Reasons Not To Fall In Love
Page 2
“But I need to go there tonight. That’s my sister and my niece,” I grumbled, kicking the toe of my shoe against the wall in anger.
Finn sighed dramatically. “If you really have to go there tonight then take a train or something. It’s a waste of bloody money but just do what you want. I guess I can cancel my plans and have Theo.”
I recoiled, shocked at his words. He never usually did anything for me, but now he was offering to cancel his plans and stay home with our son? “Seriously?” I hadn’t considered a train, but I could easily do that.
“Yeah, whatever. You’ve been banging on about this baby for months. I honestly can’t take the pouting and whining you’ll do if you don’t get to go there. I’ll get the blame all night long because I had a couple of beers to unwind.”
I smiled weakly. So he wasn’t suggesting that I go for me, he was suggesting that I go because I’d be complaining and blaming him if I didn’t. Typical Finn, something that benefitted him again.
“Will you come tomorrow and pick me up? Bring Theo so he can see my mum?” I asked hopefully. My mum would be upset if she didn’t get to see her grandson too.
He groaned loudly. “Can’t you just buy a return ticket?”
“Finn, please?” I begged. “My mum would love to see you two.” That wasn’t strictly true, she would probably rather not see Finn. “Please? If you come and pick me up in the morning we can spend the day down there or something?” Finn’s relationship with my family wasn’t exactly a good one – they were amicable enough, but it was a polite front that they all kept up. My parents had never thought he was good enough for me after he accidentally got me pregnant when I was seventeen. When my father had died two years ago of cancer, Finn hadn’t even bothered to go and say a final goodbye, and had been drunk at his funeral. That hadn’t gone down well and would probably never be forgotten.
“Ugh, fine! I’ll spend three bloody hours in a car tomorrow, just to see your flippin’ family, does that make you happy?”
I gritted my teeth in frustration. “Yes, actually,” I admitted. “Thank you.” Silence rang out as I struggled to find something to say to diffuse the tension. My happy mood was now gone. “I’d better go see about a bus ticket or something. Make sure you pick up Theo from school at half past three because I won’t be here to do it.” I frowned, praying he wouldn’t forget to pick up our son. “And don’t drink any more if you’re going to be in charge of him,” I added as an afterthought.
“I’ll be there. Call me later.” He hung up before I even got to answer and drum into him how important it was for him to arrive at the school on time. Deep down, I knew that Finn would be there on time – although he was a terrible husband, he actually wasn’t a bad dad.
By the time I finished my shift, cleared my section after a particularly rowdy group of teenagers had been in, and clocked out, it was past three in the afternoon. I was now running late. The train that I needed to catch to Bath left in just over half an hour – and I hadn’t even packed yet.
After a mad dash home, I threw a few things into a bag, and then scribbled a note for Finn telling him that I’d put some beef casserole into the fridge from the café for them to have for dinner. After I’d written my note, I practically ripped off my work uniform and changed into jeans and a black, stretch t-shirt. Before leaving my flat, I headed over to the food cupboard, going up on tiptoes and reaching into the back. My hand closed around the jar of money that I kept there. As soon as I picked it up and heard the pitiful tinkle of the change in the bottom of the jar, I knew something wasn’t right. When it came into view, I groaned. It was supposed to be our emergency money, something I put into each week from my wages in case something went wrong. It looked as though Finn had had a few emergencies and had neglected to tell me.
After unscrewing the top and tipping the meagre contents out onto the kitchen counter, I counted out thirty-seven pounds and seventy-two pence. I’d already been told over the phone when I called about the trains that it was forty two pounds for an off-peak ticket from Paddington to Bath. I ground my teeth, picking up the crumpled notes and change, shoving it into my purse, before stomping over to the sofa and thrusting my hand down the back of the cushions, looking for anything that might have dropped out of a pocket by accident. I needed another five pounds for the train ticket. The clock on the wall suddenly caught my eye and I gasped. If I didn’t leave this very second, I wouldn’t even need to worry about being short on cash because I’d miss the train.
