Pretend

Page 74

Never thought of lookin’ for forever
Didn’t think it’s somethin’ I would find
Thought I was happy livin’ my life
But I wasn’t livin’, was I? No, I wasn’t livin’, was I?
Never realized I spent my life drifting
Didn’t have anything that was really mine
Lived my life with blinders on
Lonely, so alone, ignorin’ all the signs
Nothin’ was real before you
Goin’ through the motions, living behind a façade
I got good at pretendin’ ‘til you broke down all my walls
It couldn’t be anyone but you
No one else had the power to see the man inside
Not even me, no not even me. Believed my own lies
Nothin’ was real before you.
The only place I never had to pretend.
You taught me how to fly, how to live
I see it in your eyes, feel it in your hold
I know I did the same for you
Gave you a place to be you. Made you mine
Lovin’ someone doesn’t mean your perfect
We’ve fucked up, started again
All I know is it’s you I want
Want to be your music man
Nothin’ was real before you
Goin’ through the motions, living behind a façade
I got good at pretendin’ until you broke down all my walls
It couldn’t be anyone but you
No one else had the power to see the man inside.
Not even me, no not even me. Believed my own lies.
Nothin’ was real before you. The only place I never had to pretend.
Mason’s heart thumped harder than it ever had. He felt full, complete. Yes, it’s something he’d experienced since he and Gavin finally made things concrete between them, but this was different. This was more.
Gavin had given Mason his music. He’d put himself out there for Mason. He hadn’t thought it possible, but somehow he loved Gavin more.
***
Gavin watched as Mason practically stormed onto the stage. His damned hands were shaking like crazy, yet when Mason got to him, he forgot about it.
“You like that? I wrote it myself,” he teased, as Mason pulled him to his chest.
“That was…”
Mason didn’t finish, but Gavin didn’t need him to. He’d known exactly what it would do to his lover when he’d written it. Mason didn’t have to use words for Gavin to know how he felt. “I know.”
“Good, because that’s something else I’m going to need you to do for me all the time. Maybe not every day, but every week. What do you think about that?”
Gavin laughed and shook his head. “Keep dreaming.”
“Don’t need to. Already have everything I need.”
“Come on. Your parents are down there looking at us like they want to talk.”
He’d spent quite a bit of time lately getting to know Mason’s family. They were great people, and they treated Gavin like one of the family. Things were still a struggle with his own mom. She loved Gavin. He knew that. And she knew about the conversation Gavin had with his father, but she still had a hard time coming to terms with it all.
Gavin didn’t lie about who he was, though. Not to her or anyone else, and she realized that. She’d even gone to lunch with him and Mason once.
Mason and Gavin walked over and started talking with everyone. Mason scheduled extra help in the bar tonight, freeing him up to spend time with Gavin and his family. All of this just because they’d known Gavin would play in the bar tonight. It humbled him that they cared that much.
“Do you have a moment?” Gavin looked over to see Isaac standing beside them. Things were still slightly awkward between them. He knew Mason had had a conversation with Isaac, basically putting him into his place where Gavin was concerned. It hadn’t been necessary. Gavin appreciated it, but he also trusted his partner. He knew who Mason wanted.
“Yeah. Sure.”
Gavin headed for Mason’s office with Isaac on his heels. Isaac and Mason’s father had hired someone else to help out with the Denver and Boulder locations. It seemed to be going well. Mason consulted with them at times, but that’s as far as he went into working for Alexander’s.
Gavin unlocked the office door and then closed it behind them.
“I owe you an apology.”
Gavin crossed his arms. He hadn’t been expecting that.
“I’m sure you know Mason and I had a discussion about our past and his relationship with you.”
“I do.”
“I wanted to make sure you know I understand that. It was…difficult at first. I’ve always had Mason, and I made myself believe I always would.”