Raging Star
Page 12
You gotta stop this right now, I says. It don’t jest vex Molly, it unsettles all of us. You know she’s still mournin Ike. It’s only bin six months, fergawdsake. Show her some respect.
He’s silent, frownin.
Are you listenin to me? I says.
I gotta make her see, he says. What can I do?
Be a man, Creed, I says. Accept that she don’t want you an leave her alone. There’s too much at stake fer us to fall out. We gotta be able to depend on each other, stick tight together. Okay, I’m done here. I’ll git Emmi to bandage you, she’s got neat fingers.
I jest don’t unnerstand, he says.
I grab his knee an shake it hard. Molly ain’t fer you, I says. Accept it. Capeesh?
He looks at me. No, I mean, I was so sure, he says. That first time I seen her, my heart knew. It went … oh, it’s you, yer the one. How can that be wrong?
Yer heart, I says. More like yer britches.
I stand up an he does too. A storm brews in his grey-blue eyes. Yer really somethin, y’know that? he says. Depend on each other. Stick tight together. That’s rich, comin from you.
I start to hear the pound of war drums. What’s the problem? I says. Say what you mean an be done.
He raises his voice so all can hear. Yer the problem. That’s what I mean. We’re all thinkin it, he says. I’m th’only one’s got the guts to say it. What the hell was that, Saba? Back at the bridge? You, chasin that fuse? We should of bin long gone, safely away. Instead you nearly got us all killed.
You know why, I says. There was innocent people there. Slaves, like Mercy.
That’s their bad luck, he says. Whose side are you on? We’re yer people, not them.
I jest bin told what went down today, says Slim. He fixes me with his watery one-eyed pebble stare. Creed’s right, he says, we agreed the plan. Set the charge, blow the bridge an skedaddle. In an out, quick an clean.
Around the fire, every head’s turned to look at me now. Emmi’s wide-eyed worried, seated at Mercy’s feet.
Killin warn’t part of the plan, I says.
It’s called collateral damage, says Slim. Would you rather yer comrades got killt? You keep yer eye on the goal an you keep discipline an that includes you.
Sometimes you gotta change tactics, I says.
Agreed, he says. But that ain’t what you did. You change tactics fer two reasons. To win the goal or save yer crew. You’d already won the goal. What you did was risk yer crew. That’s a bad leader.
Ash says, I don’t git you, Saba. What about Darktrees? The Tonton slaughtered our friends while they slept. Forty lives. Free Hawks an Raiders. Have you fergot that? An Epona an Maev. Ike an Bram. They all died fer this fight. I’m sorry, but Creed’s right. Where’s yer loyalty?
I am loyal, I says. I ain’t fergot. Not Darktrees an not one of them you name. Far from it. But this ain’t about loyalty, I—
It is fer me, says Tommo. Loyalty.
But it’s different now, I says. Doncha see? Here in New Eden, I mean. There’s too many people caught between us an the Tonton. Innocent people.
We cain’t afford a weak leader, says Ash. Me an Creed bin down that road before, with Maev. An it leads to defeat an death. Yer strong. Certain. Single minded. You ain’t that bleedin heart we seen today. Gawdamnmit, yer the Angel of Death. Yer epic, Saba. That’s why we all lined up behind you.
Maybe you ain’t got the stummick fer this no more, says Creed.
I go cold still inside. Is that a challenge? I says.
He says, Be who we need or stand aside.
That’s enough, says Lugh. He rises to his feet from his place by the fire. He’s bin listenin all this time. What happened at the bridge was my fault, he says.
Everybody looks at him. Surprise on their faces. Puzzlement in their eyes.
How d’you figger that? says Creed.
I got spooked by them first two Tonton, Lugh says. I was unner the bridge with the blastpack. Saba ordered me not to move but I did. I slipped an fell an she came to save me. If it warn’t fer her an Tommo, I’d be dead. I defied a direct order from my commander. I’m the one who broke discipline. I put her an the rest of yuz at risk. If Saba did anythin wrong, it’s becuz I rattled her. She couldn’t depend on me. The blame fer today is mine entirely. I’m sorry. I let everybody down.
He’s said all of this lookin straight at me an no other. My throat’s tight.
After a moment, Slim says, Well, we got lucky this time. Nobody got killt. So, I say we accept Lugh’s apology an leave it at that. We learn, we move on. But we cain’t afford no more mistakes. Not from any of us. An that includes yer contact, Angel. Whoever they are, they gave us bad info. Not on purpose, I ain’t sayin that, but if things’re changin quick here, they gotta keep pace. Our lives depend on their intel. Now, I want you two—he waves at me an Creed—to shake hands, make yer peace.
