Reasons Not To Fall In Love
Page 11
The test felt like it weighed a hundred pounds. I couldn’t force myself to look at it and see the result. I couldn’t speak. I could barely breathe. I felt kind of numb, like I couldn’t quite focus on the matter in hand. I had no clue what I felt at this exact moment. I was just sitting there with my heart in my throat, waiting for that little white stick to tell me what my future was. That little white stick had the power to change my life completely, and I actually wasn’t sure what I wanted it to say.
I flicked my eyes up to Theo for support. He smiled as if he knew what I was thinking and took it out of my hand, turning it over and reading it. He sighed deeply and his eyes met mine.
“It’s positive,” he confirmed.
Oh God.
~
Harrison ~
“Seriously, just come out and get drunk tonight,” Steven whined for the hundredth time. “You’ve been working too hard lately, you need to unwind.”
I sighed and closed my eyes, contemplating just going because I couldn’t argue about this any more. I was too damn tired to be putting up with all of this crap right now. It was only lunchtime, but I knew I was nowhere near done with my day’s to-do list. No doubt I would be taking work home with me again tonight, and drafting up ideas for the new ad campaign well into the night. My eyes stung with tiredness, and what I really wanted to do tonight was catch an early night, not have a drink to unwind. Even if I did have the energy to go out, drinking and scouting for girls I could take home with me had lost its appeal lately. Everything was different now. Even the girls that I usually fell all over and had a good time with, just couldn’t hold my attention at the moment.
A certain little brunette with low confidence had left her mark on me, and I couldn’t get the damn girl out of my mind no matter how hard I tried.
“Steve, I haven’t got the energy,” I replied, shrugging.
He pouted, actually pouted at me like a child. “Come on, the girl I’m out with has a friend…” he persuaded.
I shook my head forcefully. “Not tonight. Tomorrow night, maybe.”
He groaned in frustration but luckily I pulled up outside his office then, so he had to get out. He shot me an accusing look as he pulled out his mobile phone and started trying to call round to see if someone would double date with him tonight so he could score with the exotic dancer he was lusting after.
Once on my own, I turned up the music and drove towards my office. Today had already been a long, hard day filled with meetings, stuck-up company CEOs and disgruntled graphic designers – and it was only half over. This afternoon would be filled with the same bullshit, I was sure of it.
Slipping my car into my allocated space in the underground car park, I pushed myself out and stalked into the building that was home to several companies, including Baxter and Hanklin Consultancies. My offices, comprising of twenty-three employees in total, were on the fifth floor. As I stepped out of the lift on my floor and walked through the open plan office, a polite smile was plastered on my lips as a couple of the girls greeted me and asked me if I’d had an enjoyable lunch with my friend. Not wanting to get drawn into a long conversation with anyone, I excused myself quickly and made my way to my office at the end of the hall.
As I stepped over the threshold, Jennifer, my secretary, stood and smiled warmly, shuffling through a small stack of papers. “Mr Baxter, you have three new messages, one of which is fairly urgent. Mitch from Design called and asked if you could go down at some point and check his preliminary sketches that you ordered, and Tracy from Mint called to cancel her meeting with you tomorrow. I’ve rescheduled her for next week.”
I sighed and nodded, taking the notes from her hand. “Thanks, Jennifer. Any chance you could make me a strong black coffee?” I pouted, trying to use the puppy dog face that she always accused me of being good at.
She smiled and rolled her eyes, nodding. “I suppose I could manage that. By the way, you have a visitor. I told her that you were busy and that she needed an appointment, but she insisted on waiting and said that she’d just wait until you were free.”
I frowned, turning to see who it was. Across my large outer office, I saw her sitting there reading a book. Instantly, my eyes were stuck to her like glue as I realised who she was. The girl that took my balls and left me comparing everyone to her. Bronwyn f**king Reynolds.
My eyes raked over her as she sat there, seemingly entirely unaware that I was about twenty feet from her. She was wearing faded jeans, a black vest top and a plaid shirt over the top, rolled up to the elbows. Her long brown hair, that I could still imagine between my fingers, was pulled back into a messy bun with bits escaping around her face. She was engrossed in her novel, absentmindedly twisting one of her loose tendrils of hair around her finger.
She hadn’t looked up at me and I had the strong urge to turn back, run out of my office and down to my car and drive as far away from her as I could get because this girl was a f**king heartbreaker in an angel’s body. Waking up on my own after we’d slept together had made my heart sink. I’d been waiting years to get my hands on her; finally she was available, but yet she didn’t even want me. That was the story of my life, the only one I had ever wanted, and I could never have her because she was married with a child.
