Playing Patience

Page 42

“I don’t let anyone touch me.” She looked away. “Ever.”
Her words had some deeper meaning behind them. It was such a small moment, but I could sense the fact that her confession was huge. Suddenly, I felt privileged. Something as small as holding a girl’s hand felt enormous.
“Why not?” I asked.
I had a feeling I knew the answer. I’d seen the bruise on her eye and I was positive her dad hit her occasionally. Maybe it had something to do with that.
“I just don’t like it. It makes me uncomfortable.”
“But you’re okay with me touching you? That doesn’t make any sense.”
“Why not? You’re a nice guy, Zeke. I’m not sure what it is about you, but I trust you. I feel comfortable with you and I know you’d never do anything to make me uncomfortable.” She shrugged.
“You’re the worst judge of character, snowflake. You’d never make it where I come from.” I shook my head.
“Are you saying I’m wrong about you being a good guy?”
“I’m saying that the entire time we were at Finn’s place all I could think about was getting you alone and having sex with you. Does that sound like something a nice guy thinks about?”
“All guys think about sex, but you didn’t really try anything. Instead, you brought me straight home. What does that say about you? I think it says you’re a nice, respectable guy.”
She was wrong. I wasn’t a nice guy. I was me and I wasn’t good enough to be around her, much less inside of her. I knew that and I think she knew that, but there was no way in hell I’d admit that to her. Instead, I cocked my head back and laughed it off like I did when I got uncomfortable with a conversation.
“Whatever helps you sleep at night, baby.”
Then she was there, right beside me, staring me in my face, and the car felt too small. She reached up and pushed my long bangs out of my face with her finger. She ran that finger down the side of my face and it felt like I was being touched in the pit of my stomach. I bit down on my lip ring and she traced my bottom lip with her finger once I released it. It was too much. I’d never had a girl explore me this way and I wasn’t sure if I hated it or loved it. Then she looked me in my eyes and smiled.
“You can hide in there all you want, but I can still see you.”
I didn’t say anything as she scooted back over to the car door, popped it open, and then jumped out to jog home.
It wasn’t until I was almost home that I realized she was right. I hid myself a lot, but only because I was secretly afraid to get close to anyone. Getting close to people was dangerous. People died and the ones that didn’t die hurt you.
The next day at Boy’s Club we didn’t talk much. I stayed to myself and played on my phone while she took the time to show the boys some soccer drills. When it was time to leave, she said she already had a ride and I didn’t try and persuade her to ride with me. I was broke as a joke anyway and I didn’t really have the gas. I’d made arrangements with Javier to work off the weed that was taken by the police and I was hoping to make some money this weekend.
After Boy’s Club, I went over to Finn’s and finally got a chance to practice. Finn got us booked at some new underground club a town over on the following Saturday. I’d missed so much practice because of my community service and spending too much damn time with Patience. My guitar was starting to feel foreign against my fingers and that was no good.
By the time Saturday came around, I’d barely seen my dad and I’d barely talked to Patience. Dad was easy to avoid when I crashed on Finn’s couch, and I think Patience was avoiding me as much as I avoided her. I drove to Mount Pleasant, the town over, with the radio on, my guitar in the middle, and Tiny in the passenger seat butchering the shit out of a Smashing Pumpkins song. There was a reason he played the bass and didn’t sing.
The club we were playing at was called The Icehouse and it made me think of snowflakes, which made me think of Patience. This thinking about a girl shit was really starting to piss me off, but no matter what I did to occupy my time, something always brought me back to her.
“Megan’s coming to the show tonight,” Chet said as he helped me run some wires while we set up.
“What’s the deal with her? You getting some of that or what?” I asked.
“Pfft, man, she’s the best sex I’ve ever had. That girl’s a major freak. I’m talking about the biting, growling kind. I think I’m going to keep her. No, scratch that, I’m definitely going to keep her. At least until I get bored.” He laughed.