Perfect Regret

Page 33

While his hand worked between my legs, his other hand came up to cup my breast. Rubbing my hard nipple between his thumb and forefinger. When my orgasm hit, it was a violent burst that took me by surprise. I had orgasmed before, but nothing like the complete meltdown I experienced just now with Garrett’s fingers deep inside me and his mouth on my breast.
I was a trembling, quivering mess when he finally pulled his fingers out of me and put on a condom. Barely able to wrap my legs around his waist, Garrett put his hand underneath my rear and lifted me up so I could meet him as he thrust deep inside me.
“Oh God!” he groaned, stopping a moment as my body adjusted around him. Feeling him like this I knew I was where I was meant to be.
Reaching around I gave his ass a little smack, startling him. He peered down at me questioningly as he slowly withdrew from my depths and then plunged forward again.
“I’m not gonna break, cowboy. Fuck me like you mean it,” I challenged, throwing my head back. And accept my challenge, he did. Garrett fastened his lips to the base of my throat and gripped my h*ps as he thrust into me as hard as he could. I screamed at the top of my lungs as he screwed my brains out.
Garrett’s yells joined my strangled cries. The shadows of our bodies loving each other in a brutally passionate way urging us on and over the edge. And when I came, it was knowing he was right behind me.
Afterwards, we lay in a sweaty, tangled heap. Our legs were pretzeled together, our arms clinging. My ear was pressed against his chest and I could hear the erratic thud of his heart. He was still deep inside me and I knew he needed to dispose of the condom but I didn’t want to move. This connection was the most amazing thing I had ever felt.
When we were finally able to breathe again, Garrett slowly pulled out of me and made quick of wrapping the condom in a tissue and putting it out of sight. He was back in my arms before I could complain about missing him.
“Please tell me this is real,” he said quietly into my hair, his hand running lazy trails up and down my back.
I looked up at him and kissed his chin. “This is as real as it gets babe. There’s no getting rid of me now.”
Garrett leaned back and pulled the battered guitar case over. I lay there, completely na**d as he started to mess with the strings.
It was such a surreal moment. Garrett Bellows and Riley Walker, in the afterglow of some seriously amazing sex, sitting together in all of their nude glory. And I didn’t feel remotely self-conscious. A first for me.
Garrett started to thumb a tune. Just a simple combination of notes but it was amazing. Then looking at me with eyes full of the most beautiful emotion I had ever seen, he began to sing.
My mask means nothing
You see who I am
Breaking me down
on the ground where I stand.
I wanted to lose you
In the face of your pain
Stranded in the dust
Hounded by shame.
You hated
I loved
I was wrong
You were done
If tragedy had a soul
It was mine you took hold
Caught in the vice
It felt so right.
Terrified to lose
What I never could keep
Drowning in regret
Push it down deep.
But the sun does shine
On the wicked and mean
You licked all my tears
Scraped my heart clean
Together we are more
than the sum of it all
Mighty shall stand
While the weak shall fall
My mistakes almost ruined
The place I belong
Beside you, behind you,
For ever how long.
Take this heart
That no longer bends
Wrap it up tight
It still needs to mend.
My beautiful girl
My breath
My life
I will love you
Hold you
Whatever the price.
Stay with me now
Until time grows old
And only then
Beautiful girl
Will our story be told.
For about the millionth time since I met Garrett, I was struck speechless. He put his guitar back in the case and leaned over to kiss me.
“I told you I had nicer stuff to sing to you,” he said with a grin.
I grabbed the back of his neck and tugged his hair playfully. “You are so getting laid again.” I bit his bottom lip gently, pulling it into my mouth and smiling as Garrett groaned.
“I knew it would work,” he said breathlessly as I pulled myself up to straddle his lap, pressing against his rigid erection.
“Every single time,” I agreed, kissing him and letting out a moan as Garrett, after covering himself with a condom, lifted me up and settled me back down on his cock. Taking me deep.
