Phenomenal X
Page 53
He narrows his eyes at me and grabs his keys off the table. “I don’t need this shit.”
He storms toward the door, running away yet again. But this time I’m not letting it go. “We aren’t done with this conversation.”
The muscle in his jaw works beneath his skin as he turns around to face me. “We are now.”
It takes every inch of my willpower not to reach out and grab his arm to force him to stay here with me and finish this.
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” is all he says, before turning back around and pushing through the door.
My body jerks when the door slams shut behind him, and I don’t even get so much as a second look.
If I keep pushing like this, I will lose him—I know that. But I also can’t have a friendship with someone who hides vital parts of themselves from me.
I flop back onto the bed and stare up at the white ceiling. I owe him an apology. I have no right to pry, forcing him to tell me things he doesn’t want to, but I’m greedy. I want all of him.
I lay awake staring at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It’s nearly two in the morning and Xavier still hasn’t come back yet.
This isn’t good.
He needs his rest. Tomorrow is Tuesday, and I know Tension is a live televised event and Xavier has a match. Being out like this won’t be good for his performance.
I pick up my phone, debating whether to call him or not when I notice a new text has arrived from Father. I clutch the phone to my chest. I’ve been avoiding him now for over a week, but he’s been relentless with his messages.
As always, my curiosity wins out. I raise the phone up and flick my finger across the screen. My breath catches. What I read is such a different tone than what I’d been receiving. Most of the week Father’s words have been angry and demeaning—pointing out all my faults, and telling me how leaving everything behind was a huge mistake. How I wasn’t being smart. How if I didn’t come back, I should forget I even have a family.
That one hurt the most.
It was the last one I read before this new one, which blows my mind.
Father: I need to know where you are and that you’re safe. At least give me that. I sigh as I read his words. He’s worried. I can tell. The least I can do is let him know where I am. I quickly tap out a message in reply.
I’m safe. I’m in Atlanta. Working for a wrestler who’s on TV.
It’s not an exact location, but it should be enough information to appease him. As hard as it may be to believe, I do love my father, but he’s too controlling and I need distance from him.
I’m my own person with my own will—desperate to make my own choices. And the choices will be mine, and I will be happy making the wrong ones because at least the mistakes will be my own.
Speaking of wrong choices, I need to talk to my ‘possible wrong decision’ and apologize. Make him come back and get some sleep.
I scroll down through my contacts and my thumb hovers over Xavier’s name just as the door opens and he creeps through the door. I squint, as the light from the hallway fills in around him.
The second the door closes, we’re wrapped in darkness. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust, but finally they do, and I see Xavier standing beside the bed, staring down at me frowning, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.
He’s quiet for a few long, torturous seconds, but finally he sighs and sits on the bed. “I’m sorry I kept you awake.”
I sit up and reach for his hand. “Don’t. It’s me who should be apologizing. We’ve had this talk before and I know you don’t like to—”
Xavier presses his index finger to my lips. “I’ve had some time to think about all that. It’s not fair of me to blow up when you ask simple questions about my family. You’re curious about me, I get that. Maybe someday I’ll be able to talk about them, but right now, I just can’t. I hope you can understand that.”
I nod.
“There are things about me, Anna, that I don’t want anyone to know—especially not you. My family…they weren’t good people, but they were all I knew. I thought the things they did were normal for so long. It wasn’t until I met Nettie and Carl that I discovered differently. I don’t want you to pity me. That would kill me more than anything. I have to be strong. Don’t you see?”
I stare into his eyes and trace the scruff along his jawline. “It’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes, Xavier. You can be that with me. The past is just that—the past. I base how I feel about you on the man I know you are today. You’re protective and strong, and above all else, you have an amazing heart.”
He closes his eyes and leans into my touch. “You don’t know what you’re asking for. I’m so fucked up, Anna.”
I bite my lip and cradle his face in my hands. “You’re not. I wish you could see what I do.”
I know we’ve had problems, and our relationship is nowhere near perfect, but right now I don’t care about any of that. Every inch of me craves him. I want him to know that he matters to me—that I’m not going anywhere.
I lean in closer to him, and he closes his eyes again before resting his forehead against mine, resisting my kiss. “If we smash these fucking friendship rules there’s no going back. Once I have you—that’s it, you’re mine. I won’t allow another man to take what’s mine. Do you understand?”
My mouth drifts open and I whisper, “Yes.”
