Real Vampires Hate Their Thighs

Page 21

“Doubt it.” Valdez snorted. “Okay, maybe one of those little electric Smart cars but not a—”
“Quiet or you both can take this discussion outside in the hall. Are we clear?” I stared at them till I got two nods. Finally. I was desperate to hear an alternative. I’d lied when I’d offered to hug the toilet every night. Not going to happen.
“You need to rev your own metabolism. Exercise helps. Not just running, but lifting weights.” Ian smiled. “And working out with a trainer on the areas where you want to get slim. Toning.”
I felt my stomach roll and it wasn’t the potion this time. Exercise. I’d always enjoyed the idea that while mere mortals toiled in gyms, I didn’t have to. Sure I was stuck, but, hey, I was stuck! So there was absolutely no point in ever lifting a weight or stepping on a treadmill. And I’d seen those poor women sweating and panting. That equipment they used looked like it was meant to extract information from a reluctant informer.
“Seriously? You want me to work out? With a trainer?”
“They have them at the hotel.” Valdez was being helpful for a change. He probably figured a little suffering in the gym was much safer than drinking unknown elixirs from a MacDonald.
“It’s worth a try, Glory. Do it when you get back.” Flo grabbed my arm and practically dragged me to the door. I let her because I was ready to go. “Richard is waiting and getting very impatient. You have the things he wanted, MacDonald?”
“Yes.” Ian followed us to the door. “But look what’s happened to Glory here. Five pounds in two nights. Sorry, Florence, but you’ve got plenty of proof right in front of you.”
I kept my mouth shut. Yes, my jeans were loose. But I still couldn’t believe they’d stay that way. I took a bottle of the bedtime supplement from Ian and promised to drink it before I went to sleep. Promised too to hook up with a trainer when we got back to the hotel and put in at least an hour of exercise before lights-out.
Richard studied the papers Ian handed him. “These men and women all seem to live pretty far away. No one is closer?”
“Not that I’m aware. But call them. Check. I’m sure you’ll be satisfied that I’m not scamming anyone.” Ian smiled at me. “Just helping vampire dreams come true.”
“Dreams.” I cradled the bottle against me. “I’d be thrilled to have dreams if they were pleasant ones. It would make me feel mortal again. Not like I’m dead to the world during the day.”
“Get a clue, Glory. A vampire is dead during daylight. That’s why I’m around then. This dream stuff doesn’t make sense. I’ve watched you lie there all day.” Valdez looked at Flo and then Richard. “You guys don’t breathe, don’t move, don’t freakin’ live. The miracle is the way you come to life as soon as the sun slips below the horizon.”
Ian sighed. “A pity too. That’s why I had to do something about it. So much wasted time.”
“What the hell are you talking about?” Richard’s gaze sharpened.
“A daylight drug, of course.” Ian smiled at me. “I told Mr. Caine all about it. He’s anxious to try it.”
“Over my undead body.” I got in Ian’s face. “Don’t you dare try one of your weirdo supplements on Ray, Ian.” I had felt poisoned, but at least I’d been safely inside at night.
“Why, Glory, you were a believer a minute ago.” Ian’s attitude could only be called patronizing.
I was ready to smack him, but Richard got there first. He stepped between us.
“Does the Los Angeles Council know you’re experimenting with this?” Richard’s voice was hard.
“Experimenting? What makes you think it’s not the real deal?” Ian didn’t look a bit intimidated. He had guts. I sure wouldn’t want to face off against Richard.
“I’ve had too much experience with daylight claims over the years.” Richard didn’t bother to mask his contempt. “Those vampires duped into buying into those claims paid with their immortality, MacDonald. Why should we believe you?”
“Look.” Ian picked up the remote and hit a button. The TV over the fireplace came to life and there he was on the big screen, standing under a cabana on the beach in front of his house. In broad daylight. The sun reflected off the water and Ian was wearing sunglasses.
Flo and I gasped and I fell onto the couch. No way. No vampire that I’d ever heard of had managed to stay out during the day. As Valdez had said, we couldn’t even keep our eyes open.
“Good morning, vampire friends and colleagues.” Ian on the television spoke. “Yes, you’re seeing me out in broad daylight. I’m actually going to have to invest in some sunscreen.” He laughed and held out his arms. He had on a blue and yellow Hawaiian-print short-sleeve shirt and looked like a sunburned tourist on an island vacation. “Can you believe it? After years of research, trial and a few regrettable errors . . .” He bowed his head as if for a moment of silent prayer.