As we moved together I felt nothing but grateful that he had taken another chance on me. To think there was a time I had looked down my nose at him. Thought him beneath me. I had regretted our first night together as the worst mistake I could have made.
What a stupid, stupid fool I had been.
Because if he was my biggest regret then it was the most perfect regret of my life.
“YOU HAVE your plane ticket?” Garrett asked and I could hear his anxiety over the phone. I grinned and rolled my eyes, even though I knew he couldn’t see me.
“YES, MR. I have to worry about everything. I will be on the six o’clock flight to St. Louis. Gracie will be here to drive me to the airport in an hour.” I dropped my voice down into a sultry whisper. “Which means you’ll have me na**d and ready in just over four and a half hours. So instead of freaking out about whether I will get on my plane, you need to be thinking of the million and one ways you’re going to make me scream once you have me alone.”
Christ, I was getting myself all hot and bothered. Not a good thing when I would have to spend over an hour in the car with Gracie and then another two hours on the plane.
Garrett’s answering chuckle made me glad I had gone all phone sex operator. He spent entirely too much time waiting for the other shoe to drop. I hated that the way we began still defined so much of who we were now. I knew I had a lot of making up to do for the way I had treated him before. My callous disregard and outright disrespect for him in the early days of knowing each other had unfortunately made Garrett more than a little anxious where I was concerned.
But I was determined to make it up to him. In every way that I could.
“Well shit, baby. I’ve got a radio interview in forty-five minutes. I’m not sure if that’s enough time to take care of this problem that’s just popped up.”
I laughed too. “Well let’s see what we can do about that,” I purred and then made sure to explain exactly what I would do when we were together again.
I WHEELED my suitcase into the living room and looked around, making sure I had turned off lights and emptied the trash. It was spring break and instead of heading off to a beach somewhere, I was jumping on a plane to St. Louis to see my suddenly very popular boyfriend and his band while they were on tour.
AFTER THAT night Garrett and I had made love in his family’s cabin by the river, we had thrown ourselves into building a relationship that mattered. And as we fell more and more into the world we were creating together I knew without a doubt that this was the life with meaning that my dad had wanted me to have.
It wasn’t just about doing well in school and having the right career. It was about having all that and sharing it with someone who was willing to have all of that with you. And I had found that with Garrett. Because my goals, my dreams, they only made sense if he was there, living his own dream too.
And that’s what he was doing.
He came with me to Maryland over Christmas, helping me to make new traditions with my mother, brother and sister after my dad’s death. And I knew it meant a lot to him to be included in a family again. My mother welcomed him into the fold as though he had always been there.
She made sure to tell me before I left to return to school that my father would definitely have approved of Garrett. And with the release of tension I hadn’t known I was carrying, I realized that my Dad’s approval would always matter, whether he was here to give it to me or not.
Returning to Bakersville was bittersweet. I was ready to begin my last semester at Rinard and Maysie and Garrett were leaving.
Saying goodbye to my best friend was as hard as I thought it would be. She had cried a lot, I gave her tissues and made a show of being strong. But in the end I had lost it as badly as she had. There was a lot wailing. A lot of snot and blubbering. But in the end I sent her off to the next chapter of her life without judgment, without a list of reasons she was making a bad choice. I simply gave her my support.
I’d come a long way fellas.
Rinard would be an empty place without her crazy energy and our apartment was way too quiet without her incessant chatter. It wasn’t until she had left that I realized how much I appreciated her drama. Hell, it had kept things interesting.
But she was off with Jordan and the rest of the guys, including my new boyfriend, touring the country, exposing the masses to Generation Rejects’ brand of ear destroying mayhem.
Garrett leaving took pain to a whole new level. It was ridiculous how attached I had become in such a short amount of time. I had spent so long refusing to admit how much I cared about him, now with the flood gates open it was borderline debilitating. Love sucks when it goes badly but when it’s good…damn it’s amazing.
While I had tried like hell to hold it together when saying goodbye to Maysie, I f**king lost it when Garrett left. I didn’t even try to stop the tears and total emotional meltdown that ensued.
