Pushing the Limits

Page 39

His messages made sense. All of them. I stopped counting how many he left after five. He cared for me, wanted to be with me, and had spoken without thinking. Noah secretly had been wondering how to make it work between me and his brothers. If I only called him back, he promised to find a way. Sure, he’d like to marry me, but on my time frame, not his.
Yesterday morning, I’d been ticked, but as the day wore on I realized that the world didn’t revolve around me. More than anything, I wanted to call Noah back, accept his apology and fall into his safe, strong arms, but he deserved better than selfish me.
Never thinking beyond my next tutoring session, I’d been caught up in my own delusions of finding my lost memories. I hadn’t thought about what would happen after graduation or what it would mean for him to gain custody of his brothers. I loved Noah more than I’d ever loved anybody else. I loved him enough to do the thing that hurt me.
I sniffed and wiped my face when someone knocked on my door. “Can I come in?” my father asked from the other side.
No, but my options were limited. I’d snuck past him and Ashley earlier to avoid a confrontation. Dad’s rebuke had to happen at some point. I shoved my tank under my covers, sat up, and hugged a pillow to keep myself from falling apart. “Sure.”
My father took a seat on my bed and stared at my mother’s paintings. He looked as tired as I felt. “Promise me you won’t break curfew again.”
“All right.” Giving in seemed easier at the moment.
He’d opened his mouth as I spoke, then shut it. Obviously, he’d thought we would fight. “Noah’s called the landline twice. You guys have a fight?”
“We broke up.”
He shifted on the bed. “Honey, he did the right thing by telling me you were there.”
I wasn’t having this or any other conversation with him. “Little late to play dad, isn’t it?”
“I am your father and I have never considered you a game to be played.”
Yeah, tell that to Mom. “Look, we’ve got a little over two months until I graduate. Let’s just get through it, okay? As soon as I graduate, I’m leaving. I’ll take early acceptance somewhere or I’ll get a job and an apartment. I’ll be done with you and you can be done with me. If we time it right, I can be out before the baby is born and you can have your fresh start.”
Every worry line deepened. “Echo …”
I let the anger building inside burst free. “Go tell it to Ashley. She’s the only one you’ve ever cared about.”
“That’s not …”
“You left me to die.” I pointed at the door. “Get out of here and out of my life!”
My father lowered his head, nodded, and then left my room.
NOAH
Not bothering with my locker, I headed straight for the cafeteria. Echo had found a way to avoid me this morning, but I’d be damned if I let her slink away now.
“You could tell her I ordered the part for the car,” Isaiah said when he sat next to me.
“I plan on it being my opening line.” I stared at the doors, waiting for her to walk in. I’d give her five more minutes before I chased her around the building.
“You really fucked this up, Einstein.” Beth tossed her tray full of food on the table.
“You hate her,” I mumbled.
“She grew on me. Kind of like moss.”
Where was she? The door opened to the cafeteria and her favorite gal pal glided in.
“Lila!” I pushed my chair back to go after her, but she changed direction and came to me.
She cocked an annoyed eyebrow. “Yes?”
I withered before very few people, but the look Lila gave me could scare the shit out of serial killers. “Do you know where Echo is?”
“Why? Need a babysitter?” she asked dryly.
Damn, Echo had to be pissed. Did she listen to any of my messages? “I fucked up and I want to talk to her.”
“You can say that again.”
“I bet you’re enjoying this, prom queen,” snarled Beth. “Were you scared that by hanging with real people like us, she’d figure out that you and the other little Barbie wannabes are full of shit?”
Lila’s lip curled back. “Speaking of wannabes, do you have plans to go after Echo’s leftovers again?”
Damn, not what I needed. Beth hurled herself at Lila, but Isaiah grabbed Beth by the waist and hissed at her to calm down. My chair flipped back when I stood. “Forget it. I’ll find her myself.”
ECHO SAT ON A STOOL STARING AT the canvas, but this time she didn’t have a paintbrush in her hand. Her gloved hands were propped on her knees.
“You know it’s rude not to call back.” I held my breath, waiting for her wrath.
She gave a sad smile, hurting my heart. I would have preferred her anger over her pain anytime. “It’s not the first time you thought I was rude.” She glanced up at me. “Hey, Noah.”
“Echo.” I permitted myself to get closer, but not too close. “It’s Monday, which means you should be tutoring me this afternoon.”
“You never needed a tutor, just motivation.”
Rubbing the tension out of the back of my neck, I continued, “Look, I fucked up Saturday. I never should have brought up marriage. I was out of my mind. You drew that picture of my parents and then I thought about how much I love you and how I couldn’t keep you and have my brothers. I added a fucked-up thought to another fucked-up thought and I created a pile of shit.”
