Providence

Page 35

Jared fired the bal in a perfect spiral, and Ryan caught it flawlessly for the winning touchdown. The crowd cheered, and Josh’s team ambled around their side of the makeshift field, notably less enthusiastic.
Jared jogged over to me, glistening with sweat and grinning from ear to ear. He lifted me and then twirled me around, kissing me with boyish enthusiasm.
“You were amazing!” I squealed.
Jared lowered me to my feet. “Agh…I’m sorry honey, I’m al sweaty.”
“I don’t care!” I said, flinging my arms around his middle.
“You ready to go?” he asked. When I nodded, he cleared the crowd from our blanket.
As Jared shook off grass and folded, Ryan approached us. “Good game, Jared,” he said, sounding only half-sincere.
I heard Jared mumble a thank you as he tried not to watch us converse.
“You were great!” I said, waiting as others agreed with me. “It’s safe to say you’re ful y recovered.” I held up my hand for a high-five and Ryan smacked it. His fingers intertwined in mine.
I instinctual y pul ed my hand back, tucking my hair behind my ear to avoid drawing any more attention to the situation.
Ryan smiled. “Thanks. I’l see you in a couple of hours, okay? You want me to swing by?”
“I’l meet you there. I have a few things to do, first.” I said.
Ryan stared at me as if he was debating something, and then he leaned over to kiss my cheek, his lips soft against my skin. I gave him an awkward, polite smile and then he walked away. The excited chatter around us died down dramatical y, and I felt everyone’s eyes on me.
Jared glared at Ryan as he walked away. I met him in the middle of the dispersing crowd and took the blanket from his hands.
“Ready?” I asked, trying to sound unconcerned.
Jared’s eyes hadn’t left Ryan’s back; he looked as if he wanted to punch a hole through it. “Yeah,” he said through his teeth.
Jared took my hand and led me through the stragglers that stil meandered around us. He stopped at the door of Andrews as he opened it for me.
“Claire is close. I’m going to run home…get a shower. I’l catch up with you later.”
I eyed him suspiciously. “You’re sure you’re going home?”
Jared smoothed his features and chuckled. “Yeah, why?”
“You’re not going to go find Ryan or anything, are you?”
His jaw tensed. “No. But if Claire wasn’t his…he gets under my skin.”
I leaned in to kiss him. “I’l talk to him.”
Jared nodded and gave me an anxious look. “You’re staying at Andrews tonight?”
I fidgeted, trying to decide if my unwanted independence was real y more important than Jared spending the night in his vehicle to watch me.
Jared’s eyes were suddenly bright and hopeful. “Second thoughts?”
“No. I mean…I don’t know,” I said, unable to focus with the encouraged look on his face.
I couldn’t deny that I would rather stay with him, and he was more than wil ing for me to change my mind. When I slept at Andrews, Jared was stuck outside in his SUV listening for trouble. I cringed at the thought. On the other hand, it was what he was used to, and by his own words he didn’t mind.
Beth expected me home. When I stayed with Jared, she stayed with Chad, which is where everyone knew that was where she would rather be.
When my mind drifted to Ryan, I winced. I had already told him that staying with Jared was temporary. The thought of his reaction to my new living arrangements made my stomach twist with a sick feeling. I wasn’t sure why I worried about Ryan’s opinion so much. Something about hurting him just didn’t feel right.
“Wow, you’re al over the place,” Jared said, visibly confused.
“Cal me later?” I asked. It wasn’t exactly a subtle evasive tactic, but it would serve its purpose.
Jared was resigned. “Of course.”
“I’m looking forward to more games. I’m sure Josh wil want a rematch.” I smiled and leaned toward him, staring at his lips.
Jared wrapped his arms around me, smiling at the thought. “It was fun. I’m not sure about more games, though. I didn’t mean to cause a scene.”
“When you play like a professional footbal player, Jared, you’re going to draw a crowd.”
Jared shrugged. “I couldn’t help myself. Every time I heard you cheering, I stepped it up a little more.”
