Pride
Page 30
“Were they werecats?” she asked, as I shoved the shirts into the bag.
“Yeah.” But the real question was whether any of the men who’d attacked Marc this time were in on the ambush two days earlier.
From the bathroom, I grabbed my hair dryer, toiletries, and what little makeup I wore on a semiregular basis. Kaci watched as I dropped it all into the duffel bag, the dryer cord dangling over one side.
“Were they in cat form?” she whispered, and dread sifted through me at the quiet horror in her voice. She wound the cord around my hair dryer, then tucked it neatly into one end of the duffel, nestled between my shampoo and makeup bag.
“No.” I started to zip the bag, but stopped when I noticed that her eyes were shinier than usual. They were standing in tears. “Kaci, no, honey, they were in human form. This had nothing to do with what form they were in. These are bad men, and they’d be bad on either four legs or two. Just like you’d be good in either form.”
“But I wasn’t good as a cat!” she insisted, and the silent tears began to fall.
Well, hell… Sympathy squeezed my heart to the point of pain, but her timing could not have been worse. I’d been waiting months for an opening into her psyche—to get her to talk about what she’d gone through during and after her first transformation—and when the breakthrough finally came, I didn’t have time to stay and listen. To help her work through it.
But she was crying. I’d have to find a minute with Kaci, then make up for it on the drive to the free zone.
I shoved my duffel aside and climbed over the footboard onto the end of the mattress, as close to her as I could get. Werecats are very physically demonstrative, and I was hoping the contact might help calm her.
“Kaci, you were great as a cat!” I put one arm around her shoulders and squeezed, pulling her even closer. “You’re so strong. So amazing. What happened when you first Shifted, that wasn’t your fault. Not Kaci-the-person’s fault, and not Kaci-the-cat’s fault.”
I let go of her shoulders and gently turned her face toward mine, staring into big hazel eyes magnified by tears. “That wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just a tragedy. A horrible, devastating tragedy, and I know you’re dealing with it the only way you know how, but we have to figure out some other way for you to handle this, or you’re going to wind up hurting yourself. You’re nearly there now.”
“I know.” She wiped tears from her cheeks with both hands, then clenched my punching pillow as if it alone anchored her to her human form. “But I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can control it.”
“Yes, you can.” I twisted on the comforter to face her more directly, hoping my conviction was contagious. “Kaci, when I first met you, you were in cat form, and you didn’t hurt me. You didn’t even come near me. And that’s when you were terrified and in a strange place. It will be different this time. We can do it in the barn. Just you and me, if you want. And if you’re worried about losing control, I’ll close the doors so you can’t get out. All you need is one good Shift to prove to yourself that you can do this. That your inner cat isn’t some rabid tiger looking for its next meal. It’s just another part of you. A part you’re going to have to come to terms with.”
Her forehead crinkled. “But what if I hurt you?”
I laughed out loud, letting her see my genuine amusement. “Honey, you couldn’t hurt me if you tried. I’ve faced down bigger and badder cats than you under much worse circumstances. That’s my job, and I’m pretty damn good at it. You’ll be fine. I won’t let anything happen to either of us.”
For the first time, I saw belief in her eyes. And trust. She was coming around. And if I didn’t have to leave immediately, she might have been willing to give it a try right then.
But I had to go. I had to find Marc, and each minute I spent on the ranch when I should have been out looking for him weighed on my mind like a pile of bricks, threatening to crush me.
“I tell you what.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed. “You think about it for the next couple of days. Get yourself ready mentally. Then, when I get back, we’ll do it together. It’ll be fine, and you’ll feel so much better. And then you can go to school—finally get out of this house. Okay?”
She nodded, but looked unconvinced, and I knew I might have to repeat my little pep talk when I got back.
I gave her another reassuring smile as I dug through my bag to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything. And I was. Pants.
Groaning over my own oversight, I whirled toward the dresser and pulled a pair of jeans from the bottom drawer.
“I probably already know what you’re gonna to say, but can I come with you?” Kaci held the duffel open while I shoved my pants inside, then tugged the zipper shut. “I wouldn’t get in the way. And I could help look for Marc.”
I smiled to soften the coming blow. “I’m sorry, Kaci, but this is way too dangerous.”
The frustration and disappointment in her eyes were achingly familiar. Even with my father’s liberal stance on a woman’s place in the Pride, I’d spent much of my childhood being left out of things for my own safety. I’d even heard that line a time or two since becoming an enforcer, though staying behind had yet to actually keep me out of the action. But that didn’t change anything for Kaci. At the moment, she wasn’t well enough for a brisk walk through the woods, much less a risky trip across two states and a desperate hunt…wherever Marc’s trail should lead us.
