Rare and Precious Things
Page 54
I held my breath as Neil explained the “why” for so many of my questions. Things Ethan just couldn’t talk about. I now understood why, and it just shredded my heart for him, and what he had to suffer. “No wonder he has angel wings on his back,” I whispered.
“Yeah.” Neil gave the chicken another stir and told me the rest. “Mike’s torture and execution was brutal, and I know Ethan feels tremendous loss and guilt. He believes because it was his call as commander, that he put them all into danger, and as a result of his decision, five young men lost their lives.”
“But it was war. How can what happened be his fault?” I ached for Ethan even worse than before, and wanted nothing more than to have my arms around him, and his chest, with its fiercely brave and beautiful heart, beating up against mine.
“War is f**ked no matter how you look at it. What happened to their team was indescribable really. They were lured in by a dead mother with her throat slit in the middle of the road, and with her hysterically crying son clinging to her body. He was no more than three years old. Hours of this went on and the comms kept coming in. Ethan wanted to go in and get the boy. And after many hours of haggling back and forth, he was finally given the go-ahead. But it was all a trap. The Taliban used a woman and child as decoys to take out a whole squad of elite soldiers—sympathetic Westerners, who would never conceive of such treatment to anyone or anything. It worked. Ethan went in, grabbed the boy, but he was shot and killed just seconds later, while still in E’s arms. A firefight ensued and at the end of it, two innocent civilians were slaughtered, four of our own were dead, and Mike and E were captives.”
“Oh, my God…”
I didn’t even have words for Neil. What could I even say to him? Were there even words to be said? No…no words could make that story feel any better, no matter how many years passed. I rubbed my belly and thought of Ethan, and how much I loved him. He was so much more than I ever could have known when we first met. He was a true hero in every sense of the word, who had served honorably and suffered because of that service.
“Thank you for telling me, Neil, it h-helps me to…know.”
And it really did help me, but knowing the truth was horrifying, too. I felt sick, and knew I couldn’t eat the food I’d just been preparing with Neil. How did any of them eat anything ever again, when faced with the memories of wartime experiences I’d just heard? I knew how Ethan’s mind worked, and I could honestly see him feeling the burden of terrible guilt over all of the deaths…how he suffered when he relived the events in dreams.
“I just love him so much. I’d do anything to be able to help him,” I said finally.
“But you do, Brynne. Your love has helped him already, more than any other thing.”
WHEN I was awakened early the next morning from a sound sleep in my lonely bed, I was startled. When I realized Elaina had let herself into the flat to wake me, I knew something bad had happened. When I caught a glimpse of Neil hovering in the doorway, I started crying and gripped my chest. When I heard words saying that something had happened to Ethan, I screamed.
I screamed at them both and begged them not to tell me.
Switzerland
NEON green burned into my eyes. What the f**kin’ hell? I tried to push whatever it was out of my face, but it wouldn’t budge.
“Ethan…oh, f**k, man. It just took us some time to find you.”
“What?” I tried to focus, but the sun was shining down, and the light too f**king bright. All I could see was glare and flaming electric green—the colour reminded me of Christian’s jacket as he swept down the mountain ahead of me, right before the—
“Is that you, Christian? You’re all right,” I babbled, “that’s good.” I was so relieved he’d survived I could’ve kissed the little shit, if I could even feel my face. The King still had his heir. Thank f**k. “Tell me, I want to know…did the other lads make it?”
“Yes! We made it, and you did too, Ethan.”
Had I? Didn’t feel like it at all. “But I’m up here on this mountain, and I can’t walk—my leg is f**ked up.” I was glad Christian and the boys were okay, but I didn’t see how I would get out of this mess intact, especially if it didn’t happen soon. I was in very poor shape, and I knew it. I couldn’t really see Christian’s face, everything was blurry, and I was tired…so tired.
“I know,” he said, before setting something hard against my lips. “Drink this. It’ll help you.”
I sucked in some liquid but couldn’t tell what it was. I couldn’t feel much, only exhaustion. Then I remembered what I needed to do. More important than anything. I pushed the drink away. “But…do you have a mobile on you, Christian? Mine’s been lost. I have to tell…my wife—I need to give her—a message—”
“Hang on, Ethan, they’re coming to get you. You’re gonna be okay, man.”
“No—I need to call Brynne. Now!” I desperately needed to make him understand.
“There’s no cellular. It won’t go to her.”
“That’s okay…it’ll send once you get in range of service. Voice text—will—work…” I tried to reach for him to make him understand. “Help me, please.”
“Okay, Ethan, okay. What’s her number?”
I said the numbers carefully because I didn’t want to make a mistake. This was so important, and I couldn’t f**k this up. “Now, set it for voice…and let me talk.”
Christian put the thing in my hand, which was hard to grip through the gloves, but he helped me to hold it and told me when to start speaking.
“Brynne, baby…I don’t want you to be scared or sad, okay? I love you, and I’m happy right now. Very, very happy…because I got to be with you…and love you. I’ll still be here, just loving you from another place, and our little Laurel-Thomas, too.” I struggled to keep it together to finish my message, but it was so hard saying goodbye. How was it even possible I had to do such a thing? But yet, I needed to tell her. Nothing was going to stop me. “…you made me real, my beauty, and I love you for that, and I always will…until the end of time.”
