Radiant Shadows
Page 48
“I won’t take advantage,” he whispered. “You can hold my hand or… embrace me as you did if you are in need of nourishment. I should’ve—”
“I didn’t want to touch you for that reason.” She blushed a little.
It was so out of character that it made him falter. “Oh. Should I remove my hand?”
Ani laughed. “Gods, no. I’m afraid. I’m hungry as hell. I’m wondering if I’m going to die. Hounds need touch…. I’m not sure if it usually gets easier with practice, but for me nothing seems quite right. I’m getting worse.”
Devlin looked out the window, not at her, but he lowered his control so some of his emotions were there for her to taste. He let her in further.
“Dev?”
He looked over, but he couldn’t speak. The rules he’d lived by for all of eternity were all vanishing. He’d nourished his need for blood over the years, reveled in fighting. He’d taken other pleasures that he knew weren’t High Court. But at the core of himself, he chose to live as if High Court was his instinct. Every day, he had made that choice.
“Can I keep hold of your hand?” she asked. “Please? I want to, and you… and I think you want me to.” The last words were rushed together, and now she paused. She turned her hand so it was palm up, and the car adjusted around them so it was suddenly an automatic. The gearshift had vanished. “Am I wrong?”
“No.” He squeezed her hand in his.
In all of his life, he’d never had a relationship. It was occasionally done in the High Court that two faeries chose to entwine their lives, but no one had ever looked at Devlin that way. He was deemed inapproachable, too fearsome to want, as if they recognized that he was not truly of their court. I am the innocent in this. The thought amused him: only two faeries had existed before him, and yet he was inexperienced in relationships.
What does it matter? I cannot stay with her. I cannot have a relationship.
Devlin stared out the window as they crossed the landscape. If Ani survived, Devlin would return her to the Dark Court, to Irial and Niall’s care, to the Hounds. They were her court and family. And he would return to Faerie. That was the order of the world. An aberration of emotion wasn’t going to change logical order.
Focus on Ani’s situation.
He pushed his emotions back under layers of High Court control and began to think through what Ani had revealed. Somewhere in the details he’d find the answer; it was simple logic. He just needed to focus.
The reasons Bananach had were serious enough that her interest wouldn’t wane. Murdering Bananach would be catastrophic, and killing Ani was untenable. So where does that leave us? They couldn’t spend Ani’s life running, but he had no better plan.
Ani watched Devlin close her out. She felt the walls go up, and if not for his hand in hers, she’d wonder if she were alone in the car.
He’s frightened of you, her steed suggested.
Ani didn’t want to talk about that. Instead she thought, What do you think of Barry for a name?
There was silence.
It’s short for Barracuda. It can be male or female. She switched lanes again and accelerated.
I like it, the steed growled happily. It’s mine. I am Barry.
She smiled to herself. One problem resolved, a few more to go….
Unfortunately, the rest of the day was spent in silence. Eventually, Barry whispered, Sleep, Ani. I will drive.
The next four days and nights were spent in much the same way—brief stops for food, hours of silence, and fitful rest while Barry carried her farther and farther away from everyone she knew. They passed through the middle of the States, headed west to where there were wide-open parks, natural areas where camping and running were possible. They drove through every city or remotely steel-filled town they could, slowing their progress with mortal traffic, but hiding themselves more fully from faeries. If not for the threat behind them, it would be the start of a great trip. It still could be if he would let me in. She had found Devlin impossibly tempting when she’d met him, and her opinion of him had only gone up after fighting next to him. The revelations he’d shared made her like him, but the passion he hid—and revealed during fighting and running—made her want him.
But, as they traveled, Devlin kept his walls up. He spoke less and less, and when he did, it was polite but distant. The silence and distance in such close quarters was maddening. After their brief revelations, she hoped there was something happening between them, but his actions implied otherwise.
Late on what Ani thought was the sixth day of driving, she pulled into a motel parking lot. The building was surrounded by a thick steel fence; the balconies on the rooms each had steel rails; and the windows had steel safety bars. With the faery aversion to iron and, consequently, to steel, it was the ideal place for them to rest. As long as the building didn’t catch fire, they were safe from faery and mortal dangers.
“I’ll stay with Barry while you get a room.” Ani touched Devlin’s hand briefly, drawing him out of whatever contemplation he was in.
He looked at her in confusion. “What?”
She gestured to the humming lights that said vacancy and wondered if he’d ever stayed in a motel. Somehow, she doubted that this was what things looked like in Faerie. “A room. Do you have money or a credit card?”
“Yes, but…” Devlin frowned. “Barry?”
