Raze
Page 59
*****
“We would hold hands,” I said, my vision snapping back into focus, almost like I had no control of the memories rushing into my mind like a waterfall. “You would read to me. I would hold your hand and you would read to me.”
Kisa nodded frantically and tears slipped out of the sides of her eyes onto the blanket. Her left hand raked through my hair, and my eyes squeezed shut, more images almost drowning me…
“I love your hair, Luka… It looks like gold and feels like silk,” Kisa’s young self had said as I lay on the grass in a park.
“Mmm… don’t stop. I love it when you play with my hair.”
I gasped at the images in my head, and concentrated on feeling her hand in mine. “You would stroke my hair in the park,” I said, my voice increasing in both volume and speed as more memories came racing back.
“Yes.” Kisa sobbed, her bottom lip trembling, but her blue eyes shone like she wanted more and more. “Yes, I would.”
*****
“Kisa, quickly, follow me. Father Kruschev isn’t looking!” I took Kisa’s hand and we ran out of the church onto the steps, where I pulled Kisa to my lap and pulled her in for a kiss.
“Mmm… Luka.” Kisa moaned and gripped the collar of my shirt.
“I fucking hate church, it’s boring,” I whispered against her mouth, and Kisa pulled away, laughing at my confession.
“You can’t say that! God is watching!” Kisa hissed, and I tucked my head into her neck, just breathing her in.
“Nah, he’s already given me you. He obviously loves me enough to give me a free pass to sneak out of the service and kiss my girl.”
Kisa pulled me to face her, and I could see how much I meant to her in that one look. “Luka…” She trailed off and pushed her lips against mine. “Then he loves me enough too, because he knew I could only ever want you.”
*****
“Church,” I choked out, my straining arms holding me above Kisa, now beginning to shake. “Us on the steps.”
“Yes! Yes, Raze! More, please remember more,” Kisa begged, and I closed my eyes again…
*****
“Luka…” Kisa whispered, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Kisa,” I said back, then looked at her wet lips. I blurted, “I want to kiss you now.”
“But I’ve… I’ve never been kissed before,” Kisa said, blushing, and I lost my breath at how beautiful she was, giving her a smile.
“Me neither.”
Shock spread on her face. “You haven’t?”
“Who else would I have kissed?” I said, pissed that she’d think any other girl would ever matter to me.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. You have a lot of girls at church following you around.”
I laughed and shook my head. Squeezing her shoulders, I leaned down and rasped, “But none of them are you.” I pointed to my left eye, the one that had a smudge of blue in the iris. “We match. Why would I want anyone else? There was only one girl made for me.”
*****
“We kissed,” I recollected and looking down, ran my hand through the sand. “Here,” I said in shock. “We had our first kiss here, on this spot.”
Kisa’s happy laugh mixed with her crying and she pulled me to her lips, her mouth wet and salty with her tears. Her hands were tight in my hair, and I cupped her face, not wanting to let her go, as her thighs wrapped around my waist.
Retracting her lips an inch from mine, she asked, “What else, Raze? What else did we do here? Can you… can you remember? Please… let yourself remember…”
*****
Dipping my head, I pressed my lips against hers and she moaned into my mouth, her hand lifting to slip around the back of my neck.
The kiss grew deeper, and I broke away to shift Kisa down to the sand. I crawled on top of her, feeling her warm body underneath mine.
It didn’t take long to lose control, and I broke from the Kisa’s mouth on a gasp. Her lips were swollen and her hands gripped my neck, trying to pull me back down.
“Kisa-Anna,” I said and pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. “We have to stop. I can’t… We can’t… I need to stop…”
Her blue eyes dropped and she turned her head to the side, staring at the moon. I lowered my head to her shoulder, trying to get myself under control, breathing through the tingling in my stomach.
Kisa’s hands rested on my cheeks and she pushed on my face until I lifted my head and stared into her eyes. “Luka,” she whispered, “I want to do this with you.”
My eyes widened and my heart beat hard in my chest. “Kisa, are… are you sure?”
Kisa nodded shyly. “Can I have you?” she asked.
Feeling like my heart exploded in my chest, I said, “Yes,” and I pressed my lips back to hers.
Later that night, Kisa lay in my warm arms, and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her face. “I love you, Kisa,” I confessed, and she turned to me and dipped her eyes, overcome with a sudden rush of shyness.
“I love you too. I’m glad you were my first.”
“And last,” I promised and wrapped her tighter in my arms, both naked under the modest cover of my sweatshirt.
“I can’t imagine ever sharing this with anyone else… ever…” Kisa said on a sigh.
I couldn’t have agreed more.
