Poles Apart
Page 47
“Everything will be fine, Emma. I’ll take care of you all from now on. We’ll sort everything out together. Rory will be fine, and if he’s not, then I’ll just buy him a car or something as bribery,” he joked.
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “He’s fifteen.”
“Right, well, I’ll buy him an iPad.” He shrugged casually, winking at me playfully.
I wanted so very much to sink into our easy routine, but if I did that then I’d let myself believe in the lie. I’d let myself believe he wanted to marry me for me, and I couldn’t do that because it simply wasn’t true. Carson was only interested in being a good father to Sasha, and marrying me was just something he felt was morally right to do.
He sighed. “Look, I really want to make this work. I’ve missed two years of my daughter’s life already, and I don’t want to miss any more of it. You’ve been struggling on your own to cope with her and Rory, and now I’m here to take that all away. Why are you not happy about this? Seriously, most girls would love to have me propose to them and offer to give them everything in the world.”
My eyes shot up to his. My heart was in my throat; burning rage simmered just below the surface. “You think that’s what you did?” I growled.
He frowned and pulled the cutest little confused face I had ever seen, but my hand was itching to slap it off him. “Huh? What I did? What does that mean?” he asked. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, trying to rein in my anger before I took the blunt knife I was using to butter the bread and tried to butcher him with it. He touched my elbow, and I gritted my teeth to stop myself from spitting my words at him. “Emma?”
“You think that’s what you did? You think you proposed to me?” I couldn’t keep the bitchiness from leaking into my voice.
His body went ridged. “Yeah…?” he trailed off, suddenly looking a little unsure.
I couldn’t even be bothered to explain that ‘proposing’ was when someone you loved suggested you spent your lives together. Proposing was getting down on one knee and smiling at someone with a ring, asking them to take your last name. Proposing was a good thing. He hadn’t proposed; he’d demanded I marry him under threat of losing custody of my daughter.
I put down the knife and pushed the half-made food away from me. “I’m not hungry anymore.” I turned to walk off, ignoring that he was practically on my heels as I marched back down the hallway, grabbing my handbag from the floor.
“Emma, what’s wrong with you? Seriously, you’re so bloody confusing! I can give you anything you want, anything in the world. You should be happy right now. Why are you being such a bitch? I’m sorry for saying what I did about paying you for sex. I was angry! I didn’t mean it. I don’t think of you like that!” he said desperately, stopping at my side.
I blew out a big breath and shook my head. “Carson, it doesn’t matter anymore. You want to be a good dad to your daughter, and I’m really grateful for that. She’s going to love you, and I’m sure she’ll be spoilt rotten and have everything a little girl could ever wish for. Just don’t expect me to be happy that my life has suddenly started to be dictated. How would you like it if someone came along and demanded you move away from your home with someone who, quite frankly, looked at you like you were a piece of shit?” I glared at him challengingly, wanting him to shout at me, scream at me, something other than the confused and exasperated look on his face right now.
When he didn’t bite, I shoved my way past him into the lounge and pulled out my phone. I needed to talk to Rory. As I dialled his number, the recorded voicemail message came on immediately, telling me I was out of credit and that I needed to top up before I could make a call. I shoved my phone back into my bag roughly.
Why is everything so fucking hard?
“What’s wrong?” Carson asked quietly.
I gritted my teeth, pinching the bridge of my nose, wishing he’d just leave me alone and let me have some space for a few minutes so I could calm down. “Out of credit,” I snapped harshly.
He sighed and dug into his pocket, producing his phone. “Use that. I’ll arrange for a contract phone for you.” He didn’t wait for a response, just tossed it into my lap and turned, stalking out of the room.
It took me a while to figure out how to use it, but I finally managed to get it to dial Rory’s number. When he answered, he sounded a little hesitant, probably because he wouldn’t recognise the number on his screen.
Nausea rolled over me. I was actually frightened to tell him because I couldn’t bear the thought of him thinking badly of me, too, or hating me for lying to him. “Hey, Rory. It’s me,” I said, trying not to let the sadness leak into my voice.
“Oh, hey! I’ve been worried about you. Is everything okay? Did the press guy sort everything?” he asked quickly.
I gulped. “Not really.” I swiped at the tear that fell down my cheek. “Listen, I gotta tell you some stuff I should have told you a while ago. Please don’t freak out on me because I really need my little brother right now, so please don’t get angry with me. We’re a team, right?”
“Sure, we’re a team. What’s up?”
I took a big breath. “You know I told you Sasha’s dad was a guy I dated and that he didn’t want anything to do with me and Sasha once we broke up?”