He storms toward the door, running away yet again. But this time I’m not letting it go. “We aren’t done with this conversation.”
The muscle in his jaw works beneath his skin as he turns around to face me. “We are now.”
It takes every inch of my willpower not to reach out and grab his arm to force him to stay here with me and finish this.
“Where are you going?”
“Out,” is all he says, before turning back around and pushing through the door.
My body jerks when the door slams shut behind him, and I don’t even get so much as a second look.
If I keep pushing like this, I will lose him—I know that. But I also can’t have a friendship with someone who hides vital parts of themselves from me.
I flop back onto the bed and stare up at the white ceiling. I owe him an apology. I have no right to pry, forcing him to tell me things he doesn’t want to, but I’m greedy. I want all of him.
I lay awake staring at the alarm clock on the nightstand. It’s nearly two in the morning and Xavier still hasn’t come back yet.
This isn’t good.
He needs his rest. Tomorrow is Tuesday, and I know Tension is a live televised event and Xavier has a match. Being out like this won’t be good for his performance.
I pick up my phone, debating whether to call him or not when I notice a new text has arrived from Father. I clutch the phone to my chest. I’ve been avoiding him now for over a week, but he’s been relentless with his messages.
As always, my curiosity wins out. I raise the phone up and flick my finger across the screen. My breath catches. What I read is such a different tone than what I’d been receiving. Most of the week Father’s words have been angry and demeaning—pointing out all my faults, and telling me how leaving everything behind was a huge mistake. How I wasn’t being smart. How if I didn’t come back, I should forget I even have a family.
That one hurt the most.
It was the last one I read before this new one, which blows my mind.
Father: I need to know where you are and that you’re safe. At least give me that. I sigh as I read his words. He’s worried. I can tell. The least I can do is let him know where I am. I quickly tap out a message in reply.
I’m safe. I’m in Atlanta. Working for a wrestler who’s on TV.
It’s not an exact location, but it should be enough information to appease him. As hard as it may be to believe, I do love my father, but he’s too controlling and I need distance from him.
I’m my own person with my own will—desperate to make my own choices. And the choices will be mine, and I will be happy making the wrong ones because at least the mistakes will be my own.
Speaking of wrong choices, I need to talk to my ‘possible wrong decision’ and apologize. Make him come back and get some sleep.
I scroll down through my contacts and my thumb hovers over Xavier’s name just as the door opens and he creeps through the door. I squint, as the light from the hallway fills in around him.
The second the door closes, we’re wrapped in darkness. It takes a moment for my eyes to adjust, but finally they do, and I see Xavier standing beside the bed, staring down at me frowning, his hands shoved deep in his pockets.
He’s quiet for a few long, torturous seconds, but finally he sighs and sits on the bed. “I’m sorry I kept you awake.”
I sit up and reach for his hand. “Don’t. It’s me who should be apologizing. We’ve had this talk before and I know you don’t like to—”
Xavier presses his index finger to my lips. “I’ve had some time to think about all that. It’s not fair of me to blow up when you ask simple questions about my family. You’re curious about me, I get that. Maybe someday I’ll be able to talk about them, but right now, I just can’t. I hope you can understand that.”
I nod.
“There are things about me, Anna, that I don’t want anyone to know—especially not you. My family…they weren’t good people, but they were all I knew. I thought the things they did were normal for so long. It wasn’t until I met Nettie and Carl that I discovered differently. I don’t want you to pity me. That would kill me more than anything. I have to be strong. Don’t you see?”
I stare into his eyes and trace the scruff along his jawline. “It’s okay to be vulnerable sometimes, Xavier. You can be that with me. The past is just that—the past. I base how I feel about you on the man I know you are today. You’re protective and strong, and above all else, you have an amazing heart.”
He closes his eyes and leans into my touch. “You don’t know what you’re asking for. I’m so fucked up, Anna.”
I bite my lip and cradle his face in my hands. “You’re not. I wish you could see what I do.”
I know we’ve had problems, and our relationship is nowhere near perfect, but right now I don’t care about any of that. Every inch of me craves him. I want him to know that he matters to me—that I’m not going anywhere.
I lean in closer to him, and he closes his eyes again before resting his forehead against mine, resisting my kiss. “If we smash these fucking friendship rules there’s no going back. Once I have you—that’s it, you’re mine. I won’t allow another man to take what’s mine. Do you understand?”
My mouth drifts open and I whisper, “Yes.”