As they all turn back to their meals an quiet chat, I hold my hand out to Creed. His eyes still hold a knife to my throat. Then he’s smilin an pullin me to him fer a quick one-armed hug, sayin, Sorry, you know I git assy sometimes. Thanks fer the stitches. I hear what you say about Molly.
An I wonder if I imagined that look in his eyes.
NIGHT SEVEN
IT’S THE TIME OF YEAR WHEN THE DARK CROWDS THE LIGHT earlier an earlier each day.
I nab Slim on his own the moment I can. When d’you think’s the blood moon? I says.
I don’t think, he says, I know. He looks at the moon, fatter than last night. Includin this one, he says, seven nights.
Could be eight though, I says. Or nine. You cain’t say fer certain.
I bin livin my life by that lady’s wax an wane goin on fifty year, he says. I know her faces an if I say it’s seven, it’s seven. Fer certain. He peers at me closely. What’s the fret about?
Nuthin, I says.
Tommo heads off to sit first watch, high atop Painted Rock. The rest of us gather around the fire. Me, to wait belly-tight with nerves. Fer the time to turn till I can leave to meet Jack at Irontree. No point goin early. He never appears before the time. I bin early to meet points more’n once an had to kick my heels while I waited fer him to show.
We settle in fer the evenin. With knees creakin, Slim grunts hisself into his slingchair to smoke a thoughtful pipe. Ash an Molly roll hemp twine fer bowstrings. Nero tucks in my coat fer a snooze while I dry my damp boots by the fire.
The waters might look calm, but I can feel it. Runnin jest below the surface. The sour current of dissent. Another mistake by me an it’ll rise agin. I don’t hold ’em to blame. I’d feel jest the same in their place.
We gotta hold together. Hold fast. I look at them, my family, my friends. The dance of flames chases shadows on their faces. Their familiar, unknown faces. This is old, what we do, in this old place here. It runs in the blood of time. People by a fire. With dark closin in all around them. DeMalo’s words circle an tighten my thoughts.
If you keep on, more people will die. Maybe even people you care about. Weigh your chances.
Weigh our chances. I cain’t git my thoughts straight. But I must. Right away. Seven nights. I need to talk to Jack. I try not to check the sky too often. Try not to show how antsy I am.
Lugh an me sit close together on a log, thigh to thigh. He nudges me. Got a meet tonight, huh? he whispers. I look at him. You keep checkin the sky, he says.
He’s silent, frownin.
Are you listenin to me? I says.
I gotta make her see, he says. What can I do?
Be a man, Creed, I says. Accept that she don’t want you an leave her alone. There’s too much at stake fer us to fall out. We gotta be able to depend on each other, stick tight together. Okay, I’m done here. I’ll git Emmi to bandage you, she’s got neat fingers.
I jest don’t unnerstand, he says.
I grab his knee an shake it hard. Molly ain’t fer you, I says. Accept it. Capeesh?
He looks at me. No, I mean, I was so sure, he says. That first time I seen her, my heart knew. It went … oh, it’s you, yer the one. How can that be wrong?
Yer heart, I says. More like yer britches.
I stand up an he does too. A storm brews in his grey-blue eyes. Yer really somethin, y’know that? he says. Depend on each other. Stick tight together. That’s rich, comin from you.
I start to hear the pound of war drums. What’s the problem? I says. Say what you mean an be done.
He raises his voice so all can hear. Yer the problem. That’s what I mean. We’re all thinkin it, he says. I’m th’only one’s got the guts to say it. What the hell was that, Saba? Back at the bridge? You, chasin that fuse? We should of bin long gone, safely away. Instead you nearly got us all killed.
You know why, I says. There was innocent people there. Slaves, like Mercy.
That’s their bad luck, he says. Whose side are you on? We’re yer people, not them.
I jest bin told what went down today, says Slim. He fixes me with his watery one-eyed pebble stare. Creed’s right, he says, we agreed the plan. Set the charge, blow the bridge an skedaddle. In an out, quick an clean.
Around the fire, every head’s turned to look at me now. Emmi’s wide-eyed worried, seated at Mercy’s feet.
Killin warn’t part of the plan, I says.
It’s called collateral damage, says Slim. Would you rather yer comrades got killt? You keep yer eye on the goal an you keep discipline an that includes you.
Sometimes you gotta change tactics, I says.
Agreed, he says. But that ain’t what you did. You change tactics fer two reasons. To win the goal or save yer crew. You’d already won the goal. What you did was risk yer crew. That’s a bad leader.