“Yeah.” But the real question was whether any of the men who’d attacked Marc this time were in on the ambush two days earlier.
From the bathroom, I grabbed my hair dryer, toiletries, and what little makeup I wore on a semiregular basis. Kaci watched as I dropped it all into the duffel bag, the dryer cord dangling over one side.
“Were they in cat form?” she whispered, and dread sifted through me at the quiet horror in her voice. She wound the cord around my hair dryer, then tucked it neatly into one end of the duffel, nestled between my shampoo and makeup bag.
“No.” I started to zip the bag, but stopped when I noticed that her eyes were shinier than usual. They were standing in tears. “Kaci, no, honey, they were in human form. This had nothing to do with what form they were in. These are bad men, and they’d be bad on either four legs or two. Just like you’d be good in either form.”
“But I wasn’t good as a cat!” she insisted, and the silent tears began to fall.
Well, hell… Sympathy squeezed my heart to the point of pain, but her timing could not have been worse. I’d been waiting months for an opening into her psyche—to get her to talk about what she’d gone through during and after her first transformation—and when the breakthrough finally came, I didn’t have time to stay and listen. To help her work through it.
But she was crying. I’d have to find a minute with Kaci, then make up for it on the drive to the free zone.
I shoved my duffel aside and climbed over the footboard onto the end of the mattress, as close to her as I could get. Werecats are very physically demonstrative, and I was hoping the contact might help calm her.
“Kaci, you were great as a cat!” I put one arm around her shoulders and squeezed, pulling her even closer. “You’re so strong. So amazing. What happened when you first Shifted, that wasn’t your fault. Not Kaci-the-person’s fault, and not Kaci-the-cat’s fault.”
I let go of her shoulders and gently turned her face toward mine, staring into big hazel eyes magnified by tears. “That wasn’t anyone’s fault. It was just a tragedy. A horrible, devastating tragedy, and I know you’re dealing with it the only way you know how, but we have to figure out some other way for you to handle this, or you’re going to wind up hurting yourself. You’re nearly there now.”
“I know.” She wiped tears from her cheeks with both hands, then clenched my punching pillow as if it alone anchored her to her human form. “But I don’t think I can do it. I don’t think I can control it.”
“Yes, you can.” I twisted on the comforter to face her more directly, hoping my conviction was contagious. “Kaci, when I first met you, you were in cat form, and you didn’t hurt me. You didn’t even come near me. And that’s when you were terrified and in a strange place. It will be different this time. We can do it in the barn. Just you and me, if you want. And if you’re worried about losing control, I’ll close the doors so you can’t get out. All you need is one good Shift to prove to yourself that you can do this. That your inner cat isn’t some rabid tiger looking for its next meal. It’s just another part of you. A part you’re going to have to come to terms with.”
Her forehead crinkled. “But what if I hurt you?”
I laughed out loud, letting her see my genuine amusement. “Honey, you couldn’t hurt me if you tried. I’ve faced down bigger and badder cats than you under much worse circumstances. That’s my job, and I’m pretty damn good at it. You’ll be fine. I won’t let anything happen to either of us.”
For the first time, I saw belief in her eyes. And trust. She was coming around. And if I didn’t have to leave immediately, she might have been willing to give it a try right then.
But I had to go. I had to find Marc, and each minute I spent on the ranch when I should have been out looking for him weighed on my mind like a pile of bricks, threatening to crush me.
“I tell you what.” I swung my legs over the side of the bed. “You think about it for the next couple of days. Get yourself ready mentally. Then, when I get back, we’ll do it together. It’ll be fine, and you’ll feel so much better. And then you can go to school—finally get out of this house. Okay?”
She nodded, but looked unconvinced, and I knew I might have to repeat my little pep talk when I got back.
I gave her another reassuring smile as I dug through my bag to make sure I wasn’t forgetting anything. And I was. Pants.
Groaning over my own oversight, I whirled toward the dresser and pulled a pair of jeans from the bottom drawer.
“I probably already know what you’re gonna to say, but can I come with you?” Kaci held the duffel open while I shoved my pants inside, then tugged the zipper shut. “I wouldn’t get in the way. And I could help look for Marc.”
I smiled to soften the coming blow. “I’m sorry, Kaci, but this is way too dangerous.”
The frustration and disappointment in her eyes were achingly familiar. Even with my father’s liberal stance on a woman’s place in the Pride, I’d spent much of my childhood being left out of things for my own safety. I’d even heard that line a time or two since becoming an enforcer, though staying behind had yet to actually keep me out of the action. But that didn’t change anything for Kaci. At the moment, she wasn’t well enough for a brisk walk through the woods, much less a risky trip across two states and a desperate hunt…wherever Marc’s trail should lead us.