Before the party a couple of months ago, I’d gotten over her. I knew I couldn’t have her because she was attached, and I’d accepted that fact. But then she had to go and get f**king divorced and put the option out there again for me to fall for her.
I didn’t really want to see her right now, because it had taken me a long time since that night to forget what she tasted like when I kissed her, to forget the sound of her laugh as we fooled around in my bed. Other girls, and yes there had been a few since her, hadn’t lived up to the standards that she’d set on that one night. For the last month, I couldn’t even be bothered to sleep around because I knew it barely even got me excited. She’d ruined me with one night of passion.
But why was she here?
Brandon hadn’t told me she was coming to town. Usually he told me in advance if she was here, but when I spoke to him earlier today at work he hadn’t mentioned a thing.
Curiosity got the better of me. “Thanks, Jennifer. Hold my calls for a little while longer, would you?”
“Who is she? Do you know her?” she asked quietly.
I nodded. “That’s Brandon’s sister-in-law.” I closed the distance to her side, still wondering why she was here. She was so engrossed in her book that she didn’t even notice when my shadow fell over her. “Bronwyn?”
She jumped and looked up at me, her mouth dropping open before a smile crossed her face. She looked beautiful even though she was wearing no make-up. I felt the smile tug at my lips too.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly.
“What you doing here?”
She chewed on her lip before she answered. “I came to see you,” she replied, seeming a little nervous about it.
I couldn’t help the smirk that slipped onto my face. “You come for another night of passion?” I teased. I didn’t know what I wanted her answer to be. On the one hand, I would cut off my left leg to get my hands on her body again because that last night with her was spectacular. On the other hand, surely another night with her and then nothing coming of it after would just make things worse for me.
She laughed quietly. “Actually, no. Sorry to burst your bubble.”
So if she isn’t after sex, what’s this visit about then? “I didn’t know you were coming to town.” I looked at her curiously. She looked a little paler than usual, and I frowned, wondering if she was doing all right or if there was some kind of problem that she needed help with.
She sighed and nodded. “I know. I didn’t tell Skye I was coming. I wanted to talk to you first.” Her eyes were locked onto mine and I started to get a little nervous, but I had no idea why.
“OK, what’s up?”
She pushed herself up from the sofa, shoving her book into the carrier bag she had between her legs. “Think maybe we could go to your office?” She subtly looked over my shoulder so I knew that Jennifer would be watching our every move.
I nodded in agreement and walked to my office door, pushing it open and stepping to the side so that she could walk through first. As she brushed past me, her smell attacked my senses, and I tried not to lean into her and breathe her in. She smelt edible, like strawberries and cream, mixed with honeysuckle. It was intoxicating, and I knew from that night that she tasted just as incredible as she smelt.
She chewed on her bottom lip as she set her handbag and the carrier bag she had down onto the floor next to the chair. I frowned, seeing the contents of the bag – an empty sandwich wrapper and a half bottle of orange juice. “You been waiting long?” I asked, frowning at the bag.
She shrugged. “A little while. I didn’t have your number, so I didn’t know how long you’d be,” she replied casually.
“Oh.” I didn’t really know what else to say. I stepped into the office and let the door swing closed behind me. “You want a drink? I can ask Jennifer to make you something, or I have some cans of stuff in my fridge here,” I offered, suddenly wishing that my office was a little tidier. Not expecting anyone to come into my office this afternoon, I’d left everything out while I went to lunch with Steve. My desk was covered in paper, ideas, pens, and empty chocolate eclair wrappers.
“Sure. I’ll have anything, just not tea.” She winced slightly as she said the word tea.
I nodded, walking over to the little fridge. “You don’t like tea?” I enquired. I didn’t know that about her.
“Not at the moment, no.”
Grabbing two cans of Coke, I turned back and held it up in offering. “This all right?”
“Great, thanks.” She nodded and took the can from me, looking at it intently as if she was trying to think of something to say.
“So, what’s up?” I asked, moving over to the black leather sofa I had in my office and sitting down on it, watching her curiously.
She blew out a big breath and set her drink on my desk. “I have no idea how to say this, so I’m just gonna blurt it out,” she said. I nodded for her to continue. “I’m pregnant.”
“Wow. Congratulations.” I wasn’t even sure why I said it; it was just the first thing that came out of my mouth.
She smiled weakly. “It’s yours, Harrison.”
An unconscious laugh left my lips as I shook my head in rejection. We were safe. I was always safe with girls, always. “We used a condom,” I stated, shaking my head, smiling apologetically. She would just have to find the other guy, it couldn’t be mine.
“Did we though?” she questioned, raising one eyebrow in challenge.
