Perfect Lie
Page 24
“That’s not true. He did it because they bullied me.”
“So you think they deserved what happened?”
I shoved myself up from my seat, enraged. “Of course they didn’t!”
“Exactly my point,” she replied calmly. “You wouldn’t have wished that on them. You aren’t to blame. Not for what happened to them and not for what happened to you.”
I fell back into my seat, but the aching in my stomach only grew more painful as I struggled for a breath that wouldn’t come.
“Let me get you some water.” Abel fumbled with the paper cups at the water cooler, but Marie held up her hand.
“She’ll be fine.” Her voice was assertive, unlike I’d ever heard her before. Abel froze, cup in hand.
I doubled over as my gasping grew louder, and tiny crimson drops fell on the knees of my jeans. I looked up to Marie for help, but she sat unmoving. My trembling fingers ran over my lower lip, and I pulled them back to examine the smattering of blood.
“I’m bleeding. Why am I bleeding?” My voice was shrill with terror, but Marie and Abel seemed unconcerned.
“You’re doing great, Delilah. Tell me what happened next.”
I shook my head as my body trembled like a leaf in a hurricane. I squeezed my eyes closed and tried again to fill my lungs. When my chest expanded, the sound that left my throat was that of a crying child, and I was able to once again speak.
I reached my injured hand out to my left, toward where Shelly hid, the bright overhead lighting causing me to squint. Her head was propped unnaturally against the bench, and her eyes were half open and fixed on nothingness, her skin ash gray.
The bright light slowly faded, as if we were in an eclipse, as Brock knelt over me, his tears dripping onto my face and running over the bridge of my nose.
“Bird! Bird, I’m so sorry.” He pulled me roughly into his chest as I gasped for air. His body shook, and I closed my eyes, lulled to sleep with the thudding rhythm of his hammering heart. “I love you so much, Bird.” A sob cut through his words. I tried to open my heavy eyes, so I could tell him it would be OK. It didn’t even hurt anymore. But I was unable to form any words as his arm rose, quivering as he pressed the handgun to his temple. “I’m so sorry.” His finger pressed the trigger, his eyes locked on mine.
Bang.
My body fell to back to the hard tile, sprawled over Brock’s legs in a twisted heap of broken hearts and unkeepable promises. The steady beating of his love faded into silence along with our future.
I glanced at my trembling hand, which still clutched my stomach, the blood gone from my fingers. The small crimson circles that had spattered on my jeans had vanished. I took in an easy breath as I looked up at Marie.
“It wasn’t your fault, Delilah. You couldn’t save them. You couldn’t save yourself.”
A chill ran through me, and it felt like the temperature had dropped at least ten degrees as realization settled in.
A warm, strong hand wrapped around mine as Abel sank to his knees next to me. He brushed my hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. It was then I realized the darkchocolate curtain that had blocked him from view. I looked over at him through uncertain eyes, and he smiled that heart melting smile.
“You don’t need to hide anymore,” he said.
I pushed myself to my feet and studied my face in the mirror that hung above Marie’s filing cabinet. Sure enough, my hair was as dark as the day I was born, hanging perfectly straight and framing my sad face. Abel stepped behind me, his head over mine, and it reminded me of the day we’d brushed our teeth at the apartment. Trish…Abel…I spun around and looked up at him, unable to ask the question that hung like thick humidity between us. He smiled sadly as he ran his knuckles softly over my cheek.
“You? The boat…” My eyes searched his as he shook his head and looked at the floor between us.
“I know I have boyish good looks, but I don’t look thirteen, do I?” he joked, but his smile fell. “No. That night Becca cheated on me, I couldn’t cope. I lost it when I confronted James, and it cost me my life.”
“The gun,” I whispered, as my eyes searched his. “Did you…”
“No. James did. He shot me point blank.” His hand ran over the back of his head.
“But he’s…Is he like us?”
“Yeah. He hanged himself a week later.”
My hand flew over my mouth as I inhaled a sharp breath. “Brock…”
Abel pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me.
Marie placed her hand on my back. “You did well, Delilah.”
I clung to Abel as he pulled me from the office and into the blinding sun. We didn’t speak during the entire trip back to his home.
We pulled up outside of Abel’s old fixerupper, and for the first time, I truly saw why this place was so important to him. Being damaged and broken doesn’t mean something is worthless.
I got out and stretched in the warm summer sun. Abel was by my side and laced his fingers in mine.
“What happens now?” My voice shook as I tried to process everything we’d been through.
He smiled down at me, the dimples that made me swoon settling in his cheeks. “Now you get your happily ever after.” He winked, and my stomach fluttered.