Echo’s lips twitched up. “That’s the worst apology I’ve ever heard, but I’ll take it.” She turned her gaze back to the blank canvas.
I’d uttered the words I never said to a girl—I loved her. Girls craved words like that, but the distance between us had widened. Maybe she didn’t catch it. “I love you, Echo. You could never marry me and I’d still love you. We’ll find a way to figure everything out. You are not responsible for my brothers.”
“I know.” She sighed and looked bone-weary. Her foot began to bounce on the leg of the stool. “I love you, too, and because of that, I think it’s time we end this.”
Pain seared through me, followed by a quick flash of anger. “But you said you forgave me.”
She picked up a paintbrush, dipped it in black paint and smudged dots on the middle of the canvas. “I have up to a twenty percent chance of inheriting my mother’s genes.”
“What does that have to do with anything? You’re not your mother. You are a far cry from that crazy bitch.”
“She’s ill, Noah, not crazy,” she whispered.
This entire conversation was crazy. “She cut you to pieces. That’s crazy.”
She shut her eyes tight and flinched. “I fell.”
I yanked the paintbrush out of her hand and threw it across the room. “Fuck that. If that was a damn accident, you’d remember.” I ran a hand over my face, trying to wipe away the anger. “What the hell does this have to do with anything? With us?”
Echo opened her eyes and revealed a mind-numbing pain. “Everything.”
The need to touch her overwhelmed me and I gave in. I stepped toward her, but Echo hopped off the stool and placed it between us. I shoved it out of the way and kept advancing. She pressed her hands against my chest and tried to push me away. “I can’t think straight when you’re this close.”
I backed her up against the wall. “I don’t like the thoughts running through your head. I plan on staying right here until you look me in the eye and tell me you’re mine.”
She lowered her head and hid in her hair. As she spoke, her tone reminded me of Jacob’s when he finally understood Mom would never hold him again. “This isn’t going to work. It never would have.”
“Bullshit. We belong together.” Echo sniffled and the sound tore at me. I softened my voice. “Look at me, baby. I know you love me. Three nights ago you were willing to offer everything to me. There is no way you can walk away from us.”
“God, Noah …” Her voice broke. “I’m a mess.”
A mess? “You’re beautiful.”
She finally raised her head. No tears, but the trails remained. “I’m a mental mess. In two months you’re going to face some judge and convince him that you are the best person to raise your brothers. I’m a liability.”
A nagging voice told me to shut up and listen. “Not true. My brothers will love you and you’ll love them. You are not a liability.”
“But how will the judge see me? Are you really willing to take that risk?” She swallowed. “Two months after the incident with my mom a therapist tried to reclaim the lost memories. Mrs. Collins said the person tried too hard. I cracked. I woke up in a hospital two days later with the memories still repressed. I’ve been lucky so far, but what happens to you if my luck runs out?
“Noah, look at it from an outsider’s perspective. I’m scarred with no memory of what happened to me. I’ve already had one mental breakdown because I tried to remember. My mother is bipolar. Most people who are bipolar start to exhibit the symptoms in their late teens or early twenties. What happens if the judge finds out about me? What if he discovers what a mess you’re dating?”
Breathing became a painful chore. Her lips turned down while her warm fingers caressed my cheek. That touch typically brought me to my knees, but now it cut me open.
“Did you know that when you stop being stubborn and accept I may be right on something, your eyes widen a little and you tilt your head to the side?” she asked.
I forced my head straight and narrowed my eyes. “I love you.”
She flashed her glorious smile and then it became the saddest smile in the world. “You love your brothers more. I’m okay with that. In fact, it’s one of the things I love about you. You were right the other day. I do want to be part of a family. But I’d never forgive myself if I was the reason you didn’t get yours.”
To my horror, tears pricked my eyes and my throat swelled shut. “No, you’re not pulling this sacrificial bullshit on me. I love you and you love me and we’re supposed to be together.”
Echo pressed her body to mine and her fingers clung to my hair. Water glistened in her eyes. “I love you enough to never make you choose.”
She pushed off her toes toward me, guiding my head down, and gently kissed my lips. No. This wouldn’t be goodbye. I’d fill her up and make her realize she’d always be empty without me.
I made Echo mine. My hands claimed her hair, her back. My lips claimed her mouth, her tongue. Her body shook against mine and I tasted salty wetness on her skin. She forced her lips away and I latched tighter to her. “No, baby, no,” I whispered into her hair.
She pushed her palms against my chest, then became a blur as she ran past. “I’m sorry.”
Echo
He loved me.
Noah Hutchins had told me he loved me, and that had made the past week at school absolute hell.
The bell rang. Everyone else snapped shut their books, zipped up their backpacks and left business technology for lunch. I stayed completely still.