Pretend

Page 38

“What? You want to do it? Have at it. Take them off and then I’ll turn my back to you so maybe it will feel like old times, because you won’t have to look at me and remember you know me. Except for with Braden. He’s the only person you had that you actually cared about. Should I be jealous of him the way you are Isaac?”
Mason turned. Gavin’s dick was painfully hard and he almost hated that fact. Hated that what Mason just said turned him on, because the truth in everything his lover just said was devastating.
“I’m waiting, music man. Or have you had enough living and you’re done? Just going to go find a little school to teach at where you can forget you’re gay? A few times a year when your dick won’t stop aching you’ll go let someone get you off before you keep on pretending you’re someone else?”
Pain shattered Gavin’s insides.
He wanted to fight.
Wanted to fuck.
Wanted to do everything Mason just said.
There was a sigh from Mason, and then calloused fingers holding Gavin’s jaw so he couldn’t look away. “Tell me what happened. You give me yours and I’ll give you mine. That’s what we’re really doing here, right? Aren’t we supposed to be living? Letting loose? Can’t do that shit if you keep it all inside. Jump out of the plane, Gav.”
It was those words that trapped him—or hell, maybe they set him free.
Gavin sat on the couch, and jumped.
CHAPTER TWENTY
Mason had no fucking clue if he’d just done the right thing. All he knew was the Gavin he walked in on wasn’t the Gavin he’d grown to know. Wasn’t the man he sat listening to music with, or the one he’d gone on his hike with. He wasn’t the man he’d let fuck him senseless.
He wanted that man back. And he wanted him to stay. He wanted to keep on forgetting his family and his responsibilities and keep having fun with Gavin while they figured out what they wanted.
Most of all, he wanted the pain gone from Gavin’s eyes.
“I’m so fucking angry,” Gavin finally said. “I’ve done everything right. When I was a kid, I tried to stop. I tried to force myself not to be gay. When I couldn’t, when I met Braden, I did everything I could to make up for it. I went to church every week like they wanted me to. But it was never enough.”
This time it was Mason’s hands that fisted. What the fuck was wrong with his family that they would make him feel this way? What the fuck is wrong with you? Your family accepts you and you can’t get over the fact that they screwed up?
“That’s because it was a lie, Gav. A lie will never be enough because it’s not real.” He sat down next to the man, ran a hand through his wet hair. He’d showered before Mason got there. He could smell the soap and shampoo on him.
“Yeah…yeah, I realized that after a while.”
“With Braden? Maybe I should be the one to be jealous.”
Gavin shook his head. “We were never in love with each other. He just made it easy to pretend I was okay.”
He wasn’t going to let the subject veer. “You’re not off the hook yet. Keep going.”
“Bossy.”
“And you like it.” Mason sat back and waited.
“Things were already strained with Braden. We both knew we were just biding time. I went to see my family. They had a damned intervention waiting. They loved me. They believed in me. All that shit. I knew I was gay. Hell, I always had, but when I left from my visit, I focused on school more and more. Braden left and I was too busy to date. Then I graduated and was starting my career, and I was too busy to date again.” Gavin ran a hand through his hair. “This talk would have been a whole hell of a lot easier if I had a guitar or something to play. Or maybe if you were distracting me.”
“This is all stuff you’ve told me before. Why are you pissed right now?” Mason wasn’t letting Gavin off that easily. He wanted to know everything about this man in a way he’d never experienced before.
Gavin didn’t answer for over a minute. Mason could practically see the frustration set in his body.
“Because I lived my life for them—hell, for everyone else, too. I did everything right and it wasn’t enough. I lost my fucking job. My dad is losing his mind, and my own mother asked me to leave today. If I can’t support my family and do the right thing by her and Dad by denying who I am, I’m not welcome in her home.”
Mason knew that had to hurt. “No matter how old people get, our parents can still fuck us up worse than anyone. But that’s on her. Not you.”