“But where? I mean…do I have to go back to Mississippi?”
Abel sighed as his eyes roamed over the house. “I’m not in California, am I? I like it here. This is my happy place now.” He glanced down at me and back at the building as he squeezed my hand.
“Where would I stay? What about Trish and my uncle?”
“You stay where you have the happiest memories and help others like I do, Kettle. Trish still has a chance if she makes a few changes in her life, but your uncle has been hanging on only for you. You need to let him go.”
“How can I just let someone go, Abel? How can I let him die?”
“Not everyone has a choice. Sometimes bad things happen. It’s not like he’ll be gone forever.” He smiled down at me.
“You and I are both…”
“It’s a lot to take in right now. You have all the time in the world to ask questions. Don’t you want to take a day off? Rest? It’s Sunday,” he quipped.
“Very clever.”
I thought that over as looked down at my tattered blue shoes. My thoughts went briefly to Brock, but try as I might, I knew all my memories were convoluted, and I had projected a savior image onto someone who needed saving himself. Abel’s thumb softly slid over the back of my hand, and I took a tentative step forward. My smile grew as I took another, pulling him behind me. I practically could smell the fresh paint that would go on the walls, see the lilies that would bloom in the flower bed near the porch.
Abel pulled open the door and waited for me to slip inside. I stopped at the base of the stairs and turned to him. “What about Trish?” I asked in a panic.
He took a step forward and sighed as his hands fell on my hips.
“Are we all? I mean, is everyone…?”
“No.” He laughed. “This is the same old sunny Florida. Some are like us—like James. Others are just…on the edge. Those are the ones, like Trish, that we can interact with. We can help push them in the right direction or be here to welcome them when the inevitable happens.”
“So is this like…heaven or something?”
“Hardly. The weather here kind of sucks.” He laughed, and I pushed against his chest.
“I’m glad you think all of this is so funny.”
“I’ve had time to get used to it. You will too. Give it time.”
My eyes glanced around the old house as I felt a fresh wave of sadness wash over me like Abel’s ocean eyes were doing right now. “Do you mind if I stay here with you for a while?”
He tucked my hair behind my ears as he lowered his face, his lips pressing gently against mine. It felt like being kissed for the first time all over again. My heart raced in my chest as my head swam with euphoria.
I slipped my hands up Abel’s chest and behind his neck as I pulled him closer. He was wrong about one thing. This moment, with my lips against his, was heaven.
Epilogue
I felt the change in the air as I stepped out of the car in Mississippi. The weight I’d carried around with me was gone, but sadness filled that void. I needed to see Brock, and I needed to get closure for what we’d been through if I wanted to move on.
Abel’s long fingers wrapped around mine, and he squeezed them gently. I glanced up at him, and he smiled as his free hand brushed the brown locks from my face.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, as his greenblue eyes danced over mine. I loved staring into them. They were deep like the ocean and full of the unknown but always calm.
“I’m sure.” I nodded as my hand rested on his chest. “I want to be able to move forward with you.”
His jaw clenched, and the muscles ticked under his skin. He didn’t want me to see Brock, but he wanted to be with me just as much as I wanted him. This was the only way. His hands came up to hold my face as he studied my eyes.
“I love you, Lie.”
“I love you too, Abel.” I placed my hand over one of his as I smiled up at him. “I’ll be OK.” He nodded as his hands fell to his sides; then he shoved them into his pockets.
I stared at the massive gray building that stood before me, the color matching Brock’s eyes.
I pulled open the heavy door, and my eyes landed on a woman behind a thick glass window. She glanced up toward me but seemed unconcerned and went back to typing on her computer. I swallowed hard as I approached her, the walls feeling like they were closing in on me.
“I’m here to see Brock Ryan.” My voice cracked as I spoke, and I hated myself for letting her see how nervous I was.
Her fingers clicked away on the keys as she searched her records for his name. My eyes danced over the man who stood a few feet away from me, a gun holstered on his hip. He glanced at me and down at his weapon when he saw me staring.
“Guns make me nervous.” I looked back at the heavyset woman.
“They can’t hurt you now, sweetie. Go through those doors. Someone will direct you where to go from there.”
“Thank you.” I pushed my purse higher on my shoulder as I turned to the next set of doorways.
I was in a daze as I was being searched and sent off through another set of doors. The room was long and narrow, a glass wall dividing one side from the other.
“Seat three,” the woman behind me called out, and I nodded as I made my way to the third little desk with a phone on the wall. There were others in the room waiting to visit their loved ones, and I clutched my hands against my stomach as my nerves began to get the better of me, or maybe it was the memory of the shot that ended my life.