“Well, I’ve done it. Created the miracle you’ve all been waiting for. With my special formula you too can experience the joys of watching the sun shine.” He laughed again and turned to gaze out at the ocean sparkling in the sunlight. One of his surfers caught a wave and rode it in. “By God, I’ve missed this. But no more. Want to join me? Go to my Web site for details on how you too can be alive during the day again.” He waved to the camera and the screen went dark.
Flo and I sighed and looked at each other.
Valdez and Richard looked at each other too, but cynicism was their expression of the evening.
“Nice use of Photoshop, MacDonald. Do it yourself or hire it done?” Richard pulled Flo to his side.
“It’s not faked, Mainwaring. I can get you testimonials about it too.” Ian just smiled. “Or you can wait and ask your friend Caine after he tries it. Notice I didn’t let the sun’s rays hit me. They can still damage a vampire with fatal consequences. I’ll warn Caine about that.”
I jumped up and grabbed his arm. “I told you, Ian, leave Ray alone. He’s a new vampire. My new vampire. I don’t want him involved with something so dangerous.”
“You can’t tell a man what to do, Glory. And Caine’s got the money to pay. I told you, it’s not experimental. It works. He’ll go for it. All he needs is a chance to think about it.” Ian winced when I dug my nails into his arm.
I didn’t want to blow my chance to lose weight, but this was important. “At least promise you won’t go around me on this. I have to be here when you make the deal with Ray. Understand?”
“I understand that you’ll try to talk him out of it.” Ian patted my hand. “Good luck. He’s really keen on the idea.”
“Let’s get out of here, Glory.” Valdez paced around us. “You’ve told him what you think. Enough already.”
“He’s right about one thing, my friend.” Flo looked up at Richard. “You can’t tell a man what to do. You can only let him know how you feel and hope he respects that.”
“Unfortunately, Florence is right.” Richard glanced outside. “I’ll see you all later. Now I’m going to follow up on some things.” He stuck the papers inside his waistband, covered them with his sweater and stepped out onto the deck. The surfers there came to immediate attention. Richard didn’t spare them a glance, just shifted into bird form and flew off.
“Well, there he goes.” Flo smiled proudly. “He’ll get to the bottom of this.” She turned to Ian. “So if you have any secrets, MacDonald, be prepared to see them dragged out and kicked around.”
I followed Flo down to the limo, still clutching my bottle of supplement. At least Ian hadn’t asked for it back. But I’d rather forget the whole weight-loss thing than stand by and let Ray fry in a botched quest for sunshine.
That deal had to be bogus. And if it wasn’t? No use for me to daydream about it. It would cost the earth and be available only to the elite, very rich vampires. That left me out. It was one thing to let Ray pay for weight loss. I was going to look good on his arm for the Grammys. The tabloids would have a field day when I showed up skinnier in my designer dress. The thought made me smile as we settled in the backseat, Valdez beside us.
“Why are you smiling, Glory? I don’t trust this Ian MacDonald. I couldn’t read his mind.” Flo grabbed the bottle and unscrewed the cap. She sniffed. “Stuff smells good, though.”
“So he blocks his thoughts.” I snatched the potion back and carefully replaced the top. “You and Richard always do too. Does that make you villains?”
“No, just be careful around him.” Flo shook her head. “I wonder . . . His weight-loss thing is working for you. Could Ian really have something that keeps a vampire awake during the day?”
“I don’t know. But I do know the weight-loss thing isn’t going like he promised. And fooling around with the sun can be fatal.” I shuddered, imagining Ray taking a chance like that.
“Richard obviously doesn’t believe it’s possible.” Flo sighed. “Let’s move on. Tell me about your reality show. You met the designers?”
I filled her in and we spent the rest of the ride back to the hotel talking dresses and speculating about what they would look like. By the time we pulled up to the curb, Valdez had almost nodded off.
“If your dress is beautiful, maybe we can get the winning designer to make the bridesmaid dresses for my wedding.” Flo frowned when Valdez groaned.
“I thought that was settled. I love the dresses you picked.” And had spent many nights suffering through Flo’s bridezilla act as she’d planned her March wedding. I’d hoped this was a done deal. She and Richard had already gone through a ceremony, but Flo wanted a “real” wedding—translation: an enormous, expensive vampire blowout. Her brother Damian was hosting and had agreed that he would make sure the event made a royal wedding look like it had been done on a shoestring. As Flo’s best friend and maid of honor, it was my job just to be supportive no matter how crazy she became.