There. I’d managed it. She would hear from me one last time, and know…my truth.
“Yeah.” Neil gave the chicken another stir and told me the rest. “Mike’s torture and execution was brutal, and I know Ethan feels tremendous loss and guilt. He believes because it was his call as commander, that he put them all into danger, and as a result of his decision, five young men lost their lives.”
“But it was war. How can what happened be his fault?” I ached for Ethan even worse than before, and wanted nothing more than to have my arms around him, and his chest, with its fiercely brave and beautiful heart, beating up against mine.
“War is f**ked no matter how you look at it. What happened to their team was indescribable really. They were lured in by a dead mother with her throat slit in the middle of the road, and with her hysterically crying son clinging to her body. He was no more than three years old. Hours of this went on and the comms kept coming in. Ethan wanted to go in and get the boy. And after many hours of haggling back and forth, he was finally given the go-ahead. But it was all a trap. The Taliban used a woman and child as decoys to take out a whole squad of elite soldiers—sympathetic Westerners, who would never conceive of such treatment to anyone or anything. It worked. Ethan went in, grabbed the boy, but he was shot and killed just seconds later, while still in E’s arms. A firefight ensued and at the end of it, two innocent civilians were slaughtered, four of our own were dead, and Mike and E were captives.”
“Oh, my God…”
I didn’t even have words for Neil. What could I even say to him? Were there even words to be said? No…no words could make that story feel any better, no matter how many years passed. I rubbed my belly and thought of Ethan, and how much I loved him. He was so much more than I ever could have known when we first met. He was a true hero in every sense of the word, who had served honorably and suffered because of that service.
“Thank you for telling me, Neil, it h-helps me to…know.”
And it really did help me, but knowing the truth was horrifying, too. I felt sick, and knew I couldn’t eat the food I’d just been preparing with Neil. How did any of them eat anything ever again, when faced with the memories of wartime experiences I’d just heard? I knew how Ethan’s mind worked, and I could honestly see him feeling the burden of terrible guilt over all of the deaths…how he suffered when he relived the events in dreams.
“I just love him so much. I’d do anything to be able to help him,” I said finally.
“But you do, Brynne. Your love has helped him already, more than any other thing.”
WHEN I was awakened early the next morning from a sound sleep in my lonely bed, I was startled. When I realized Elaina had let herself into the flat to wake me, I knew something bad had happened. When I caught a glimpse of Neil hovering in the doorway, I started crying and gripped my chest. When I heard words saying that something had happened to Ethan, I screamed.
I screamed at them both and begged them not to tell me.
Switzerland
NEON green burned into my eyes. What the f**kin’ hell? I tried to push whatever it was out of my face, but it wouldn’t budge.
“Ethan…oh, f**k, man. It just took us some time to find you.”
“What?” I tried to focus, but the sun was shining down, and the light too f**king bright. All I could see was glare and flaming electric green—the colour reminded me of Christian’s jacket as he swept down the mountain ahead of me, right before the—
“Is that you, Christian? You’re all right,” I babbled, “that’s good.” I was so relieved he’d survived I could’ve kissed the little shit, if I could even feel my face. The King still had his heir. Thank f**k. “Tell me, I want to know…did the other lads make it?”
“Yes! We made it, and you did too, Ethan.”
Had I? Didn’t feel like it at all. “But I’m up here on this mountain, and I can’t walk—my leg is f**ked up.” I was glad Christian and the boys were okay, but I didn’t see how I would get out of this mess intact, especially if it didn’t happen soon. I was in very poor shape, and I knew it. I couldn’t really see Christian’s face, everything was blurry, and I was tired…so tired.
“I know,” he said, before setting something hard against my lips. “Drink this. It’ll help you.”
I sucked in some liquid but couldn’t tell what it was. I couldn’t feel much, only exhaustion. Then I remembered what I needed to do. More important than anything. I pushed the drink away. “But…do you have a mobile on you, Christian? Mine’s been lost. I have to tell…my wife—I need to give her—a message—”
“Hang on, Ethan, they’re coming to get you. You’re gonna be okay, man.”
“No—I need to call Brynne. Now!” I desperately needed to make him understand.
“There’s no cellular. It won’t go to her.”
“That’s okay…it’ll send once you get in range of service. Voice text—will—work…” I tried to reach for him to make him understand. “Help me, please.”
“Okay, Ethan, okay. What’s her number?”
I said the numbers carefully because I didn’t want to make a mistake. This was so important, and I couldn’t f**k this up. “Now, set it for voice…and let me talk.”
Christian put the thing in my hand, which was hard to grip through the gloves, but he helped me to hold it and told me when to start speaking.
“Brynne, baby…I don’t want you to be scared or sad, okay? I love you, and I’m happy right now. Very, very happy…because I got to be with you…and love you. I’ll still be here, just loving you from another place, and our little Laurel-Thomas, too.” I struggled to keep it together to finish my message, but it was so hard saying goodbye. How was it even possible I had to do such a thing? But yet, I needed to tell her. Nothing was going to stop me. “…you made me real, my beauty, and I love you for that, and I always will…until the end of time.”
There. I’d managed it. She would hear from me one last time, and know…my truth.
