I broke up with him.”
“Good. It’s easier when you don’t have an angry boyfriend getting in the way.” She stopped at a door and knocked four times. In the moment that passed, she must have seen the look on my face, because she pulled me into a quick hug. “It’ll be fine, Kitty. It’s scary your first time, but there’s really nothing to it at all. You’re not actually afraid he won’t forgive you, are you? Because he will. He’s Benjy.”
The door opened before I could answer, revealing a man with a pointy chin. His eyes took in the curves Tabs was flaunting, and when he focused on me, it was all I could do not to glare.
“’Lo, Tabs. Who’s your friend?”
“Fresh meat.” She flashed him a flirty smile. “Going to let us in? Marion’s expecting us.”
He glanced over our shoulders, undoubtedly to check for Shields, and then stepped aside. Tabs took me by the elbow as we entered a narrow hallway, and the door slammed shut behind us. “Welcome to the Red Star Inn,” said the man, and he grinned to reveal a missing tooth.
I averted my eyes as Tabs pulled me past him.
As a IV, Tabs must have been given a perfectly ordinary assignment and the chance to live a normal life.
Tabs was anything but normal, though, and instead she’d chosen this.
There was no audition for this job. Anyone brave enough to risk it could find a place at one of the clubs scattered around the city, and even though it was highly illegal, everyone knew that the VIs who made up the governing body of society frequented these places. No matter how many laws were written forbidding it, it was a reliable lifestyle, at least until you grew too old to be wanted. I didn’t know what happened then, but at that moment all I cared about was staying in the Heights until Benjy turned seventeen.
Tabs introduced me to Marion, a graceful woman who must have done this at some point, but had been successful enough to start her own club. She directed me to a cramped dressing room and gestured for me to take a seat.
“A III, hmm?” She riffled through the rack of clothes pushed against a wall. “Bet you wish it was a VI.”
“I’m not exactly VI material,” I muttered. “A IV would’ve been nice, though.”
“We all want to be something we’re not, don’t we?”
She pulled a purple outfit off the rack and showed it to me. I wrinkled my nose. A bikini had more fabric. Marion replaced it. “There’s no point in fighting who you are. You can only survive it. We all have our place in the world, and grumbling about it won’t get you anything but a one-way ticket Elsewhere. Coming here, though— that’ll change your life. Aha!”
She handed me a sleeveless white dress. I held it up to my body, and the hemline reached my knees. Marion beamed.
“Perfect. The auction starts soon. Tabs explained how you’ll get a percentage of the profits and a room above the club?”
“Yeah. And I only have to—to be with men I choose, right?”
“Other than whoever buys you tonight, yes. But if you plan on making any money at this, I wouldn’t be so picky if I were you.” Marion eyed me. “Tabs said you’re a virgin?”
I nodded, struggling to keep a neutral expression as my face grew hot. She either didn’t notice or didn’t care.
“Good. That’s worth a small fortune these days. Get ready. I’ll be back for you when it starts.”
Marion left, and once we were alone, Tabs squeezed my hand. “She’s wrong, you know. You’re better than a III. She doesn’t want you to change your mind, that’s all.”
“I don’t exactly have much of a choice,” I said. “But she’s right anyway. I’m a III, and nothing’s going to change that.” And all I could do was try to survive it.
“It doesn’t matter anyway,” said Tabs. “You’re not a III down here. You’re the gorgeous and desirable Kitty, and you’re in control of your own life now.”
I would never be gorgeous or desirable, not like Tabs, but I nodded anyway. “Does it hurt?”
“Not nearly as much as losing Benjy forever would,” she said. “Don’t worry about any of it, okay? You’ll be fine. I’ll pick you up tomorrow morning, and you can tell me all about it then.”
Tabs kissed my cheek, and I couldn’t look her in the eye. For her, this was about liberation. All I wanted was to buy myself an extra month, and I didn’t enjoy feeling like I was lying to her. Benjy was my freedom, not this.
“Are you really getting a cut of my profits on the side?”
I said, and Tabs stopped in the doorway.
“Who told you that?”
“Nina.”
She sighed dramatically. “I’m doing this so you can stay here with me and Benjy, not because I need the money.
I make plenty on my own, and you will, too. But if it’ll make you feel better, I’ll give you my share.”
“No, that’s fine,” I said, staring at my ragged fingernails. “I just wanted to know. Thanks, though—for helping me, I mean.”
She flashed me a dazzling smile. “Anytime. Love you,” she said as she flounced back into the hallway.
“Love you, too,” I mumbled before she closed the door.
I sat on the stool and stared at my face in the mirror, trying to imagine the men who would bid on me.
According to Tabs, most of the people who frequented these kinds of places weren’t especially attractive, but that wasn’t what I was worried about. Tomorrow, when I met Benjy in front of school, what would he say? Would he even touch me anymore? Would he look at me the same way? Or would I be different—too different for him to love anymore, at least the way he loved me now?
And was losing him really worth it?
Yes, I decided. Benjy deserved better than this. He deserved better than me. But if by some miracle he still wanted me when this was over, then I would be here for him. I wasn’t going to leave him, or Tabs, or Nina, no matter what it cost me.
In a month, Benjy would choose what life he wanted and if I would be in it. But this—right here, right now— this was my choice to make sure I’d still be here when he did.
The wait was torture. There were no clocks or televisions in the room, and by the time Marion came to get me, I had bitten my ragged nails so short that they bled. She took one look at my hands and dragged me to a bathroom across the hall.
“You’ll have to stop that before you ruin your hands.
Completely unattractive,” she said as she ran a trickle of cold water over my fingertips. I hissed at the pain, but she didn’t let go until they were clean. “There we go.
Now c’mon, they’re waiting.”
Taking me by the arm, Marion led me down the narrow corridor until we reached a velvet curtain. Behind it I could hear the buzz of conversation and laughter, and warm light spilled out from underneath.
“You don’t have to say anything,” she said. “I’ll handle the bidding, and after it’s over, I’ll escort you to the room. It’s simple.”
There was nothing simple about any of this. As I wiped my sweaty palms on my dress, all I could think of was Benjy. He might hate me for this. He might never look at me the same way. But this would give him a chance at a real future, and it was worth it.
When I stepped through the curtain, the crowd quieted, and a hundred pairs of eyes focused on me. Marion nudged me forward onto the small stage, and above us, a blinding light warmed my skin.
“Good evening, my loves,” she said, and the sea of people in front of me clapped and hooted. “You’ve all been waiting so patiently for this very special moment, and as promised, one of you lucky gentlemen will be richly rewarded. For those of you who are interested—and don’t be coy, we know you all are—tonight’s bidding will start at one thousand gold pieces.”
The air whooshed out of my lungs. One thousand gold pieces was more than I would have made in ten years as a III. There was nothing about me that made one night in my bed worth that much money. Maybe I was right— maybe no one would want to bid for me. Maybe this would be a bust, and I’d have to go back to the group home, or Tabs’s place, and I’d get to apologize to Benjy and— “One thousand gold pieces!” a booming voice from the back of the room called, and I closed my eyes, fighting the urge to be sick.
Over the next few minutes, the bids steadily climbed into absurdly high amounts, and eventually it came down to two men: a mustached whale in the front near the stage, and another who was too far back to see. By then the sum was astronomical, and when the number hit thirty thousand gold pieces, the mustached bidder in the front backed down, leaving my fate to the man whose face I couldn’t see.
Wild applause filled the club, and Marion took me by the arm again, trembling with excitement as she led me through the curtain. “No one has ever outbid Minister Bradley before,” she said, stunned. “Thirty thousand—I’ve never—can you believe—and for you, of all people—”