I raised a dubious eyebrow. “You could hear me over your groupies?”
Jared smiled, pecking me on the lips. “Besides the fact that I could feel how proud you were,”—he kissed me again—“I could hear your voice from the stands in a stadium…at the Super Bowl.”
He kissed me again, but this time his lips parted and he caressed my tongue with his. I tasted the combination of sweet and salty on his mouth, and when he pul ed back, I licked my lips before pressing them together.
“Please don’t do that,” he pleaded, staring at my lips.
“How do you expect us to live together if you can’t handle me licking my lips?” I teased, watching him scan my face with the same hunger in his eyes from before.
“I’l find a way. I’l sleep on the floor if I have to.”
“If you sleep on the floor, I’m sleeping on the floor with you. I want to wake up where you are.”
Jared smiled. “I wish that were true.”
My mouth fel open. “It is true! You think me staying here during the week means I don’t want to stay with you at al ?”
Jared grimaced, shaking his head. “No, I don’t think that. I shouldn’t have said that, that’s not what I meant.”
“What did you mean?” I said, bracing myself for what he might say.
“It’s going to be hard getting used to the way things used to be, that’s al .”
“You meant more than that.”
Jared looked straight into my eyes. “Let me move your things, then. I’l have you moved in by the time you finish up at the Rock.”
I looked down at my feet. “I don’t know, Jared. I need some more time to think.”
The answer should have been simple. I wanted to be there, he wanted me there, and we loved each other. But normal was here. I wasn’t ready to give that up, yet.
Jared smiled half-heartedly. “That’s what I meant.”
I narrowed my eyes, irritated that he had proved his point in that way. “That’s not fair.”
He leaned his forehead against mine. “I’d better go. I’l see you soon.”
“Sooner than I’l see you,” I grimaced.
“You could change that if you weren’t so worried about what everyone else thinks,” he said, trying to keep the disappointment from his eyes.
“I told you that isn’t the case. Wel , not entirely.”
“I know. I understand,” he said. He kissed my forehead again before he left me to walk to my room alone.
I felt wretched. We’d had a horrible morning, a heated afternoon, and then I’d ruined it with my stupid, selfish, stubborn theories on normal. There were other reasons, but I couldn’t pin point what they were. I just wasn’t ready.
I walked into my empty room and sighed. I had a few hours yet before study group. Both Jared’s and Ryan’s sweat were on me, a scent mixed between Ryan’s salty boy smel and Jared’s salty angel smel . It only confused me more, so I made a bee line for the showers.
Under the steaming water, I couldn’t help but think of Jared’s shower. The water pressure was better, the smel was certainly better, and I didn’t have to wear flip flops to walk around in it. I sighed again, knowing nothing would make me happier than to cal Jared and give him the green light to move my things. I couldn’t help but smile at the sound of his voice when I broke the news to him, and how I would feel walking into the loft, knowing I was home.
As I walked down the hal way in my robe, I tried to come up with more pros than cons for staying at Andrews. I focused on what my father would want; at first I reasoned that he would want me to stay, but then my thoughts drifted to the fact that Jack would want me to be where I was the safest.
And I was definitely safer in Jared’s arms. Loft…I meant the loft.
I closed the door behind me and pul ed off my robe. There was a knock on the door and I automatical y tightened my towel around me, anticipating Jared’s smiling face at the other side of the door.
When I pul ed on the knob, Ryan stood before me, clean and dressed. He gave me an once-over as I stood in front of him shocked and stil dripping.
“Wel , hel o,” Ryan said, his eyebrows shooting up in surprise.
I slammed the door in his face.
I pul ed on a pair of jeans and slipped on a random pink t-shirt before hearing a knock on the door once again.
“Nina?” he said in a muffled voice.
“Just a minute!” I cal ed, feeling the blood rush to my cheeks. I opened the door once again, “Sorry,” I breathed. “I wasn’t expecting you.”
“I see that. Can I come in?”
“I needed to talk to you anyway,” I said, stepping to the side.