“My steed”—she ran a hand over the dash—“has been Named.”
“I didn’t want to touch you for that reason.” She blushed a little.
It was so out of character that it made him falter. “Oh. Should I remove my hand?”
Ani laughed. “Gods, no. I’m afraid. I’m hungry as hell. I’m wondering if I’m going to die. Hounds need touch…. I’m not sure if it usually gets easier with practice, but for me nothing seems quite right. I’m getting worse.”
Devlin looked out the window, not at her, but he lowered his control so some of his emotions were there for her to taste. He let her in further.
“Dev?”
He looked over, but he couldn’t speak. The rules he’d lived by for all of eternity were all vanishing. He’d nourished his need for blood over the years, reveled in fighting. He’d taken other pleasures that he knew weren’t High Court. But at the core of himself, he chose to live as if High Court was his instinct. Every day, he had made that choice.
“Can I keep hold of your hand?” she asked. “Please? I want to, and you… and I think you want me to.” The last words were rushed together, and now she paused. She turned her hand so it was palm up, and the car adjusted around them so it was suddenly an automatic. The gearshift had vanished. “Am I wrong?”
“No.” He squeezed her hand in his.
In all of his life, he’d never had a relationship. It was occasionally done in the High Court that two faeries chose to entwine their lives, but no one had ever looked at Devlin that way. He was deemed inapproachable, too fearsome to want, as if they recognized that he was not truly of their court. I am the innocent in this. The thought amused him: only two faeries had existed before him, and yet he was inexperienced in relationships.
What does it matter? I cannot stay with her. I cannot have a relationship.
Devlin stared out the window as they crossed the landscape. If Ani survived, Devlin would return her to the Dark Court, to Irial and Niall’s care, to the Hounds. They were her court and family. And he would return to Faerie. That was the order of the world. An aberration of emotion wasn’t going to change logical order.
Focus on Ani’s situation.
He pushed his emotions back under layers of High Court control and began to think through what Ani had revealed. Somewhere in the details he’d find the answer; it was simple logic. He just needed to focus.
The reasons Bananach had were serious enough that her interest wouldn’t wane. Murdering Bananach would be catastrophic, and killing Ani was untenable. So where does that leave us? They couldn’t spend Ani’s life running, but he had no better plan.
Ani watched Devlin close her out. She felt the walls go up, and if not for his hand in hers, she’d wonder if she were alone in the car.
He’s frightened of you, her steed suggested.
Ani didn’t want to talk about that. Instead she thought, What do you think of Barry for a name?
There was silence.
It’s short for Barracuda. It can be male or female. She switched lanes again and accelerated.
I like it, the steed growled happily. It’s mine. I am Barry.
She smiled to herself. One problem resolved, a few more to go….
Unfortunately, the rest of the day was spent in silence. Eventually, Barry whispered, Sleep, Ani. I will drive.
The next four days and nights were spent in much the same way—brief stops for food, hours of silence, and fitful rest while Barry carried her farther and farther away from everyone she knew. They passed through the middle of the States, headed west to where there were wide-open parks, natural areas where camping and running were possible. They drove through every city or remotely steel-filled town they could, slowing their progress with mortal traffic, but hiding themselves more fully from faeries. If not for the threat behind them, it would be the start of a great trip. It still could be if he would let me in. She had found Devlin impossibly tempting when she’d met him, and her opinion of him had only gone up after fighting next to him. The revelations he’d shared made her like him, but the passion he hid—and revealed during fighting and running—made her want him.
But, as they traveled, Devlin kept his walls up. He spoke less and less, and when he did, it was polite but distant. The silence and distance in such close quarters was maddening. After their brief revelations, she hoped there was something happening between them, but his actions implied otherwise.
Late on what Ani thought was the sixth day of driving, she pulled into a motel parking lot. The building was surrounded by a thick steel fence; the balconies on the rooms each had steel rails; and the windows had steel safety bars. With the faery aversion to iron and, consequently, to steel, it was the ideal place for them to rest. As long as the building didn’t catch fire, they were safe from faery and mortal dangers.
“I’ll stay with Barry while you get a room.” Ani touched Devlin’s hand briefly, drawing him out of whatever contemplation he was in.
He looked at her in confusion. “What?”
She gestured to the humming lights that said vacancy and wondered if he’d ever stayed in a motel. Somehow, she doubted that this was what things looked like in Faerie. “A room. Do you have money or a credit card?”
“Yes, but…” Devlin frowned. “Barry?”
“My steed”—she ran a hand over the dash—“has been Named.”