After swinging my overnight bag onto my shoulder and picking up my handbag, I ran the whole way to the station. Sweat trickled down my back by the time I arrived. The whole time I’d been running, I’d kept my eyes peeled on the floor, searching for any cash or change that someone might have accidentally dropped. Just my luck though, it seemed that the streets were clean for once.
Once I got to Paddington station, I got in the queue to buy the ticket from an actual person rather than the automated machine. My mouth was dry as I tried my best to come up with an excuse why I didn’t have enough money to pay. This was going to be embarrassing, to say the least. I gulped as I got to the front; the haughty-looking woman eyed me expectantly as I stepped forward. As I expected, when she rang my fare through the price was forty-two pounds exactly. I didn’t have enough.
Time to bring out the bad acting…
I opened my purse, pulling out the money I had, and then gasped, pretending to be shocked. “Damn it, I swear I had another ten in here,” I lied, shaking my head and pulling open all of the sections.
“Ma’am, do you want the ticket or not?” she asked with no compassion in her voice at all. She’d probably she’d seen this act thousands of times before.
I nodded eagerly. “Yeah, I really need the ticket. My sister just had a little baby, and I need to go and see them. I don’t get to see them very often; I need to get on that train. Is there some way you could let me off of the five quid?” I asked, looking at her pleadingly.
She sighed and shook her head. “It doesn’t work like that. My till would be wrong at the end of the day; I need all money accounted for. If I discounted your ticket I’d have to discount all the people in the queue,” she stated, waving her hand behind me for dramatic effect.
“Please? I really need to get on that train. Maybe I could drop in the other six quid tomorrow night when I get back?” I suggested. I would do it, I wasn’t one to lie.
She raised one eyebrow as if I had suggested something ridiculous, and I felt my heart sink as my eyes prickled with tears. I desperately wanted to see my sister and niece tonight. I didn’t want to be the last one to see her.
“Bronwyn?”
I turned curiously, wondering who had called my name. Rex stood there in his black security guard uniform with his little shiny gold badge pinned to his breast pocket. I smiled weakly. “Hi, Rex.” I’d forgotten he once told me he worked security at the station.
“Something wrong?” he asked, walking to my side and looking from me to the ticket lady.
“She doesn’t have enough to pay her fare,” the lady stated heartlessly.
Heat crept up my neck and over my cheeks because someone that I knew had witnessed my shameful attempt to beg my way onto the train. “I thought I had another ten in my purse, but Finn must have taken it or something. I’m just under five quid short,” I muttered, snapping the clasp of my purse shut angrily. I would just have to go tomorrow morning with Finn in the car; there was no alternative because I didn’t drive so I couldn’t get there any other way.
Rex smiled and shoved his hand in his pocket before holding out a ten pound note to me. “Here. Call it your tip for the next couple of weeks, huh?” he offered.
My heart leapt in my chest at the gesture. “Seriously?” I gasped as he pushed the money into my hand.
He nodded and smiled. “Seriously,” he confirmed.
My shoulders relaxed as I grinned in thanks, turning and sliding the total through to the lady at the ticket booth. “Oh God, thanks so much, Rex. I really, really appreciate it,” I gushed. Maybe he isn’t such a bad guy after all!
He laughed and pulled out a set of keys, unlocking the door to the ticket office. “No worries. Maybe next time I ask you out, you’ll consider it for a split second before you turn me down,” he joked. I laughed, knowing it wouldn’t happen because I was married. He winked at me playfully before heading into the ticket office and settling himself into a chair.
“Rex, you’re a star! Dessert is on me next time you come to the café, OK?” I grinned happily as the lady slid my ticket across to me. “Thanks again. See you next week!” I called over my shoulder as I sprinted for my platform.
The train ride was long, but luckily I had found a magazine on one of the empty seats so I kept myself amused by perusing that. To keep myself busy I made a call to Finn, double-checking that he’d picked up Theo and that he’d feed and bathe him before bed. He agreed to leave London the following morning early, so would be at my mum’s house a little after ten in the morning. That would give Theo a fair few hours with his grandmother.