Ash says, I don’t git you, Saba. What about Darktrees? The Tonton slaughtered our friends while they slept. Forty lives. Free Hawks an Raiders. Have you fergot that? An Epona an Maev. Ike an Bram. They all died fer this fight. I’m sorry, but Creed’s right. Where’s yer loyalty?
I am loyal, I says. I ain’t fergot. Not Darktrees an not one of them you name. Far from it. But this ain’t about loyalty, I—
It is fer me, says Tommo. Loyalty.
But it’s different now, I says. Doncha see? Here in New Eden, I mean. There’s too many people caught between us an the Tonton. Innocent people.
We cain’t afford a weak leader, says Ash. Me an Creed bin down that road before, with Maev. An it leads to defeat an death. Yer strong. Certain. Single minded. You ain’t that bleedin heart we seen today. Gawdamnmit, yer the Angel of Death. Yer epic, Saba. That’s why we all lined up behind you.
Maybe you ain’t got the stummick fer this no more, says Creed.
I go cold still inside. Is that a challenge? I says.
He says, Be who we need or stand aside.
That’s enough, says Lugh. He rises to his feet from his place by the fire. He’s bin listenin all this time. What happened at the bridge was my fault, he says.
Everybody looks at him. Surprise on their faces. Puzzlement in their eyes.
How d’you figger that? says Creed.
I got spooked by them first two Tonton, Lugh says. I was unner the bridge with the blastpack. Saba ordered me not to move but I did. I slipped an fell an she came to save me. If it warn’t fer her an Tommo, I’d be dead. I defied a direct order from my commander. I’m the one who broke discipline. I put her an the rest of yuz at risk. If Saba did anythin wrong, it’s becuz I rattled her. She couldn’t depend on me. The blame fer today is mine entirely. I’m sorry. I let everybody down.
He’s said all of this lookin straight at me an no other. My throat’s tight.
After a moment, Slim says, Well, we got lucky this time. Nobody got killt. So, I say we accept Lugh’s apology an leave it at that. We learn, we move on. But we cain’t afford no more mistakes. Not from any of us. An that includes yer contact, Angel. Whoever they are, they gave us bad info. Not on purpose, I ain’t sayin that, but if things’re changin quick here, they gotta keep pace. Our lives depend on their intel. Now, I want you two—he waves at me an Creed—to shake hands, make yer peace.
As they all turn back to their meals an quiet chat, I hold my hand out to Creed. His eyes still hold a knife to my throat. Then he’s smilin an pullin me to him fer a quick one-armed hug, sayin, Sorry, you know I git assy sometimes. Thanks fer the stitches. I hear what you say about Molly.
An I wonder if I imagined that look in his eyes.
NIGHT SEVEN
IT’S THE TIME OF YEAR WHEN THE DARK CROWDS THE LIGHT earlier an earlier each day.
I nab Slim on his own the moment I can. When d’you think’s the blood moon? I says.
I don’t think, he says, I know. He looks at the moon, fatter than last night. Includin this one, he says, seven nights.
Could be eight though, I says. Or nine. You cain’t say fer certain.
I bin livin my life by that lady’s wax an wane goin on fifty year, he says. I know her faces an if I say it’s seven, it’s seven. Fer certain. He peers at me closely. What’s the fret about?
Nuthin, I says.
Tommo heads off to sit first watch, high atop Painted Rock. The rest of us gather around the fire. Me, to wait belly-tight with nerves. Fer the time to turn till I can leave to meet Jack at Irontree. No point goin early. He never appears before the time. I bin early to meet points more’n once an had to kick my heels while I waited fer him to show.
We settle in fer the evenin. With knees creakin, Slim grunts hisself into his slingchair to smoke a thoughtful pipe. Ash an Molly roll hemp twine fer bowstrings. Nero tucks in my coat fer a snooze while I dry my damp boots by the fire.
The waters might look calm, but I can feel it. Runnin jest below the surface. The sour current of dissent. Another mistake by me an it’ll rise agin. I don’t hold ’em to blame. I’d feel jest the same in their place.
We gotta hold together. Hold fast. I look at them, my family, my friends. The dance of flames chases shadows on their faces. Their familiar, unknown faces. This is old, what we do, in this old place here. It runs in the blood of time. People by a fire. With dark closin in all around them. DeMalo’s words circle an tighten my thoughts.
If you keep on, more people will die. Maybe even people you care about. Weigh your chances.
Weigh our chances. I cain’t git my thoughts straight. But I must. Right away. Seven nights. I need to talk to Jack. I try not to check the sky too often. Try not to show how antsy I am.
Lugh an me sit close together on a log, thigh to thigh. He nudges me. Got a meet tonight, huh? he whispers. I look at him. You keep checkin the sky, he says.
