Promise Canyon

Page 38

"I can't break through the barrier, Dane. I hope she talked to you because she hasn't talked to anyone else. I went to Annie and she knows nothing at all, except that Lilly took a little time off from helping out at the clinic. Annie was counting on her and the Lilly I thought I knew wouldn't let her friend down like that unless...unless she was in a very bad place and couldn't help it. Lilly won't take my calls or return my messages. She hasn't seen Blue in days--that's got to be killing her. When I went to her house, she called the police."
"I heard about that," Dane said rather quietly, as if disappointed. "That was a little over-the-top," he said. "If it makes any difference, I urged her to have it out with you--have a sit-down about whatever the problem is. I think it's foolish to refuse to communicate. I don't know how she's going to know, ten years from now, whether she made the right decision."
"Has she made some kind of decision? Because she hasn't said anything to me. Well, except that she doesn't want to talk to me. She doesn't want to listen."
Dane pursed his lips and stood very still on his side of the counter.
"Can you help me?" Clay asked. "Can you help me understand? Can you tell me what to do?"
Dane shook his head. "I'm sorry. I think I might've made it worse. We had a fight about it. All of it. I made her cry and she's not speaking to me, either."
"Swell," Clay said. "I wonder if I should go to her grandfather, but common sense tells me--"
"Oh, please," Dane said indignantly. "Even if Lilly did confide in her grandfather, he'd never break her trust. Especially to you! You're the enemy right now."
"But why am I the enemy?"
"Seriously?" Dane asked with a laugh. "She saw you kiss your ex and tell her you loved her. That sort of thing just doesn't go down well, I guess. Silly Lilly!" he added facetiously.
Clay shook his head, a very slight movement. "No, that's not exactly what happened."
"She believes she caught you in a tryst," Dane said.
"No," Clay said. "No, she caught me sending away a fragile person I once cared about, as kindly as I could. And I regret that now, but not because Lilly misinterpreted it--because I've finally realized that to be too kind to Isabel sometimes carries a heavy price."
"But you kissed her," Dane said, leaning toward him in a threatening manner--threatening for a man a few inches shorter and a good forty pounds lighter in weight. "Girls don't like watching their boyfriends kiss other women, especially women they profess to love." He lifted one tawny brow, crossed his arms over his chest and peered at Clay. "Know what I mean?"
"I was trying to cushion the rejection. I kissed her forehead and said that I would always love her. I didn't get any further than that before Hurricane Lilly blew in and out of the barn."
Dane tilted his head. "Forehead?" he asked.
Clay gave a short nod. "I wanted to get her back on the road with a minimum of drama. I had already told her there was a woman in my life. I was trying to say that while I'd always love her, have affection for her, I was moving on to a new relationship and she would have to move on, too. But I didn't avoid the drama, after all--by the time I did send her on her way, it was not with affection. Or kindness." He shook his head.
"Forehead?" Dane asked again.
"Yes," Clay confirmed. "It was the kiss you'd give a sister. It was the love you'd give a sister. But I take that back--if Isabel was my sister, I would be insane by now."
A half smile flirted with Dane's lips. "Well, I got the impression it was a passionate, sweaty, sloppy, lip-lock."
Clay frowned. He shook his head.
"But there's that other thing--the ex told Lilly you'd been involved for a long time after the divorce..."
"Correct," he said with directness. "We didn't live together, but it was not a clean break. Bad judgment on my part--I admit that. But that was one of the reasons I took the job with Nathaniel. That postdivorce relationship wasn't a very satisfying place for me to be. I needed distance from Isabel. Of course I meant to level with Lilly, but honestly, I didn't see what that had to do with us. Isabel and I were over. That was before Lilly came into my life and it was over."
"I think my friend Lilly is going a little nuts." He tilted his head and peered at Clay. "You know, if you're lying about this and just trying to find a way to juggle two women at the same time, I could think of terrible things to do to you...."
"Don't be ridiculous," Clay said. "Why the hell would I want two? One at a time is proving far more than I can handle!"
"Lilly said this Isabel is rich and beautiful. I think poor Lilly was intimidated by her...and her horse trailer...."
"Lilly is rich and beautiful. Isabel's life is cluttered and heavy. She can barely breathe. And her beauty is a full-time job. Lilly's beauty is from here," he said, splaying his fingers across his chest.
"Ohhhh," Dane said, sighing and nearly swooning before he could stop himself. He cleared his throat. "I guess when a girl like Lilly sees the man she loves kiss another woman, no matter how innocently, she sees passion and true love even if that's not what it is."
Clay was quiet for several beats before he said, "A girl like Lilly?"
"Oh, you know," Dane said. "She's young, she's pretty innocent, she has her baggage.... She took a big chance on you and then--"
"What baggage?" Clay asked.
Dane shrugged and glanced away. Without looking at Clay, in a quiet voice he said, "She had a romance go rotten when she was younger...."
"She mentioned that. But then, hasn't everyone?"
"Have you?"
Clay smirked. "Everyone," he repeated.