When the train finally rolled to a stop, I couldn’t keep the ecstatic grin off my face. It felt nice to be going home. Bath was where I grew up as a kid. We all moved away when I was in my early teens, but in the last few years my sister and mother had moved back to be closer to other family members. I’d elected to stay in London with Finn. As I stepped out of the train and onto the platform with my overnight bag on my back, I wasn’t expecting to see my mother standing there with a huge grin on her face. My heart leapt into my throat as my eyes prickled with happy tears. It had been way too long since I’d seen that smile.
A squeal escaped my lips as I ran the five steps to her, engulfing her in a hug that was sure to have crushed her ribs against her lungs, but she hugged me back with the same intensity. The smell of her hair wafted up my nostrils, and the feeling of being a child again washed over me making my stomach clench as a contented sigh left my lips.
“Oh, Mum, it’s been way too long,” I croaked as the emotion bubbled over. I spoke to her often, of course, but it wasn’t the same.
“It certainly has. I’ve missed you.” She pulled back, smiling over at me as she stroked my hair down for me, her eyes soft and caring. “Come on, let’s get to the hospital. Visiting started ten minutes ago,” she suggested, looping her arm through mine and tugging me towards the car park out front.
“I’ve missed ten minutes of baby hugging time?” I gasped, faking outrage. She chuckled and started gushing then about baby Evie and how beautiful she was. In fact, she didn’t stop gushing for the whole car ride.
When we arrived at the hospital and Mum led us up to the maternity ward where Skye was, the haughty-looking nurse stepped in front of us and shook her head. “Sorry, but it’s limited to three visitors at a time. One of you will have to wait outside and then you’ll have to swap in after,” she stated firmly.
I frowned. I remembered visiting hours rules when I was in hospital having Theo, but I’d had a lovely midwife, and she’d allowed us to break the rules providing we were quiet. It looked like Skye’s ward had different staff to the one I gave birth in. Mum groaned and nodded, waving towards the door. “You go in, you haven’t seen her yet. Tell whoever it is in there that I’m waiting and we’ll all take turns, swapping in every ten minutes or something,” she suggested, giving me a little encouraging push towards the door.
I wasn’t going to argue with that, I could barely wait another second without seeing my sister and niece. As I stepped through the door of the room, I looked around hesitantly. The room had six beds in, all occupied by the look of it. On first glance I couldn’t see Skye or her husband Brandon, so I walked in, peeking around the curtains, hoping for the right one, muttering an apology to each new mother as they looked up to see who I was. When I got to the last curtain, my heart started to pound in my chest. The sound of my sister’s tinkling laugh caught my attention. As I stepped around the corner, she looked up and a huge smile crept onto her lips.
“Bronny!” she cried happily.
I didn’t even realise I’d been holding my breath as I’d stealthily intruded on everyone else’s intimate moments, but seeing my sister for the first time in three months, and knowing that my big sister now had the one thing she always dreamt of, made the air rush out of my lungs.
Somehow, my legs carried me across the room to the side of her bed and I engulfed her in a hug. I was so happy for her that I didn’t even feel the need to scold her for calling me Bronny even though she knew I hated it. I was so pleased for her that it was a little overwhelming. “Congratulations,” I whispered, kissing the side of her head as my eyes filled with tears.
“Thank you!” she chirped. She looked so thrilled to be a mum that it was practically bursting from every pore. “Want to hold her?”
I nodded, pulling back and wiping my tears away quickly. “Heck yeah I do! Where is she?” I turned and came face to face with my brother-in-law, Brandon. “Hey, Daddy!” I greeted, pulling him into a hug too, patting his back proudly.
“Hey, Auntie,” he replied.
I giggled excitedly and pulled back, immediately seeing the little clear plastic cot that was on the other side of Skye’s bed. I’d walked straight past it without even noticing. As I stepped to the side of her cot, I could practically feel the ‘broody’ building inside me. The little bundle in there made my eyes widen as I chewed on my lip and looked over the edge of the cot. Evie was beautiful, stunning even, and love built in my chest so much that I thought I would burst with it. I will definitely be a kick-arse auntie, I vowed.