“Yeah…”
I laughed and rolled my eyes. “He’s fifteen.”
“Right, well, I’ll buy him an iPad.” He shrugged casually, winking at me playfully.
I wanted so very much to sink into our easy routine, but if I did that then I’d let myself believe in the lie. I’d let myself believe he wanted to marry me for me, and I couldn’t do that because it simply wasn’t true. Carson was only interested in being a good father to Sasha, and marrying me was just something he felt was morally right to do.
He sighed. “Look, I really want to make this work. I’ve missed two years of my daughter’s life already, and I don’t want to miss any more of it. You’ve been struggling on your own to cope with her and Rory, and now I’m here to take that all away. Why are you not happy about this? Seriously, most girls would love to have me propose to them and offer to give them everything in the world.”
My eyes shot up to his. My heart was in my throat; burning rage simmered just below the surface. “You think that’s what you did?” I growled.
He frowned and pulled the cutest little confused face I had ever seen, but my hand was itching to slap it off him. “Huh? What I did? What does that mean?” he asked. I closed my eyes and counted to ten, trying to rein in my anger before I took the blunt knife I was using to butter the bread and tried to butcher him with it. He touched my elbow, and I gritted my teeth to stop myself from spitting my words at him. “Emma?”
“You think that’s what you did? You think you proposed to me?” I couldn’t keep the bitchiness from leaking into my voice.
His body went ridged. “Yeah…?” he trailed off, suddenly looking a little unsure.
I couldn’t even be bothered to explain that ‘proposing’ was when someone you loved suggested you spent your lives together. Proposing was getting down on one knee and smiling at someone with a ring, asking them to take your last name. Proposing was a good thing. He hadn’t proposed; he’d demanded I marry him under threat of losing custody of my daughter.
I put down the knife and pushed the half-made food away from me. “I’m not hungry anymore.” I turned to walk off, ignoring that he was practically on my heels as I marched back down the hallway, grabbing my handbag from the floor.
“Emma, what’s wrong with you? Seriously, you’re so bloody confusing! I can give you anything you want, anything in the world. You should be happy right now. Why are you being such a bitch? I’m sorry for saying what I did about paying you for sex. I was angry! I didn’t mean it. I don’t think of you like that!” he said desperately, stopping at my side.
I blew out a big breath and shook my head. “Carson, it doesn’t matter anymore. You want to be a good dad to your daughter, and I’m really grateful for that. She’s going to love you, and I’m sure she’ll be spoilt rotten and have everything a little girl could ever wish for. Just don’t expect me to be happy that my life has suddenly started to be dictated. How would you like it if someone came along and demanded you move away from your home with someone who, quite frankly, looked at you like you were a piece of shit?” I glared at him challengingly, wanting him to shout at me, scream at me, something other than the confused and exasperated look on his face right now.
When he didn’t bite, I shoved my way past him into the lounge and pulled out my phone. I needed to talk to Rory. As I dialled his number, the recorded voicemail message came on immediately, telling me I was out of credit and that I needed to top up before I could make a call. I shoved my phone back into my bag roughly.
Why is everything so fucking hard?
“What’s wrong?” Carson asked quietly.
I gritted my teeth, pinching the bridge of my nose, wishing he’d just leave me alone and let me have some space for a few minutes so I could calm down. “Out of credit,” I snapped harshly.
He sighed and dug into his pocket, producing his phone. “Use that. I’ll arrange for a contract phone for you.” He didn’t wait for a response, just tossed it into my lap and turned, stalking out of the room.
It took me a while to figure out how to use it, but I finally managed to get it to dial Rory’s number. When he answered, he sounded a little hesitant, probably because he wouldn’t recognise the number on his screen.
Nausea rolled over me. I was actually frightened to tell him because I couldn’t bear the thought of him thinking badly of me, too, or hating me for lying to him. “Hey, Rory. It’s me,” I said, trying not to let the sadness leak into my voice.
“Oh, hey! I’ve been worried about you. Is everything okay? Did the press guy sort everything?” he asked quickly.
I gulped. “Not really.” I swiped at the tear that fell down my cheek. “Listen, I gotta tell you some stuff I should have told you a while ago. Please don’t freak out on me because I really need my little brother right now, so please don’t get angry with me. We’re a team, right?”
“Sure, we’re a team. What’s up?”
I took a big breath. “You know I told you Sasha’s dad was a guy I dated and that he didn’t want anything to do with me and Sasha once we broke up?”
“Yeah…”