“Uh-oh. Hubby’s jealous?” he smiled, strol ing past me with his hands in his pockets.
I closed the door behind him and picked up a brush, raking it through my hair. “This isn’t about him, it’s about me. You can’t kiss me like that, especial y with Jared right there. Did you honestly think that was okay?”
“No, I just wanted to do it.”
I threw my brush onto my desk and glared at him. “But you can’t just do it. It makes things more difficult.”
“For Jared?”
“For us,” I sighed. “It makes it more difficult for us to be friends.”
“I said I wasn’t going to fight with you about Jared anymore, I never said I wasn’t going to fight for you.”
“What?”
Ryan rol ed his eyes and then smiled. “I love you.”
I heard the words, but I was stil processing what he’d said before. I shook my head. “What?”
Ryan took a few steps closer to me and cinched his hands around my hips. “You heard me. I’m not stupid; I can see what’s going on with you and Jared. But I also see the way you look at me. And don’t give me that crap about how you care about me because we’re friends, either. It’s something else and you know it.”
I felt my cheeks flush. “I know you’re delusional.”
Ryan shook his head. “No. I’ve waited. I’ve watched. Today I’m sure. For whatever reasons you’re refusing to acknowledge it, but you know it’s there, same as I do. The only reason we’re not together right now is because you met Jared first. That’s not a good enough reason for me to walk away.”
My stomach felt sick. I hadn’t prepared for this conversation, and the fact that my boyfriend was listening didn’t help. Jared was waiting for me to deny it. As much as I wanted to scream at Ryan to get out, I also knew that I couldn’t eject him for the truth. That…and I wanted to him to stay. I couldn’t tel him he was wrong when we both knew he was right.
Ryan took a step closer and grabbed the crests of my hips gently with each hand, grasping them a bit tighter as he inched closer. He closed his eyes, and I pressed my lips together, praying he wouldn’t try to kiss me. I wouldn’t kiss him back, but I couldn’t tel him no. Either way I would hurt him.
He leaned in for a moment, waiting patiently.
I breathed out from my nose, letting my chest cave in. Something kept me where I stood, so it was the most I could move. Tears glossed over my eyes and I felt them burn, unable to close them or look away.
Ryan released my hips and took a few steps back, sitting on Beth’s bed. “Don’t worry, Nigh. I’m not going to make you choose. I’l let you decide.”
I couldn’t look at him. I found a spot on the door and stared at it, a tear final y escaping down my cheek. In that moment it seemed fate had made the choice for me.
“Would you say something already?” he begged.
I thought my eyes might bore a hole into the door when I heard three consecutive knocks. I wiped my face quickly, terrified of who might be on the other side.
Ryan stood up and put his hand on the knob.
Chapter Fourteen
Five Days
“And what have you two been doing in here?” Kim teased, walking through the door. She looked at me and made a face. “Have you been crying?”
She glared at Ryan, then. “Are you being a jerk?”
“She’s okay…I think,” he said, staring at me with a blank expression.
“I’m fine,” I said. I turned to the sink and splashed water over my reddened face. I twisted around to face them, drying my cheeks with a towel.
“You didn’t,” she said, turning to Ryan.
Ryan nodded and shrugged. “I had to tel her sometime.”
Kim looked at me. “And?”
“Don’t,” I said, glowering at her. There would be hours of explaining, but it wouldn’t be to Kim.
Kim’s eyes widened with innocent surprise. “Don’t what?”
“I’m not having this conversation right now.”
“Nina…,” Ryan began.
“Don’t Nina me. You show up here, unannounced, and then…say al this stuff that I’m not prepared for. Damn it, Ryan! You’re making this impossible!” I was so grateful for the anger that I didn’t stop to think if my words were making sense.
“I didn’t say anything you don’t already know,” he said, standing up.
I stomped over to the door and yanked it open. “I want both of you to leave.”
Kim tried not to laugh at my temper tantrum, and Ryan shoved his hands in his pockets.