I nodded confidently. “I always do. Sorry, but it must be someone else’s.” I shrugged.
“You actually remember putting one on?”
I nodded again. “Yeah sure, we were in the alley and you started counting and I…” But then I stopped short, picturing the moment in my head. She’d started counting and I was rushing. I clearly remembered that I pulled open my fly, pulled her underwear to the side and pushed in. But at no point did my hand go into my pocket to get a condom from my wallet, at no point did I rip open a packet or roll one on. And I hadn’t pulled out…
We’d had unprotected sex in the alley. But had I even put one on when we were back at my place? I racked my brains trying to think, but at no point could I remember putting one on all night.
And now she was telling me she was pregnant.
And that it was mine.
That I was going to be a dad.
My eyes dropped down to her stomach as if I could somehow see if it were true. I couldn’t look away as I struggled to breathe. My hands were getting sweaty as my throat seemed to close up.
“So, yeah,” she muttered, shifting on her feet.
All that came out of my mouth was a strangled gurgle as my eyes remained glued onto her stomach. She has a baby growing in there… my baby. I’m going to have a baby?
I could feel the full-blown panic attack building up as my heart started crashing in my ears.
“But… nah… it’s… you… I’m…” I couldn’t think of what I was trying to say, so my words were all just coming out as a mess of nothingness.
“Harrison, stop staring, it’s freaking me out,” she muttered uncomfortably, shifting on her feet again. I couldn’t look away from her stomach as I tried to pick out any indication of her being pregnant. “Harrison, for goodness’ sake you can’t see it. Stop looking!”
“Can’t,” I admitted.
She laughed and crossed her arms over her stomach, stopping my psychotic staring. Finally, I could tear my eyes away and look up at her face. She was chewing on her lip so hard that it looked like she was going to bite it in half.
“I feel lightheaded,” I muttered as my head started to swim. I needed to lie down. Maybe I was going into shock? Could you actually go into shock from, well, a shock? I didn’t know the answer.
“Seriously?” she asked, coming closer to me and putting her hand on my forehead.
That didn’t help in the slightest because now her arms had moved and her uncovered stomach was level with my face. I couldn’t stop my hand from reaching out and pushing up her vest top so I could see her tummy. The staring was back again. I stared in wonder because I’d made a baby, she had my baby in there, yet there were no signs of it at all.
“Pregnant… I’m… we…”
She sighed and pushed her top back down, plopping down on the sofa next to me. “Don’t start with the freaking out thing again. We just need to talk about it like two adults,” she said sternly.
I flicked my eyes up to Theo for support. He smiled as if he knew what I was thinking and took it out of my hand, turning it over and reading it. He sighed deeply and his eyes met mine.
“It’s positive,” he confirmed.
Oh God.
~
Harrison ~
“Seriously, just come out and get drunk tonight,” Steven whined for the hundredth time. “You’ve been working too hard lately, you need to unwind.”
I sighed and closed my eyes, contemplating just going because I couldn’t argue about this any more. I was too damn tired to be putting up with all of this crap right now. It was only lunchtime, but I knew I was nowhere near done with my day’s to-do list. No doubt I would be taking work home with me again tonight, and drafting up ideas for the new ad campaign well into the night. My eyes stung with tiredness, and what I really wanted to do tonight was catch an early night, not have a drink to unwind. Even if I did have the energy to go out, drinking and scouting for girls I could take home with me had lost its appeal lately. Everything was different now. Even the girls that I usually fell all over and had a good time with, just couldn’t hold my attention at the moment.
A certain little brunette with low confidence had left her mark on me, and I couldn’t get the damn girl out of my mind no matter how hard I tried.
“Steve, I haven’t got the energy,” I replied, shrugging.
He pouted, actually pouted at me like a child. “Come on, the girl I’m out with has a friend…” he persuaded.
I shook my head forcefully. “Not tonight. Tomorrow night, maybe.”
He groaned in frustration but luckily I pulled up outside his office then, so he had to get out. He shot me an accusing look as he pulled out his mobile phone and started trying to call round to see if someone would double date with him tonight so he could score with the exotic dancer he was lusting after.
Once on my own, I turned up the music and drove towards my office. Today had already been a long, hard day filled with meetings, stuck-up company CEOs and disgruntled graphic designers – and it was only half over. This afternoon would be filled with the same bullshit, I was sure of it.
Slipping my car into my allocated space in the underground car park, I pushed myself out and stalked into the building that was home to several companies, including Baxter and Hanklin Consultancies. My offices, comprising of twenty-three employees in total, were on the fifth floor. As I stepped out of the lift on my floor and walked through the open plan office, a polite smile was plastered on my lips as a couple of the girls greeted me and asked me if I’d had an enjoyable lunch with my friend. Not wanting to get drawn into a long conversation with anyone, I excused myself quickly and made my way to my office at the end of the hall.