Finn sighed dramatically. “If you really have to go there tonight then take a train or something. It’s a waste of bloody money but just do what you want. I guess I can cancel my plans and have Theo.”
I recoiled, shocked at his words. He never usually did anything for me, but now he was offering to cancel his plans and stay home with our son? “Seriously?” I hadn’t considered a train, but I could easily do that.
“Yeah, whatever. You’ve been banging on about this baby for months. I honestly can’t take the pouting and whining you’ll do if you don’t get to go there. I’ll get the blame all night long because I had a couple of beers to unwind.”
I smiled weakly. So he wasn’t suggesting that I go for me, he was suggesting that I go because I’d be complaining and blaming him if I didn’t. Typical Finn, something that benefitted him again.
“Will you come tomorrow and pick me up? Bring Theo so he can see my mum?” I asked hopefully. My mum would be upset if she didn’t get to see her grandson too.
He groaned loudly. “Can’t you just buy a return ticket?”
“Finn, please?” I begged. “My mum would love to see you two.” That wasn’t strictly true, she would probably rather not see Finn. “Please? If you come and pick me up in the morning we can spend the day down there or something?” Finn’s relationship with my family wasn’t exactly a good one – they were amicable enough, but it was a polite front that they all kept up. My parents had never thought he was good enough for me after he accidentally got me pregnant when I was seventeen. When my father had died two years ago of cancer, Finn hadn’t even bothered to go and say a final goodbye, and had been drunk at his funeral. That hadn’t gone down well and would probably never be forgotten.
“Ugh, fine! I’ll spend three bloody hours in a car tomorrow, just to see your flippin’ family, does that make you happy?”
I gritted my teeth in frustration. “Yes, actually,” I admitted. “Thank you.” Silence rang out as I struggled to find something to say to diffuse the tension. My happy mood was now gone. “I’d better go see about a bus ticket or something. Make sure you pick up Theo from school at half past three because I won’t be here to do it.” I frowned, praying he wouldn’t forget to pick up our son. “And don’t drink any more if you’re going to be in charge of him,” I added as an afterthought.
“I’ll be there. Call me later.” He hung up before I even got to answer and drum into him how important it was for him to arrive at the school on time. Deep down, I knew that Finn would be there on time – although he was a terrible husband, he actually wasn’t a bad dad.
By the time I finished my shift, cleared my section after a particularly rowdy group of teenagers had been in, and clocked out, it was past three in the afternoon. I was now running late. The train that I needed to catch to Bath left in just over half an hour – and I hadn’t even packed yet.
After a mad dash home, I threw a few things into a bag, and then scribbled a note for Finn telling him that I’d put some beef casserole into the fridge from the café for them to have for dinner. After I’d written my note, I practically ripped off my work uniform and changed into jeans and a black, stretch t-shirt. Before leaving my flat, I headed over to the food cupboard, going up on tiptoes and reaching into the back. My hand closed around the jar of money that I kept there. As soon as I picked it up and heard the pitiful tinkle of the change in the bottom of the jar, I knew something wasn’t right. When it came into view, I groaned. It was supposed to be our emergency money, something I put into each week from my wages in case something went wrong. It looked as though Finn had had a few emergencies and had neglected to tell me.
After unscrewing the top and tipping the meagre contents out onto the kitchen counter, I counted out thirty-seven pounds and seventy-two pence. I’d already been told over the phone when I called about the trains that it was forty two pounds for an off-peak ticket from Paddington to Bath. I ground my teeth, picking up the crumpled notes and change, shoving it into my purse, before stomping over to the sofa and thrusting my hand down the back of the cushions, looking for anything that might have dropped out of a pocket by accident. I needed another five pounds for the train ticket. The clock on the wall suddenly caught my eye and I gasped. If I didn’t leave this very second, I wouldn’t even need to worry about being short on cash because I’d miss the train.