Garrett held me and kissed me and whispered a thousand beautiful things for my ears alone. He told me he loved me over and over again and even though I hadn’t yet said it back, I promised him we’d talk every single day and I would see him for spring break.
At the time I hadn’t been sure how I’d last for three months. But between classes and finishing up my internship, the time had gone faster than I anticipated.
At the beginning of March, I got the letter that I had been accepted to my top choice grad school in Massachusetts. I was hesitantly excited, not sure what that would mean for my future with Garrett. But after telling him and hearing his own enthusiasm, I knew that no matter what, we’d get through anything. And he promised we’d make it work, no matter if we were together or apart. That my dreams, my goals, were important to both of us.
And if I hadn’t been sure I loved him before, I most definitely was now.
Generation Rejects were a hit. Their shows, which in the beginning were selling minimal tickets, were now selling out. Mitch’s cousin had gotten them radio interviews and their venues were getting bigger and bigger.
I had no doubt the day would come when they would be signed to a major label. And then Garrett’s dreams would be realized as well. And even though I was a little freaked out by the thought, I wanted it for him more than anything. He deserved to have his dreams come true. Even if he swore to me daily that his dreams began and ended with me.
“Knock, knock!” Gracie’s high-pitched voice called out as she pushed open the door. She was looking much healthier. She had gained some weight and no longer looked washed out and tired. Her eyes sparkled with that mischievous twinkle that always made me a little bit nervous.
She hadn’t returned to school yet and was now saying she wasn’t sure she wanted to. I tried talking sense into her, pointing out she only had a semester left until she earned her degree. But she wasn’t ready to make definitive decisions about her future and I didn’t want to push it. Even if it was in my nature to push.
“You ready?” she asked and I nodded, grabbing my suitcase. Following her out into the hallway, I locked up the apartment. We walked down the stairs, passing Maysie’s ex, Eli Bray, who was sitting on the steps strumming a guitar.
At one time I would have made a nasty remark as I passed. I would have looked at him like he was a loser, judging him unfairly. I hated that thinking those thoughts would have been second nature to me.
But not anymore.
“Hey, Eli,” I said, walking around him.
Eli looked up at me in surprise and placed his hand on his guitar almost protectively.
“Uh, hey Riley,” he said haltingly. He took in my suitcase and raised an eyebrow. “Off on spring break, huh?” he asked, getting to his feet and taking my overstuffed bag. He carried it down the steps for me and I gave him a genuine smile. He was a nice guy and I felt like an ass for never giving him the credit he probably deserved.
“Yep. Off to St. Louis,” I said.
Eli crossed his arms over his chest. “St. Louis? There aren’t any beaches there. Isn’t’ spring break supposed to be about getting drunk, showing your tits, and getting a sun burn?”
I laughed at his crude description. “Not for me. I’m going to see my boyfriend’s band.”
Eli nodded but didn’t ask any more questions and I knew we were at an end of our brief civil exchange.
“Okay then, well have fun. Later,” he said, sticking a pick in his mouth as he leaned down to turn the tuning pegs of his guitar.
“Later, Eli,” I responded, hefting up my bag and carrying it to Gracie’s car.
“WAS THAT Maysie’s Eli?” Gracie asked, watching Eli sit back down on the stoop and start playing again.
“Yep,” I answered, getting into the passenger seat.
“Huh. I don’t remember him being so cute,” she mused and I almost groaned. I recognized the hunting light in my friend’s eyes.
“Don’t even think about it, G,” I warned and she giggled.
“Is Vivian already gone?” I asked her. Gracie nodded.
“She flew out this morning. She’s only going to be out for the weekend. She has to be back on Monday for work. But you know she has to keep tabs on Cole one way or another,” Gracie said and I rolled my eyes hoping the Vivian and Cole sideshow wouldn’t create too much drama while I was out seeing Garrett. I was determined to keep away of all things angst related.