"What kind of terrible romance did you have?" Dane asked, leaning an elbow on the counter and his chin in his palm.
"Is that relevant?"
"It could be," Dane said. "Try me."
"I had a girlfriend when I was a teenager. We had a child. She wanted to give him up, but I raised him with the help of my parents."
That shot Dane up straight. "No kidding?"
"Gabe is seventeen now," he said. "It was a misstep with a very positive outcome. He's living in Grace Valley with my sister, working at the clinic part-time, and I see him every day. Finally, after all these years of working away from the reservation and only visiting and talking to him on the phone. Now, about Lilly..."
Dane took Clay's coffee cup and refilled it for him. He took a breath. "Much as I want to tell you what I know, I'd better watch it. Lilly's on shaky ground right now, trying to figure everything out. I'll tell you this--she was very young. The boy was older and he was a handsome Navajo--damn your luck. He hurt her very badly, Clay. Her grandpa saw that as a good time to move her away, but... But how many times can a girl be rejected, abandoned, before it really takes its toll?"
"Was there more than one guy?" Clay asked.
"No. But she never knew her father, her mother left her with her grandparents, her grandmother died when she was just a little girl, the boy dumped her...very cruelly, she was moved out of her home, and..." He coughed into his fist, stopping himself. He was going to be in enough trouble; he wasn't saying any more. "There are circumstances around the whole thing that I think Lilly should be the one to tell you about. I think Lilly has had too many losses and was playing it safe. Taking a chance on you was a big gamble."
Clay stared into his cup for a moment. Then he stood up, pulled his wallet out of his back pocket and put a few bills on the counter.
"Come on," Dane said. "It's on the house."
"Everyone has to make a living," Clay said.
"What are you going to do?" Dane asked.
"I don't know. But I'm not letting her go."
"Good. I was hoping you'd feel that way. And if you do get it fixed, maybe you could put in a good word for me. I chewed her little ass good--for being a baby about this and refusing to speak to you."
"If I ever get the chance, I'll do what I can." Clay put out a big hand. "Thank you."
"I might've just made it worse...."
"Your loyalty to Lilly is a good thing. You are a very good friend to her. It isn't always easy to be honest--there's risk. If I can get her back, I might have you to thank."
"My pleasure," Dane said.
Clay walked out of the coffee shop to his truck. Dane watched his departure with a myriad of emotions--pleasure, wonder, admiration, perhaps desire--that tall, straight height; long black braid; wide shoulders. After Clay had backed out of his parking space and driven away, Dane collapsed onto the countertop. "Oh. My. God," he said very softly. "Whew."
Lilly couldn't decide whether Dane had hurt her feelings, infuriated her or disappointed her....
Until she realized with sudden clarity that he was right!
For a young woman who despised weakness, she had been a wimp. A spineless victim. She should have realized long ago that the only thing to do about that old broken heart was to let it teach her what she wouldn't stand for in a relationship, rather than let it keep her from ever taking a chance on one. And while she might've wished Clay had opened up about everything that had ever happened in his life before she found out in other ways, there hadn't really been enough time for that--they were too new. And not only that, she hadn't yet opened up to him! He needed to know the kind of childhood hurts that got in the way of her committing to a man as powerful, as beautiful as he was. She was terrified that she didn't deserve him, wouldn't be able to hold on to him.
She had been at least as wrong as Clay. And it needed to be faced directly, with courage and not self-pity.
She could call Clay at once and tell him that she'd had a revelation, that she was ready to talk. But she wanted to think it through a bit first, figure out what she'd say to him, what she'd ask him.
She went to work at the feed store and got a lot of thinking done while she worked at her computer, keeping the accounts. She also wanted to talk to Dane, tell him she wasn't angry over their fight.
But she'd rather look him in the eye and tell him she'd heard him loud and clear and had faced Clay. It would be better still if she could go to the coffee shop and tell Dane that they'd been able to work things out.
She left the feed store a bit early and drove to the clinic. While she was on her way there she realized that there were other people to make amends with--she'd refused to confide in Annie, who she loved and trusted. And she'd neglected Blue, who had brought her so much happiness.
When she got to the clinic and saw that Clay's truck was gone, she almost sighed in relief. At least that would give her some time to talk to Annie and take Blue out on the trail and bond with her anew.
She found Annie and Nathaniel in the clinic office.
"Lilly!" Annie said, jumping to her feet excitedly. "Oh, thank God you're here! I've been worried sick about you!"
Lilly hugged Annie while Nate looked on. "I'm so sorry, Annie. I didn't mean for you and all our plans to be collateral damage from my falling-out with Clay." She held Annie away from her. "My fault, Annie. I think I went off the deep end. That woman--Isabel--her showing up like that had me so jealous and crazy, I practically hid under the bed. I've refused to talk to Clay, even though he's called a couple of dozen times. I apologize for how it must've hurt you."
"Are you going to talk to him now?" Annie asked. "Because he's completely miserable."
Lilly nodded. "Will he be back soon?"