As I stepped over the threshold, Jennifer, my secretary, stood and smiled warmly, shuffling through a small stack of papers. “Mr Baxter, you have three new messages, one of which is fairly urgent. Mitch from Design called and asked if you could go down at some point and check his preliminary sketches that you ordered, and Tracy from Mint called to cancel her meeting with you tomorrow. I’ve rescheduled her for next week.”
I sighed and nodded, taking the notes from her hand. “Thanks, Jennifer. Any chance you could make me a strong black coffee?” I pouted, trying to use the puppy dog face that she always accused me of being good at.
She smiled and rolled her eyes, nodding. “I suppose I could manage that. By the way, you have a visitor. I told her that you were busy and that she needed an appointment, but she insisted on waiting and said that she’d just wait until you were free.”
I frowned, turning to see who it was. Across my large outer office, I saw her sitting there reading a book. Instantly, my eyes were stuck to her like glue as I realised who she was. The girl that took my balls and left me comparing everyone to her. Bronwyn f**king Reynolds.
My eyes raked over her as she sat there, seemingly entirely unaware that I was about twenty feet from her. She was wearing faded jeans, a black vest top and a plaid shirt over the top, rolled up to the elbows. Her long brown hair, that I could still imagine between my fingers, was pulled back into a messy bun with bits escaping around her face. She was engrossed in her novel, absentmindedly twisting one of her loose tendrils of hair around her finger.
She hadn’t looked up at me and I had the strong urge to turn back, run out of my office and down to my car and drive as far away from her as I could get because this girl was a f**king heartbreaker in an angel’s body. Waking up on my own after we’d slept together had made my heart sink. I’d been waiting years to get my hands on her; finally she was available, but yet she didn’t even want me. That was the story of my life, the only one I had ever wanted, and I could never have her because she was married with a child.
Before the party a couple of months ago, I’d gotten over her. I knew I couldn’t have her because she was attached, and I’d accepted that fact. But then she had to go and get f**king divorced and put the option out there again for me to fall for her.
I didn’t really want to see her right now, because it had taken me a long time since that night to forget what she tasted like when I kissed her, to forget the sound of her laugh as we fooled around in my bed. Other girls, and yes there had been a few since her, hadn’t lived up to the standards that she’d set on that one night. For the last month, I couldn’t even be bothered to sleep around because I knew it barely even got me excited. She’d ruined me with one night of passion.
But why was she here?
Brandon hadn’t told me she was coming to town. Usually he told me in advance if she was here, but when I spoke to him earlier today at work he hadn’t mentioned a thing.
Curiosity got the better of me. “Thanks, Jennifer. Hold my calls for a little while longer, would you?”
“Who is she? Do you know her?” she asked quietly.
I nodded. “That’s Brandon’s sister-in-law.” I closed the distance to her side, still wondering why she was here. She was so engrossed in her book that she didn’t even notice when my shadow fell over her. “Bronwyn?”
She jumped and looked up at me, her mouth dropping open before a smile crossed her face. She looked beautiful even though she was wearing no make-up. I felt the smile tug at my lips too.
“Hi,” she said breathlessly.
“What you doing here?”
She chewed on her lip before she answered. “I came to see you,” she replied, seeming a little nervous about it.
I couldn’t help the smirk that slipped onto my face. “You come for another night of passion?” I teased. I didn’t know what I wanted her answer to be. On the one hand, I would cut off my left leg to get my hands on her body again because that last night with her was spectacular. On the other hand, surely another night with her and then nothing coming of it after would just make things worse for me.
She laughed quietly. “Actually, no. Sorry to burst your bubble.”
So if she isn’t after sex, what’s this visit about then? “I didn’t know you were coming to town.” I looked at her curiously. She looked a little paler than usual, and I frowned, wondering if she was doing all right or if there was some kind of problem that she needed help with.
She sighed and nodded. “I know. I didn’t tell Skye I was coming. I wanted to talk to you first.” Her eyes were locked onto mine and I started to get a little nervous, but I had no idea why.
“OK, what’s up?”
She pushed herself up from the sofa, shoving her book into the carrier bag she had between her legs. “Think maybe we could go to your office?” She subtly looked over my shoulder so I knew that Jennifer would be watching our every move.
