Pretend

Page 16

CHAPTER NINE
Tuesdays were never really busy, but tonight had been crazy. After turning off the open sign and locking the door, Mason didn’t feel like doing anything. Instead of straddling a barstool and opening a bottle, like he wanted to, he went into the kitchen to check on the back. “Everything okay, Dana?”
“Yep. Dishes are done. The kitchen is all cleaned up, except for whatever you have left out front. I’ll help you out there real quick.”
Mason waved her off. “No, that’s okay. I’ll finish up and close up. You can head on out.” Despite being exhausted, if Mason could do things himself, he always preferred that.
“Are you sure?” The blonde asked. She was a college student who lived in her parent’s old house in Blackcreek but drove into the city for school. She had to be even more tired than Mason.
“No, really. I got it. You can go.”
“Thanks. My feet are killing me and I still have an essay to finish.” It was after midnight¸ so that didn’t look real good for her.
“No problem. Keep up the good work. I’ll see you soon.”
She grabbed her things and then headed for the door. Mason walked her to her car like he always did. When she pulled off he heard, “Mind if I come in?” from behind him. He didn’t have to turn to know the sleep-roughed voice belonged to Gavin.
Mason headed his way. “Yeah, sure. You sound like you sleep-drove here.” He locked the door behind them both, and went for the bar. “You want a drink?”
“Jack and coke.” Gavin sat on a stool while Mason made him a drink. Gavin ran a hand through his hair that was messier than it usually was. He seemed frazzled, jittery.
“Everything okay?”
“I talked to Braden.”
“Always a scary thing.”
Gavin laughed, then took a drink. “I couldn’t sleep tonight. My mind kept going and going. I couldn’t turn the damn thing off.”
He wasn’t sure why, but Mason had a feeling he’d need a drink too so he poured himself one. “What has your mind runnin’, teach?”
“My parents. Myself. Life. You. Sex.”
Mason particularly liked the last two.
Gavin swallowed down everything in his glass before tapping it for a refill. “Did you know I’ve only been with three men after Braden? And none of them more than a couple times each.”
Mason’s throat burned and he coughed, almost choking on his Jack. “That sounds like a tragedy to me.”
“When my parents found out I was gay—porn of course—they lost it. Tears, broken hearts, family meetings with people from the church, the whole nine. I decided I could pretend—for them I would. Or maybe I really did think I could change it. Then I met Braden and he just sort of…woke me up. He’s good at that, like a damned tornado storming into your life. We dated, went to prom, and I broke my parents’ hearts again by being true to who I am. It’s a lot of weight to carry, trying to keep your soul from burning for eternity for your parents.”
He sighed. “Anyway, we moved away after high school. I think he did it for me. Mom got depressed and started seeing a shrink.”
Mason leaned on the bar. “Did you love him? Braden?”
“Nah. Thought I did for a bit. He saved me back then, though. I wasn’t…things weren’t good for me up here.” He tapped his head. “Not in here, either.” Then his chest. “I think that’s why I wanted to help that kid. I saw myself in him. I hadn’t had anyone to help me until Braden, and I didn’t want that boy to suffer the same way.”
Some of the tension on Mason’s chest drifted off. “You’re a good guy.”
Gavin shrugged. He didn’t look convinced. “Anyway, I was never real good at—I don’t know, going for what I wanted? When Braden left I let myself get wrapped up in finishing college. From there I got wrapped up in work. Before I knew it, I realized I hadn’t had anyone in my life for years.”
Gavin finished his second drink. When he tapped it again, Mason took the glass away. That wasn’t what he needed tonight. “Sounds like a lonely life.”
“No.” Gavin shook his head. “That’s the thing. I was happy. Or I thought I was. I love music. I was good at what I did. I had friends and spent time with colleagues. It’s not as though I kept inside myself.”
Those words put the weight right back on Mason’s chest. Gavin clearly didn’t see. “But you did, in some ways. You kept yourself alone. You let yourself get wrapped up in work and other people’s lives so you didn’t have to deal with your sexuality.”