“I can’t wait until we get out of here.” I sighed as I looked around the shelter.
“I like that…’we.’” Brock smiled at me, and a girlish giggle escaped my lips. “You’re driving me crazy, Bird.” His fingertip slid over the tip of my nose playfully. “It’s like you’re in my veins. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
The door on the other side of the glass opened, and a row of men filed in, taking their seats across from their visitors. My heart stopped in my chest as my eyes locked on his beautiful, sad, gray eyes. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and sat down across from me. With the glass it was like he was a million miles away, but I was transported back to that last night I'd spent with him. It felt like we were still together, clinging to hope of a future that never would come to pass.
His cold stare was fixed on me as I slowly picked up the phone on the wall beside me. After a second he did the same and slowly raised it to his ear.
“You look…the same.” I don’t know why I said it. Time meant nothing to us now.
“You look different. You’re…happy,” was all he said as his gaze fell to my lips.
“I am.”
“You aren’t supposed to be here, Bird.” He glanced around before leaning on his elbows.
“Why did you do it?” I asked, my voice getting caught in my throat. My vision blurred with tears as I focused on his faded orange jumpsuit.
“You know why.” His eyes narrowed as he leaned closer, like he was going to whisper a secret to me, but I could only hear him through the receiver.
My chest tightened, and I forced back the tears that threatened to fall. “That’s not fair, Brock. I’d do anything to take back what happened.”
He shook his head, his eyebrows pulled together. “You’re better off now.” He smiled sadly. “No one can hurt my Bird.”
“You killed them. You killed us.”
“I think about you every second of every single day.” His voice sounded wistful. We stared at each other for a long moment as a million things left unsaid passed between us. “That’s my punishment. I get to spend eternity knowing I can’t be with you.”
“We could have had our forever, Brock.”
His head dipped, and he ran his hand over the stillshort buzz cut. “We never had forever, Lie.”
“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” I shook my head as tears flowed over the apples of my cheeks.
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head, his jaw clenched. “I’m so sorry, Bird.”
My mind raced as I thought of all the kids in my school—of Shelly and Ms. Campbell.
“That day…” My words caught as I struggled to keep my composure.
“So you think they deserved what happened?”
I shoved myself up from my seat, enraged. “Of course they didn’t!”
“Exactly my point,” she replied calmly. “You wouldn’t have wished that on them. You aren’t to blame. Not for what happened to them and not for what happened to you.”
I fell back into my seat, but the aching in my stomach only grew more painful as I struggled for a breath that wouldn’t come.
“Let me get you some water.” Abel fumbled with the paper cups at the water cooler, but Marie held up her hand.
“She’ll be fine.” Her voice was assertive, unlike I’d ever heard her before. Abel froze, cup in hand.
I doubled over as my gasping grew louder, and tiny crimson drops fell on the knees of my jeans. I looked up to Marie for help, but she sat unmoving. My trembling fingers ran over my lower lip, and I pulled them back to examine the smattering of blood.
“I’m bleeding. Why am I bleeding?” My voice was shrill with terror, but Marie and Abel seemed unconcerned.
“You’re doing great, Delilah. Tell me what happened next.”
I shook my head as my body trembled like a leaf in a hurricane. I squeezed my eyes closed and tried again to fill my lungs. When my chest expanded, the sound that left my throat was that of a crying child, and I was able to once again speak.
I reached my injured hand out to my left, toward where Shelly hid, the bright overhead lighting causing me to squint. Her head was propped unnaturally against the bench, and her eyes were half open and fixed on nothingness, her skin ash gray.
The bright light slowly faded, as if we were in an eclipse, as Brock knelt over me, his tears dripping onto my face and running over the bridge of my nose.
“Bird! Bird, I’m so sorry.” He pulled me roughly into his chest as I gasped for air. His body shook, and I closed my eyes, lulled to sleep with the thudding rhythm of his hammering heart. “I love you so much, Bird.” A sob cut through his words. I tried to open my heavy eyes, so I could tell him it would be OK. It didn’t even hurt anymore. But I was unable to form any words as his arm rose, quivering as he pressed the handgun to his temple. “I’m so sorry.” His finger pressed the trigger, his eyes locked on mine.
Bang.
My body fell to back to the hard tile, sprawled over Brock’s legs in a twisted heap of broken hearts and unkeepable promises. The steady beating of his love faded into silence along with our future.
I glanced at my trembling hand, which still clutched my stomach, the blood gone from my fingers. The small crimson circles that had spattered on my jeans had vanished. I took in an easy breath as I looked up at Marie.