*****
“We would hold hands,” I said, my vision snapping back into focus, almost like I had no control of the memories rushing into my mind like a waterfall. “You would read to me. I would hold your hand and you would read to me.”
Kisa nodded frantically and tears slipped out of the sides of her eyes onto the blanket. Her left hand raked through my hair, and my eyes squeezed shut, more images almost drowning me…
“I love your hair, Luka… It looks like gold and feels like silk,” Kisa’s young self had said as I lay on the grass in a park.
“Mmm… don’t stop. I love it when you play with my hair.”
I gasped at the images in my head, and concentrated on feeling her hand in mine. “You would stroke my hair in the park,” I said, my voice increasing in both volume and speed as more memories came racing back.
“Yes.” Kisa sobbed, her bottom lip trembling, but her blue eyes shone like she wanted more and more. “Yes, I would.”
*****
“Kisa, quickly, follow me. Father Kruschev isn’t looking!” I took Kisa’s hand and we ran out of the church onto the steps, where I pulled Kisa to my lap and pulled her in for a kiss.
“Mmm… Luka.” Kisa moaned and gripped the collar of my shirt.
“I fucking hate church, it’s boring,” I whispered against her mouth, and Kisa pulled away, laughing at my confession.
“You can’t say that! God is watching!” Kisa hissed, and I tucked my head into her neck, just breathing her in.
“Nah, he’s already given me you. He obviously loves me enough to give me a free pass to sneak out of the service and kiss my girl.”
Kisa pulled me to face her, and I could see how much I meant to her in that one look. “Luka…” She trailed off and pushed her lips against mine. “Then he loves me enough too, because he knew I could only ever want you.”
*****
“Church,” I choked out, my straining arms holding me above Kisa, now beginning to shake. “Us on the steps.”
“Yes! Yes, Raze! More, please remember more,” Kisa begged, and I closed my eyes again…
*****
“Luka…” Kisa whispered, and I couldn’t help but smile.
“Kisa,” I said back, then looked at her wet lips. I blurted, “I want to kiss you now.”
“But I’ve… I’ve never been kissed before,” Kisa said, blushing, and I lost my breath at how beautiful she was, giving her a smile.
“Me neither.”
Shock spread on her face. “You haven’t?”
“Who else would I have kissed?” I said, pissed that she’d think any other girl would ever matter to me.
She shrugged. “I don’t know. You have a lot of girls at church following you around.”
I laughed and shook my head. Squeezing her shoulders, I leaned down and rasped, “But none of them are you.” I pointed to my left eye, the one that had a smudge of blue in the iris. “We match. Why would I want anyone else? There was only one girl made for me.”
*****
“We kissed,” I recollected and looking down, ran my hand through the sand. “Here,” I said in shock. “We had our first kiss here, on this spot.”
Kisa’s happy laugh mixed with her crying and she pulled me to her lips, her mouth wet and salty with her tears. Her hands were tight in my hair, and I cupped her face, not wanting to let her go, as her thighs wrapped around my waist.
Retracting her lips an inch from mine, she asked, “What else, Raze? What else did we do here? Can you… can you remember? Please… let yourself remember…”
*****
Dipping my head, I pressed my lips against hers and she moaned into my mouth, her hand lifting to slip around the back of my neck.
The kiss grew deeper, and I broke away to shift Kisa down to the sand. I crawled on top of her, feeling her warm body underneath mine.
It didn’t take long to lose control, and I broke from the Kisa’s mouth on a gasp. Her lips were swollen and her hands gripped my neck, trying to pull me back down.
“Kisa-Anna,” I said and pressed a kiss to the side of her neck. “We have to stop. I can’t… We can’t… I need to stop…”
Her blue eyes dropped and she turned her head to the side, staring at the moon. I lowered my head to her shoulder, trying to get myself under control, breathing through the tingling in my stomach.
Kisa’s hands rested on my cheeks and she pushed on my face until I lifted my head and stared into her eyes. “Luka,” she whispered, “I want to do this with you.”
My eyes widened and my heart beat hard in my chest. “Kisa, are… are you sure?”
Kisa nodded shyly. “Can I have you?” she asked.
Feeling like my heart exploded in my chest, I said, “Yes,” and I pressed my lips back to hers.
Later that night, Kisa lay in my warm arms, and I couldn’t stop myself from kissing her face. “I love you, Kisa,” I confessed, and she turned to me and dipped her eyes, overcome with a sudden rush of shyness.
“I love you too. I’m glad you were my first.”
“And last,” I promised and wrapped her tighter in my arms, both naked under the modest cover of my sweatshirt.
“I can’t imagine ever sharing this with anyone else… ever…” Kisa said on a sigh.
I couldn’t have agreed more.
*****