After swinging my overnight bag onto my shoulder and picking up my handbag, I ran the whole way to the station. Sweat trickled down my back by the time I arrived. The whole time I’d been running, I’d kept my eyes peeled on the floor, searching for any cash or change that someone might have accidentally dropped. Just my luck though, it seemed that the streets were clean for once.
Once I got to Paddington station, I got in the queue to buy the ticket from an actual person rather than the automated machine. My mouth was dry as I tried my best to come up with an excuse why I didn’t have enough money to pay. This was going to be embarrassing, to say the least. I gulped as I got to the front; the haughty-looking woman eyed me expectantly as I stepped forward. As I expected, when she rang my fare through the price was forty-two pounds exactly. I didn’t have enough.
Time to bring out the bad acting…
I opened my purse, pulling out the money I had, and then gasped, pretending to be shocked. “Damn it, I swear I had another ten in here,” I lied, shaking my head and pulling open all of the sections.
“Ma’am, do you want the ticket or not?” she asked with no compassion in her voice at all. She’d probably she’d seen this act thousands of times before.
I nodded eagerly. “Yeah, I really need the ticket. My sister just had a little baby, and I need to go and see them. I don’t get to see them very often; I need to get on that train. Is there some way you could let me off of the five quid?” I asked, looking at her pleadingly.
She sighed and shook her head. “It doesn’t work like that. My till would be wrong at the end of the day; I need all money accounted for. If I discounted your ticket I’d have to discount all the people in the queue,” she stated, waving her hand behind me for dramatic effect.
“Please? I really need to get on that train. Maybe I could drop in the other six quid tomorrow night when I get back?” I suggested. I would do it, I wasn’t one to lie.
She raised one eyebrow as if I had suggested something ridiculous, and I felt my heart sink as my eyes prickled with tears. I desperately wanted to see my sister and niece tonight. I didn’t want to be the last one to see her.
“Bronwyn?”
I turned curiously, wondering who had called my name. Rex stood there in his black security guard uniform with his little shiny gold badge pinned to his breast pocket. I smiled weakly. “Hi, Rex.” I’d forgotten he once told me he worked security at the station.
“Something wrong?” he asked, walking to my side and looking from me to the ticket lady.
“She doesn’t have enough to pay her fare,” the lady stated heartlessly.
Heat crept up my neck and over my cheeks because someone that I knew had witnessed my shameful attempt to beg my way onto the train. “I thought I had another ten in my purse, but Finn must have taken it or something. I’m just under five quid short,” I muttered, snapping the clasp of my purse shut angrily. I would just have to go tomorrow morning with Finn in the car; there was no alternative because I didn’t drive so I couldn’t get there any other way.
Rex smiled and shoved his hand in his pocket before holding out a ten pound note to me. “Here. Call it your tip for the next couple of weeks, huh?” he offered.
My heart leapt in my chest at the gesture. “Seriously?” I gasped as he pushed the money into my hand.
He nodded and smiled. “Seriously,” he confirmed.
My shoulders relaxed as I grinned in thanks, turning and sliding the total through to the lady at the ticket booth. “Oh God, thanks so much, Rex. I really, really appreciate it,” I gushed. Maybe he isn’t such a bad guy after all!
He laughed and pulled out a set of keys, unlocking the door to the ticket office. “No worries. Maybe next time I ask you out, you’ll consider it for a split second before you turn me down,” he joked. I laughed, knowing it wouldn’t happen because I was married. He winked at me playfully before heading into the ticket office and settling himself into a chair.
“Rex, you’re a star! Dessert is on me next time you come to the café, OK?” I grinned happily as the lady slid my ticket across to me. “Thanks again. See you next week!” I called over my shoulder as I sprinted for my platform.
The train ride was long, but luckily I had found a magazine on one of the empty seats so I kept myself amused by perusing that. To keep myself busy I made a call to Finn, double-checking that he’d picked up Theo and that he’d feed and bathe him before bed. He agreed to leave London the following morning early, so would be at my mum’s house a little after ten in the morning. That would give Theo a fair few hours with his grandmother.