“It wasn’t your fault, Delilah. You couldn’t save them. You couldn’t save yourself.”
A chill ran through me, and it felt like the temperature had dropped at least ten degrees as realization settled in.
A warm, strong hand wrapped around mine as Abel sank to his knees next to me. He brushed my hair from my face and tucked it behind my ear. It was then I realized the darkchocolate curtain that had blocked him from view. I looked over at him through uncertain eyes, and he smiled that heart melting smile.
“You don’t need to hide anymore,” he said.
I pushed myself to my feet and studied my face in the mirror that hung above Marie’s filing cabinet. Sure enough, my hair was as dark as the day I was born, hanging perfectly straight and framing my sad face. Abel stepped behind me, his head over mine, and it reminded me of the day we’d brushed our teeth at the apartment. Trish…Abel…I spun around and looked up at him, unable to ask the question that hung like thick humidity between us. He smiled sadly as he ran his knuckles softly over my cheek.
“You? The boat…” My eyes searched his as he shook his head and looked at the floor between us.
“I know I have boyish good looks, but I don’t look thirteen, do I?” he joked, but his smile fell. “No. That night Becca cheated on me, I couldn’t cope. I lost it when I confronted James, and it cost me my life.”
“The gun,” I whispered, as my eyes searched his. “Did you…”
“No. James did. He shot me point blank.” His hand ran over the back of his head.
“But he’s…Is he like us?”
“Yeah. He hanged himself a week later.”
My hand flew over my mouth as I inhaled a sharp breath. “Brock…”
Abel pulled me into his chest, wrapping his arms around me.
Marie placed her hand on my back. “You did well, Delilah.”
I clung to Abel as he pulled me from the office and into the blinding sun. We didn’t speak during the entire trip back to his home.
We pulled up outside of Abel’s old fixerupper, and for the first time, I truly saw why this place was so important to him. Being damaged and broken doesn’t mean something is worthless.
I got out and stretched in the warm summer sun. Abel was by my side and laced his fingers in mine.
“What happens now?” My voice shook as I tried to process everything we’d been through.
He smiled down at me, the dimples that made me swoon settling in his cheeks. “Now you get your happily ever after.” He winked, and my stomach fluttered.
“But where? I mean…do I have to go back to Mississippi?”
Abel sighed as his eyes roamed over the house. “I’m not in California, am I? I like it here. This is my happy place now.” He glanced down at me and back at the building as he squeezed my hand.
“Where would I stay? What about Trish and my uncle?”
“You stay where you have the happiest memories and help others like I do, Kettle. Trish still has a chance if she makes a few changes in her life, but your uncle has been hanging on only for you. You need to let him go.”
“How can I just let someone go, Abel? How can I let him die?”
“Not everyone has a choice. Sometimes bad things happen. It’s not like he’ll be gone forever.” He smiled down at me.
“You and I are both…”
“It’s a lot to take in right now. You have all the time in the world to ask questions. Don’t you want to take a day off? Rest? It’s Sunday,” he quipped.
“Very clever.”
I thought that over as looked down at my tattered blue shoes. My thoughts went briefly to Brock, but try as I might, I knew all my memories were convoluted, and I had projected a savior image onto someone who needed saving himself. Abel’s thumb softly slid over the back of my hand, and I took a tentative step forward. My smile grew as I took another, pulling him behind me. I practically could smell the fresh paint that would go on the walls, see the lilies that would bloom in the flower bed near the porch.
Abel pulled open the door and waited for me to slip inside. I stopped at the base of the stairs and turned to him. “What about Trish?” I asked in a panic.
He took a step forward and sighed as his hands fell on my hips.
“Are we all? I mean, is everyone…?”
“No.” He laughed. “This is the same old sunny Florida. Some are like us—like James. Others are just…on the edge. Those are the ones, like Trish, that we can interact with. We can help push them in the right direction or be here to welcome them when the inevitable happens.”
“So is this like…heaven or something?”
“Hardly. The weather here kind of sucks.” He laughed, and I pushed against his chest.
“I’m glad you think all of this is so funny.”
“I’ve had time to get used to it. You will too. Give it time.”
My eyes glanced around the old house as I felt a fresh wave of sadness wash over me like Abel’s ocean eyes were doing right now. “Do you mind if I stay here with you for a while?”
He tucked my hair behind my ears as he lowered his face, his lips pressing gently against mine. It felt like being kissed for the first time all over again. My heart raced in my chest as my head swam with euphoria.
I slipped my hands up Abel’s chest and behind his neck as I pulled him closer. He was wrong about one thing. This moment, with my lips against his, was heaven.