I nodded in agreement and walked to my office door, pushing it open and stepping to the side so that she could walk through first. As she brushed past me, her smell attacked my senses, and I tried not to lean into her and breathe her in. She smelt edible, like strawberries and cream, mixed with honeysuckle. It was intoxicating, and I knew from that night that she tasted just as incredible as she smelt.
She chewed on her bottom lip as she set her handbag and the carrier bag she had down onto the floor next to the chair. I frowned, seeing the contents of the bag – an empty sandwich wrapper and a half bottle of orange juice. “You been waiting long?” I asked, frowning at the bag.
She shrugged. “A little while. I didn’t have your number, so I didn’t know how long you’d be,” she replied casually.
“Oh.” I didn’t really know what else to say. I stepped into the office and let the door swing closed behind me. “You want a drink? I can ask Jennifer to make you something, or I have some cans of stuff in my fridge here,” I offered, suddenly wishing that my office was a little tidier. Not expecting anyone to come into my office this afternoon, I’d left everything out while I went to lunch with Steve. My desk was covered in paper, ideas, pens, and empty chocolate eclair wrappers.
“Sure. I’ll have anything, just not tea.” She winced slightly as she said the word tea.
I nodded, walking over to the little fridge. “You don’t like tea?” I enquired. I didn’t know that about her.
“Not at the moment, no.”
Grabbing two cans of Coke, I turned back and held it up in offering. “This all right?”
“Great, thanks.” She nodded and took the can from me, looking at it intently as if she was trying to think of something to say.
“So, what’s up?” I asked, moving over to the black leather sofa I had in my office and sitting down on it, watching her curiously.
She blew out a big breath and set her drink on my desk. “I have no idea how to say this, so I’m just gonna blurt it out,” she said. I nodded for her to continue. “I’m pregnant.”
“Wow. Congratulations.” I wasn’t even sure why I said it; it was just the first thing that came out of my mouth.
She smiled weakly. “It’s yours, Harrison.”
An unconscious laugh left my lips as I shook my head in rejection. We were safe. I was always safe with girls, always. “We used a condom,” I stated, shaking my head, smiling apologetically. She would just have to find the other guy, it couldn’t be mine.
“Did we though?” she questioned, raising one eyebrow in challenge.
I nodded confidently. “I always do. Sorry, but it must be someone else’s.” I shrugged.
“You actually remember putting one on?”
I nodded again. “Yeah sure, we were in the alley and you started counting and I…” But then I stopped short, picturing the moment in my head. She’d started counting and I was rushing. I clearly remembered that I pulled open my fly, pulled her underwear to the side and pushed in. But at no point did my hand go into my pocket to get a condom from my wallet, at no point did I rip open a packet or roll one on. And I hadn’t pulled out…
We’d had unprotected sex in the alley. But had I even put one on when we were back at my place? I racked my brains trying to think, but at no point could I remember putting one on all night.
And now she was telling me she was pregnant.
And that it was mine.
That I was going to be a dad.
My eyes dropped down to her stomach as if I could somehow see if it were true. I couldn’t look away as I struggled to breathe. My hands were getting sweaty as my throat seemed to close up.
“So, yeah,” she muttered, shifting on her feet.
All that came out of my mouth was a strangled gurgle as my eyes remained glued onto her stomach. She has a baby growing in there… my baby. I’m going to have a baby?
I could feel the full-blown panic attack building up as my heart started crashing in my ears.
“But… nah… it’s… you… I’m…” I couldn’t think of what I was trying to say, so my words were all just coming out as a mess of nothingness.
“Harrison, stop staring, it’s freaking me out,” she muttered uncomfortably, shifting on her feet again. I couldn’t look away from her stomach as I tried to pick out any indication of her being pregnant. “Harrison, for goodness’ sake you can’t see it. Stop looking!”
“Can’t,” I admitted.
She laughed and crossed her arms over her stomach, stopping my psychotic staring. Finally, I could tear my eyes away and look up at her face. She was chewing on her lip so hard that it looked like she was going to bite it in half.
“I feel lightheaded,” I muttered as my head started to swim. I needed to lie down. Maybe I was going into shock? Could you actually go into shock from, well, a shock? I didn’t know the answer.
“Seriously?” she asked, coming closer to me and putting her hand on my forehead.
That didn’t help in the slightest because now her arms had moved and her uncovered stomach was level with my face. I couldn’t stop my hand from reaching out and pushing up her vest top so I could see her tummy. The staring was back again. I stared in wonder because I’d made a baby, she had my baby in there, yet there were no signs of it at all.
“Pregnant… I’m… we…”
She sighed and pushed her top back down, plopping down on the sofa next to me. “Don’t start with the freaking out thing again. We just need to talk about it like two adults,” she said sternly.