When the train finally rolled to a stop, I couldn’t keep the ecstatic grin off my face. It felt nice to be going home. Bath was where I grew up as a kid. We all moved away when I was in my early teens, but in the last few years my sister and mother had moved back to be closer to other family members. I’d elected to stay in London with Finn. As I stepped out of the train and onto the platform with my overnight bag on my back, I wasn’t expecting to see my mother standing there with a huge grin on her face. My heart leapt into my throat as my eyes prickled with happy tears. It had been way too long since I’d seen that smile.
A squeal escaped my lips as I ran the five steps to her, engulfing her in a hug that was sure to have crushed her ribs against her lungs, but she hugged me back with the same intensity. The smell of her hair wafted up my nostrils, and the feeling of being a child again washed over me making my stomach clench as a contented sigh left my lips.
“Oh, Mum, it’s been way too long,” I croaked as the emotion bubbled over. I spoke to her often, of course, but it wasn’t the same.
“It certainly has. I’ve missed you.” She pulled back, smiling over at me as she stroked my hair down for me, her eyes soft and caring. “Come on, let’s get to the hospital. Visiting started ten minutes ago,” she suggested, looping her arm through mine and tugging me towards the car park out front.
“I’ve missed ten minutes of baby hugging time?” I gasped, faking outrage. She chuckled and started gushing then about baby Evie and how beautiful she was. In fact, she didn’t stop gushing for the whole car ride.
When we arrived at the hospital and Mum led us up to the maternity ward where Skye was, the haughty-looking nurse stepped in front of us and shook her head. “Sorry, but it’s limited to three visitors at a time. One of you will have to wait outside and then you’ll have to swap in after,” she stated firmly.
I frowned. I remembered visiting hours rules when I was in hospital having Theo, but I’d had a lovely midwife, and she’d allowed us to break the rules providing we were quiet. It looked like Skye’s ward had different staff to the one I gave birth in. Mum groaned and nodded, waving towards the door. “You go in, you haven’t seen her yet. Tell whoever it is in there that I’m waiting and we’ll all take turns, swapping in every ten minutes or something,” she suggested, giving me a little encouraging push towards the door.
I wasn’t going to argue with that, I could barely wait another second without seeing my sister and niece. As I stepped through the door of the room, I looked around hesitantly. The room had six beds in, all occupied by the look of it. On first glance I couldn’t see Skye or her husband Brandon, so I walked in, peeking around the curtains, hoping for the right one, muttering an apology to each new mother as they looked up to see who I was. When I got to the last curtain, my heart started to pound in my chest. The sound of my sister’s tinkling laugh caught my attention. As I stepped around the corner, she looked up and a huge smile crept onto her lips.
“Bronny!” she cried happily.
I didn’t even realise I’d been holding my breath as I’d stealthily intruded on everyone else’s intimate moments, but seeing my sister for the first time in three months, and knowing that my big sister now had the one thing she always dreamt of, made the air rush out of my lungs.
Somehow, my legs carried me across the room to the side of her bed and I engulfed her in a hug. I was so happy for her that I didn’t even feel the need to scold her for calling me Bronny even though she knew I hated it. I was so pleased for her that it was a little overwhelming. “Congratulations,” I whispered, kissing the side of her head as my eyes filled with tears.
“Thank you!” she chirped. She looked so thrilled to be a mum that it was practically bursting from every pore. “Want to hold her?”
I nodded, pulling back and wiping my tears away quickly. “Heck yeah I do! Where is she?” I turned and came face to face with my brother-in-law, Brandon. “Hey, Daddy!” I greeted, pulling him into a hug too, patting his back proudly.
“Hey, Auntie,” he replied.
I giggled excitedly and pulled back, immediately seeing the little clear plastic cot that was on the other side of Skye’s bed. I’d walked straight past it without even noticing. As I stepped to the side of her cot, I could practically feel the ‘broody’ building inside me. The little bundle in there made my eyes widen as I chewed on my lip and looked over the edge of the cot. Evie was beautiful, stunning even, and love built in my chest so much that I thought I would burst with it. I will definitely be a kick-arse auntie, I vowed.