Epilogue
I felt the change in the air as I stepped out of the car in Mississippi. The weight I’d carried around with me was gone, but sadness filled that void. I needed to see Brock, and I needed to get closure for what we’d been through if I wanted to move on.
Abel’s long fingers wrapped around mine, and he squeezed them gently. I glanced up at him, and he smiled as his free hand brushed the brown locks from my face.
“Are you sure you want to do this?” he asked, as his greenblue eyes danced over mine. I loved staring into them. They were deep like the ocean and full of the unknown but always calm.
“I’m sure.” I nodded as my hand rested on his chest. “I want to be able to move forward with you.”
His jaw clenched, and the muscles ticked under his skin. He didn’t want me to see Brock, but he wanted to be with me just as much as I wanted him. This was the only way. His hands came up to hold my face as he studied my eyes.
“I love you, Lie.”
“I love you too, Abel.” I placed my hand over one of his as I smiled up at him. “I’ll be OK.” He nodded as his hands fell to his sides; then he shoved them into his pockets.
I stared at the massive gray building that stood before me, the color matching Brock’s eyes.
I pulled open the heavy door, and my eyes landed on a woman behind a thick glass window. She glanced up toward me but seemed unconcerned and went back to typing on her computer. I swallowed hard as I approached her, the walls feeling like they were closing in on me.
“I’m here to see Brock Ryan.” My voice cracked as I spoke, and I hated myself for letting her see how nervous I was.
Her fingers clicked away on the keys as she searched her records for his name. My eyes danced over the man who stood a few feet away from me, a gun holstered on his hip. He glanced at me and down at his weapon when he saw me staring.
“Guns make me nervous.” I looked back at the heavyset woman.
“They can’t hurt you now, sweetie. Go through those doors. Someone will direct you where to go from there.”
“Thank you.” I pushed my purse higher on my shoulder as I turned to the next set of doorways.
I was in a daze as I was being searched and sent off through another set of doors. The room was long and narrow, a glass wall dividing one side from the other.
“Seat three,” the woman behind me called out, and I nodded as I made my way to the third little desk with a phone on the wall. There were others in the room waiting to visit their loved ones, and I clutched my hands against my stomach as my nerves began to get the better of me, or maybe it was the memory of the shot that ended my life.
“I can’t wait until we get out of here.” I sighed as I looked around the shelter.
“I like that…’we.’” Brock smiled at me, and a girlish giggle escaped my lips. “You’re driving me crazy, Bird.” His fingertip slid over the tip of my nose playfully. “It’s like you’re in my veins. I don’t know what I’d do without you.”
The door on the other side of the glass opened, and a row of men filed in, taking their seats across from their visitors. My heart stopped in my chest as my eyes locked on his beautiful, sad, gray eyes. He smiled, but it didn’t reach his eyes, and sat down across from me. With the glass it was like he was a million miles away, but I was transported back to that last night I'd spent with him. It felt like we were still together, clinging to hope of a future that never would come to pass.
His cold stare was fixed on me as I slowly picked up the phone on the wall beside me. After a second he did the same and slowly raised it to his ear.
“You look…the same.” I don’t know why I said it. Time meant nothing to us now.
“You look different. You’re…happy,” was all he said as his gaze fell to my lips.
“I am.”
“You aren’t supposed to be here, Bird.” He glanced around before leaning on his elbows.
“Why did you do it?” I asked, my voice getting caught in my throat. My vision blurred with tears as I focused on his faded orange jumpsuit.
“You know why.” His eyes narrowed as he leaned closer, like he was going to whisper a secret to me, but I could only hear him through the receiver.
My chest tightened, and I forced back the tears that threatened to fall. “That’s not fair, Brock. I’d do anything to take back what happened.”
He shook his head, his eyebrows pulled together. “You’re better off now.” He smiled sadly. “No one can hurt my Bird.”
“You killed them. You killed us.”
“I think about you every second of every single day.” His voice sounded wistful. We stared at each other for a long moment as a million things left unsaid passed between us. “That’s my punishment. I get to spend eternity knowing I can’t be with you.”
“We could have had our forever, Brock.”
His head dipped, and he ran his hand over the stillshort buzz cut. “We never had forever, Lie.”
“This wasn’t supposed to happen.” I shook my head as tears flowed over the apples of my cheeks.
“I’m sorry.” He shook his head, his jaw clenched. “I’m so sorry, Bird.”
My mind raced as I thought of all the kids in my school—of Shelly and Ms. Campbell.
“That day…” My words caught as I struggled to keep my composure.
